How to Support your Husband When He Struggles at His Job
Ive been thinking about this post for a while now. My husband John graduated in 2005 with his Bachelors degree in Construction Management. Yep, that’s right before the housing market really started tanking. Over the last 7 years we have seen our fair share of worry and concern over his job. No matter your husbands profession there are going to be times that are going to be hard for him professionally. Marriage is a partnership – there are times that we all need to be lifted, but there are also times when we need to lift our partners.
When I see worry and anxiety set in I have found there are small things I can do that really help ease the frustration he is feeling. Helping him find comfort and stability at home seem to make things at work not seem so bad. I’m not saying that you have to be perfect! But with a little effort you can really help your man not only feel supported but also more confident. Which in turn can help him resolve some of the concerns he is feeling at work. This is not limited to work either. These things can help him with any of the struggles he is facing. I try to focus on these things for about 7 days and I can see that it really changes the way my husband feels!
- Nice Dinners – A good hearty home cooked meal when he walks in the door. I know, wives are busy too, but with a little planning and your crock pot this doesn’t have to be hard. You can find 16 hearty Crock pot meals to help you plan here. Plus most men enjoy a nice steak and that doesn’t take too long to cook either. Pick some of his favorite meals or surprise him with his favorite treat.
- Not Complaining – This can be hard because lets be honest, by the end of day you can be really frazzled. This doesn’t mean don’t share genuine concerns with him, just let go of the little irritations of the day that build up. If you really need to vent, call a good friend 30 minutes before he comes home and vent it out. Then when your hubs gets home you’ve let it all out already.
- Mindful of Spending – When hes concerned about work, that usually is accompanied with some concerned about money or providing in the back of their minds. I try to not bring up things I want to buy or big expenses that are coming up. It doesn’t mean I cant think about them or plan for them, I just don’t bring them up to discuss that week.
- Compliments and Expressing Appreciation – I wish John didn’t take his job so personally. Even when its not his fault he takes things on himself and beats himself up. Take the time to point out positive things about him. When you see something that he does that is thoughtful, tell him how much you appreciate it. I also thank him for working so hard for us. Everyone likes compliments and it really does boost your husbands confidence in himself.
- Put a Little Lipstick On – I wont ever forget the advice I got from a lady I admired very much. She and and her husband were awesome and had a wonderful relationship. She said, “it doesn’t hurt you to throw a little lipstick on 5 minutes before your husband comes home.” Her point was right before he comes home put 5 minutes into throwing yourself together. Change into a nice shirt, touch up your make up, and brush through your hair. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been in sweats all day! You can make yourself look nice for your love. Think back to how much you cared about the way you looked when you were dating. That shouldn’t end just because we got married!
- Instigate Intimacy – This just works. It makes a man feel like a man. Most men love when their wives are willing but its even better when they initiate. It helps him feel valued and desired.
- Tidy up the House – Ever heard that saying “cluttered house, cluttered mind.” That is so true! It doesn’t mean the house has to be spotless, just pick it up a little and wipe the counters off. It also shows your husband you care about the things he does provide.
- Pray for Him – There is something about expressing our worries to our God and asking him to help our husband that also softens our own hearts for our husband and his struggles. It helps us feel less selfish and more mindful of his needs. We can also get impressions on how we can best help.
Most of these things are things we should be doing often anyway, but when we do them selflessly without wanting anything back it can right our husbands world. The love he feels coming from you can help lift his heart when it is burdened with other things. It also helps him feel more positive about life in general. We have so much power and influence over the men in our lives! It always makes me feel good about myself too when I can support him and I always end up feeling more appreciation for him when I do these things.
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NS
Nice post! My hubby is an attorney and has a VERY stressful job. I try to do all of these things in order to help him reduce stress. It’s very encouraging to see this list written down. Sometimes it’s hard to keep these up, but it’s nice to know I’ve been doing somethings right!! Thanks! Oh yes, keeping the noise down with the kids helps too when he first walks in.
Stephanie
Hello Lisa!
Really great post. Thanks for organizing your thoughts on this subject and sharing with all. A good husband who cares for his family is a blessing and can be a big job because they love and care so much, finances, job, providing, can cause major issues for them. This post is helpful to the wives of those guys.
Vicky @ Mess For Less
These are great things to remember and do even if hubby is not struggled or unemployed. Thanks for such a thoughtful list.
Bonne Maman
Really inspiring post thank you so much. You’ve given me lots of food for thought 🙂
Marci
Totally agree and loved every suggestion! John is lucky to have you as his wife- Just yesterday Adam was telling me that they were talking about their wives and who cooks dinner for them each night and how lucky they are to get yummy meals each night— the little things really do make a difference!
Tyler
What a great list! My husband is the breadwinner and I am a stay at home mom (after years of teaching elementary school) I try to thank him every often for working so hard for our family so that I am given the privilege to stay home with our kids. I also encourage our children to tell him thank you for going to work each day. It really helps with morale!
Jen
LOVE IT ALL! and AGREE 100% with it all. I remember years and years ago before I had my children. My mother said always look nice when your hubby gets home (hence lipstick etc.) Now its now always going to happen but I sure do try to look put together, have the house straitened, and a hot meal made. XO jen
Sarah @ Pretty Providence
Awesome tips! I’ve read that a woman’s worst fear is insecurity and a man’s is failure. If a man is having a hard time at work, or isn’t able to provide as well as he would like to, he starts feeling that fear and it really can hurt! The sad thing is that when that happens women also feel insecure which can make it worse for him. This is great advice, pick him up instead of piling on the worry!