*2015 update: This article was written by a prior author of Over the Big Moon. She is no longer contributing to this website. Out of respect for her and of the experience she and her family had, any emails sent to Over the Big Moon from the media in regards to this article will not be answered. Thanks for your understanding.*
It’s true. We have cancelled Christmas in our house this year. Well. at least the version of Christmas our boys have been focusing on.
Let me explain. We have not cancelled putting up decorations, celebrating the birth of our Savior, or any of our other heartwarming traditions. But, we have cancelled presents, Santa, and stockings. Their letters to Santa this year will be asking Santa to find someone who needs their presents more.
Here is why – John and I feel like we are fighting a very hard uphill battle with our kids when it comes to entitlement. It is one of the biggest struggles as a parent these days in middle class America. Our kids have been acting so ungrateful lately. They expect so much even when their behavior is disrespectful. We gave them good warning, either it was time for their behavior to change or there would be consequences. We patiently worked with them for several months and guess what, very little changed. One day after a particularly bad display of entitlement John said, “we should just cancel Christmas.” And, so that’s what we did.
Instead we will be taking the money we would have spent on presents and put it towards service projects and giving gifts to others this season. We are trying to teach them the pleasure of giving rather than continuing to feed their childhood desire for more.
The first project we did this season was to hold a clothing driving in our neighborhood. We gathered gently used clothing, sorted them, and packaged them up to send to a village in Northern Cebu of the Philippines. The village was hit hard by Typhoon Haiyan last year. Then the kids wrote letters and found hard candy from their Halloween stash that we could ship to the kids in the village. It was awesome! Instead of being sad over giving up their Halloween candy they were excited and kept wanting to give more and more. After we had the boxes all packaged up we mailed them. The kids loved it! It was a lot of money to ship and they understand that they gave up having something, so they could give these clothes to others.
We also ordered a couple of these 12 piece Nativity sets.
We will be choosing two families for the 12 days of Christmas. Each day we will deliver a different piece of the nativity. On Christmas day we will give them the last piece of the nativity, baby Jesus. We have a free set of printables for the Nativity countdown here. That will be 12 nights of fun memories we will be making trying to deliver the pieces without getting caught. We are also looking into an Adopt a Grandparent program. For Christmas dinner we have invited several older widows and couples in our area that don’t have family around to eat with us.
See what I mean? How cool will this Christmas be! Instead of focusing on what they will be getting, we will be keeping the focus on what they can give!
The few presents they get from Grandparents and other families members will be more cherished because the quantity will be less. They can enjoy what they get rather than feel overstimulated with so much. Christmas morning won’t be less special without Santa coming. Instead we can enjoy our Cinnamon rolls, play games as a family, and truly enjoy the few presents they did get. There is a good possibility that Santa will be writing them a letter of how proud of them he is and perhaps put a few pieces of hard candy and an orange in their stockings. We have Santa Stationary that is free for download.
I really think that we as parents need to take a step back and look at our motivation for giving gifts to our kids. Obviously we enjoy giving to our kids. That is not bad! But, have we gone too far? I have had so many people say to me, “This is such a good idea, but I don’t think I could do it.” Which was so true with my husband and I! I think we were more disappointed than our kids when we cancelled Christmas. How often are kids threaten that Santa won’t come if kids are naughty…. yet have you ever heard of anyone that really followed through on that threat? That is where the entitlement comes from. We continue to give our children things even when their behavior doesn’t warrant it, simply because we as parents don’t want to live with the consequences.
That is why we have taken a stand this year. While this may not be the best choice for everyone, it feels right for our family right now. We really want Christmas to be remembered for the right reasons and to keep the focus on the Savior and the feeling of giving. That is the true essence of Christmas. The feeling of kindness and giving are what give Christmas its magic. I am excited that our kids get to focus on that feeling. I am almost certain this will be the best Christmas they ever have!
Updated to add:
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. First, my kids are in no way hurting for things. It’s not like I took Christmas away from Tiny Tim here folks. They have good clothes, shoes, and so many toys they can’t keep their playroom clean. They are not sad about what we have done! They have reacted by making gifts for each other and sneaking them into each others stockings. They are learning exactly what we wanted them to learn, because they are not moping around feeling sorry for themselves. They are thinking of others.
The second thing I wanted to clarify is why I wrote this post. Some people seem to think I wrote this for attention. Ummm, the attention you get from posts like this is not good and actually extremely difficult to handle. Right now there is a whole thread, not only ripping me apart as a mother, but also ripping my kids to shreds. The reason I wrote this post is I want to empower parents to feel like it’s okay to take a stand. I think half of the reason we as parents are afraid to take a stand, is because we don’t want our kids to feel like they have the mean parents. I wanted to share what we are doing, so any parents that feel they are struggling with the same issues in their home can see what others are doing and get ideas for their family. My intention is to help support other parents and to raise amazing kids. Unfortunately we had to close the comments. There were too many people who were not being respectful to our family and also other commenters.
I wrote a follow up to this post on December 15th about how our month is going and also my response to the all the craziness surrounding our decision. You can read my response here.
You can also read the follow up on how our Christmas morning went here.
Lisa, you rock. I am totally on your side here. I have two girls, age 14 and 10, and lately we have had many disagreements with them about feeling “entitled” to the things we give them with no sense of what I have done or contributed to earn these things. Just like the motto of Alcatraz, you are entitled to a bed, clothes, an education and food. Anything else you get is a privileged. We have talked about taking them to a homeless shelter to see how people who really have nothing live, so that they will be more appreciative of what we give them, and how they can help those in our community who are truly needy, not truly wanting.
We celebrate Hanukkah, and we gave up giving presents of junky toys a few years ago, and have never been happier. We give our kids presents of clothing and games. We do give them a fun gift, such as a CD from their favorite group.
Good for you. The mere fact that they are already making gifts for each other says a lot about them, and you as great parents. Merry Christmas
I, for one, think what you’re going is great and it looks like the proof is in how your kids are reacting. Keep it up! 🙂
Ugh. Should be “what you’re doing.” I can’t edit the comment to fix.
The hateful comments from other parent make me cringe! This may not work for everyone, but it is working for you and your family. Sometimes you must do something drastic to teach a lesson. I can’t image that this is punishment for your children at all. I applaud you as a mother (and your husband as well) for standing up for what you believe, standing firm in raising your children to be caring and thoughtful adults and having the guts to publish it on your blog. Parenting is tough enough without be ripped apart by strangers. Merry Christmas!
Terrific post and with the best of intentions! I applaud your family sharing and creating a “true Christmas”. Merry Christmas to you all!
I applaud you and admire you… I did this when my son was 10 years old. Not for misbehaving but I thought the true meaning of Christmas had been lost. I never regretted doing it.. Each Christmas he would get ONE gift. nothing big, just meaningful. If my son were alive today, he would be 44.. He always remembered the lesson and it was good for both of us. Each Christmas we would make a new memory, going to a movie, (which we never had done on Christmas) Cooking a Turkey and staying in. Just no gifts,, but Time together. It’s the most important. Good luck with your children
Lisa, you are my new hero!! My sister sent me this because she knew I would love it and I do. You rock! I live in an affluent area where my biggest complaint is the entitlement of the kids in this area. Ok maybe second biggest after property taxes. lol. This is an inspiration! We do try to keep Christmas small but even all the little things add up to too much stuff that we don’t need. I applaud you and your husband for your decision! Your boys will have wonderful memories and stories from this Christmas forever!
Don’t listen to the haters! You are teaching them a wonderful lesson about giving and they seem to be loving it. It sounds like you have brought much more meaningful traditions to your family over mindless consumerism. The people who are criticizing you are so brainwashed by our materialistic society that they can’t understsnd the loving lesson you are teaching them. You didn’t cancel Christmas…you brought back the true meaning of Christmas!
I feel this is an amazing thing to do! We have done something similar. It is a great way to get back to where the roots are. Good on you and your family! 🙂
What they are doing is not a punishment. they have now opened their children’s eyes to the fact that there are consequences and rewards depending on your behavior. The children have many toys and gadgets already. They are not being deprived of anything. They are being taught that others have much less and that inviting people to the house that otherwise might be alone is kind . They are teaching them that Christmas is not just about getting .The best gift the parents can give these children is that it really is better to give than receive . The children will receive joy in their hearts when they see the joy and happiness they bring to others with generosity. Well done and very courageous parents in my opinion.
I saw AWESOME FOR YOU!!!! And AWESOME for your kids for handling the whole thing like they have been! Exactly like you were hoping. I see nothing wrong with this nad ALOT of parents should. too many screaming brats in the stores and the parents give in just to make them shut up. I was in Hobby Lobby recently and the mom had a baby and a toddler and the toddler was supposed to pick soemthing out for her new room and the mom was showing her some stuff and the toddler said “No I dont like that I hate it, you’re so mean Mommy!” and started screaming. the mom said “well if thats how you feel follow me, we are leaving” and the little girl was instantly was apologetic and still crying cause she didnt get to pick out anything and the mom left the store saying, how disrespectful that was for her daughter to say that to her and to behave that way and she wasnt getting rewarded for that bad behavior. PROPS to that mom too! Im not perfect, never will be, but i try so hard to teach my kids respect and when I see stuff like this happen..yes it happens, they are kids and they are tryingn to see what they can get away with. and they have to learn, like everyone else. but your article and what your family has done, I 100% support! And I love how your kids are handling it. GOOD FOR ALL OF YOU!!!
You have given your children the greatest gift – and one which they will never forget – unlike, I suspect, many of the others you will have lavished on them! Bless you!
Helen Cole, France
You didn’t cancel anything; you changed the focus in a very positive direction.
I would love to see more parents doing what you’ve decided to do. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that the joy of giving is so much more special than the joy of receiving.
I say Amen… Good for you and your husband… I think its a good learning lesson for your boys and to all.. Maybe they will want to do the same thing next year and make it a tradition.. One never knows… Merry Christmas..
I think what you’ve done is absolutely wonderful. As parents, you are the only ones to know when your children have gone too far in the entitlement direction, and you are the only ones who can effect a change. Others who deride you will be the ones with grownup kids who are always looking for something and thinking of no one but themselves. So, be proud of yourself. Going against the grain is not ever easy, but you have had the courage to do so, and in so doing, you are gifting the world with better human beings. Thank you.
Good on you! You saw a problem with your kids behaviors and actually did something about!! Well done and hope it goes great on the day!
I applaude these parents – it is very difficult to stand firm and use tough love. You as a parent questions your decisions all the time asking did I do the right thing – decisions aren’t just to make situations better for the moment but also for the long term. The parents actions of cancelling Christmas will teach these children lessons that they will carry for the rest of their lives – that the world doesn’t revolve around them, that there are others in the world – and sometimes being gratful is enough – teaching childrent they have to earn what they get in life will shape and form them in their adult lives. More parents should be teaching these lessons. Parents lead by example and following through is the best thing to demonstrate to your childrent how to start something and how to finish it. PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK – GOOOD JOB – GOOD PARENTING – and don’t let anyone tell you any different – those who are trying to tell ou this is wrong they are teaching their childrent to be self centred and greedy.
Years ago when our family was very very young; our parents really had our backs and took care of our little family. The first year my husband and I could afford it ourselves we had so much fun buying and wrapping but the grandparents didn’t hold back either. That Christmas was overwhelming and out of control. We decided that year things had to change so we committed as parents on three gifts only. Essentially what was good for the Savior was good for them and it worked really well for Santa to bring something, a gift from Mom and a gift from Dad. We had service oriented activities around the home to help them serve each other and mom and dad. As our children got older we changed it again now they get two one from Mom and Dad. My children range from 14-28 at the age they decided they were to old to believe they became an elf. We gave them the money to purchase something and give to someone else. There are several trees around shopping centers, churches, homeless shelter, and the hospitals. It has been so rewarding to watch them find a person and then find a perfect gift. One year my now 18 year old daughter picked another girl her same age, we do have a ceiling of what they can spend but she recognized how blessed she is and she wanted to make the gift extra nice so she took her own money and added to it. When her younger siblings saw this they followed her example and now they save money to add to their gift giving sometimes they pick more than one person and spread it as far as they can other times they just add to the requested item to make it that much nicer. Just side note Santa still fills a stocking because if your an elf of course you believe.
If more parents took a stand, society might not be heading in the direction it is today. I applaude you!
I think it’s a great idea! Good for you for taking a stand. I’m always amazed at how rude people can be online! I mean, if you don’t agree- just click off the page. There are plenty more things to read online. I’ll never understand. Anyhow- good for you! What a great idea… we may just do it ourselves!
I believe these are GREAT lessons you are teaching your children. Too many children & adults are all about what are you going to do for me. Wish I had thought to do this when my children were small & XMAS became all about GIME, GIME, GIME.
I think you guys rock. As parents you’re giving your kids something so much more special then a bunch of gifts on Christmas. Kids these days expect everything handed to them and it’s just not right. Bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded and I think canceling Christmas is a great way to show that and also teach them about giving to those in need. With all the cell phones, tablets, Jordan sneakers and other high priced unneeded items kids get these days, its refreshing to know that some parents really do want to raise their children to be well rounded individuals and not only understand that you don’t get rewards when being bad, or not behaving, but also that putting other first is a great thing. They will always remember how much fun they had packing those boxes of clothes and candy to send overseas. You’re giving them such good life lessons. Don’t led the nay sayers get to you, you guys are doing it right!
Bravo. My husband is half Dutch, so we adopted celebrating St. Nicholas Day last year, Dec. 6. That is the day that Santa Claus visits our family. The kids get 4 presents each, plus something little in their stocking, and candy in their wooden shoes. It’s so liberating! I finish Christmas shopping around Thanksgiving, and then we have the rest of December to focus on the real meaning of the season, Jesus Christ. We look for opportunities to serve other, fill our advent calendar with fun, meaningful family activities, and spend December thinking of homemade gifts to give each other on Christmas Day. My kids still have gifts from Grandparents and Aunts/Uncles on Christmas, but they know that the gifts given to them on Christmas are from someone that loves, cares, and thinks about them, not a mystical elf. The change did take courage and a bit of explaining to family and friends who couldn’t quite grasp our reasoning. Way to go.
I find this inspiring. I’m a new mom with a 5-month-old daughter. I want to teach my precious baby about the joy of celebrating Christ’s birth and giving to those in need at Christmas time. Even before I heard about your post on a Catholic radio station, my husband and I were planning our Christmas tradition and how we can focus on the true meaning of Christmas, which means leaving out Santa. We’re still going to decorate a tree, make cookies, put up lights, and display a nativity scene. We’ll give her a gift (from us, not Santa), but not a huge gift, and this will be secondary to giving to those in need. Santa Claus won’t be coming to our house; instead she will grow up to know who St. Nicholas was and what he did. God bless you and other parents who want to raise incredible, grateful, generous, God-loving children.
Wow I just read a bunch of replies below and they TOTALLY have nothing to do with “Cancelled Christmas”. Why do people have to go off on their own “war path” instead of sticking to the subject? Just tell Lisa how great (or horrible) her and her husband’s idea is. Personally I think it’s terrific!
I think this is a wonderful idea. So many children don’t even know that the reason for Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ. I’ll admit we overwhelmed our son and usually our 6 nieces and nephews with presents Christmas day BUT I am so happy to say this tradition did not make our son (or most of our nieces and nephews) grow up to be a punk who expects everything to be given to him. By the age of 12 it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell us even one thing he wanted for Christmas. His retort to my questions would be, “I have enough for my own toy store, I don’t need anything else”. How proud that makes a parent feel.. oh and frustrated because you have to guess what they want. My husband and I stopped exchanging gifts decades ago because if we needed anything (and the older you get the less you need) we would just go buy it. I think having your children take part in choosing gifts to give to children who NEED things, like food and clothes, is a wonderful experience for them. As you said, they’ll still be getting gifts from other family members and they’ll experience the joy of giving to others. Our church helps support over 40 missionaries around the world and my guess is your church does the same, so sending them extra money to buy for their community would be a huge help. Our one missionary is the Philippines was just saying that the children she teaches are asking for more rice to eat. Congratulations on your idea!
I think you have opened a discussion that people are starting to have quietly because they are afraid of the judgement of other people. I believe we should all be able to make the best decisions for our family. I have many family members who give and give to their children without giving the hard things like discipline and values. My children are all grown and forming their own families the memories they share with me are not the gifts or the things. They share the experiences and the laughter. They share cookie baking and phone calls to Santa. If you had used Santa and Christmas as a beating stick, like my stepmother who threw the tree out the window, I would say that it was one moment of rage but like all good discipline your decision was an act of care made out of love and followed through with teaching and redirection. I think people who judge this choice should perhaps look at whether they are trying to defend some of their own bad choices. We need to support each other as parents.Enjoy what I hope will be your most wondrous and blessed Christmas.
I like your family’s approach to this Cancelled Christmas!!!
It’s great that you’re teaching your kids to give and enjoy it, but don’t they deserve to be rewarded for this? What you’re doing is not in the spirit of the Yule season as those of us the holiday belongs to understand it. In fact, your children wouldn’t be so “entitled” if you hadn’t brought them up to be that way, so why should they pay for *your* mistakes as a parent? They’re innocent kids!
What is the spirit of Christmas? Using the propaganda that retailers are telling you to buy, buy & buy? They have the Christmas tree, they have the decorations, they are instilling the biblical lessons of Christ, the Wise Men & why Mary gave birth in a manger. What ‘spirit’ are you referring to?
Santa Claus as I just wrote was an angel of Christ formed into this messenger of commercialization & capitalization of a religious holiday. The story was invented basically by 2 men. Not, a ‘spirit’, an ‘angel’ or higher power but 2 men. It grew in popularity as advertisers & retailers learned they could make a mint abusing the holiday making it more non than religious. Religious holiday has been turned into the holiday of the retailers. The ‘spirit’ of Christmas is hope, fellowship, goodwill, love & hope. That is the ‘spirit’ and I hope you realize you are using spiritual phraseology to debate what you are trying to encourage.
Review what I wrote about the history of Christmas. Are you telling them not to observe the ‘Christ’ in mas, as they do with Xmas or holiday greetings? You are so focused on the gift bearing, note, Christmas is not the only time one can freely exchange (note word ‘exchange’) gifts. You or anyone can freely buy gifts anything day of the week, month or year daily, frequently or when you want to do it. So why are you so focused on Christmas if it isn’t for the ‘spirit’ of it?
What about all those kids never receive a gift?
The reason why there is a holiday is because of the ‘Christ’ in mas. Pope Julius I (Catholic religious?) designated December 25th to observe the holiday.
The Santa Claus that we all know was created from the story of St. Nicholas. He supposedly rewarded those that have behaved well towards others and gave those that didn’t coal. Many in dominant protestant countries weren’t enthusiastic & dropped the image.
When the story got translated overseas to the USA sometime during the Revolutionary period the the saint’s name changed from St. Nicolas to Sinter Claus to Santa Claus. There is a comic 1809 that depicts him.1810 was first known St. Nicolas party (holiday party).
Clement Moore created the back story to this figure. He wrote a poem in 1822 “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. This came by New Amsterdam traditions along with German/Norse legends. The difference is that he wasn’t do it for Christmas but for midwinter pagan festivals. Many probably wouldn’t care about this poem, except it was anonymously printed as “The Night Before Christmas”.
Thomas Nast added more to the creation, he was a cartoonist. He created the North Pole having a workshop to build toys & had a list to check off who was naughty or nice.
Santa Claus evolved from wearing variety of colors to the 20th century wearing only red trimmed in white. Normal Rockwell the painter, created several paints particularly one on the cover of a magazine ‘The Country Gentleman’ in 1921 of ‘A Drum for Tommy’. Coca-Cola has been attributed to creating the image of Santa in their advertisements in the 40s using their drink.
This image of Santa living in the North Pole, having a workshop with flying reindeer going around the world giving gifts to all the kids on Christmas Eve was created by 2 men & perpetuated by advertisement to sell specific products. Then gradually the advertisement changed to incorporate selling products geared to kids then evolving into a full commercialization of Christmas making it a retailer’s lottery of winning more & more revenue for the image of gift giving. TV shows, movies have developed the back story of Santa Claus to the point Christ even mentioned in the story lines.
Bossie’s attitude is not about the holiday but to support the male creation of spending money to predominantly male non-religious organizations to gain revenue from the manipulation to guilt parents, friends, couples & extended families to purchase gifts to do so as ‘everyone else is doing it’. A religious man Pope Julius I a Catholic Pope decided December 25 to celebrate Jesus birth.
If it wasn’t done, there would be no Christmas with trees & lights. Christmas religious songs, nor ‘Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer’, no Black Friday, Cyber Monday or Thanksgiving Day shopping specials. No office or office/personal holiday parties, religious day off/winter vacations from school/college & celebratory anniversary celebrations of Christmas which was the original reason for Santa Claus & gift giving.
Shame on you!
There are people don’t have money to give their kids gifts. Christmas as you so-called term it is about learning how to give & receive, not take, take & take.
Giving kids a lesson about learning how to respect & appreciate is better than self-fulfill themselves. Christmas as I stated below ‘is’ a religious belief of extremists, otherwise, what would it be called? Hanukkah, Fourth of July, Winter Solstice? It isn’t supposed to be money maker for retailers. By the way Bossie, how do you think they celebrated Christmas in colonial days or out west in the 1800s, or 1900s? Tell me how they celebrated Christmas during the Depression? How about during WWI & WWII?
You want to make a stand? Take the word ‘Christ’ out of Christmas then the religious tone is taken out. We don’t celebrate bearing gifts at Halloween nor do we on Memorial Day. Change the day & remove the name & force all to buy gifts you go the religious undertone & those that are against the thought of commercialism are being forced say tortured to follow your ideology.
The reason why there is a holiday is because of the ‘Christ’ in mas. Pope Julius I (Catholic religious?) designated December 25th to observe the holiday.
The Santa Claus that we all know was created from the story of St. Nicholas. He supposedly rewarded those that have behaved well towards others and gave those that didn’t coal. Many in dominant protestant countries weren’t enthusiastic & dropped the image.
When the story got translated overseas to the USA sometime during the Revolutionary period the the saint’s name changed from St. Nicolas to Sinter Claus. There is a comic 1809 that despicts him.1810 was first known St. Nicolaus party.
Clement Moore created the backstorthy to this figure. He wrote a poem in 1822 “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. This was drawn up by New Amsterdam traditions along with German/Norse legends. The difference is that he wasn’t do it for Christmas but for midwinter pagan festivals. Many probably wouldn’t care about this poem, except it was anonymously printed as “The Night Before Christmas”.
Thomas Nast added more to the creation, he was a cartoonist. He created the North Pole having a workshop to build toys & had a list to check off who was naughty or nice.
Santa Claus evolved from wearing variety of colors to the 20th century wearing only red trimmed in white. Normal Rockwell the painter, created several paints particularly one on the cover of a magazine ‘The Country Gentleman’ in 1921 of ‘A Drum for Tommy’. Coca-Cola has been attributed to creating the image of Santa in their advertisements in the 40s using their drink.
This image of Santa living in the North Pole, having a workshop with flying reindeer going around the world giving gifts to all the kids on Christmas Eve was created by 2 men & perpetuated by advertisement to sell specific products. Then gradually the advertisement changed to incorporate selling products geared to kids then evolving into a full commercialization of Christmas making it a retailer’s lottery of winning more & more revenue for the image of gift giving. TV shows, movies have developed the back story of Santa Claus to the point Christ even mentioned in the story lines.
Bossie’s attitude is not about the holiday but to support the male creation of spending money to predominantly male non-religious organizations to gain revenue from the manipulation to guilt parents, friends, couples & extended families to purchase gifts to do so as ‘everyone else is doing it’. A religious man Pope Julius I a Catholic Pope decided December 25 to celebrate Jesus birth. If it wasn’t done, there would be no Christmas with trees & lights. Christmas religious songs, nor ‘Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer’, no Black Friday, Cyber Monday or Thanksgiving Day shopping specials. No office or office/personal holiday parties, religious day off/winter vacations from school/college & celebratory anniversary celebrations of Christmas which was the original reason for Santa Claus & gift giving.
Hi there. I’m 14 years old, so as a child, you can believe I wouldn’t want this to happen to me. I’m neither over privileged or under privileged, I am content with what I have and eager and grateful for more. I think that you’re doing the right thing as a mother, and I think your children will benefit from this Christmas experience. If this were to happen to me, I know I’d be upset. Very, very upset. And perhaps I’d act more upset than I actually was (crazy hormones…crazy hormones everywhere…), but eventually the true meaning of the holiday season would kick into my brain and I would become a better person through it. You’ve still got the decorations and family traditions (my personal favorite part of Christmas) and a whole lot of giving, but not a lot of getting. Well…not ANY getting.
Just thought I’d offer some input. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Love, Katy.
You got it kiddo! The thought can anger but then one gets to realize not all is what we want in the way we want it.
Where I grew up, there was a house next to my elementary school. It had a decorated Christmas tree in the front window of their living room. They never took it down. Every single day I rode the bus back & forth to school I saw it. When it turned dark early I saw it was light.
I & the other kids at school used to think the people owned the house were lazy or crazy. Until they did a story by the local news station on it. You see a lady lived there & had the tree decorated for over 20 years. Her son was drafted & went over to Vietnam. Before he shipped out, he made her promise to keep the Christmas tree out for him. He thought he would be back by Christmas when he left. He didn’t. He was declared MIA (Missing In Action).
As the years went by, her & her husband (soldier’s father) kept the tree up with the hope he would be found & that tree would be there to show they never gave up on him. Her husband passed, but she still kept the tree up. She wasn’t doing it for ‘gifts’, or recognition. She did it for a promise as well as hope. The lady herself has since died, but she never gave up hope. I bet there was a Christmas tree waiting for her with both her son & husband standing beside it.
I haven’t read any of the other comments, but I can imagine there are some very unkind ones. I just want to say good job. It’s not easy to take a stand, and it’s certainly not easy to do it publicly. I was feeling the same way and we have decided that our kids are only getting three presents from us this year, and aren’t spending much on those. In the past we have spent $500-800 on each of our kids (we have 6), spending entire Christmas bonuses and money we should have spent on bills and such, just to give them everything their hearts desired. Bad idea!!! I cannot take the bad attitudes anymore. Live and learn, right? I wish I could have talked my husband into no gifts at all, and doing exactly what you have done, but the 3 gifts is all I could get him to agree to (because Jesus received three gifts). Better than how we have done it before. Sounds like you are making some really wonderful memories. Thanks so much for sharing.
As an eighth grade teacher I can’t say how amazing this is of you. Many kids these days have no consequences and it shows in all of their actions. It’s frustrating to hear some of the commenters saying how horrible this is to do to children. You’re teaching them an extremely valuable lesson. More parents need to teach their kids that giving is more important than receiving and that good behavior will lead to a better future. Perhaps we would have fewer problems as a whole if more parents would actually take their role seriously. I, for one, THANK YOU!!!
Personally, I think that what you and your husband are doing, is wonderful. I myself find that I give and give to my children (22, 20, & 9) more than I should. No one has a right to judge your parenting, as long as your children are feed, clothed, and loved, which seems like they are. It’s your blog, your life, and your stories, none of us are forced to read them or follow you. For all of the negative responses (which I had to stop reading due to a headache approaching) are people who don’t have the courage to stand up to their children, for fear of reject or resentment, or just people who believe that their way is the best way. If your boys are enjoying this, which it seems like they are, then you are doing a good job as a parent. That car, or action figure that they might have received on Christmas, will be hidden in a couple of months underneath all of the other toys they have. What you are teaching them now, will last the rest of their lives. I do believe however, that maybe that letter that comes from Santa on Christmas morning, should acknowledge what they have done and include a very special present to go along with it. Nothing extreme, but maybe something that will carry the joy on Christmas morning for their good deeds, and unselfish behavior while carrying out those good deeds. Please keep us updated on how it goes. I wouldn’t mind sending the little guys something from me, a complete stranger, to show my appreciation for their kindness. I hope you and your family have a safe and wonderful holiday.
This is amazing. Thank you for posting, and I’m sorry you have to deal with negative attention for doing so. I’m not a parent, but I work with children with behavior problems and emotional support needs. I know it must be hard to do what you’re doing, and I commend you. So often I meet parents who are too afraid to challenge their children because they fear backlash and don’t want to be “mean”. What service do we do children by indulging their every desire? What lesson does that approach teach them? As you’ve said, your children are not in need, they are in “want”. This has become a holiday of materialism. You and your husband are giving your children the greatest
gift you can give them: the joy
of reaching out into the community and helping others. I would challenge couples just starting
families to raise their children in this regard… with no presents, and
instead with a focus on the holiday, family, and service to others. Thank you for sharing your experience. And finally, I commend your self-reflection as parents. To look at
what we do, in any facet of life, and decide to challenge ourselves or
the people around us in order to promote positive change is brave. It
reflects the passion with which we strive to be the best possible version of
ourselves and what we do. Bravo to you and your husband. I never
post comments on blogs, but was compelled to do so after reading your
page.
Thank you for sharing…I think what you are doing is great! When I was growing up we did not have a lot either. My fondest memories of Christmas is participating in the Christmas program at my church and hanging out with my family on Christmas Eve cooking dinner, laughing and joking. We did not have a lot, but we had fun and love! I do not like the commercialism of holidays….My parents are gone, but they taught us that the holidays should be about family friends, giving to others an being thankful for what you have and what is given to you. .God Bless You and Your Family!
I think it is a good lesson remember the animals at the shelters also please. Thanks
Scale back perhaps…..completely cancel the childrens christmas. I am sorry but I think this choice is not a great one. You however will have to live with the thought that this might bother them for years to come.
You are awesome parents!
I would like to offer a helpful suggestion. Please YouTube Dr. Becky Bailey and see what she says about Conscience Discipline. I have gained so much from watching her videos and have seen a great response with my own 2 boys. I am not trying to sell you anything because I don’t work for her or her company. Notice I said YouTube her – that’s free. It may help you and your family get to the root of the behaviors and create more peace all year round. Good luck!
I think this is wonderful! I know there are many parents who would cringe & are calling you names, but I love the traditions you are building that your family would never had experienced otherwise. God Bless!
Interesting how the thoughtful, intelligent comments listing perfectly legitimate reasons for disagreeing with you are being deleted, but you are leaving the more vitriolic ones, and the posts by those who agree with you. Someone is angling for the sympathy vote here. I initially tried not to comment about your narcissism, but clearly, you need some psychological help, or perhaps a real job. Mommy bloggers tend to be horrific narcissists.
So says the nitpicker to the one they felt was nitpicking … Amazing some of the tactics used to DELIBERATELY and INTENTIONALLY embarrass people as if that really makes you correct and superior. It just makes you look bad.
I don’t think you are being cruel at all. You are helping them build character. Isn’t that what parenting is supposed to be about?
Glad you aren’t my parents!
amen to that lol, when my mom had to skip christmas, it was for a reason and she always made sure we knew we were loved 😛
Why? Indulge you without realizing there are many can’t have a Christmas like you? Realize that entitlement evolves into insensitivity & disrespect towards others? Don’t take responsibility for your actions & just assume others will find you the job, pay your bills & always be the center of attention?
Become possibly a bully or materialistic so focused on your wants you totally could care less what your parents needs are as they age, leaving them in nursing homes never visiting them when they ill or dying?
Do you remember any of ALL the gifts you got from when you were a child to now? You probably wouldn’t remember a third of them, yet, it’s okay to give them gifts instead of values.
This
“maybe a good idea” but i will never call my children UNGRATEFUL and
ENTITLED in front of many people ..children grows up according on how
we teach them while they were young..God bless ur family
It may be okay to make a stand, but really, do you feel like a good parent by pasting pictures of your kids and basically saying that there are my kids, they are selfish and entitled little brats.
Seriously, as a mom, you’re supposed to care for and love your kids, NOT OPENLY INSULT THEM. If you want your kids to act decent and respectable, maybe, just maybe, stop acting selfish and entitled yourself. Because you insulting your kids just feels selfish to me. My kids aren’t perfect but they know that I love them and will give them what i’m able when they deserve it, but I WILL NEVER post pics of my kids or insult them, to their face or behind their back.
God bless and I hope you realize that the people tearing you a new one doesn’t mean they’re all misunderstanding your story, or they’re all wrong and you’re right. Maybe, just maybe, if numerous people are commenting on this, it has nothing to do with christmas, and more about you having NO RESPECT for your children.
I wouldn’t call this a ‘cancelled’ Christmas but a more meaningful one- kind of what it is really supposed to look like. We keep Christmas very simple at our home and I think that it is wonderful. Good for you guys!
Wow…just reading these comments is giving me a huge headache! SO…I’ll just say that I totally get your point and I agree that MANY children these days could use a “meaning of Christmas” refresher course.
I think people forget that the people they talk about on the internet have feelings. That girl they bash and call names, is actually someone’s daughter or the man they call a thug is someone’s son. They sit behind their computer screens and use the brass balls they grew from the anonymity they posses behind that screen to be cruel and mean, when in reality, if they were sitting right in front of you, they would be more polite and kind. People being cruel about the lesson that you teach your kids and then posting about it without thought to your feelings or the motive you posted it is cruel. The lesson you are teaching your kids is an important one that more parents need to take the time to teach. You’re teaching your kids to be kind to others. You’re teaching them to put someone’s feelings before their own. You’re teaching them the true meaning of Christmas. Posting about it isn’t attention grabbing…It’s the opposite. It’s humiliating yourself to help other parents gain ideas for teaching your kids to be less entitled. Ignore the haters, listen to those people who support, because the haters are out there always. They will never change and they will always judge. Don’t let them steal your goal of teaching your kids the true meaning of Christmas. Merry Christmas…
It is indeed my choice to post under my real name rather than to be an anonymous cowardly cyber commenter and stalker, unlike yourself …
My display of manners was far less caustic and abrasive than your own, by far were they “abhorrent”. I offered an opinion, which is encouraged by the blogger and the reason for this chat thread.
As far as “making a stand”, I already stated I was offering an opinion and just because my opinion differs from others, yours included, is “NOT making a stand.” My intent was not to be rude or bash either the blogger OR any of the commenters offering their opinions. I kept my original comment to addressing the topic of the post, not to attack others for their differences of opinions until another commenter felt the need, as well as yourself, to make it a personal issue between them, or you and I.
Thanks for the tip about SodaHead, perhaps the commenters there have a better handle on cyber etiquette.
I suppose I can expect little other type of behavior from an anonymous cyber bully when the only knowledge they have of me was gleaned from a few comments in this chat thread and by STALKING my facebook page.
I pity you, that you haven’t the conviction in your beliefs and the validity of your opinions that you must post your comments anonymously, but then this is what stalkers do, they have to sneak and hide who and what they are.
Learn some manners and practice some civility, show some character and come out of hiding …
I
Good on you!!! I am pretty much at that point with my kids. Even this morning while shopping each of the three kept saying “I want this, I want that” I told them that Mommy & Daddy are done with our shopping and we were not taking any more “requests or ideas” but they would not shut up!! I wish we had the will power to do what you did and cancel Christmas. Thank you for sharing!!
I think you’re doing a good thing. You’re not being mean about it, at all. You’re guiding them vs punishing them, and that’s what makes this okay.
I think this is awesome and you are doing exactly what needs to be done!!! Thank you for the post and for being willing to change things for future generations!
This is true, but the church as a whole and our culture has come to know Christmas as a time in which we celebrate the birth of Christ. Even though it is not “correct” on the calendar, that is what it is about for us a church.
You are not cancelling Christmas. I know the title was for shock value perhaps. Christmas is the story about Christ, not the made up version commercial version of Santa Claus. Christmas is supposed to be a time of goodwill/fellowship. Not being manipulated in fighting shopping frenzies to get toys that kids will play with usually a week then discard, or clothes they will grow out of in a couple of months, or other items for significant others they tend to exchange for items they want or the money.
It’s trying to find time in this crazy world of work, college, dating, appointments, play dates, after school programs, sports, music lessons, texting/cell phones & computer games to spend together. Take part in physical interaction talking to others, catching up on what others are doing, joking & laughing around, If someone is a good cook, pig out & rest. Kids like the time to get the neatest gifts but that’s no all it is.
Christmas is a hard time for me. It is depressing. Christmas also reminds me that turmoil can cause life to change in ways we can’t predict or cope. Things happen families fall apart sometimes, maybe they can get back together, maybe they never do. When my grandmother died suddenly a week before Thanksgiving, as my family knew it suddenly & irreversibly changed.
There wasn’t the happy frolicking & singing. There was a discord that never was filled. The rituals of going out to search for the fat Christmas tree that always no matter what part of the room I was in, seemed to want to lurch & almost fall on me disappeared. The stringing of popcorn vanished. The putting on the tinsel just right as my grandfather schooled me on every single branch no longer was purchased. All the Christmas ornaments which seemed to be a steady stream of boxes that had some sort of history of this great-great aunt/uncle bought it were lost. The Christmas music blasting out of the stereo as we decorated the tree, danced making cookies, pies and cakes for Christmas went poof! Precious time sitting on my grandmother’s lap in the rocking chair or falling asleep in my grandfather’s recliner chair as we stayed up late watching the Christmas lights on were lost with only the memories to keep it. The memories I had of my family when I was young, weren’t of the gifts. I miss the laughter, my family always laughed.
Laughing, singing, goofing around, going to church holding hands and eating ourselves stuffed playing games then later on watching football & Christmas TV shows. It was an innocence like Christmas Story. Family is a very precious & special thing. I was blessed for that, no child/physical/mental abuse in the family.
When we moved from my grandparents’ house after the death of my grandmother, my mother was strapped financially. What my mother had done was put whatever extra money she had into a Christmas Savings account for me. Being a child I remember whenever we went to a mall or drove through town she always looked at the decorations/lights. Her eyes lit up like a little kid enjoying the moment smiling. When I got my check in the mail, I knew what I wanted to do. I knew my mother was hurting with the loss of her mother. I also knew she loved Christmas & had lost all the ornaments/decorations.
Ungrateful kids would have bought toys, a bike even gone to see the Ice Caspades with the money. I wanted to see her smile so I used my entire check buying an artificial tree, ornaments & an angel for her. I had my mother’s sisters take her out for a day. I assembled the tree & decorated it on my own. When she came in & saw the tree her eyes filled with tears. Though the tree has seen better years yet she never would get rid of it.
Over the years, there was feast/famine. There were times we were so poor there was no money to buy gifts to put under the tree let alone had food. It didn’t matter the tree was always assembled, the ornaments put on & lights were strewn. The message of sacrifice, unconditional love, hope, compassion, goodwill & friendship was abundant.
My mother has since passed. Christmas isn’t material ‘gifts’ as suggested. It’s being loving, giving & supporting feeling. It’s being thoughtful knowing what someone wants & what they can afford gets it for them. Too many forget ‘Christ’ in the day & focus on an angel that was rewarding kids that spread & acted out the Christian message & distorted it commercially. That Santa Claus is not Christmas but only a rep. This commercial subliminal message we must give gifts to everyone & go into debt seems to be forgetting what the main message which was not to be loved for the gift but the thought buying a gift for someone.
You are being a mom & giving what my mother gave me, her mother gave her. Structure, discipline, love, Christian fellowship & not forgetting what this is all about.
this is GREAT! kudos to you for being the kinds of parents that are willing to be the “mean” parents in order to impart good character on your children. I bet your kids won’t even miss all the things people think you’re depriving them of.
As a regular day to day parenting strategy, I’d agree with you – kids need to know consequences and earn much of what they have. They’ll respect you and their stuff more for it. However, this is Christmas, and it sounds as though you celebrate the holiday for the same reason I do – it’s Jesus’ birthday. I also agree that Christmas has become too commercial. Given that we are on the same page with those things, here’s why I wholeheartedly disagree with your decision on no gifts for Christmas.
Christmas is special – it marks the celebration of the birth of Jesus, our Savior, God’s one an only Son. Jesus is God’s gift to us. This gift is one that NOT ONE of us deserve or could ever earn. The bad behavior of people (sin) is exactly why we need the gift. It is a gift out of unconditional love, not one that is earned or deserved. The gifts we give at Christmas should represent God’s love we share with others, including our children. As Christians, we should be teaching this to our children from the cradle on up, which should head off the entitlement problem. Christmas gifts are/should be different from any other gifts given at other times of the year – unearned and undeserved but given anyway out of unconditional love. This is why I have never threatened my children using Santa Claus as a weapon. Santa and Christmas are not a tool with which you can suddenly makeup for poor parenting skills. What will you do when Christmas is over?
It’s great to teach your children to give to others, but it should be taught to be done in love, not as a punishment.
In addition, it also seems as though this has been really good boost for your blog, which you of course have monetized (i.e. the link to the nativity on sale at Amazon, hooked to an affiliate ID so you can be paid if anyone clicks through and buys one). There’s nothing wrong with your blog or monetizing it, but let’s admit also that a headline of “Canceling Christmas” goes a long way to helping you financially.
BEAUTIFULLY said. You recognized the point that this was done to promote the blog, regardless of what was said, as well as remembering why we celebrate Christmas. So many here have talked about the commercialization of Christmas. The couple said that their decision was based on their sons’ behaviors. You remembered, and stated the reason that Christ was placed amongst us.
I think what you’re doing is great! I’m a teacher and each year the behavior and entitlement children bring into the classroom is unbelievable. Then when you try to fix the behavior , as a teacher, we sometimes get crucified by the parent(s). A lot of the children I see everyday continue to want more, and it makes me wonder how values have gotten so lost? I applaud your stand and wish there were more like you.
I want to tell you THANK YOU! for doing this. I have 3 children myself, and I raised them the way I was raised. It isn’t about gifts and presents, and being greedy and ungrateful. The whole reason is to celebrate Christ. Too many parents are to blame for how their children behave. These parents have given them everything under the stars and the moon, they have spoiled them beyond belief and then want to cry, whine, and moan when the child(ren) is(are) disrespectful, rude, greedy, and ungrateful. Your children will be better people in the long run for having this lesson. Keep up the good hard work.
Good for you. the world is so selfish and it is expected to get gift at Christmas, but guess what it is not law. I am doing the same to my young adult children, we have made attempts to help/support them through out the year with out any appreciation or thanks, just continuing to expect more. This all while they are making little attempt to help them selves. The true meaning of Christmas is NOT about gift giving it’s about love and joy and the birth of Christ hence “Christ” mas! stand your ground there is support behind you!!!!
We cancelled my husband’s 14-year-old son’s (my step-son’s) birthday party this year because of unacceptable behavior. All we did was bake him a cake and sing happy birthday. We felt badly about it, and we were expecting a bad reaction from him, but there was none. I totally support your and your husband’s decision. You’re not canceling Christmas, you are actually celebrating Christmas for its true meaning!
I think this is wonderful, and I don’t understand the backlash at all. My fiance is an immigrant and grew up in poverty. Every year, I see how upsetting it is for him to watch my nephews be showered with gifts for which they aren’t even grateful. He did not get Christmas, or Christmas traditions and treats, let alone dozens and dozens of gifts when he was a child. Now, the constant reminders of how demanding and ungrateful my family is in the face of so much excess make the holidays a very hard time for him, and I am resolved that, when we have children, we will emphasize family and tradition over getting stuff. I don’t see this as a “punishment” but as the best gift you could ever give your children. Ignore the negativity, you’re doing the right thing!
my thoughts ditto
I think the message here is great. Not giving your kids many gifts on Christmas is a great life lesson for all parents and undeserving entitled kids and is a very private personal choice. However why you would choose to air out a private family matter for all of America to judge and the school friends of your sons to know is beyond me. If my husband went on tv to say he was cancelling Christmas presents with my children (Knowing he had a blog that was popular) and using my kids to find the true meaning of Christmas by giving back because of my kids shameful behavior I would cancel my marriage..have more respect for your self as a mother, your husband and your children. You made this monster and know it is your own you should keep it that way. I hope you give the money from this blog to charity. I tried to be respectful and still make my point.
Good for you! I don’t understand the people who are reacting negatively to this. Presents shouldn’t be expected, especially if the receivers are not behaving. Kudos to you for doing what is right for your family, not what is easy
I do not have kids but I am a kindergarten teacher so I am around children every day. When I first viewed the title of the post I had no idea what to expect. After reading it, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. I think it took a lot of courage to make that decision and go through with it. Christmas is my favorite time of the year but no for the presents. I think that so often, so many people get so caught up with the gifts that they forget what this holiday is all about. I have a feeling this might be your family’s best Christmas yet. Don’t let the negative and narrow-minded comments bring you down. I think you are a terrific mom. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Thank you for sharing this wonderful gift you gave to your children. They will look back on this and it will be one of the best Christmas’ they ever had.
So glad to read this today! After exactly the same scenario (the disrespect and entitlement mentality) we removed all our children’s toys last night. Our son simply refused to clean up his toys. We warned him multiple times and when he finally said “Fine! I don’t want them!” we took them away. We’ve seen all of our children exhibit disgraceful behavior when it comes time to clean up their toys……even to the point of saying “Just throw them away, Mom. Then I’ll have room for new ones.” After spending a morning listening to whining and begging to have them back, I realize my children have little imagination and almost no skills for innovation. We also realize that it’s our own fault that our children feel the way they do. We LOVE to buy toys at garage sales and save them for Christmas. NO MORE! After reading this, I feel empowered to continue what we’ve begun and KNOW that we’re doing the right thing for our children. Thank you so much!
I think you’re doing a wonderful thing. I don’t have kids myself, but I have a niece and nephew and lots of friends with kids. Middle class kids have so much these days and I don’t think they realize how lucky they are. I think you are raising kids who will be kind and empathetic – so much better than showering them with material things.
Sorry for the long post but I had to explain…..
I would like to say Thank you first! Secondly, we decided to do the same thing this year. We had a different approach to it but nonetheless we ended up with the same result. Right after Halloween, when Grandma asked them what they wanted for Christmas is when we decided that we would do something different. The thing was, none of us could really think of anything that we wanted. I have 2 teenage girls and they couldn’t come right out with a list of stuff that they wanted! I was amazed but our girls truly do not “NEED” anything. If they need something, we don’t wait for Christmas to come around for them to get it. So we sat down and decided that each of us (just our 4 unit family) would make 1 gift for each other. “This is going to be rough” is all I could think but it’s been the best thing! Both of my girls have gotten so excited about thinking outside the box and figuring out what they could make and how to come about the materials to make it. Oh! Did I mention that you couldn’t “buy” anything! We came up with a “if we don’t have it, you have to barter for it” principle. I’d like to explain by saying that i did clarify that they could ask a family member or neighbor that we know if they could exchange helping with a household chore for an item such as scrap wood, a jar, or even ribbon. We do not want them to put themselves in harms way for one of mom’s crazy ideas! But this way, they are giving back without really receiving anything.
And to top it off, since we are not spending money that we really don’t have anyway, we are “adopting” 2 of the oldest kids that are in a local orphanage and doing for them. Some of that does entail buying gifts for them but we are also making things for them as well. The 2 kids that we chose this year are interested in similar things that my kids are interested in so it’s been…….interesting. The oldest child is really into Spiderman. My youngest child would DIE over the things that this boy asked for but she has been fantastic about it. “No mom…not that one! This one is better!” My kids are doing a card, letter and gift bag (stocking) for each child besides the gifts.
I would encourage every parent out there that has the mean’s to think outside the box when it comes to Christmas with their kids. Think about this. Do they really need it or is it just another THING? Kids are creative when they are young and we need to continue that as they get older. They also need to know that it is not all about what they can get out of something but rather what they can do for someone else.
We have already talked about adding 2 more kids next year and getting the neighborhood involved. We already have some great traditions but what a great new Christmas tradition!
poor parenting? Sometimes we as parents want to give more than we had as children. We think our kids are much better off. Well, just handing things over without having the children work for them ( good behavior, chores and so on… )makes the gift much more appreciated.
where did you come from. I think its great what they did. The children are not being punished. They are being taught. Which is what most people now a days don’t do. They rely on everyone else to do the teaching. These parents took the bull by the horns and stopped the behavior before it became outrageous. Kuddos to these parents. I wish I would have had the guts to do this way back when.
I meant much less appreciated….
Personally, I applaude you! We are following your lead this year, for the very same reasons. Disrespectful behavior despite being raised to respect others. My kids are 12 and 15, and they actually got excited about the idea of helping others instead of getting more “stuff” that they will be bored with in a few months. It became a competition to see who could come up with the best way to help our community. We’re turning Christmas back into a season of giving, instead of receiving.
We are doing this in a way. This year we are studying Life in the 1800’s, focusing mainly at what Christmas was like then. We have decided to buy a TV for the family to watch Christmas movies together and then make gifts like they would have then for family and friends. We are also donating money to the Salvation Army and my children have decided to donate books to those that don’t have any. I am also wanting to donate blankets to a homeless shelter. We have a friend, a single woman with no kids that always buys the kids so much that they get bored opening her gifts, so why add to that. We are trying to teach our children gratefulness, contentment and compassion for others. If they need something we buy it and also try to give them somethings they want just because we love them. This article was great and I appreciate you writing it.
Love your iniciative! I do not feel sorry for your kids… I envy them!!!! Those who have…sharing with those who don’t! You are not cancelling christmas…. you are living the real one and making your children living it too!!!! that’s the greatest gift of all… So … you didn’t not give them gifts… Bless you and your husband!!! Hope I can have that same courage!
This is a very cool story. I’m not a parent, but from your explanation, I truly support your theory and reason in all this. I do believe this is one Christmas your children will remember and I will bet for all the right reasons. Bravo for your husband for suggesting it, bravo to you for following through. You may even start a new family tradition! I suspect you may have one of the best family Christmases ever. All the best… (single lady in Orlando, Fla)
I too have cancelled Christmas. My little girl has no respect for authority and has tested the waters way more I like and has ignored be warned Santa won’t come. She 6 years old. Three months into the school year she has been suspended from school, suspended from after care and suspended from the school bus for THREE days. I have had enough. To add insult to injury she doesn’t take care of anything she has. Three hats, losts! Glasses, “I don’t know” she says. It’s as if her room had a toy explosion! My other daughter and her son still lives at home. Christmas morning she will watch as her nephew open all his gifts. Sometimes you have to get their attention! It’s going to hurt me more than she knows because I love Christmas and love seeing the smile on her face. However when you act like you are entitled without putting in work …. CHRISTMASCANCELLED
Bravo to you!!! If more parents had the sack to ante up & follow through with ANYTHING they say we wouldn’t be overrun by spoiled, self-entitled little heathens. I’ve cancelled xmas numerous times & our kids have MORE FUN those years (I don’t do it every yr simply b/c some years their behavior is exceptional compared to others…& I love to buy them things they want.) Christmas is a great excuse for that but so is a good report card, a special thing they did for someone (last year a neighbor broke his ankle, my 10yo asked to go see him & without me EVER putting the idea in his head, offered to walk the man’s dog twice a day for a week…THAT is special!), there are SOOOO many great reasons to give them things they want that reinforces kind, thoughtful behavior. I’m careful not to go over the top very often, as I also don’t want them to think that doing something nice automatically entitles them to reward, that’s not always how life works but, for the act of kindness toward our neighbor he received $100 from the man at the end of the week (neighbor was shocked he’d actually followed through the whole week) & at the home front he got to choose whatever meals he wanted that week, 100% his choice (within reason lol…”just candy” was not an acceptable request!) and then coupled with A’s & B’s on his report card the following week, he also got the bike he’d been wanting. Christmas is about BEING TOGETHER, not “stuff”. I also notice that the xmas’s that are all about junk are sadder, there’s a high 1st thing in the morning as they open everything, but by midday they’re usually bored, tired from all the early morning chaos & acting out….in STARK contrast to the years we “do good”, when their toys are THE most cherished few & afternoons can be spent w/cocoa around the fire talking about faces we lit up, ideas for the next year & funny misfortunes (like those wonderful, TERRIBLE family vacations where everything goes wrong lol) we’ve suffered. THAT’S what Christmas is about…or should be. Haters are gonna hate, I think you’re doing the right thing & doing a great job PARENTING (a word long forgotten for many!) & I applaud your bravery in writing & resilience to nasty commenters on a story like this, keep it up!
Cudos to you! I am a single mom of a 3 year old and wish to instill good values within him. It takes brave parents to brake the cycle of the holiday season. Thank you for sharing your family with us so that we may bring inspiring ideas into ours :). As Taylor Swift said (and yes I’m quoting Taylor Swift lol) “Haters gonna Hate, Hate, Hate, Shake it Off, Shake it Off!” – Merry Christmas! 🙂
I agree with you LIsa, it is a GREAT choice.
Right on.
I do understand why you cancelled Christmas for your kids; however, if your going to cancel it, cancel everything and make them appreciate what their missing during the holiday season. Since they are learning their lesson so to speak, maybe they will appreciate the things they do have, Like the expression goes, what goes around, comes around, and I hope they did learn their lesson.
I read they wrote santa and asked him to give their presents to some needy children. “Santa” is going to write back about how proud he is of them.
I just partially read a comment to be careful and that your dangerously close to taking things too far. ….. h.mmmmmm…… your being overly dramatic. Christmas is not mandatory in any way and as a parent it’s not a form of abuse to withdraw from Christmas presents. That’s insane for you to even think.
When I was a kid, that naughty or nice thing was in full effect with my Mom. She didn’t reward ongoing bad behavior with presents. When I was about 8 years-old, just before Christmas and my birthday, December 28th, I got in trouble. My Mom cancelled both for me and I woke up to Christmas with no gifts! Ditto on my birthday –. She relented on New Year’s Eve. I was a miserable and contrite mess. I cried my eyes out. but I learned my lesson which came down to I wasn’t entitled to those gifts and her expectation, a reasonable one, was that I be a good kid and to behave. So, I totally approve of the Hendersons’ choice. My Mom and I laugh about that Christmas now and how it was a hard choice on her part but the right choice.
Congrats on making a move to raise your kids in a positive manner. Not as if you need mine or anyone else’ approval but I’d be hard pressed to see anyone putting you down for this. All kids need some humility in their lives.
All I have to say is…how do you think they got that way? They are not the ones who gave themselves too much. They are not the ones who bought themselves too many toys, or too many trips, or too many times of not saying “no”. You could have taught them these sames lessons without “canceling” your own gift giving to your children. I think you should have taken responsibility for your actions, and let the children know that you are the ones who helped them get to this point. I fully realize what and who Christmas is about, I also realize that posting a picture of your 3 children, for all the world to see, with a huge “CANCELED” sign across them, and going on Good Morning America is shaming for them. They may feel good about what they are doing now, but not so great when friends think they were so bad, that they had to have Christmas canceled.
I don’t doubt you are great parents, but I think this could and should have gone another way. God is graceful 70 x 7. You could have handled this differently and respectfully of your kids.
My thoughts diito
When did all these people start worshiping Santa
Claus? When did people start teaching their children right from wrong
with the use of a commercialized folktale? I posted this on Yahoo and
was told that I was boring the readers and the people who commented. I
am a 57 year old former teacher and I am writing about how I was raised in America.
Sorry if it bores people, but come on, Christmas IS a Sacred
Holiday, it’s not about some Type 2 Diabetic coming down your chimney and disciplining your children:
“When I was young we never celebrated Santa Claus in our family. I
never really even thought about it, and never heard much about it in
public school or from any of my friends that I can remember. My family
had a Christmas tree (representing everlasting life and star represented
the Star of Bethlehem), we made Krumkake, Lefsa and Lutefisk, and ate
pickled herring. I always sang in the church and school programs. On
Christmas Eve we went to candlelight service, read the Christmas Story
(yeah, not the movie, which I do love, by the way) from the Bible, then
afterwards opened usually small presents from each other that
represented the gifts of the Magi…Most of the excitement us kids had
was spending (from our parents) the $1 each on one another. Christmas
Day we had a nice Christmas dinner (Lutefisk …lol) and met with
relatives. When I was about 10, I heard about Santa as a folk tale in a
public school class about how different cultures celebrate Christmas,
but I never got confused about it. I always understood Santa Klaus to
be an (American translation) fable about a Catholic Bishop, Saint
Nicholas. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I get it,
though, it makes me wonder why Christmas had to be cancelled if her kids
were raised the way she wants them to be now. Anyway, good for you!
Even if it has never been a Sacred Holiday for you and your family, it’s
nice that you are giving back now and enjoying it, too!”
You argumentative adults need your christmases cancelled. You’re really setting a bad example for the kids, going off topic and bickering like you are. Go take a time out and think about what you’ve done, and put some cash in the mean jar. NOw Lisa and family, I never once thought “deprived” when I read your blog. It sounds like they are still going to have a better christmas than so many people here in the US, and all over the world. THey will have food, family, games, fun, and the added joy of helping others. Pus a few gifts from other family members? You haven’t cancelled Christmas.. It sounds like you have FOUND Christmas! 🙂 Enjoy! 🙂 Merry Christmas and God Bless!
Wow-zahs this has a LOT of crazy comments. I mean…going into the history of Europe? Umm…what?
Right on for doing what YOU think is best for YOUR family.
Wow. Good for you!
“Story tellers”, you call yourselves.
Thank you for your inspiring story. I decided, thanks to you to do this with my family as well. If you want to read our story you can here. http://aofthewm.blogspot.com/2014/12/proud-mom-going-to-be-best-christmas.html
You & your husband are doing a great job; I admire your courage & I fully support your decision to change things up this Christmas, most especially because of what you are adding to their experience by helping them to serve others. One of my biggest desires for my boys is that they grow up believing whole heartedly that people will always be more important than things. Always.
I think your title is wrong. I don’t believe you are cancelling Christmas at all. After having read this article, I believe you are giving your children far more than they could get from any material gifts. Your family is celebrating the birth of Christ in the truest sense. Your children will cherish and hold with them the values you are instilling in them long after material things would have been discarded. I think your title should be we are going to Celebrate Christmas for the First time.
May you and your family truly enjoy the blessings that God will unfold upon you and your family as you put Him first and raise your children with values.
Jessica.. I am not sure why people are jumping on you. I think you’ve done some homework. I agree with you.
You have no idea how visceral and absolutely horrific reaction I have over this.
Be very very careful on this! If you haven’t totally stepped over the line, which I believe you have – you are so dangerously close to it where I have absolutely no respect for anything close to this course of action other than extreme empathy for your children!!
Yes my mom thought I was a ‘little hurricane’ growing up. I supposed there were times I deserved it – not not as often as it was suggested or for the often capricious reasons for it.
The main reason was because I wouldn’t practice 2 hours a day on the two instruments I was supposed to. But there were other reasons, depending on the whim du jour.
Not only did I have a bunch of holidays cancelled including Christmas, my birthday, you name it: One time, all my toys were given away. This post made me recall lovingly going over all my toys on a shelf just before the Salvation Army truck hauled it all way (the real reason was I was enamored with padlocks and was playing with them with imagination instead of practicing).
My mother has been gone for a while now. I can honestly say I no longer hate her. I can also honestly say I quit loving her by the time I turned 10.
I think what you are doing is awesome!! I’m a single mom, so I can’t afford what their friends have. They act as if they are entitled to things anyway. I told them what I have bought through out the year will be give to our church for the giving tree. The true meaning of Christmas is not about what you get but the birth of Jesus.
I tried in vain to get my relatives to do this very thing with me over the past few years. I finally just stopped participating in the holiday with them. I applaud you for exhibiting the common sense and goodness needed to parent. some of the negative reactions you have gotten illustrate where we’ve gone wrong in the past so its absolutely refreshing to see you trying to do something better for our future gen. WAY TO GO!
Great job, you are right, no parent ever follows through, thank you for setting an example.
Good job 🙂
An orange and a piece of hard candy? WTH???
I won’t address the superstitious aspects of this post, but it doesn’t seem like you’re cancelling Christmas at all, merely observing it differently and, mostly, more constructively. I don’t see a problem with that.
Redridermom217, this is such a great comment on this story! Thank you!!!
I applaud what you and your husband are doing. In a world filled with spoiled rotten kids who grow up into selfish adults, it’s refreshing to see people actively teaching their children what Christmas really means.
I am VERY proud of you and your husband for doing this & wish more would follow suit. It will make our children better people which is the whole point of parenting. I did follow thru with Santa skipped you because you didn’t behave & have gotten those nasty looks from moms who don’t have a 5 year old master manipulator in their home. But he remembers and really stepped it up this year. He even hosted a charity drive for his birthday in lieu of presents & was very proud of himself when we dropped them off at the children’s home. I am sure that even if they don’t speak up you have inspired at least one person, which is worth a little grief. Jesus said love one another, not be selfish, greedy, & ungrateful. Some kids learn those lessons easier than others. The responses of your kids shows what a great job you are doing as parents and you should take a second to pat yourselves on the back. Thank you for helping to change our world and culture one family at a time.
Your idea, more than amazing, is real. It will leave your family with the most important gift of all: being humanitarian, humble and respectful. Many people can say they are only kids, but this is the age when kids MUST learn the importance of obedience, humbleness and helping the ones in need. I really admired you to move forward after all the criticism you might received for taking such a very personal decision. If i were in your place, i would definitely do the same. Your kids will never forget this lesson, and most importantly, they will stick there is something beyond the meaning of CHRISTMAS than just the gifts, food and music. Best luck for you, your family and those around you!
Lisa this is one of the best life lessons you will teach your children. Hurray for a great parent! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! My teacher friend had a 5 year old come out of the school bathroom today. She instructed him which way to go and he decided to question why, be very disrespectful and continue to try to argue with her. Five years old!!!!! Of course, she had no part of it, and he found that out quickly, but honestly, what parents are doing to children these days are not doing them any favours. They fear nothing and have no discipline. A little bit of fear and disappointment should be in their lives. It will make them better fit for society and the highs and lows that it presents.
AWESOME MOM! Way to teach your children what CHRISTMAS really is!
You are awesome–I wish that there were more parents like you (& your husband) out there. Rock on!
It sounds like the kids are finally learning charity. This is a fantastic thing and I don’t understand why anyone would rip you or your children apart for it. More parents should take a stand versus letting their children grow up and feeling entitled. It breeds egos and arrogance galore. Thank you for your stance and for sharing. Namaste.
I commend you for your courage in making a big change in your celebration and in posting about it. I was very spoiled as a child and always got so many presents for Christmas, but my best and most cherished memories are all centered around the things I did for others and the time I spent with family. When it comes to children, all moments are teaching moments, and I think this will have a life-long positive impact on your boys.
congrats way to go but how bout have the kids buy some kids for kids in foster care or cps custody have them wrap them and take them there now that would be awesome
Ok, so I read the title from the news article and thought “What, the whole thing?” and then I read your blog. Good for you. I myself am in a similar situation, only with my sister’s kids. Constantly wanting, wanting, wanting. So this year, we are doing homemade gifts for everyone in our family. That way maybe the gifts will hold more meaning, knowing that we sewed and crafted till we were happy with the results instead of buying the first toy on the shelf.
I reckon these kids will still have a boss Christmas, you know what grandparents or like.
Lisa –
just wanted to drop a note to let you know that not everyone is critical of your decision. Some of us recognize that you made a difficult choice in an effort to make sure your boys grow up to be the best people they can be.
Blessings to you and your family this Christmas!
Mike
You rock!
Shame on you. Regardless of your reason, you should be thankful you have healthy children. Treat them well, you only have one chance at this.
I say “HOORAH” for you! More parents need to take this stand! Many of our children are over-entitled and behave this way, mine included. Although I have not yet cancelled Christmas, I did cancel her 6 year old birthday party (she is now 16) and she remembered very well for the entire year and talked about behaving so she wouldn’t lose her 7 year old party. I have cut back tremendously on many things and now that she is older, I let her know why she isn’t getting to do something, go somewhere or have me buy something. Until the attitude changes, these things won’t change. You are doing the right thing and teaching what is so much more important. Kudos to you and your husband!!!!!
I’m curious about the kids’ behavior. Has it improved since you cancelled Christmas? I feel that a consequence for bad behavior should be directly related to the offense, and delivered within a short period of time. The same thing goes for rewards for good behavior. It sounds like by giving presents to those less fortunate, your kids are learning empathy, sharing,and giving, which are positive outcomes. I think cancelling Christmas is a little harsh for such young children, with Christmas still weeks away, but I think putting the focus on giving rather than receiving is appropriate. Growingmindsproject.blogspot.com
I just wanted to congratulate you on excellent parenting skills. I am in awe of you. This must have taken a lot of strength to see it through. Well done
Good for you. You’re nicer than I am, too, they wouldn’t get a present from anyone in the family. In lieu of gifts I’d request a donation in their name, and if they insisted the gifts would be accepted and then given away.
If you’re going to make a threat, follow through. They’re going to be disappointed on Christmas — right now I bet they don’t think Christmas is REALLY cancelled so it’s still fun — but they’ll survive.
You are an example to us all! Great job, MOM!
You have some great ideas for showing your kids how to care for others, and I love it. We’ve been experiencing the same things with our daughter, she has more stuff than we have room for, and she wants everything she sees (and forgets it the moment she walks away). She is missing the giving part of the season. Our budget is extremely tight this year, and my husband and I were discussing how much smaller our Christmases were growing up. None of this spend hundreds of dollars on toys thing. We aren’t cancelling it, mostly because I didn’t see this until today and I already got her the one LEGO set she’s wanted for months. But I want it to be about the memories. So we are doing more, vs. opening more. And so far she loves it. Thanks for the ideas, and the encouragement.
Wow! I see what you mean by the crazy comments! I am in agreement that you are teaching them how to give, which is really the spirit of Christmas. Good for you! I think that “Cancelling Christmas” was a poor choice, though, since that can’t really be done. Cancelling “X-mas” is really more like it. Wishing you all the best experience this Christmas!
I think what you have chosen to do is a wonderful idea. I have been complaining to my husband that Xmas has become a day of getting and “I wants”. That our children have lost the true meaning of Xmas. It doesn’t matter if you are deeply religious or just enjoy the season. I believe it is about giving and helping others who may need to have their spirits lifted. Even if it is only an act of kindness. In our society today, we so often get wrapped up in having everything, that we forget what we already have. Much like some of (the positive) comments people have written, your children will remember all the things you did together as a family. The joy they brought others. The memories that you are making will last a lifetime, unlike the toys or electronics they would have normally received. Don’t let others discourage you. The best presents you can ever give your children are the lessons you are teaching them this year. I wish you the best of luck and I’m going to steal some of your ideas 🙂
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE? WHICH I MEAN YOU DOLLY!! did you not take the time to read the entire article? her boys are learning something from this and they are enjoying it and realizing what Christmas is all about GIVING. why would you even make a comment to give her children up for adoption? were you raised properly, because if you were then you wouldn’t make a comment like that to someone you don’t even know!!
Your made and raised your children that way. Don’t blame the children. Blame yourselves for raising them wrong and not nipping their behavior problems from the start. . Every child deserves something from Santa. I total disagree with your thinking and maybe you should consider giving your children up for adoption, if you do not know how to raise them properly.
I think that what you are doing is great. I will consider this when my son can comprehend giving versus getting. Congrats on showing your children the true meaning of Christmas. Family, traditions and fun.
I think this is great! I decided this summer that to do away with getting my daughter gifts for Christmas. I got tired of the commercialism of it all and her expecting to get “this and that” for Christmas. That is all she thought about when it came to Christmas and that is not how I wanted her to be raised. I sat her down and we discussed the true meaning of Christmas and nowhere in that did presents come up. When I told her that this year I didn’t want to get her present but instead give our time to helping other people she got very excited. Like you I am allowing other people to still get her gifts and she is looking forward to that but even more our conversation has turned from “I want this for Christmas” to “I want to give this to this person for Christmas” or “Can I donate this for Christmas?”. I love the lesson that she is learning and I’m unsure if we will ever go back to the old way. Thank you for posting this. It truly helps me stay firm in my decision.
Good Job!! you are teaching your children life lessons and they learned from it. Just like you said, you are still having Christmas, but the point is, material things mean NOTHING. Love, Kindness, and Giving are WAY more important and your children will always remember this and grow from this. I think that you and your husband made a wise choice and it seems that your children are enjoying it. For anyone who is trying to bring you down, or tell you that you are bad parents are the ones who need to step back and look at their lives from an outside view. Lately all people care about is material things and everyone wants more and more and more, for what? To be socially excepted? To be cool? To pretend they are someone they are not? Whats important in life is family, love and respect. I commend you for this! and I commend your boys for realizing this is a wonderful outcome and they are having fun with it! What you are doing is amazing, helping those who really need it. Good Luck, Merry Christmas! Don’t let it bother you what other people say, they are just insecure & rude. Obviously, they are not seeing what good you are doing for others. Christmas isnt all about presents and maybe if some of these people who are making bad remarks about this situation will realize this after my post. Christmas is about giving and loving and you did something wonderful!! Thank you for being a amazing human being unlike some other people out in this world. Need more people like you!! Happy Holidays!!
-Caitlin
I think you are a wonderful parent and I applaud you for taking a stand even if it is unpopular and following through with it. I can’t believe the hateful comments you are getting, but they must be from weaker parents who allow their children to walk all over them. The types of parents you see in videos where the parents pretend that they ate all their Halloween candy and the children curse at them, yell, scream, and shout. I NEVER would have gotten away with that as a child and I am so grateful that my parents raised me to be a respectful member of society. We never had our Christmas taken away, but if we would have, I’m sure we would have deserved it and years down the road I would have been thanking them for not allowing me to grow up as a selfish and self-centered person. I know my parents loved me enough to want me to be a good person and we still have a very good relationship to this day, and I’m in my late 20s.
Fantastic job mom. I’m sorry you have had negative feedback, but usually that will come from people without children or the problem parents. We all know the ones. Best idea ever! Teaching ones children that actions have consequences AND about the importance of contributing something to the community in which they live can never come too early. Kudos!
I don’t think it’s just getting stuff that causes a sense of entitlement. It’s always being put ahead, a child who is always given the floor anytime he wants to speak even if interrupting others. Who no matter how often, forgets his lunch mom or dad drop everything to bring it to them or announces a project due tomorrow and mom or dad is off to the store to buy all the things necessary to complete it. Teaching them that they always come first, before you, your spouse, your marriage, in every small want or whim they are going to feel entitled even if you don’t buy them everything.
I think you are an amazing mom and this is what Christmas is about GIVING!!! Why would anyone tear you or your children apart because they are selfish people who do not believe in the little Jesus that we do!!! the world is turning into a nasty place and these people are proving how nasty it really is!!!
I have no problem with you all doing what is best for your family. I wholeheartedly thing that the service your children are performing for others is a wonderful thing. But something about this bothers me. I thought and thought about it, and what bothers me is that Christmas is about celebrating the grace of God poured out on this world in the form of a baby. Christmas is about recognizing what God has given to us and to others. It is also about demonstrating our love to others by giving. By merely “cancelling Christmas” and not giving gifts, that seems to be taking the message of grace out of Christmas and sending a message of judgment. I hope that you and your husband find a way to show some grace to your children on Christmas. Gifts are a wonderful way to do that. Grace is about receiving something we don’t deserve. So right now they believe Christmas is cancelled. I hope that on Christmas morning they will find some gifts to show grace. Because that is what Christmas is all about.
Good job!! It’s about time we as parents start teaching our kids how to be appreciative and start teaching them the true meaning of Christmas. Keep up the good parenting!!
This is awesome! Your kids are going to get so much out of this experience– and from the sounds of it, they already have. Sorry for all the bashing you’ve received.
I can not believe people are taking such a negative attitude on this,, I guess they are putting themselves in your childrens shoes and the greed they feel in taking over!
your kids will benefit from this and talk about it when they are older! you have done a very special thing!
what will the kids say when asked what they got? they got the chance to help others. duh. it isn’t about what you get. or if it is, your christmas sure is shallow.
this, i can’t get. “punishing them for being kids”. yes, sometimes that is our job. when kids are behaving in a way that isn’t appropriate, even if all the other kids are doing it, you need to teach them not to. otherwise we’ll get a generation of adults who are too self centered to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them. oh. wait. too late.
do you have kids? are your kids born perfect, and they have to learn bad behavior by our failure as parents? um, no. they naturally come selfish. it’s our job as parents to teach them otherwise.
Don’t get goaded. People hide behind signs & for whatever reason use it as an excuse to state outrageous, insensitive & irrational statements. They aren’t real. They are like the Gringe, or Scrooge. They just want to see what you get irritated.
good grief- why do you read mommy blogs? to leave negative comments? or to find advice and support from people in a similar situation. for me, it’s the latter. so why does she write it? because it helps people. just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean you know why she does it…
Thank you for taking this step as a parent. And thank you for sharing this, despite that backlash. Just remember these internet trolls and internet know it alls DO NOT KNOW YOU or what you and your husband have to deal with, you may do things by the book (lord knows I have for 7 years) and the good lord knows how we struggle to find a balance in teaching the right way and the wrong way. This is what christmas is all about. Thank you! We will as well not be doing christmas in our home. its about family, no need for getting everything you already have all over the home.
I think what you are doing is fine – although you didn’t really cancel Christmas for them – they’re making presents and giving them to each other, which is lovely and a wonderful tradition to start. I would also suggest that you take the kids to a homeless shelter to see how lucky they are and how people in their own area could benefit from their attention and kindness.
Your kids became entitled because you and your husband let them become that way. It’s common, especially today where kids expect high tech toys and to be able to get away with bad behavior. The fact that you are changing the way you parent shows you taking responsibility. All in all, what you’re doing is a good thing and don’t listen to those who tell you otherwise.
WOW there are a lot of nut jobs here. SHE IS A BAD MOM! BOO ON THE KIDS! OMG THIS IS AWFUL AND HERE ARE ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO CRITICIZE!!! Jeeeez!!!!!!
After the umpteenth Christmas watching people exchange a bunch of junk where 90% of the gifts really aren’t anything anyone really wanted that badly or will use, and this new thing where people take that awful “black Friday” stuff and are now extending it on into Thanksgiving, and all acting like fools over material objects, I have to say, it’s quite refreshing to see somebody take the opposite approach.
I also don’t get the logic where if you hear someone’s children were acting out of line habitually, that they MUST be “bad parents”. REALLY?? It’s just that easy folks, parent “well” and your children are angels. If your kids ever are being brats it is therefore because you simply didn’t follow the “parenting well” rules.
UM, no…..even the best parent can end up with a bratty kid, despite all of their best efforts that are wildly effective on most children. Even the best children can go through phases where they’re all out nightmares for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with how well someone ‘parents’.
The fact that these parents took Christmas as an opportunity to really make a statement to their children about some recent issues they’ve been having with their kids is awesome. The fact that they didn’t just cancel it but added additional helpful things for other people? All the better.
I am not a religious person at all, but I still nevertheless find it awfully sad that people who are supposedly Christians celebrating a Christian holiday have become so obsessed with the commercial side of things. I see Thanksgiving and Christmas jointly as a celebration of family, friends, the value in providing for and spending time with others, and those things have gotten completely lost for both holidays because everyone is a huge sucker for the retailers’ marketing of all their junk.
I commend these parents for doing this and for letting everyone know it.
Mr. & Mrs. Henderson,
I applaud your decision and comment you for taking a stand.
I find that we are raising a generation of ungrateful children who feel as if we as parents are entitled to give them everything that they want. Having two (2) sons who are not given everything that they want, but all that they need and sometimes a bit more…I find that as they are aging they are getting more
and more ungrateful and disrespectful. Because of this behavior I have cut back on the amount and kind of gifts given to them over the years. Hence, I have also told them that they will not be getting a Christmas gift or anything that is not a need until their behavior and attitude changes.
At the end of the day it’s your children and as parents we are their first teachers. Teach your boys the lessons that you would like them to learn and do not pay attention to what others may think you are doing wrong.
I myself am considered a mean parent and I am proud to be if it will teach my sons the moral lessons (respect, proper manners, how to be grateful, value of hard work, money etc.,), that I would like them to learn.
From my home to yours I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous Year and all the best as you raise your sons to be outstanding men in their community!
Having grown up on a southeastern farm in the 1950’s my family’s Christmas gifts were sparse, only 2 humble presents, mostly needed clothes, etc. I learned to make my own toys from things around the farm, using tobacco sticks for guns or a very large cardboard box for a play house. I spent hours and hours in that box reading books checked out from the mobile book lender who came around once a month. We now have become an affluent society with kids who no longer use their imagination to create their own environments, who rely on abundant store bought toys and electronics to fill their time. So with what you and your husband are doing with your children is appropriate and timely. Children can not understand the true value of their constant supply of “things” until there is no more. They can not understand that money comes by hard work until the “things” money buys is withdrawn. This is not tough love, it is a good dose of reality. It will prepare your children for adulthood knowing the true value of money and thus the “things” it buys. It will also teach your children that misbehaving will not bring the “things” they most desire. I applaud you and your husband’s decision. It is right thing to do, so do not feel any guilt from the responders here who decry how horrible you are…that is all baloney!
so don’t agree with Jeannie Cunnion, author of “Parenting the Wholehearted Child,”. She is so far off base about Jesus. One of Cunnion’s comments “that gift-giving on Christmas should be tied into “the miracle” of Jesus’ birth.”. Since when is giving gifts tied to the birth of our Savior? This is making his birth nothing but a time to receive gifts. Last time I checked, Jesus’ birth was to “save” us from our sins. Don’t see gifts in here. Gifts are for Santa not CHRISTMAS! People need to stop the commercialization of Christmas.
One Christmas, (many years ago) my family and I were homeless, living in
a homeless shelter. My husband and I now have three grown children
but that Christmas, they were young but old enough to know all about
Santa Claus. We had been living in the shelter for several months and
weren’t sure what to do nor what to tell our children, because
couldn’t afford Christmas gifts for all our three children. The
church we attended, at that time, was collecting Christmas gifts for
abused and neglected children. And then, I realized that there were
other children going through difficulties far greater than what my
own children were going through that Christmas. We knew we could
afford one gift so that one child – who was going through a tougher
time than our own children – could receive a toy for Christmas.
At least we were able to stay together as a family, which meant
everything to my husband and me. My husband and I hugged our children
each day and showed them that we loved them and we were able to take
care of them, even through that financially difficult time. My
husband and I then told our children that the gift of being together
as a loving family will be our Christmas gifts to each other that
year. And so we bought a toy for a child to show that someone cares,
in hopes that child would be able to experience Christmas joy.
About a week later, quite unexpectedly to us, the homeless shelter gave us
a huge bag of toys for our children. We also received a beautiful
Christmas tree plus a big box of food for Christmas dinner. Our
children were so happy to receive gifts under the tree that Christmas
morning and they really appreciated those toys. Most of all, what we
truly appreciated was knowing that other people gave from their
hearts.
We didn’t live close to family and couldn’t afford to go home for
Christmas. My parents were able to visit us a couple days after
Christmas and brought us gifts plus gifts from family members. I
don’t remember the gifts my parents gave us, but what I still
appreciate was my parent’s love and encouragement for us during that
difficult time.
What made that Christmas so special for our family was that we learned to
give from the heart without expecting anything back and then, we were
able to receive God’s Blessings. Lisa, your children will not be
‘deprived’ this Christmas – instead they will be receiving Blessings
far more meaningful than any toys you and your husband can afford to
give them. The birth of Jesus is meant to be our most treasured Gift
– not for us (even as children) to only understand what we can
‘get’; but for all of us to know and live by: ‘the gift of giving’.
God Bless you and your family.
I think you are spot on – well done for taking the plunge and following through! And, you haven’t just made a knee jerk decision, you have planned and considered how the children can learn from this. Too many parents blame kids for bad behaviour that then continually endorse by never following through with sanctions. This is a carrot, not a stick – a diversion, not a “road closed” decision. Well done you for being brave and following that diversion, your kids will have a great Christmas and come out the other side as more considerate individuals. Punishments don’t work – this isn’t one as anyone reading this can see. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for taking a stand and inspiring your children to live out the true meaning of the Christmas season! Entitlement has become such a huge issue in today’s society. Blessings to you and your family!
Amen! You go Moma, I think it’s a great idea! Hope you guys have the best Christmas ever, I’m pretty sure you will! God bless!
Bravo! I applaud you and your husband for doing this. As a society in general we give too much to our kids and they tend to take it for granted and do become “entitled”. Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas to your family! =)
I commend you for being parents who are are more concerned about your children and less concerned about a backlash from taking a stand that may be unpopular with your children or embarrassing when the general public finds out. I hope that one of the things that I have learned over my years of parenting children is that no family is just like another and no one child is like another child. All are unique and effective parenting can only be done with guidance from our Heavenly Father and the love exemplified by his Son, Jesus Christ. Your story reminded me of the experience of Thomas S. Monson, current President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The following is the story related in his own words:
The times were those of economic depression, yet Mother and Dad, through some sacrifice, I am sure, presented to me on Christmas morning a beautiful electric train. For hours I operated the transformer, watching the engine first pull its cars forward, then push them backward around the track.
Mother entered the living room and said to me that she had purchased a wind-up train for Widow Hansen’s boy, Mark, who lived down the lane. I asked if I could see the train. The engine was short and blocky—not long and sleek like the expensive model I had received.
However, I did take notice of an oil tanker car which was part of his inexpensive set. My train had no such car, and pangs of envy began to be felt. I put up such a fuss that Mother succumbed to my pleadings and handed me the oil tanker car. She said, “If you need it more than Mark, you take it.” I put it with my train set and felt pleased with the result.
Mother and I took the remaining cars and the engine down to Mark Hansen. The young boy was a year or two older than I. He had never anticipated such a gift and was thrilled beyond words. He wound the key in his engine, it not being electric like mine, and was overjoyed as the engine and two cars, plus a caboose, went around the track.
Mother wisely asked, “What do you think of Mark’s train, Tommy?”
I felt a keen sense of guilt and became very much aware of my selfishness. I said to Mother, “Wait just a moment—I’ll be right back.”
As swiftly as my legs could carry me, I ran to our home, picked up the oil tanker car plus an additional car of my own, ran back down the lane to the Hansen home, and said joyfully to Mark, “We forgot to bring two cars which belong to your train.”
Mark coupled the two extra cars to his set. I watched the engine make its labored way around the track and felt a supreme joy difficult to describe and impossible to forget.
Mother and I left the Hansen home and slowly walked up the street. She, who with her hand in God’s had entered into the valley of the shadow of death to bring me, her son, across the bridge of life, now took me by the hand and together we returned homeward by way of our private Jericho Road.
Some remember mother for her rhymes recited, others for her music played, songs sung, favors bestowed, or stories told; but I remember best that day we together traveled our Jericho Road and, like the good Samaritan, found a cherished opportunity to help.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1977/04/your-jericho-road?lang=eng
Thank you again for sharing your experiences as a parent. I hope that all of us, as parents will do what we can to teach our children that Christmas is not about getting but about giving….giving with unconditional love the way that our Heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ gave.
This is not about Jesus or Santa. This is about people unable to communicate with their children. Children have to be taught, shown and guided. She says their ungrateful children. 364 days in the year and you pick Christmas day to correct your children. What happened during the rest of the year, ,where were you?
More time should have been spent with your boys don’t ya think instead of all your projects. Then say the boys are ungrateful. Maybe they wish you spent more time with them and showing them the way to go. children’s minds are pure, they don’t know right from wrong from the start. Life is complex enough today to expect children to be perfect right from the start. Your heart is in the right place but your mind is not. Spend more time with your boys,,you’ll see the difference
good for you!!!
There is no such thing as Santa – and kids need to learn appreciation for what they have – I applaud these parents! They are teaching their children that the world does not revolve around them and their wants – teaching them to be balanced human beings – if you bothered to read the article you would see that they are not being deprived at all and that they are making little gifts for each other. How did bullying come into this? I think you have a major issue with good parenting
Geesh. I can only imagine how terrible your childhood was…….
Don’t you have some other forum you regularly police?
You, Pat Mulligan are a horrible person for even making that assumption about someone’s childhood. Why don’t you get your ass off the computer and do something nice for someone instead of put people down you don’t even know. You are close minded and rude!! We can only imagine how terrible your heart is. 🙂
If you’re 35 and can’t let go of that memory, then I will send positive energy to you in the hopes that you can finally find a way to let it go and get some peace.
I see you’re CLEARLY incapable of seeing the point. No wonder kids today are growing up to be mass murdering school shooters.
Help him “let go?” You can’t even let go of this article. He mentioned nothing about his age or something in the past. Methinks the troll doth protest too much.
Click the “See More” button so that you may read ” I’m 35 years old and that same hate for that Christmas is in my thoughts constantly. ”
Thank you for showing yourself as you are. May you find some peace within yourself this holiday season.
There’s nothing of the sort in there. Stop gaslighting.
Fantastic!!!
Great parenting! Don’t be discouraged by some of the remarks! Great to see that you are not ‘obedient’ parents
We cancelled my oldest’s birthday last year because of this very reason – bad behavior, poor choices, sense of entitlement and failure to improve after patiently working with him. We went out to dinner (his choice) and he got a video game but no birthday party, no friends, no extravagant gifts. I seriously cannot even tell certain people about it because I’m afraid of the backlash and judgement. I love my kids but I feel it’s my job to get them ready for the real world, and I know some think I’m a bad or mean mom.
Replying……was that confusing to you in some way?
Very interesting! Way to follow your parental instincts and follow through. Gosh, I am sorry people can be so nasty in their comments. I scrolled through a bit and I had to stop reading because the negativity was getting to me. You must be pretty thick skinned to tolerate that. Thanks for sharing your heart and your experiences.
Goodonya Lisa, I’m so proud of you and your husband. That was a hard, wise thing.
Your kids are very blessed to have you. When my little girl was young I too was determined that she would know Christmas as a time for giving not getting.
We would visit hospitals and old people’s homes singing carols, I couldn’t find an ‘adopt a Gran’ program so I started one, best move ever!
Good for you! I don’t know when thousands of dollars in presents became a God-given right, but so many people seem to think so! I think it is wonderful that the kids are learning the joy of giving and service, rather than the temporary joy of gimmie gimmie gimmie.
You have shown you very much care how your son grow up to be good caring people more parents should care as much as you do
God Bless you for teaching value of life. Some kids just want a heart or kidney that works. Great Job Mom and Dad. with wisdom comes all the REAL gifts life has to offer. You seem most wise
Your title is misleading. You didn’t really cancel Christmas. All you are doing is have a REAL Christmas this year!! Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the Savior and show our love to Him by giving to others. It is not about spoiling kids with a million presents. Congratulations on figuring out the meaning of Christmas!
Taking a stand on the ‘hottest’ holiday of the year; and I put it that way because personally I believe true meanings for religious holidays have been quite lost…isn’t such a dramatic revelation folks. This blog sounds as though the parents are trying to ‘re-invent the wheel’ so to speak. As I began to read the blog the initial flag that kept popping up for me was that ..hey..sounds to me like its the parents who created these attitudes and behaviors all along with the kids. Maybe treating them to a lot of material things, not saying ‘no’…ect. And now because its spun out of control they feel the need to make it sound like a new and improved way to unscrew what you negatively; and yes what you unintentionally …have screwed up while raising your kids. First off – we’re all guilty of this parenting fault to a degree – it happens – we’re human – not perfect. And its up to we parents to recognize what we’re doing and follow through with corrections and positive reinforcement so our families can move along happily. Bottom line of the lesson that could be recognized here is that its a change of attitude and behavior for not only the kids but mostly for the parents. They watch us and what we’re doing more than we watch them and what they should be doing. It just happens to be Christmas that’ll be the tool used to instill these refreshed ideas on the family. I personally do not believe in the materialism that Christmas is now based on and revolves around. That’s a whole other subject. So the lesson of not spending the money on more ‘stuff’ that ‘Santa’ traditionally gives is just one tool. What about birthdays or Easter. Giving to less fortunate people or not putting ones self first or more dramatically – suffering yourself for the betterment of others around you ; the general religious(‘Christ’-mas) point made I believe ..is what December rounds up another entire year of living, to be. Ok, ok…I’m not trying to suck the fun out of what some of us have grown up with; I was a kid too. But come on..its not entirely the kids doing. Its the parents. We mold how a childs thought process grows. This just happens to be a grand time of year to emphasize this particular and not uncommon family issue. I’m betting or hoping this family will learn a lot about themselves along the way with what their doing. I do give them credit. Its a tough decision to make because no matter how much its ‘your business’ how you raise your family there is always someone looking at and opinionating your actions. I’m just throwing in my two cents here like others and posting a view of what I see. 🙂
I agree that the parents in this story created the problem (nobody’s a perfect parent, and all parents mess up), but the important thing is that they are trying to correct the problem. I have a similar situation in my family, but the parents aren’t doing anything about it, and I fear what kind of adults the kids in my family are going to grow up to be.
#hatersgonnahate #trollsgonnatroll Good for you for standing up for your principles and doing what Santa is supposed to do. We have focused more on giving back this year also. My husband and I just went through our home and got rid of garbage bags full of toys that our kids no longer liked or had barely used. My kids also get new and used items for the holidays. My daughter wants a Barbie camper and I’m not spending an insane amount of money on something she may not play with next year. I found one at Goodwill for $7.50. Kids nowadays are given soooo much and are sometimes taught that new is always better. I often tell family and friends instead of gifts to do something meaningful with my children. Teach them something, take them on a special visit to the zoo, museum, etc… It doesn’t have to be an expensive “date” and they are more likely to remember an experience vs a gift they received. I think this will be a positive lesson for your children and more families should participate in giving back. I’m doing #30daysofgiving on my beprettybebold facebook page. 🙂 good luck and merry Christmas to you and your family!
Lisa-
I’ve been following your story and I commend you and your husband for doing this. As a mother with three boys of her own, I feel as though I could have written your same post. My husband and I have been teaching our boys since they have been born about helping others and other important and strong values. Still the disrespect and entitlement filters into our daily life. We struggle with this daily. I like how you are showing them the value of giving and helping others less fortunate. Enjoy your holiday season 🙂
Too many parents out there are trying to be best friends to their kids, and as a result are raising entitled spoiled monsters that society now has to deal with. So good for you for acting like a real parent instead! I know what you did was a tough decision, but I truly hope your kids will learn and understand the lessons you are trying to teach them, and become better people as a result of it. All the best to you and yours this holiday season!
Hi: I have read your post about cancelling Christmas. I am wondering what it was that your children were doing for months and months that got them to this point. What is “entitlement” in a child? Why aren’t timeouts working? Why do you “threaten” punishments? Threatening does not good. Why do you feel you need to empower parents to take a stand? Parenthood is about taking stands several times each day–that is one definition of “parenthood”. Why did you choose to send clothes to the Phillipines? Trust me, close to where you live, are people who need food and clothes. This is the reality of the US today. I am glad that we raised our daughter when we did–she is 35 now with an infant of her own. If she were a child today, she would be the only kid she knew who had no cellphone, iphone, whatever phone, or tablet or laptop or electronic anything of her own. Electronics let kids run their own show way too much, and that makes them bratty. When our child was growing up, having your own phone in your room was the big deal, and she did not have one. Her day was filled with school, a little extra curricular, homework, and lots of chores–dishes, yard work, house work, help with the laundry, pet care, for which she was given not one penny. Those things were her contribution to the work of the home and family. As a teen she did some cooking and drove for me when I had forestry or appraisal work and needed a driver. We raised a good kid who is an exemplary citizen and a wonderful wife, mother, and member of the Armed Forces who is well on her way to earning 2 masters degrees simultaneously. we couldn’t be prouder of her than we are
It would have been truly nice if you could have shared your story without the hostile tone in the beginning. Parents, NO parents are perfect. There is always something each and every person wishes they did different. It is a good thing these parents caught on before their children became older when it is near impossible to put some order and good discipline in. Next time perhaps you could forego the hostility and just relate your story. It could have been enjoyable.
There’s nothing wrong with your story. Some people on here think they are the Disqus police.
Lisa–Kudos to you. I wish you a blessed Christmas, good health,. happiness and prosperity in the coming year. The meaning of Christmas has been lost to most kids during the past few decades., in that it has become a contest to see who gets the most “loot”. What we do not realize is that there is an abundance of choices available for all things, we take everything for granted and do not appreciate the gifts we have been given.
So proud of you! Keep up the good work parents!!! You are BEING GREAT PARENTS!!!
You and your husband are my heroes! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
There are children in my family who are entitled little brats. I love them, but they are snobby brats! So much so that I refuse to buy them presents anymore, as every time I do, I am embarrassed and hurt by their ungrateful behavior. These kids in my family have everything they want and do not understand or appreciate the value of money or the hard work it takes to earn that money. They also have no clue of the suffering and poverty of other kids in the world. I hope this lesson you are teaching your children sticks with them, but I’m a bit surprised you are allowing any gifts at all. Seems like they might miss the point if they are still getting gifts. I also cannot believe you are getting crap over this. Our western culture has become a materialistic nightmare when it shreds a mother up because she is cutting back on TOYS. Unbelievable! This kind of shallow backlash makes me embarrassed for America and as an American.
I think this was an awesome idea. Spending time together as a family helping others is a WAY better gift than any material possession!
Thank you for showing that parents can take a stand. I have friends who are struggling with their children, yet keep giving them stuff. Your idea of replacing getting stuff with giving to others – priceless.
Lisa I feel compelled to leave you one last posting here. You wrote above. “Some people seem to think I wrote this for attention. Ummm, the attention you get from posts like this is not good and actually extremely difficult to handle. ”
There are a lot of damaged people in the world. Some grow up, pick themselves up, and carry on without unloading on others.
Some feel compelled to deliver unexpressed resentment onto others who have nothing to do with their past experiences and they are only slightly reminded of these by your writings. It is not your fault they feel badly. It seems to me that many here had memories of uncomfortable things bubble to the surface and they exploded onto you.
Well, they are deserving of something. Some call it prayer, others call it positive thoughts, still others will send positive energy. It’s really the only way to handle it.
Point this out to your children as another life lesson, that not everyone they come across in life will respect the rights of others, that others may say hateful and nasty things as a way to exorcise the demons in their own lives, and some have had such horrible experiences that anything good makes them feel less. They are deserving of prayer, positive thought and positive energy in the hope that such might possibly help them move past these troubling times in their live and find some peace for themselves.
Thank you for being wonderful parents. Your boys will take this lesson into adulthood and continue to give back to the community.
Good for you! Christmas is so much more than receiving presents. All anyone has to do is look around at all the teens, young adults, and preteens making the news today. They are getting in trouble with the law, dying at the hands of law enforcement because they are getting into trouble, living their lives out in prison because of stupid things they do and people will realize what you are doing is teaching your children respect, the act of giving to others without expecting anything in return. Good for you, you are responsible, caring parents who love their children enough to teach them. Wish there were a lot more like you!
Are you Christian? Just wondering. I assume so as you referenced Jesus and are celebrating Christmas at all. If you are a church going family and you intend to teach your children the faith, you have just sent a really hugely bad message. The greatest gift Christ has given us is grace. And it is not earned. But your children have been told that all good gifts are earned. Not just in words but extremely loudly in action. I am also curious as to how you attempted to teach respect and deal with their entitlement. Did you address the behavior with immediate consequences? Did you model a lack of entitlement in your own life and explain why you could not give in to wants and demands? If you merely issued warnings (as your post says) then jumped to this huge (and overblown and possibly damaging) consequence, sorry, but you’re doing it wrong. As for the publicity, if you didn’t want it, you could have turned it down. You didn’t have to answer press calls or make appearances.
I’m not the most brilliant Christian ever coined, so maybe I don’t have standing when I admonish you to lighten up, tt. If you want to get hardco re, which I often enjoy, there’s a sound, theological case that Christmas shouldn’t even be a Christian festival. As for the author’s parenting skills, as far as I can tell, she is quickly becoming an expert. She tried to correct poor behavior and instill good character, but her efforts seemingly fell flat. And then she had a stroke of genius, she and her husband tried the fresh, creative approach she writes about, and voila! Her children’s behavior and attitude turned on a dime. And by the way, she clearly has three, fine boys with good hearts. I trust that when Ms. Lisa has a theological breakthrough with her children, she’ll blog about that too. In the meantime, I invite you, tt, to join me in enjoying this heartwarming piece…
Actions are louder than words with kids. Believe me. I have worked with more kids than most parents have ever met in 21 years in education, plus I raised one that isn’t even my own. “Grace is a free gift, you don’t have to earn it” vs. “Because you didn’t live up to my standard, I am not buying you any gifts”. Message received by kids is absolutely going to be “I must earn gifts”. Dialing down Christmas is one thing. Adding family activities that emphasize giving to others is wonderful–but why weren’t they doing that all along? And doing it year round. More than anything, we know that children learn what they live. If these kids are that entitled, then the first task for mom and dad is not threatening them or punishing them, but looking at themselves to see how it is that the kids have learned that. Seems that Lisa and her husband have done very little of that hard work.
You do have to earn in life. And yes, you do have to be the type of person that invites gifts, not demands them. That is a sort of “earning” as you have to have the attributes that others admire, not detest. Love from others besides parental is not guaranteed, it is granted. Children must learn the skills to EARN the trust of others so that they may form lasting bonds of friendship that invite gestures of gifting. No one wants to give even the gift of a “Good Day!” to a detestable person.
You shouldn’t have to earn those things from your parents. That is a detestable message. And people don’t have to earn dignity, which is what you are saying. That is one of the things wrong in our culture–this notion that we should treat people as less than until they prove something to us. Jesus did not put any qualifications on “love your neighbor”.
LOL! Your attempt at sarcasm is funny!
She crossed the line by publicly displaying their faces. The backlash will be is that they will be humiliated and shamed by the kids in their neighborhood, school, church, and anywhere they go.
Children can be mercilessly teased by other children and shaming them in public is wrong.
Christmas will come and go, but the bulling has yet to begin. And bullying is a serious problem.
I wonder how people would have felt, if she put them over her lap and spanked them and posted that? It isn’t the spanking that would hurt it is the humiliation.
And why does the oldest boy have to hold a picture up?
Punishments should take place in private not on a public forum.
Now, I’m all for spanking, especially when it’s among consenting adults. That being said, the author didn’t “shame” her children, publicly, or otherwise. I think she did the opposite of that: she conveyed that her children turned on a dime from being selfish little ingrates, which is the lower nature of all children, to taking joy in giving. And they didn’t miss “Christmas” half as a much as the parents. It’s quite amazing. The way I see it, Ms. Lisa is throwing out pearls of wisdom for free. And I’ll leave it to you to recall the second part of that analogy…
Facetious at best. We have no idea what the next 20-30 years will bring. 30 years ago there wasn’t an Internet. It’s NEW. Therefore laws, customs and what is acceptable are still being hammered out. Critical mass is approaching and many things will happen and we have no idea what they will be. If anything in this post confuses you then use your browser to do some research. It does a mind loads of good.
Yeah I’m sure this internet thing is just a fad.
Employers (I’m one) can be epic jerks. It’s almost as if they try to do that. But trust me: any employer that would hold this blog piece against these fine (very young) boys is no employer anyone would want to serve. Thank God there are literally millions of employers out there. I’m betting some of them deem childhood ways (which in this case are completely normal) are utterly irrelevant in gauging job qualifications. After all, if we could make children behave like adults, employers like me would be aggressively expanding the labor pool…
Oh brother! You’re wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast! But here’s a tip of advice for you: rather than wildly speculating about my sexual orientation, predilections, fetishes and the like, perhaps you who should consider submitting yourself to intensive Freudian therapy. After all, It’s pretty clear that something’s wrong with your psychology. Oh, and Merry Christmas to you…
Lisa I completely understand what you are experiencing. I felt the same way with my 2 boys 8 and 10 years old. Until I discovered the Accountable Kids Program online. WOW! !! It has drastically change my kids behavior over night. I no longer have to constantly hound them to do their chores or brush their teeth, etc. It has these cards that you can put on a board that reminds them of what is expected of them. They even started to read their scriptures on their own cause I put it on their board. Anyway I just wanted to make you aware of some thing that really Helps. I am LDS and live in SLC BTW. Good luck.
Love this post! For those who are accusing you of seeking attention…for goodness sakes people, she’s a blogger. She blogs about what is going on in her family’s life, in her community, whatever she feels like blogging about. Isn’t that what every blogger does?
Fantastic initiative! I don’t have kids but am horrified with my little cousins’ behavior – they are absolute brats, entitled and ungrateful. I think that you are not punishing your kids, but teaching them in a very effective way. Keep up the good work!
Boy, who knew so many supposed christians harbored so much hate for the youth of today. Reading the comments here, many of you applauding this act seem more than a little vengeful and are vicariously enjoying punishing the ‘ungrateful’ and ‘disrespectful’ kids of today. Respect is earned. If you want your kids to be respectful, then be worthy of respect. Be less of a dictator and more of a mentor. Realize that your job as a parent is to teach, not to command.
What? Respect should be earned? Does that mean that if we, as humans, aren’t perfect, no one should treat us with respect? Do you mean that children, who are still learning right from wrong, are on equal footing with their parents unless their parents “earn” the “privilege” of being respected? Do you mean that we ought not respect the president if we don’t agree with him, or our boss if we don’t like him? ALL humans should be treated with respect, whether they “deserve” it or not. That is one of the reasons everyone is so angry and selfish! Respect should be automatic, not earned.
I think this is FANTASTIC!!! My only thought was “No visit from Santa?” But then I read that he would leave a letter- awesome idea!! The magic of Santa is my favorite part, and I think everything you are doing is creating that magic for your family. I teach high school students and I see it all the time. The sense of entitlement is real. Kudos for you for making the change your family needs. If you continue to do this every year, great! If one year you decide to go more “traditional”, I’m sure your kids will be more appreciative than ever. I think you’re a GREAT mom! 🙂
Good for you as a parent that is stopping their child from feeling “entitled”!!!! Too many children are growing up to disrespect adults, authority, etc. I applaud you!!!
I’m sorry you’re getting so many negative comments. I suspect that the majority are coming from defensive parents who have ‘entitled’ children but don’t dare or are too tired to do anything about it.
I think you made a good decision. Christmas is over rated and Children do have a sense of entitlement. I think all parents should participate with their children in giving to others. Good Job Mom and Dad.
She is a sick individual who is publicly shaming her own kids for money bottom line. Those are ads over on the right hand side of her website she gets paid every time someone
clicks on those or orders from those websites. This post has gone viral
she will have a nice payday at her kids expense.
money?? really? she is a wonderful mother trying her best to raise grateful children. your nasty comments probably break her heart. she loves her children, and it’s clear as day in her posts. Have you read any of her other posts? or you basing everything on your ignorant assumptions after reading one thing?
Lisa,
Thank you, thank you for teaching your children that their actions have consequences. If more more parents would hold their children accountable for their behavior we would have less disrespect and more people would grow into adulthood understanding that they are the owners of their behaviors and stop blaming society, the weather or other factors. Thank you again
Thank you, thank you for teaching your children that their actions have cons
This lady is a blogger, she writes blog posts, it is her job to write the
most creative exciting blog post she possibly can so that the public
will come over and read her blog, and if she’s lucky she will have a
post go viral, and get millions of people to her blog, and then those
readers will hopefully click on those ads on the right side of the page.
When that happens guess what she gets paid every time.
She is publicly shaming them for money bottom line. Those are ads over
on the right hand side of her website she gets paid every time someone
clicks on those or orders from those websites. This post has gone viral
she will have a nice payday at her kids expense.
What ads? Oh right, I’m smart enough to use adblockers. Carry on.
I applaud you. I wanted to do this when our kids were younger and my husband insisted it was “too much, “too cruel” and you know what we have now– a 25 year old and a 27 year old that have a huge sense of entitlement and no sense of real consequence. I am astonished by the number of people acting this way. I can assure you a GENERATION ago, parents had NO problem leaving that infamous “bag of coal” to naughty children. I love my children with all my heart but they are not adults that I like very much sometimes. I wish they worked harder, cared more about others and the environment as well as social issues.
You sound like a very bitter and unhappy woman.
No, she is facing the reality of what her children have become. She has more of a right to it than you do judging her.
In a day and age when the spirit of Christmas is being swallowed by the likes of Best Buy, Disney and Mattel, I applaud you for taking your children back to the essence of what makes this time so special. My wife and I have a set of 6 year old twins and we try to instill in them a sense of faith in God and serving others. That is the REASON for the season – everything else is irrelevant.
Uh, I’m an atheist, and having faith in your god is certainly not the reason for my season. I like the glitz and glitter of the holidays. I like the lights, the food, the smells, the traditions. I like expressing my love of others through gift-giving. In fact, I have dozens of reasons I love the Holidays, but faith in your god isn’t anywhere on that list. So, in truth, faith in god is the reason for YOUR season; don’t presume it is everyone else’s.
Uh, so what? Not your blog, not your forum. You want one go start one. Or go grief people on SodaHead. You’ll be real comfortable there and find many kindred spirits.
I’m Jewish. Christmas is about pretty lights, presents, food, and finding bargains… same as the majority of milquetoast Christians. I think someone peed in Namma’s Wheaties this morning.
Good for you, Lisa! You are teaching your children the true meaning of Christmas.
Wow – I say good for you! I saw the film from GMA and your kids clearly have gained so much more as people that they will carry with them throughout their lives than they would have by getting yet more material things — not that there i s anything wrong with presents on Christmas — it can be very magical, but the meaning can and does get very lost. Your kids clearly are growing from this experience and from giving back to the rest of the world — what could be more valuable than to build character and generosity?? And I am guessing they will appreciate and value every future Christmas even that much more, as well as be likely to remember the best ways in which to treat eachother going forward. This is a great lesson for kids in weighing in the consequences of your actions, and it builds their critical thinking skills too. So impressive! Thank you for sharing! THIS is what Christmas is about — gratitude and generosity!
Good for you! I completely agree. If their behavior wasn’t up to standard, you had every right to cancel Christmas. Why sing “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’ve been bad or good” if Santa caves every year?
In 2011, I unexpectedly lost my home and my then 4 and 6 year and I had to sleep in our car for a month, and then we finally found a place to stay with a friend for another month. By then it was November. I finally found an apartment I could barely afford in addition to my car payment, but we had a place to live. Because it cost so much, when we moved our belongings in finally I told my kids our apartment was our Christmas present. My kids were happy with that after living as nomads for two months. They still got presents from relatives and did fine.
The best thing about children is their ability to adapt and their optimism. They will be better for this. You are good parents.
Lisa don’t feel in any way that you have to “explain” yourself. What you did is good for your children since they will grow up with less of a sense of entitlement (I want that, gimme!) and more of responsibility and accountability for self (how can I make my life better). I do hope you continue with the lessons that will be of benefit to them once they leave your house and are required to deal with other people.
Last note, please consider creating, or finding, a program or plan to involve them in household expenses and budgeting. I sincerely wish that my parent’s had done this as the schools 35-40 years ago were not. Simple budgeting education will go very far, increasing it to teaching the understanding of the banking and credit system, what works for the consumer and what can lead to bankruptcy will be invaluable. Good luck in all you do and have a very Merry Christmas 🙂
Wonderful. I love how you are showing them the meaning of the season is the joy we can pass on to others based on the amazing gift given to us. Blessings to you and you efforts. Keep it up.
My husband and I did something very similar four years ago. Our issue with our three were much the same, trying to get them to do the smallest chores was a constant battle and the “I want, I need, can I, will you… were out of control. I asked that they please keep their things picked up and orderly so that they could make a Christmas list and would then clean out what they had out grown or no longer wanted as to make room for the new, They did not comply with our request so while they were away at their grandparents I cleaned their rooms. I re-gifted everything I picked up that either still fit or that they still played with. There were presents spilling into the middle of the room. Christmas morning they were so excited and loved what Santa had gotten them(one gift I insisted happen) and then it went down hill, they were not happy campers as they started opening their stuff but we sure got our point across. It ha been a pretty trouble free compromise the last here years.
I think you’re amazing parents! So many parents these days want to be friends or parent out of guilt. The kids grow up to be entitled and spoiled. How do I know this? I’m one of those grown up kids. When I was growing up I got anything (within reason) that I wanted. Toys, then clothing, when I got older, cars. In adulthood, I cant pay rent, “Oh Daddy….” Cant pay car insurance, “Oh Mommy…” They bailed me out of jams again and again and again. In spite of working and making my own money I knew that if I needed new tires or major car repairs I could call Dad.
Now, unfortunately my mother and father passed away 2 weeks within each other a few years ago. Talk about a wakeup call! Aside from missing the 2 people I loved more than anyone, I lost my security blanket.
No one to depend on. If I’m short on rent, theres no one to call. No groceries and 2 weeks till payday? Oatmeal and rice it is.
I’m sorry, i didnt mean to make this about *me* but I wanted to stress that parenting without consequences does not help your child. I’m so sorry that this family is getting criticized, they are teaching their kids a valuable lesson.
Good job! The world needs more moms like you that teach children that there are consequences for their actions and everything is not about them. I don’t feel bad for your children and you are certainly not being a bad parent. They are clothed, well feed, and healthy. They don’t NEED presents. The people who have a problem with what you did are part of the problem of the entitled society we live in. I applaud you! Keep up the good work!
Christmas is not toys, or giving, It is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It is a time for worship.
When our daughters were little, Cabbage Patch Dolls were what all little girls wanted for Christmas. We couldn’t afford them, so after they went to bed, I made three sculptured dolls with matching sleep sacks and diaper bags. Their excited squeals on Christmas morning still ring in my ears, and to this day, those dolls are still loved. They say that if they had received the store dolls, they’d be long gone, but the home made ones will stay with them forever.
Lisa – I just want to apologize for all the negative, harsh comments you have received from your blog post. I completely understand why you did what you did, and I am very excited your boys are becoming more gracious and giving. They are precious and I admire you for taking a stand against entitlement and guiding them to become godly men one day! Love this post!
The world needs more parents like you and your husband!!! Bless you for doing the right thing, and sticking to your guns when the kiddos wouldn’t listen. Too many parents just threaten punishment and never follow through, which just grows their little entitlement attitudes!!
I can’t believe a parent actually followed through on this! I hear moms and dads threaten their kids all the time with “punishments”- i.e., “If you don’t stop whining, Santa won’t come this year, if you don’t finish your dinner, you don’t get dessert, if you don’t stop hitting your brother, no t.v. for you,” and on and on and on with no real consequences in sight. All the kids learn is that mommy and daddy are big pushovers, and there are no actual downsides to misbehaving. All they have to do is push and push and eventually, they’ll get their way.
It is so refreshing to see that not all parents are raising disrespectful brats who don’t understand the words, “no,” “enough,” or “this is what happens when the rules aren’t followed.”
Don’t listen to the haters. They are most likely acting out and calling you names because no one had the foresight to cancel Christmas when they were kids. 🙂 Merry Christmas!
I completely disagree with this parenting move. I’m sure I’m restating a lot of the other comments, but wanted to put my vote in. There are ways to have Christmas and teach lessons. By canceling Christmas and all the hoopla that has created, the children will probably not get the lesson from this that you intended. If you were trying to teach them how to be humble that lesson flew out the door, too. If this had all been done anonymously, maybe they would have learned something. I’m not a regular reader of this blog, so I have no way of knowing if this blogger is just attempting to grab attention, so I won’t make that assumption. The same lesson could have been learned without the heavy handedness.
Just read about this in a UK paper…I fully support you, well done you for trying to teach your children well…keep it up and ignore the spoilt, entitled idiots that love to troll. Bet you have a fantastic christmas.
Sending much blog love 🙂
You carried through with your threat. I applaud you.Good going Lisa!!!
I’m completely with you! Ther are so many people, who forget, what Christmas is about. Ypur idea is so beautiful, that it should be spread around the world 🙂
I feel this is taking things a little to far. How do you think your kids will feel when their friends are running around with new toys and they are asked what they got for Christmas and have to say “nothing.” You say your kids are not upset or mopey or anything but deep down you know this is killing them. Christmas is the one day a year (aside from their birthday) that kids have a right to ask for things and be a little over the top with asking for things and by taking this away from them you are taking away the joy of waking up on Christmas morning and running downstairs to see what Santa has left. You’re taking away the joy of leaving cookies and milk for Santa because you have told your kids “Santa isn’t coming this year.”
Full support and respect your parenting decisions. Well done
You know how when you are a kid in school and the other kids pick on you for something – my mom always told me it was because they wanted what I had. O.O So, Lisa – I just wanted to remind you of that. 🙂 HI5 Awesome job. Could you maybe write a follow up on some of the obstacles you had in implementing this and how you dealt with them both in detail and psychologically speaking? I’m sure it would help all the jealous moms out there
If it’s done with love, it’s not so bad. Why don’t you make it a Spend No Money Christmas, instead?
Good. For. You! I’ve found myself more and more disenchanted with Christmas as of late. It’s a bit sad when you look at how this “season” has turned into nothing more than an over-commercialized excuse to trample others to death over a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll.
In reading a lot of these comments, I can’t help but laugh because the same people are condemning you for canceling Christmas, are typically the first ones to complain about how lax parents have become in teaching their children, respect, responsibility and basic manners.
As a parent, the only advice I ever have for another is “do what YOU need to do.” Your children will not be traumatized. If anything, they will grow more appreciative and understanding that not everyone can afford to splurge on getting tons of Christmas presents for their children. In fact, many can hardly afford to pay their electricity bill and put food on the table.
I hope that you remain positive, despite some of the negative comments you are receiving. You guys are setting a very positive tone for your children. Just know that many of us commend your decision.
I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas!
Theresa
We have a tradition in our house that is targeted at your big idea: To encourage giving rather than getting.
Every year the kids shop for a present for little kids that don’t have as much as they do. They pick out presents for those kids carefully and with care, and lots of questions about who would like that present, who would play with it, and why.
Then on Christmas Eve those presents are left on the fireplace along with the usual milk and cookies and carrots. Santa comes, leaves his gifts for our kids, and takes the presents to pass on to some other kid in the world. You see, Santa has a lot of kids to take care of, and he expects the help of kids who have a lot to help him see to the kids who don’t have much at all. He’s also very good about leaving an official thank you note where he reminds our children of the value of giving, and who he plans to give the presents he picked up to.
It is absolutely hard to keep kids focused on the giving, but we find a lot more value in blending the two together into the spirit of the holiday.
Just wanted to throw it out here: Our 4 children ages 9-2 have never really had “Christmas” if you mean by that word, “Getting tons of loot that costs hundreds of dollars.”
We celebrate Christmas really big: family, tree, decorations, music, singing, cooking, baking- SO many fun traditions! But we usually just buy each kid one present- they get a couple more from grandparents and that’s it. FIY: they’ve NEVER missed the giant pile of plastic junk under the tree . . . .
Way to go, mom! You’re not cancelling Christmas at all.
Congratulations to this fantastic parents that know how to teach their kids about the real value of things, cause today’s kids may know the price of the things and not have a clue about their value….
I too canceled the gift giving for Christmas this year. And my best friend was not nice about it but I am sticking to my guns. Christmas is about Christ and not gift giving.
I really admire your courage and warm hearts! Wish more families could wake up and see the need of others in stead of giving their own children an overload of stuff and clothes they really don´t need. I wish you and your familiy a joyful holiday, surrounded by love and people!
Good. A lot of kids these days act like little shits and are given anything and everything they want. It’s about time a parent finally said no! Good on you.
Good for you! Christmas has been so commercialized and has been about pagan practices and about receiving. Celebrating the true meaning of Christmas and giving to others is what it’s all about. Your children will be mightily blessed by thinking of others and giving of themselves. Both your husband and you should be proud to know that you followed God’s will for your lives. You will be mightily blessed for you obedience. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks:).
I think it is WONDERFUL! I applaud you! You have kept the right parts of Xmas, you have given your children a real gift. THey will learn so much from this- as I am sure they and you have already! You are right on- and forget the naysayers!
I applaud you as parents. I wish more parents would do something to take away the entitlement their children feel. My daughter is four…but she understands what the season is about. She goes through her toys she already has every year the week before Christmas and gives away half or more of what she has. We donate them to other families who couldn’t afford to buy these things. She does the same thing every year at her birthday. She gives away clothes 4 times a year and does so willingly. I started her as soon as she could walk and talk to be giving in the name of Christ instead of taking. She loves Christ and enjoys giving in his name. She asks me to give now instead of me telling her she has to! No she isnt perfect she is 4. She has attitudes and tempertantrums when she doesnt get her way…but as parents we have to ask ourselves do we want to teach our children that they can have whatever they want and get more by acting in a negative manner or do we want them to learn that their behavior good or bad will determine what they get? Just wanted to give you my two cents and let you know what we do as a family!
I think it’s a wonderful idea. I don’t think you cancelled Christmas. I think you just gave it a real meaning of what it’s about. Memories together can never be replaced by material trinkets. Ask some grandparent or senior what they would like most & they’ll tell you – come visit; spend time with me. Your children will grow up with great character & philanthropic goals.
Kudos to you!
So there was more to this than Yahoo suggested…you are a GOOD MOM! Thanks for teaching your boys the gift of giving vs getting. Merry Christmas and God Bless You All!
So happy to see another parent having the same feelings over the ungratefulness that kids have in todays society. Will definitely be incorporating these ideas this Christmas and all the Christmases from now on in our family traditions. I have a five year old and a 16 month old. Granted the 16 month old is happy with just a box but my five year old still wants more and more and doesn’t care that he doesn’t appreciate what he has. Thank you for this and ignore the haters out there!
I truly respect you and your parenting style. So many people are willing to say “no” when it comes to a child’s safety (“mom, can I jump off the top of this ladder”, “dad, can I light one of the fireworks” ect) but they aren’t willing to say no when it comes to bad behavior (“mom, can I have this toy”…even though I just hit my sister 3 times for no reason and have been whirling around the store like a tornado even though I’ve been told several times to stop.) I believe that kids these days would be so much better off if parents learned how to say “NO” more often. Thank you for posting and may God continue to bless you and your family as you share His love with those around you.
Good for you. I am struggling with my 10 yr old boy to get his room clean and I said I am going to cancel Christmas and his birthday (since it comes right after Christmas) if he doesnt clean it. He says its against the law to cancel Christmas and his birthday (which I know its not) but he has so much stuff in that room that he cant possibly fit one more thing in there. I am totally in agreement with how parents parent these days. I feel like I dont want to be judged by others as a horrible parent when we are out and about and he acts up. If I yell at him or pull him along they will report me to the authorities but these people dont know the whole story…I also have to get over myself and know that I am doing what is best for my son. Thanks for sharing your story. Your kids will thank you one day for teaching them this valued lesson of giving to the less fortunate at this very Blessed time of yr. JESUS is the REASON for the SEASON not SANTA.
GOOD FOR YOU. I think what you did was what you and your husband think best for your family and children. This will shape them into good men. Not like you need my opinion, but this was a great idea. One I would like to incorporate somehow once I have a family.
I am a foster to adopt mom of 4 siblings ages 5 to 9 and a bio 17 year old and I applaud what you are doing. I actually took the time to listen to your story and the reasoning behind it and I think its wonderful. This generation of children have had everything given to them I think its time we teach them to give back. We should all take note…….I know my family has! Have a wonderful Christmas and God bless you!!
You are wonderful parents!
I praise you and husband for what I sure was not a decision made in haste! There were many years when my children did not have much from Santa, but as parents we do all we can and still try to raise well-balanced children. In the profession I’m in, I see young people coming right from living with their parents and into the “real” world. I cannot say how many times a day I wonder how these children (yes, children) were raised! Many are disrespectful or just plain out rude. I see more and more many young people thinking that they are entitled to so much more than they really are. I raised my children to treat others as they wish to be treated, open doors for ladies and their elders, say “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am”, and that they were ENTITLED to the wonderful life the our Lord and Savior gave them. They must earn what they want. They saw me struggle as a single parent (with no help from the state, I might add). They knew things came hard. But…they also knew that acting out was the fastest way to receive nothing besides the basics in life. Don’t misunderstand me, my children were clean, healthy, clothed, and had a roof over their head thanks to the decision I made as a young person to serve our country. I hope more parents have to courage to do what you have done. Maybe this world would become a better place!
GOOD FOR YOU! Your children will remember this as a great holiday memory! The “oh yeah this is cool” feeling you get from opening a toy lasts minutes, maybe hours or a few days at most. The feeling you get from doing something good for other people will last a LIFETIME. This is a great way to teach grateful giving and a lesson in humanity. Your children will come to cherish this. Christmas isn’t about getting cheap plastic toys, electronics, and “stuff”. You are a wonderful parent teaching your child a valuable lesson. If only more parents would teach their children how to help those in need and how to give generously. WAY TO GO!
I just read about this on Yahoo news and I say you’re awesome. The fact that your kids are actually learning from the experience is proof that this is a good thing. As parents, we have to make decisions that are the best for our kids, and I definitely think you guys did. Kids are so blinded by the bright spotlight of the commercial Christmas being fed to them by society. Growing up, my siblings and I were happy to have food on the table, nonetheless actual toys or other presents. To see how kids think of the holidays now is something that is hard for me to grasp. Keep up the good work. Your blog is amazing by the way!
I think what you have done this year is WONDERFUL!! I wept as I read your blog and saw the pictures of your boys so eager to give!! More people should do this. It’s about teaching our children that they’re human beings, responsible for what they do. Good or bad. And that giving really warms more than getting things. Most kids today have far to much stuff. I am norwegian, and this autumn there have been discussions on the news related to this. Some Norwegian kindergardens have actually taken away toys from the children, for days or even weeks. Simply put it away for a while to see what happens. And actually, the interaction was better, the children played anyway. They still had paper and pencils, and swings outside, but no dolls, cars or other toys to play with. Very quickly, the children started playing with eachother instead. They pretended that twigs were different items they needed for their play, that pebbles were money or that sticks were swords or horses or almost anything. This encouraged them to use their imagination more, and was over all a big hit that’s spreading.
I’ve done something similar years ago to my son, who’s now 18. He had so many toys, and his room was always a mess. I cleaned out most of the things, and said that he could only get it back if he remembered at all that he had it, or really wanted one special thing. After 5-6 weeks we checked the boxes, and found that lots of had not been missed at all. We packed it and sent it to an orphanage in Lithuania, where they have very little, and surely appreciated it more that my boy. He never missed any of it, and learned the joy of giving in a very good way. I wish you and your family the best christmas ever, and, who knows, maybe all your christmases will be like this:)) <3
I applaud you, this is a fantastic gift you are giving your kids: the gift of giving! This is truly an example to follow and I thank you for sharing!
I applaud you and your husband. You found a great way to teach your children the joy of giving and what Christmas is all about. I wish I had done this years ago when my children were younger. But like most parents, I didn’t think I could go though with it. Your children will be better people because of this. Thanks for sharing–and Merry Christmas!
Good for you guys Lisa! You are absolutely right about following through. Had my sister followed through with ANY of her threats while her daughter was young, she wouldn’t have turned out as the hellion she is today – always taking, disrespecting, and testing. All these people lashing out at you for what you are doing were probably spoiled brats when they were kids, and so they just can’t understand your actions. Last time I checked, parenting is still a very personal and individual thing, and not a ‘social media village’ thing. I wish there were more parents out there like you! Keep up the good work.
I noticed that nearly every other recent post on this blog is related to that “elf on the shelf”…. Maybe that’s why the kids were feeling both entitled and anxious about Christmas. I mean, maybe it would have been easier to have a laid back christmas if you were not spending 6 weeks creating elaborate, daily dioramas with that slightly creepy elf who may or may not be spying on the kids. maybe next year, keep Christmas; toss the elf…
Bravo to you and your husband. As a grandmother of three, I can truly understand what you are
doing,. My grandchildren have every electronic toy, designer clothing and jewelry and still ask for
more at Christmas. Teaching children to focus on others who have little or nothing is the greatest
gift you can give them. As you mentioned, they will get gifts from other family members and will probably appreciate them more. What a beautiful Christmas your family is going to have, embracing the true meaning of “Christ” in Christmas.
Kids need more mean parents. Don’t be your child’s friend, be your child’s guide.
I just want to say I think you a great mom and I love that there are still families who believe Christmas, in material form, is a privilege and not a right. You are a great mom and your kids are great, they just went through a bumpy patch. I was a difficult kid, it doesn’t mean we are bad, we just need some hard lessons. Have a Merry Christmas with memories that will last a lifetime 🙂
I have never joined a discussion until now…
As long as the child is well cared for and loved, the other decisions-discipline, etc-within that family are unique. Why do we have such a tendency to blast our “mommy peers”?
The negativity and lack of unity is appalling.
Bravo Lisa for teaching your children empathy!!! It will serve them well.
I think this is a wonderful way to get the kids to understand that they have so much more than so many others. I see NOTHING wrong with what you’ve decided to do. I see so many children feeling entitled, my own included sometimes. And yes, we have cancelled activities and outings, and even special occasions due to that kind of behavior. You are not alone in what you’ve decided to teach your children. I feel more parents should take advantage of the lessons available to them. I wish you and your family a magical holiday!
Well said in your update. A good many have taken the true meaning of Christmas and turned it around into a material purpose (me included to a degree). I can’t say ignore the ignorant post, learn from other peoples views and make sure you family doesn’t stoop to their levels. You and your family have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
If you had done this to teach your children what you believe to be the true meaning of christmas, I’d say kudos to you. But that’s not why you did it. You did it as a punishment. Which is fine, that’s your right as a parent. However, what are you going to do in January to get your children to act right? What are you going to threaten them with next time? Will you start on Dec. 26th threatening that if they don’t behave Santa won’t come? You’ve just told us how great their christmas is without him. How effective do you think that’s going to be next time?
Raise your kids your way but stop acting like you made some life changing decision for the good of your children that is going to teach them some major life lesson. You’ve finally decided to hold them accountable for their actions, that won’t negate the rest of their lives where you quite obviously haven’t.
Good for you! This is pretty amazing. Why anyone would say otherwise is sad. First of all they are your children you can and should do as you wish! Second of all your kids will get way more out of this than they would gifts so kudos to you! This is fantastic! – – Jeanine @ sixtimemommy.com
YEAH MOM & DAD!!! You are right on the reality that so many parents threaten to cancel Christmas and then don’t follow through… Which is the real crime. How will your kids learn to trust if you say things you don’t really mean. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. We got realistic with gifts when each of our kids turned 10. For birthdays and Christmas they have a $ amount. They can ask for so much. It is amazing how frugal they have become. And they have plenty of money earning opportunities around the house so when they “need” something in a store and I “must” buy it, I give them the choice to pull the money from their funds (because let’s face it I don’t need it, and I don’t think they do), BUT if they feel it is that important they will put the money down… Amazingly they often don’t really need that item and choose not to get it. Our stories of “we didn’t get this or that back when we were kids” only go so far. These are life lessons and expectations. Years ago parents would make you eat everything on your plate and tell you kids were starving and would be grateful for your food… Now our family volunteers at a homeless shelter several times a year and I don’t have to tell them… they know.
I applaud you as parents (who should set the example of value to be instilled in your children) for taking the stand that so many criticize and let bad behavior become the ‘norm’ in today’s world. It’s hard work to be a parent and lead by example and many are not willing to go this extra mile for their children because they may be considered a scrooge, Grinch, etal,; then they wonder WHY their children turn into bullys, as well as other unsavory characters — because they refuse to exert parenting values for generations to come. We are a ‘self-centered me’ society and it’s about time we hear something positive in creating the adults of tomorrow – by your actions, your children are already staring the path to giving and isn’t that what Christmas, Haukkah, and other Holiday celebrations are about?! Good Luck, stand up and be proud and your children will also set the example.
Good job Mom & Dad! Too many children are raised without the respect and consideration for others that you are trying to instill in your kids. I applaud your parenting!
Excellent way of teaching gratitude. Kudos to you Mom!!!
These are your kids and your decision. Don’t ever worry what others will say.
Ain’t going to lie, I saw this on Morning Express on HNL. I thought to myself, “why didn’t I think of this..” I’ve told my kids the exact same thing, except I didn’t make it a blog post. hah! I think this is awesome, for the same reasons you lists, I told my kids, I wasn’t getting them anything due to the fact they’re disrespectful of what they already have. *HIGH FIVE*
This is a Christmas your children will always remember. Not because of the things the didn’t get, but because of what they did get. I always tell my children that stuff is just stuff, you will move on and give it away or it will break, but real experiences will last the rest of your lives. I think that this is awesome, and your kids are going to remember this forever, they might even ask you to do it again next year.
I’m all about giving children the gift of being grateful. However, if you have three kids and they all have the same issue, perhaps it is time to look inside to see what went wrong along the way. Better though to start now than never…and please make sure you do this while making them feel worthwhile and loved.
Wonderful article. I feel a lot of people have lost the true meaning behind Christmas; fighting over parking spaces, retail stores opening up on Thanksgiving Day rather than let employees enjoy their families and waiting in line for hours just to save a few bucks on a TV. Sad….very sad. I hope this lesson carries on with your kids for years to come…well written and I am a new follower to your blog.
I truly applaud your courage for doing the right thing. Over the years I would see the same characteristics with my girls and be appalled by how the spirit of Christmas would become assaulted by greed and selfishness. My children who are and kind and good natured girls outside the home, could be monsters within. The commercialism would grab hold of them and they would loose there minds.
My personal dilemma was combating Santa. After all, if I were to hold back, would my children feel unworthy and have their self-esteems shattered. So, I continued to lie to them about the truth of the matter, not to shatter their childhood.
A Jewish woman once told me, what a disservice Christians do their children about lying to them about one of the most important holiday’s we have. We distract them with Myth instead of instructing with truth. She was so right.
This year my youngest is aware of the Santa myth and we are having the best Christmas Advent ever. I am not hearing about the things my children want, but what they can give. Since they all know the truth, they really don’t want much, because they already know they have it. It is truly an Advent season.
Thank you for sharing your story. Taking a stand for values is important as a parent. Really good to hear that you were able to explain to your children your decisions and that they agreed to follow you on it and learn from it. Taking things for granted is no good, being entitled is worst (child or an adult…) GOOD JOB!
Lady, you are awesome. In my opinion, the sense of entitlement people have is the basis for a lot of the problems in our world/country. You are my hero!!!
You didn’t cancel Christmas. Actually you are showing them the true meaning of Christmas by giving instead of receiving! I would be willing to bet that this ends up being one of their most memorable holidays. God bless.
You should teach parenting. You are an awesome mother.
I say this is great mothering and fathering! 🙂 whoever has been saying that’s bad not giving children a Christmas bcuz of there behaviour is completely wrong. That’s how you create a very spoiled child. I will have to try this when my daughter gets older.
I think you are being great parents. What you teach your children this Christmas will last them a lifetime. Thumbs up to you I think I´ll follow your example 🙂
Kids who are Jehovah’s Witnesses survive. Good or ‘bad’ I think Jesus, would be personally shocked at the commercialism of the holiday in HIS honor (not to mention the REAL St. Nick). You all realize that filling up a tree underneath with STUFF has only been around since the 20th century. We can live without it. It used to be about FOOD, FAMILY, FRIENDS & FUN.
You are doing the right thing here and it seems like your children appreciates the initiative. There’s a lot of us who should do the same, give without expecting anything back. That’s a great gift to learn! Keep the good spirits up and keep doing what you’re doing it’s encouraging!
‘Where do they get that entitlement?’ Watch kids’ TV! They talk amongst themselves, compare. In the 80s we learned ‘name brand = status. So, not any old truck will work, it’s got to be that Hess truck with 2 planes! I think it’s wonderful that this mom is teaching REALISM. I don’t know about YOU guys, but I can’t afford all this STUFF. The first family may exchange gifts, but they also dish out meals at the charity mission. Which do you suppose is more REWARDING… INSIDE? Kids may make fun, they may not. I think what this mother is doing is noble… whether or not the kids misbehaved.
Every year Santa gives our family a new game. It is always one we can enjoy together. We also like interactive gifts like Lego’s that can be played with together. We look forward to playing our new game Christmas day and throughout the year. It is a gift that keeps our family tight and our kids learn many important lessons by playing them.
Hello Lisa! I think what you did was just right. You and your husband did the right thing for your boys. I applaud you wholeheartedly. Your kids would have become exactly as you imagine had you not put your foot down. I went to school for wilderness studies. Afterwards, I worked in the woods with American kids from middle and wealthy families. Some times we got kids from wealthy families from other countries. The kids were sent to the wilderness programs because their parent were fed up. They never did what you had the courage to do. Be the parent! As a person who has worked with American children from affluent families who do not have the tools to navigate life or make good decisions, I commend you. The first thing that parents need to know is that kids are not your friends. They have their own friends. They are your children and they are looking to you for a moral compass and life skills. Most of the kids that I worked with were given any and every material object their little hearts desired. If they didn’t get it then they would throw tantrums and act out. Their hardworking parents thought that endless gifting was the way to keep them happy and to buy their love. They never got what they really were asking for. Children just want positive attention, their needs fulfilled (not wants), tools to deal with uncomfortable emotions, communication skills, boundaries and emotional connection with their caregivers all of which adds up to love. Material stuff doesn’t matter unless you make it matter. When the parents of the children that I worked with were fed up with their rude and entitled little darling turned out of control preteens and teenagers, they took everything from them and sent them to wilderness program where I was waiting. My job as a wilderness instructor at a therapeutic program was to identify patterns and to break entitlement. I taught them life skills, responsibility, communication skills and how to survive in the wilderness without their creature comforts. I taught them everything their parents and other adults never had the courage to teach them. It wasn’t a fun job all the time. If they chose to make bad decisions in the woods well that part just worked itself out. Lets just say that nature is not so forgiving. That is why nature is so transformative. There aren’t any negative distractions. There is no escape to electronics or closed doors or other people. The kids had to sit with their fears, thoughts and yucky feelings. I loved those kids because they weren’t bad. They were all just enabled to make bad decisions for too long and they were emotional confused. It was horrifying for them at first to find themselves in such a strange environment, sitting alone with their thoughts and bad decision. It was amazing for me to watch their transformation from totally entitled, rude and at times verbally and physically abusive brats. I worked with children ages 9-18. Trust me, you did the scariest thing and the most necessary thing that most parents don’t do. You drew clear Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You held them accountable and then you processed your decision with them. They hated it which of course is natural but then they came to understand. Don’t worry about the backlash. Those who criticize your decisions will be sending their teenagers to the woods while your family goes on a pleasant vacation to Paris or something. I therapist at the wilderness program told me once that people don’t change unless they are willing to sit in the fire. Sitting in the fire is painful. Pain is what makes you grow. Look how much they have grown from the experience of not have material goods on Christmas. and honestly when you think about it, most of the world outside of America people don’t go shopping for gift to give. They spend that time giving to others and gathering around a table with loved ones. Cheers! and remember “There is no such thing as a perfect parent”
As a rule I think that mommy blogs are ridiculous but man, the ire that this woman has received for the audacity of “Cancelling Christmas” is beyond any reason.
Santa will not visit this family’s home this year to drop off gifts. Mom and Dad will not be buying gifts for their kids this year. Full stop. That’s all folks. It’s only controversial if you are stuck on the notion that receiving material goods for Christmas is the one and only reason to celebrate. And if that’s the case, what a shame.
you’re not really cancelling christmas, you are cancelling the secularization of christmas
My kids misbehaved once too (or a million times I can’t remember)… What I do remember is looking at the lady whose shopping cart they accidentally (and lightly) hit with a roll of Christmas paper. My kids stopped sword-fighting and quickly were embarrassed and said sorry to her. She had a face on her like “are you gonna get mad!”, I smiled at her, and said, to her “I apologize for that, I have healthy kids.” I looked at them and said, “thank you for saying sorry.” She changed her look and said, “yeah, you’re right, most parents would have gotten mad” We all walked away happy and no one was hurt.
Point being… boys will be boys. It’s how we teach them to respect and have manners that’s important. Their behaviors, so long as they’re not hurting themselves, or others, or breaking rules, will pass and we do not need to give it so much attention because then they will give that more importance too. Instead, praise your children when they do good things. I live much more stress free (at home and outside of it), get complimented often, and feel happy to be a mom, not frustrated.
It’s never too late, but you need to start change with yourself before you can change them.
Why were you letting your kids play “sword fight” in a store? That’s for the back yard…the playroom…the basement.
I understand your point and I agree. Notice I said ‘misbehaved’.
I know it’s inappropriate behavior that should not be done inside a store. We happen to be walking down the Christmas role aisle and they grabbed them, played for like 3 seconds, and then one swung away. It happened quickly. It was an accident and there was no need to get mad and escalate things, because then, my point again, we’d be
giving too much importance to the negative behaviors.
Ah! I understand and point taken. 🙂
This may have been stated elsewhere, but how is giving away things you don’t even want (stale Hallowe’en candy and old clothes) teaching children anything? I could give away a fondue set that I received as a wedding gift 25 years ago and never even opened…and it wouldn’t hurt a bit or teach me anything about excess or charity.
i don’t have kids and never will .. too old ( me 61, my husband 44 ).. but i absolutely loved reading this like getting some air during these trobling times. a few years ago when we were building our own tradition, we struggled with gift getting and giving and decided the expense didn’t make sense, we didn’t enjoy shopping. we ended up discovering that we enjoyed the gift giving between us sucked dapned the holiday to the point it was turning into dread and stop giving each other gifts. instead we host an open house on a late sunday afternoon a week before the holiday. we live in a small apartment and can’t fit more than ten or so, but we just have folks stop by, enjoy a nosh, help decorate the tree and just fellowship. guests can stay as long or as little as they like, or not show up at all. we ask that no one bring gifts, but are free to bring a beverage or a bite. or not. they can bring a friend, special someone, or come alone. i cook a little , but not a lot. a pot of black eye peas, a pot of rice, but we splurge and gp to chinatown and get some roast ducks.. or maybe a meat and relish plate. we spend an evening doing this sometimes threatening to make it an all nighter. we discourage guests from turning it into a party. we don’t want a party and we don’t to want feel as if we’re ‘entertaining’ we invite the neighbors hoping to gain their tolerance if the mirth can be heard through the wall, or if singing or dancing breaks out. but when w’re tired, we gently say so to whatever guests are still present and they’ve always politely wish us a great holiday and leave.and they always do as gently as we suggest it. in short it feels perfect for us, both celebratory and meaningful. and fun. after it’s over we relive the the evening for a few days sometimes a week after the gift we give ourselves every christmas for over a decade now. and our favorite part of the holiday season.
The whole notion of “cancelling Christmas” is ludicrous. Its impossible to cancel a Holy Day. You, as parents, can cancel gift giving, but that is a completely different issue. Christmas, contrary to popular belief, propelled and perpetuated by mass consumerism, is NOT about Gift Giving. Period. It is about a much greater and eternal gift to humanity, the birth of the Christ child. So your whole platform and perspective is skewed. You cannot cancel the recognition that billions of Christians honor each year in recognizing the birth of their Savior. Cancelling Christmas to you and your husband is withholding gifts. And with all due respect, if your children are acting up so objectionably at the ages of 11, 8, and 5, instead of blaming and punishing them, sounds like two other people need to take a good look in the mirror. Maybe Santa needs to leave coal in your stockings this year. And if you are practicing Christians, children should NEVER be punished – in any relational way to church or holy days. It is not your right. What is done here may look upon the surface as a parents’ right – for “bad behavior”, but spiritually and ethically, you have sent a very unholy message.
Totally agree with you, and applaud you for parenting right (not perfect, because there’s no such thing!). I’m an imperfect parent too (of 3). But I don’t write about them online.
Regardless of canceling Christmas…
Posting their pictures online for everyone in the world to see, posting their every disrespectful, ungrateful, entitled move and not understanding the damage that she is causing is appalling. Just because her kids are not allowed online, doesn’t mean their friends or neighbors won’t be online. This mom doesn’t get it.
Hopefully she does when her grown kids Cancel Mother’s Day.
Heh, you’re right, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. I applaud my kid’s desire not to repeat a mistake I’ve made as much as I applaud them for following a good thing I’ve taught. We learn two things from our parents, right? What to pass on, and what not to become. My mother fought a propensity for uncontrollable rage, and when she would fail at it, I learned ways to succeed where she had failed. I always tell my sons that I fail at my job as a mom if they don’t grow up to be BETTER than me.
JessieA, your post made me smile. I doubt Fox would have done an interview with kids who chose to cancel Mother’s Day. I’m curious as to how Lisa’s kids celebrated it. They looked awesome on the interview. My eldest brought me a dandelion when he was 6. He didn’t know that dandelions are my favorite flowers. He just knew that our neighbor was angry that they “invaded” her lawn and wanted to “save” one from getting “killed”. I kept it in its dixie cup by the sink until it rotted and smelled bad. heh.
The Christmas that stands out the most for me is the year we were moving – on 12/23 and the movers wouldn’t arrive at the new place until a week later. We took a mini-tree and a couple of small presents on the road, some Christmas goodies, and music and of course the Bible for the trip. Then the baby got sick and in the next few days everyone got stomach flu for the holiday. Yet it was such a good memory! Simplicity. A few days spent in a nice motel with the gifts, no chores, kids in the pool, and lots of family time.
That’s what it’s about… Family time.
Even if we’re with family, when we start loading kids with ‘things’, going to the store for ‘things’, going to busy restaurants to eat ‘things’, being busy with ‘things’, we lose the family time. The best family memories don’t involve ‘things’ they involve feelings.
I find this idea brilliant. You’re an amazing mother and what they learn this year is far more important than few more presents!
It looks like the majority of commenters here are parents/grandparents of kids at all stages of life. It’s hard For me to get the reason behind all the mom bashing here. All of us with kids KNOW how hard this is, we all made our fair share of mistakes along the way…some fixable some not so much. We all regret things we did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say, sometimes I know I made the wrong parenting choice quickly and fix it quickly, other times I didn’t see it until some time down the road and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Any parent reading this who says “not me” is just lying. So if we know this, why can’t we just support each other on this journey.
I’m literally Appealing to the moms out there from all stages of mommy-hood…COME ON! you know what this is like so why is it so hard to offer support instead of mom on mom bullying? They don’t ever say it, but you all KNOW WHEN YOUR kid falls short of expectations of any kind…you blame yourself. These parents probably do as well, like most of us would. So is all the “it’s your fault they like that!” Really necessary? I swear Moms against moms can be a straight up, vicious, finger pointing, judgmental group of stuck up snobs. I hate seeing women attacking each other instead of supporting each other…this job of perfect parenting is hard enough as it is, and we all have been there. Show some compassion already! I don’t think the mom is laughing on the pile of dollars she saved keeping gifts from her kids. I’m sure it was hard for her to follow through with, even harder sharing it publicly and worst yet having other mothers who SHOULD BE ABLE TO SYMPATHIZE attacking her and telling her she’s been doing everything wrong for the past 10 yrs. something I seriously doubt! It’s no wonder humanity has lost their humanity…there is so little compassion or ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their struggles.
absolutely awesome!!!!! great job! i did the same to my 8 yr old daughter last xmas. i did let her celebrate but no presents
Bravo! You are teaching an amazing lesson to your children. You seem to have an fabulous mindset as well. You are NOT punishing your children, you are showing them the joy of giving and sharing. This will be their best Christmas ever. I applaud you!!
I don’t know your family so I feel a bit hesitant to comment, but here goes. I absolutely 100% applaud you for deciding to make Christmas about giving to others in more need than yourself. However, I feel unsettled by the fact that your blog post suggests that canceling your own family’s Christmas in order to give to others is associated with punishing your own kids. I don’t want your kids to grow up and associate punishment with giving to others in need. Giving to others is the greatest joy in the world. I’m glad your kids are responding positively.
I think this is an awesome idea! Not only will your kids learn that material things are not what Christmas is about, but also that you as parents are the leaders in the home, not kids.
I truly hope you see this In the swarm of comments you are getting, mostly because I want to say I suppsort you and think you are doing a great job. You may be avoiding The comments to avoid the haters and nasties, but if you see this…good job mom and dad. For seeing what your kids needed, and being brave enough to give it to them! I’m appalled and embarrassed at some of these comments I’m reading. I feel the need to apologize for them, but I won’t because they’ll never change or get what was wrong with their words.
To those who said you are embarrassing and traumatizing your boys…that must be laughable, (right after you fight the urge to rip into a bunch of know it alls acting as if they are more worried And concerned for your kids then you are) those comments are especially annoying! Your kids will probably laugh about this as adults and it’ll be a fun family story! dont let the haters get you down, they just fuss louder than the rest of us.
Actually I didn’t reference any of those thing because you didn’t agree with my opinion. Opinions are not quite the same as calling her a terrible mother or whatever other terms have been used on this site. If only adults could respectfully state a differing opinion…however if you go through the comments, there’s a lot more going on than just an opinion. People are getting personal towards her and using uncomplementary names and references.
And it’s to those comments Ams their authors that I’m referring too.
Funny thing about opinions, Sometimes in this country there is purposeful confusion between stating an opinion and free speech vs the vitriol that someone typically sees throughout these blog comments. As if the term “opinion” is a full access pass to insult, demean, criticize and ridicule another human being…oh but it’s just my opinion so I’m allowed to say what I want without regard or consideration or respect for another person.
We did something similar last year and now a lot of what we did has become tradition! Stick to it and it will do more good Christmases to come than you think! Read about our ‘cancelled’ Christmas here
http://theoregonducks.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-my-kids-gave-up-their-christmas.html?m=1
Hi Lisa! This summer I drew the line in the sand after months of back chat, sass, defiance from my older son, aged 10. Taking away screen time/sleepovers/treats etc wasn’t working – he had enough other stuff that he simply redirected his attention to something else . After a final warning I decided to implement a “mommy boot camp”. While he was at school I emptied his room of every single toy, game, device he owns. Everything went in packing boxes in the locked garage or in padlocked cupboards in our breakfast room. That was a very visible & effective reminder. The only things I let him have were his night time lovey and books. I was exhausted when I picked him up after hours packing & carrying boxes down from his room. I took him to a cafe for snacks to explain what to expect at home. Once back at our house he ran upstairs to check I wasn’t kidding and was just stunned. First question – how do I get them back? Each day of good respectful behavior, he got to bring back a toy. Electronic devices would be reinstated only for our European flights several weeks away – if his behavior had earned them.He chose carefully – for versatility & long term interest. First day – chess set. Then a box of lego. Thinking hard about what mattered most to him made him appreciate it. A day of bad behavior = no toy. A second day = a toy goes back to “toy jail”. Friends thought I was crazy doing this at the very start of summer break. Then they were intrigued and wanted the playbook. Mommy boot camp was the best thing I ever did for both boys. They visited the library 3 times a week. Swam every day. Walked the dog. Played outside with each other. He could have playdates at our house only, but I explained that there would be very few toys available. Didn’t seem to stop the fun. Long story short – much nicer kid. I’ve always followed through on consequences, but now he knows just how far I’m prepared to go. More family time, outside time, talking time. Everyone warned me that I would be worn out by Fall – not true. It is actually more tiring arguing with a defiant sassy kid all day. I understand why you made your choice. I have never regretted mine.
Please consider this a typed standing ovation.
I think that Lisa and her husband are doing a wonderful job. Christmas is the season of giving. Giving love, help, food, clothes or just a few minutes of your time. I wish everyone would remember what its really all about. And for those of you who sent rude and hateful messages. Shame on you.
I rarely comment on articles, blogs, etc, but this is the best thing I have read in a long time! Such a fantastic idea! Our 3 children are certainly guilty of run-of-the-mill bad behavior, but nothing that has really warranted “canceling” Christmas. But even so, I have been trying to come up with ways to tone down their gift-receiving and make it more about others. I just wasn’t sure how it would go over. Your post made me realize it’s more about my own issues with wanting to give them those gifts and it would probably be more difficult for me than them. Thanks for opening my eyes and giving me the push I need to try this idea!
your post makes me so happy! i’m doing the same things with my kids this year. Last year broke my heart, my kids would open a gift, not even look at it and ask for the next. They were so greedy and rude. So this year I have told them that instead of santa giving them gifts, they would be playing santa and giving gifts to other kids who were in need. so far so good! they have been really excited to donate and purchase things for others. our motto this year is caring and sharing, not greedy and receiving
ABSOLUTELY!!!
I think most parents would also agree that when the child misbehaves–You deal with the poor behavior at that time. If your child isn’t behaving after that, you don’t do things that aren’t effective over & over then do something drastic at Christmas.
I think you are teaching your children a very good lesson! This will help teach them to be appreciative, to get along with their siblings as well with other children and realize that their behavior good or bad has consequences. It will also give them a life long valuable lesson. That they are blessed with loving parent ,,siblings , roof over there head , food and clothing and that some children do not have these. If only more parents would step and set rules and guidelines and beside each one have a punishment or a reward for each behavior and stick to it we wouldn’t have half of the problems we do now with children. I give you a BIG applauses for standing up and sticking to your beliefs. An just shrug up all the negative nelly’s. God Bless your family and Merry Christmas!
Poor parenting is also the cause of bitter, self righteous, and arrogant behavior. Your parents failed you.
If you were intelligent enough to read and understand what I posted, you wouldn’t make a ridiculous reply. LOL
I’m not going to bring my intelligence DOWN to your level. It’s a crime to humanity and a dis-service to a better world.
“what’s presents got to do with…”
Please tell me more about your intelligence. Wowww~
Obviously some of you are proponents of the “commercialized” version of Christmas. I say bravo to this mom for teaching her children the true meaning of what this season is supposed to be about. “Things” are not important in the long run- toys get broken or tossed aside – the memories these boys have will last a lifetime- the true gift of this season is giving- not receiving. Seems to me many of you have forgotten that fact. Presents don’t matter- people do.
I know right?!?! They shouldn’t do ANYTHING. People like you act as if children are only influenced just by parents and parents alone. And folks like you mirror all those people in the world who seems to believe are deserve everything just because they are there. Perhaps the one who should be doing some evaluating is you. From the looks of it, these parents are loving and caring. They want their children to see beyond the materialistic things in life… presents are just that… Apparently you failed to learn that growing up.
What an utterly ridiculous comment. No one said they shouldn’t do anything, but you can undo years worth of behavior in a couple of months and you don’t punish children for your failures to teach them properly in the first place. Parents are the main influence in a child’s life and are the ones who are responsible for teaching their children their manners and their morals. The basis of all that they are comes from their home. Had this woman said they wanted to teach their children to see beyond the materialistic, that would be one thing but what she said is that they are canceling Christmas due to the children’s behavior. BIG difference. One is a life lesson, the other is a punishment. I am a parent and my sons were taught their entire lives to respect and appreciate and they are now wonderful, productive men. My oldest son is a single parent and I have helped him to raise my three grandsons since they were very young. Rarely do we go anywhere that perfect strangers don’t stop to compliment us on how well behaved and respectful the boys are so I think that is a pretty good evaluation right there.
While I do not doubt your kids are great (I am not being sarcastic – really, but taking your word)… but your way of parenting will not work for every child. There isn’t a perfect method of parenthood. And judging by the pictures and the smiles these boys glow with… they are loved and well nurtured. I am positive these boys will grow up to be fine gentlemen. Life lessons and punishments goes hand in hand… You learn from failures… Have your sons not ever done a wrong? Ever? If you say no, you are a liar. There is no such thing as a “proper first place.”
In scrolling through people’s comments I’m noticing a pattern in your responses… they are all rude. Your constant attempts to insult people says far more about you than it ever will about the topic at hand. Perhaps you might want to work on that before worrying about what others have to say. It is really rather sad.
With that said, maybe you should take your own advice. Yes, I will call you out if I think you are a disagreeable human being… like you are calling out these people for being “horrible” parents or parents with “bad parenting skills.” It’s a two way street. You can’t just say rude things to others and not expect the same.
If Christmas is about Christ and his birth… what’s presents got to do with Christ and his birth? The birth of Christ has nothing to do with parents required to give gifts. You should just be thankful to your parent because they gave life to you, much like you should be thankful to God because he is your creator and he sent his one and only son to save man kind. That is the true meaning of Christmas…. it is NOT about presents. YOU are the one who needs to grow up… as you are part of the ever growing problem in this world where people seem to think they are entitled to something just because they exist…
Please re read my post. I am AGREEING–It’s about His birth–NOT presents. SMH~
While it’s not ABOUT PRESENTS–It absolutely is NOT about PUNISHMENT.
Yes, I read your post. But at the core you are saying the kids deserve presents, even for their ill behavior… because Christmas is about Christ? It not taken that way then you are saying the kids deserve the presents anyway, because the parent’s failed at parenting. How does that even make sense? Do murderers and rapist get to go free because their parents forgot to teach them that both is wrong? Do bullies and tormentors deserve no retribution because parents and the adults in their lives failed them. No. It is never too late to correct behavior nor punish bad behavior. The punishment isn’t done in association for Christmas… it’s done so the kids correlate good deeds/rewards for good behavior. As Christmas was never about presents, so what if the kids get no present for one year.
I never even used or implied the word “presents”. You are. I am saying–again–Christmas shouldn’t be associated with PUNISHMENT. Is punishment implied by the parents? YES. I don’t care what they do or how they celebrate–They are saying they are PUNISHING their children.
Then what are these parents doing wrong? The punishment in this case is not receiving presents for Christmas… but you said Christmas is not about presents or receiving gifts (to which I agree)… then by your context: what are these parents doing wrong? Nothing then. They are merely taking away some expectations of their kids… their usage of “punishment,” then is just merely semantics.
It sounds like you work really hard–that’s awesome! And it sounds like your father left a great legacy.
Every kid is a little different, even in the same family, and every household is a little different, so I love when people take the time to share what does and doesn’t work for them. Parenting is *so hard*, and it’s compounded by constantly wondering if we’re doing the right thing. We are our own hardest judges.
Let’s not make it even harder by tearing one another down. If there was one perfect parenting method that everyone should follow identically we’d all have perfect kids. 😉 Everyone’s doing the best they can. I appreciate these parents and all the ones like them who take the time to share their ups and downs with the rest of us so we can sympathize, laugh, and maybe pick up some tips along the way.
Lisa and Hubby, KUDOS to you both!!! We did the same thing 3 years ago. After one of my children was disappointed with the contents of her Easter basket I felt we were doing our kids (9, 6 and 4) a great dis-service by showing them these Christian holidays were about the gifts not the true meaning of the day we celebrate. So my husband and I took away Christmas, telling them they had been ungrateful and entitled. We prayed long and hard about how to make this a positive experience instead of the worst Christmas EVER!! We found a local children’s charity called Sunshine Acres and called to inquire how we could help. In order to make this personal for my kids, we went on a tour of the facility. It really set in when my kids realized that even though these children had a nice place to live, they did not have their family or parents to tuck them in at night, and siblings often had to be separated. My kids fell apart and wanted to help, even if that meant giving up their Christmas. We wrote Santa a letter asking that he bring all the gifts he would have brought them, to Sunshine Acres. My children each had only 1 present under the tree that year, and it truly was the best Christmas EVER: no expectations, just the pure joy of knowing they were a part of bringing joy to others. I am so thankful for that experience! It has touched many over the years, and it changed us forever!! So to you all, I say WAY TO GO!!! More should realize these are amazing, selfless, life lessons, not just a cruel way to torture our children. (P.S., My kids encouraged me to write this:-)
Just saw your spot on Good Morning America, Lisa. (Congrats!) I was shocked when I saw that you have been called a “lazy parent.” I think you are quite the opposite. A lazy parent would let their kids get away with everything and not follow through on consequences. It’s the active parent that has the courage to do something that is hard, but is the best thing for their kids. I have a feeling this will be one of your family’s best Christmases ever! Good job having the courage to make such a hard decision for your family.
Lisa & John, Way to go! I whole hardly agree with what you are doing. I don’t think you are being mean or bad parents at all. You are teaching your children and that is what you are suppose to be doing. It’s refreshing to see this instead of the norm of children running around undisciplined and unparented.
Lisa, you have quite possibly stopped reading the comments, so this may not reach you. I just wanted to offer some encouraging words. I admire you and pray that your family has a wonderful Christmas. Even though you have received some negative criticism, in the end, the naysayers will stop visiting your blog. You will, however, gain some new, loyal readership. 🙂 I look forward to following your posts…
You are awesome. Great parents. You are actually bringing back the true meaning of Christmas.
There was a comment that was said that I fully agree with. Just because these kids are happy/cooperating with you now doesn’t mean they will the entire month. I applaud what you’re trying to do but your kids are still too young to understand the full meaning. Come Christmas day, they might be expecting to receive presents for their good work. I feel like you should at least get them something. They’ll be more appreciative of it.
You are doing the right thing, I applaud you for not caving to public pressures. Are your kids being more respectful to you?
The main way I kept Christmas sane in our family was by limiting the amount of gifts my daughter got. She got one Santa gift (which was usually a large gift or consisted of many related things) she got a special gift from Mommy and a special gift from Daddy and then one from both of us together (at least until the divorce). She always helped me pick out gifts for a child from the Angel tree (until we ourselves became a family that needed help). She always appreciated the gifts she got and was never overwhelmed by too much. She is now a 23 yr old who is very kind and giving and unlike many others her age has never felt entitled.
Thanks so much for posting this story! I agree with the principles behind what you have chosen and it’s wonderful to see the positive results from what you are doing.
Bravo to you. I have wonderful children ages 22,19, 16 and 13. There were many, many times that I tried to please them instead of teach them. I am a loving yet imperfect parent. You will never be sorry for “canceling Christmas.” In my mind you have just redefined Christmas for your kids, and I will bet that no Christmas will ever be as good as this one, and they will certainly not forget how this was the Christmas they received more by giving! Kudos to you all…
About 35 yrs ago when my 3 sons were bad, I didn’t cancel Christmas..I gave them 1 gift each..As u know kids want games, etc…Well,
I gave them each a bathrobe..Well u know they weren’t happy but they finally realized they needed to straighten up.
I love your idea – thank you for sharing! It reminds me of my favorite Christmas book titled “Gathering Christmas.” We are planning to do something similar this year! Thank you for your example of keeping Christ and service the center of Christmas.
I think what you are doing is a wonderful thing. Maybe because I grew up knowing that Christmas wasn’t about the presents but was about the birth of Christ ( I am no longer a practicing Catholic) and being with family. I think all parents should read this and realize that this generation is handed everything in life and it is damaging them more than helping them. You have taught your children such an amazing thing. The true meaning of Christmas.
I think you are doing a wonderful job of Parenting…to many children today as you say are becoming entitled to everything you give them. They have to realize they are lucky to have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their stomach that most kids do not have the privilege of having. I pray they never have to go to bed without food and feel the hunger growling in their stomachs and there is nothing in the fridge for them to eat. We have children in the Tennessee in the hills starving with very little food, clothes, shoes…and a roof over their heads that probably leaks. I am sure this will one day be the Christmas they will talk about most. Truthfully it probably will become their fondest memory…GOD bless you all and Merry Christmas…
I support you decision on cancelling Christmas! Might I also having the kids help with feeding the hungry, giving out gifts at a children’s hospital or something else charity oriented. This really opened my kids eyes to how lucky they were and have made them into very thoughtful giving adults.
The only unfortunate part of this piece is the title. You are really not cancelling Christmas for your children, Lisa. What you are doing is teaching them what Christmas is really about. I wish there were more parents like you.
Ignore the haters and keep doing what is in your heart. 🙂
You made a great decision in taking away Christmas. As a high school teacher, I see too many ungrateful children getting whatever they want from the parents. Example: “My stupid friends and I are running around the halls or horseplaying with a $300 tablet in hand and it breaks or I lost it…..Oh well! Not my problem! or Mommy and Daddy will buy me a new one!” I’m glad you’re laying down the law and being parents! Not friends to your kids. Kids, especially at their ages, need structure, discipline, and routine. When your rules aren’t being respected in your household, lay down the law and bring the consequences. Sorry, I get a little passionate about discipline but you guys are doing so great and being strong, respectable, honorable parents by doing this. For the rest of the hippy parents out there who want to be a friend and just placate with gifts, be prepared to have kids who don’t do anything for themselves, won’t do anything for others unless there’s something in it for them, and good luck having them respect you when they become adults.
I think what you are doing is awesome. I am a single mom and was filled with guilt for so many years that I overcompensated my kids during the x-mas season until I lost my job, then 3 bedroom house and became homeless in that order. I learned to value family over things and now that I am somewhat back on my feet, my three children and I have realized things are just that, things. I recently finished school and became a kinder teacher in an upper middle class to affluent neighborhood. Some of the children and parents belong to this entitlement ideal. The children don’t know or value, respect, items that don’t belong to them, they cry if they are not allowed to have their way and some of these parents just do everything for them. Sorry to say the children are going to have a difficult time in life because life is just not that easy. I go for tough love, respect, and value what you do have even if it has little monetary worth. The focus should be, how can I make society better, instead of I want and give me. Thank you for being great parents and teaching your boys life lessons.
You have done a great thing. You are an example of what great parenting is. Too many kids and adults today have a sense of entitlement that is beyond understanding. They think the world owes them everything just for being alive. Your kids are learning a great lesson from this. It sounds like they are doing just fine and the good memories they will have to share with each other from all the good they have done will last a lifetime. You are also keeping the focus on the real reason for the season-the birth of Jesus-who came not to get gifts-but to give the ultimate free gift to all who believe. This is what Christmas is supposed to be about. Stores made it about gift getting and our culture has allowed itself to be caught up in that. Keep up the good work! I look forward to hearing about more parents who teach their kids this lesson because of your example. God bless your family!
Congratulations to you and your husband for taking a stand against your boys’ attitude and sense of entitlement. I hope the lesson stays with them as they grow. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship with our grown children but we always knew it was far more important to be parents than friends during the early years. I wish you the best of luck!
i agree with what you’re doing 100% & admire you & your husband for following thru with this. it will forever impact your children’s lives & they’ll learn to give during the season, it’s not supposed to be about us receiving. you shouldn’t have to apologize, or even explain yourselves, for that matter. stick to your guns, more of this kind of parenting is desperately needed.
I’m not saying this is wrong but with the reaction of the kids and if they’re good enough, maybe you could surprise them with something small. I mean I understand if my kids were greedy. I’d do the exact same and show them Christmas is a time about giving and not getting. That said we didn’t ask to get born in a lucky family. We should enjoy and respect the privileges we have, not just throw them out the window or take them for granted. If I were to make a suggestion: Make an even middle next year if you’ve already enforced no presents this year.
Thank you for being brave enough to put this out there. I cancelled Christmas for my boys last year but kept it for my girls. We were having issues with the boys and they would not change their behavior so I was done. It was the right thing to do and it turned on a light bulb for them and they have a better understanding of what is expected from them and Christmas is on for this year!!! Yay.
Let me just say that I applaud you and your husband for this decision. I have four boys. This year I have felt my boys have sucked the joy out of my holiday spirit. They are constantly fighting, crying, saying mean things which I am completely done. I keep thinking to myself what kind of parent am I if I don’t teach them what is important, teach them what it means to deserve nice things? All I’m going to do is reinforce this behavior if I just get them what they want. Three of my boys are in school and made honor roll and that is the only reason I am willing to get them some gifts. But I have to draw the line so they can see on the other side what they COULD have had only if they were deserving of it. Your children will never remember what they got each year for Xmas, BUT they will always remember the lesson you taught them every year. Great parenting!
Mom of 4 boys
lol the birth of our savior…people still believe that garbage?
Lisa my husband and I honestly love you guys! You have one of the sweetest families we have ever met, I love that you are doing this for your kids its great for them to learn the lesson of compassion for others. Your a phenomenal mother! 🙂
I’m sorry that so many people feel the need to rip you apart the way they have. Yes everyone is entitled to an opinion and yes you posted this out on the internet for all to see. However we only have a small amount of facts. I believe that you and your husband know the behavior of your children better than any of us do. I see children behaving every day just as you describe. Yes it is natural for children to want want want, but it is up to the adults in their lives to help teach them that first, even though we want…we don’t always get and second, we need to appreciate what we already have. Wanting and entitlement are two separate things. We are not exchanging gifts with anyone this year because my husband was laid off. We are blessed to not need anything. Sure we always want something, but not giving or getting gifts this year helps us focus on other things and remember the real reasons for Christmas. Your children are still getting some gifts from other family members and it sounds like they are/will enjoy all of the other activities you have planned. There are thousands of children all over the world that will not be getting gifts for Christmas, who may never have had a gift for Christmas. As you said you aren’t canceling every aspect of Christmas…you are just kind of rearranging it. I think if nothing else it will be a learning experience for all and isn’t that what parenting is anyway? no instruction manual?!
When I read your story on Yahoo, I laughed. We are going through the same issue right now. My husband and I have cancelled Christmas for our children and we told them instead of gifts, they will have to volunteer, feed the hungry and hand out boxes of food this year. Yes, they still have attitudes and they still want presents. If we don’t teach them a lesson now, how will they be able to become well disciplined people of good character. It will not break them, children are resilient and hopefully they will learn quick and not have to repeat the lesson again in another situation. It is about real world application. What better lesson to teach a child now while they are young!
I applaud you for taking a stand! Children need to understand that they are not entitled to everything and they need to respect their parents. I am a SAHM as well and despite our best efforts, instilling Godly values in them, teaching them morals and discipline, children sometimes exercise their free will and make their own choices. It is our job as a parent to guide them, train them, equip them to be able to function and thrive in this crazy world and still be able to remain sane.
The problem with society today is that everyone is trying to be a friend instead of a parent. Parenting comes first and giving a child whatever they want so they will like you is also sending a very destructive message to children. People need to stand up for what is right and stop calling wrong;right and right;wrong. Have a backbone people!
Thank you for being a parent who obviously loves and cares for her children. Who do these youth of today think they are and that they can treat and talk to any grown up in any manner? Let people walk a day in your shoes, or mine and they would be singing a very different tune. It is very easy to jump on the bandwagon and leave a negative comment. At least you are a parent trying to instill goodness and character into your children, unlike the rest of society who has no manners! (sorry for the rant, it just makes me so upset when people try so hard and all you get is negative feedback for doing what is right-even from your own family members and friends). God Bless, stand strong!
If what you said was true and “They are not sad about what we have done! ” then what is even the point? Wouldn’t that just mean that your “punishment” didn’t work?
she isn’t trying to ruin the kids christmas. she doesn’t want them sad and miserable. she wants to teach them to be happy without focusing on what they selfishly want. it may have started as a consequence of inappropriate behavior, but discipline doesn’t necessarily mean punishment.
I stand with you. Materialism is completely out of hand in this country. Good on you for teaching your kids something valuable for the holidays instead of just giving them more stuff they don’t need, and won’t appreciate for long anyway.
Amen!
I have written this Poem years ago and sent it to Lisa and John via email. I must share it with all of those who sit in judgment of them.
See as a Child sees
I asked, “Lord, what is your will for me?”
He told me, “see as a child sees”.
If I could see as a child sees,
how would the world look to me?
I look around perchance to see,
what the Lord has in mind for me.
Through the eyes of a child I see,
love abound for all people around.
No boundaries set for judgment yet.
Happy with what they have,
is the way to spend a day.
No need for all those material things.
As I see how a child sees,
honesty comes naturally to me.
A child is quick with forgiveness too,
unlike the world, who holds it over you.
As you see as a child sees,
remember they learn from you.
So always do as a child would do,
hold a child’s learning as a value to you.
You shape their future,
it’s something God has entrusted to you.
Don’t let the child you see,
be something you wouldn’t want to be.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! If more parents took control of their kids behavior this would be a different world. What a GIFT those kids are getting.
Good choice Mom and Dad. I applaud you for taking a big step in discipline. To bad many, many other parents won’t take action to discipline their kids and just let them continue to have their way. God bless you for doing this.
Christmas is an overrated holiday, anyway
Maybe you should get some friends and family and stop being a kill joy for the rest of us. Just because your life is devoid of family & friends doesn’t give you the right to rain on our good times.
I think this is a great
lesson that they will remember for the rest of their lives. There are too many
children who feel entitled and they come from all backgrounds of life.
Kids feel that they can do what they want and that their parents are
there to provide it to them. I once had a friend whose son felt it was
his duty to report her for child abuse because she failed to purchase him ice
cream after she bought herself one. I was outraged and this is what we
see now with our children. I pray your boys understand what Christmas is
really about and that they turn this into a family tradition where each year
they can give one of their gifts to a child whose parents are unable to provide
them one. Great job mom and dad regardless of what others think. You
will be raising boys who contribute to a society that needs all the help it can
get.
Discipline is hard and especially following through on it. They will when they get older understand and will benefit from it. I remember my hard lessons, corporal punishment in grade school. I’m almost 50 now the best learning from hard lessons and discipline. All worth it now. Lisa you do what needs to be done to invoke values, moral and ethics.
What? “This Lady’s” name is Lisa, and she has a blog with pictures of her family and loads of posts and pictures to prove it. She is clearly teaching her children gratitude. Did you read her post or just the title? Her children are learning so much more by giving instead of over-receiving. Then, since they are going maturing children, they will soon act like loving responsible adults, since that its he ultimate goal of parenting – which, by the way, Lisa and John are doing.
Or, she will hopefully cause others to think about how to make Christmas more meaningful for their children. I have a feeling,as I peruse her other pages and pages of posts that that was her intent of this post, not to have people like you publicly accuse her of ill intentions and bash her parenting. Not everyone is motivated by money.
Wow. Such a strong and angry reply. Hope you feel better now that you got that off of your chest. I know you will not see my reply here since you will not be visiting this blog again, but I just wanted to point out that the way in which you so freely and pointedly call people names and cut them down and conclude all sorts of things based on your observations and assumptions – no matter how faulty they are – is quite telling. Your angry comments are not making positive changes, but only bringing attention to you ……and your anger. Good luck with that.
I believe that what you are doing is reasonable and I applaud you for it. Our job as parents is to teach our children. So if they have not learned how to be grateful, this is one lesson they surely will not forget. Some of my well-meaning relatives give my kids WAY TOO MUCH stuff. We have been guilty of that as well. It’s overwhelming! However, I recently invited a few of them to help clean up the toy room and they quickly came face to face with the problem that their “generosity” has caused. Now, my Mom puts money in a bank account for their college expenses and limits their gifts. My sister takes the kids out (individually) to the zoo, the park, the museum, to feed the ducks, etc. My boys now look forward to and cherish these special “dates” and we don’t have to deal with more stuff. I don’t want to dread Christmas – but Black Friday is aptly named because it leaves a dark cloud over the world. This year, we are spending a large portion of our budget on a new dishwasher for our neighbor. We don’t make a ton of money, but this is something they NEED as they have mounting medical bills and may possibly lose their Mom to cancer in the coming months. Also, instead of giving my in-laws gifts, we gave them “one dinner a month”. This is a bit expensive and a time commitment, but is well worth it. It’s a great gift for anyone who says they don’t want/need anything. Either take them dinner or have them over for a meal! Everyone needs to eat and everyone needs to spend time with loved ones. Well, I’ve rambled on enough. I want to wish you a happy holiday and look forward to hearing about the blessings and the spirit you enjoy this year. Merry CHRISTmas!
Lisa,
More power to you. We home schooled four children and we did the same thing on more than one occasion. As our children got older we also made them earn the money to buy their first car. Teaching children that there are others less fortunate than them is a lesson we all need to learn. My youngest daughter celebrates her 30th birthday on Saturday. It is a costume party. She has asked that no one bring gifts, but instead bring a donation for needy children. This in the first time. On several occasions she has asked that we give her money to buy gifts for an Angel Tree instead of presents. My other children have turned out to be equally generous. There is such a thing as having too much and not appreciating what you have. Tough love is not a bad thing. You press on and God Bless what you are teaching your children.
My 15- year old daughter found this article and read it out loud to our family while I was cooking dinner. I asked her to see if we could put a response up to your blog and she got me logged on to this point; now she has taken over the cooking and I am here typing!! She is an awesome daughter who usually does the cooking, so before anyone thinks to start yelling that she is being ‘abused’ for having to take over the cooking… she is not, she loves to cook.
I want to scream KUDOS to this set of parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it is an excellent idea and I bet you anything that these darling boys will remember this for the rest of their lives; both the loss and the ultimate gain of a FAR better Christmas then they could have ever imagined!! I am nearly 48 years old and when I was 4 years old I took a permanent marker to the side of my mom’s custom made light pine finished desk!! I was kept from going Trick or Treating, as this had been not my first offence of writing on things with utensils I was not suppose to have and/or use!! To this day I remember this consequence like it just happened; and not with anger or resentment towards my parents, but rather with gratitude and appreciation for teaching me that my actions have consequences. In all of life there are consequences, they are either good or bad, but their are always consequences!!!!
We made a decision when we got married that we would never lie to our children, so we do not do the whole “Santa” thing, but I totally get and agree with these parents on taking that away. Every secular Christmas story tells of how Santa has a naughty or nice list, so why shouldn’t you perpetuate the consequences of being naughty if you are going to perpetuate the idea of Santa. My children were never allowed to bad mouth Santa or to reveal to any other child that there was not just one guy that went all over the world in one night and delivered presents to everyone; they knew who St. Nick was and from where that tradition came. Everyone does Christmas different, no matter how anyone celebrates the season, so who are any of us to think we have a right to tell this family that what they have chosen to do is ‘wrong’. It is none of our business, they have the GOD given right to raise their children the way that they deem is right for them.
In closing, I will share one other story. Several years ago, when we had young children- the two youngest were 2 & 3, my husband and I had emergency surgery right before Christmas- his like 5 days, but with some complications and mine like 2 days before Christmas under emergency circumstances. Come Christmas morning the only thing that our children wanted to do was to read the Christmas story on Mommy and Daddy’s bed like always, do our traditional muffin birthday cake to Jesus, and to give Mommy and Daddy their gifts from them. They NEVER once asked for any of their gifts, not one of them; our other 3 children were pre-teen through young teens, in addition to the 2 & 3 year olds. Yes the tree was up and the gifts were around the tree, but they never bugged. They spent the day playing games, watching movies and having fun themselves- the older children helping with the younger 2 children, as both of us(adults) were in recovery mode. Our children told us that is one of their fonder Christmas memories, not in that us parents were in bad shape, but in that they spent the time together being a family!!
FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH: Sometimes we get too caught up in all of the hustle and bustle of the season, so where ever you stand on this families choice, or on how ever you and yours choose to celebrate this season, please take the time to remember the real meaning of Christmas and that having your family is the absolute best gift you could have this season. This will be my first year without my parents for Christmas, and I would give just about anything to have one last Christmas with them; as well as to have all of my children here with us and not separated by thousands of miles.
We, too, have agreed that we’ll be cutting back to the “big 4” (want, need, wear, read) starting next year (I’ve already finished shopping for this year a month ago). It’s good to know there are parents out there not afraid to do what needs to be done to truly impart on our children the true meaning and purpose of this holiday & celebration! Merry Christmas & may God shower your family with blessings!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa…! Hold on… I didn’t think this was a real thing until now. I honestly heard (well read via online news, etc..) that this happened, but didn’t know too much because I obviously didn’t read about it. I simply read the headlines, & haven’t had the time to focus in on reading it. But now that I have a bit, I read enough anyways.
This is by far, the best idea I’ve heard regarding child upbringing, I myself am not a parent, so I would not know literally anything regarding such things. I am also not even remotely close to even having a decent enough opinion regarding this topic. But, I did have parents myself, & I can relate on a different level than that of a parent/guardian.
See, I was a spoiled rotten child from the beginning.
I’ll save the history lesson for everyone about my origins, but I was adopted, & raised an only child for most of my life here in the United States, & I’m originally from Colombia, South America.
I had a very dysfunctional family & my upbringing left more to be desired. That’s true of many families everywhere. But, one thing I always feel bad about, was how I never connected well with my Dad, my mom on the other hand was not a, suitable guardian & that’s another can of worm-filled story for another time entirely. But my dad was a great man, but had many flaws himself. Not to knock the guy at all, we all have made mistakes & everyone has the potential to stray from a path that is beneficial overall in the short term or long run. It’s what we do with ourselves when we are finally about to recognize & admit our faults, that we are able to move on, or not, etc….
Point is, I was raised spoiled rotten to the core. It did not help me in the least. Nothing about it was healthy. Nothing.
I wasn’t the only one either. That’s definitely for certain! Ha, ha!!
The family has a good point, & I support them completely. I have made a lot of poor decisions based on a lot of what I was taught directly, indirectly, on my own, or with others, peers or otherwise, through traumatic or less sort of situations & events, etc…. But one thing is clear, to me at least, because I don’t want to talk on the behalf of anyone else because obviously we’re all different & we all think differently & we shouldn’t assume so much or at all for that matter on what others may be thinking or whatnot. We’re not mind readers & that would be horrible if that were ever possible.
Tangent aside, I was once given 40+ presents one year in particular, & I threw a frenzy of a temper tantrum because it wasn’t even close to good enough! I had ‘friends’ who had 100 – 150 + presents (not exaggerating either!) & I didn’t! Talk about spoiled & selfish! My parents did do a lot of gift donations to those less fortunate, & all I wanted to do was take all their presents as my own, or got jealous that they got those cool toys, when I could have had them for myself!
Over the years, I had a lot of issues arise due to that sort of entitled thinking, & even my security blanket of a life was that, I could get away with everything or anything, & I always had someone to fall back onto when I did mess up, & that I always had money, & family, friends, pets, etc… & prison would never happen, nor jail, & I was always right, authority figures were all Evil Adults bent on Kid Tyranny, cartoons & anime & fictional things & places & people were real, other delusions, & etc.. I was very gullible & easy to be manipulated & very very bad with rejections & saying no, or taking a hint at social cues, or socializing in general, I had anger issues up the yin-yang!
I gradually got worse, & to the point where my life fell apart rather quickly & went downhill so fast I didn’t even have time to breathe or react, & at the bottom pits of heck, I was lost & alone.
3 x in fact, I learned to pick up what little I had left to cling onto, & my life has been slowly & painfully, getting a little less or more awful each day, but the holidays are the worst times for me…
My family is all gone. I don’t have many friends, if anything, I have a cat I received because he was abandoned, & is a bit of a troubled creature, but he’s all I have left. I lost all my other pets due to a lot that happened after my Dad passed away. The rest of my family betrayed me or are also no longer with us, or they couldn’t care less if I was alive or not, & as for my mother, she’s in a coma due to her overdosing on drugs of all kinds, in failed efforts to get high one year, (I was 8 or 9 at the time) she caused her stroke & due to a bloodclot in her brain, her left side of her brain is dead.
She caused a lot of issues with nearly everyone she came into contact with, she did a lot of damage to so many people, especially myself, but I’m managing to overcome them, but it’s a long & strenuous process that I face primarily alone.
However, I don’t hate her for what she’s done. She’s human & no human deserves to be in that sort of situation, not wished upon or anything. It only worsens the world for others who do care for people we may not always share the same compassion for. The less fire in the world, the better. For fighting fire with fire, only causes more fire spread. While fighting fire with water, kinda cancels each other out. And she must have been in a tremendous amount of pain & suffering to have caused her to act in such a tragically awful manner, & I only wish for her spirit to find peace when it’s her time.
So, long story short, no one has to share the same beliefs of child bringing, just respect that everyone has a different technique, & life happens & I never heard of the perfect parents bringing up the perfect kids. It usually has a lot of behind the scenes drama behind closed doors, & even then, parents, for the most part, are doing their best in a very foreign to them, situation.
And like before, to each their own & whatever helps ya sleep at night, tolerance, etc…
I’m 26 years old by the way. Ya don’t want to know much else & realize I’ve already said way too much.
I wish everyone here a safe & joyous season, whether or not they celebrate any holidays. It’s still a season & as long as people are happy or content, or as much as can be, it makes the world a lot less lonely & scary.
🙂
good for you. now if only we could cancel christmas for all privileged americans who show no respect for others. that would really be perfect present for an ignorant nation. by the way, i know this does hurt you more than them, but, hey, that’s parenting sometimes.
I think you should surprise your children with a nativity set. It will be a nice reminder of the fun they had delivering Nativity Sets to others. I also think Christmas is about receiving God’s grace, and the surprise of receiving a Nativity Set when they expected nothing might really bring that home to them.
Have you told all your extended family to not give gifts as well? Cancelling your gifts likely won’t be noticed much if everyone else still gives them boatloads of crap.
This is such a great idea! I believe that nothing threatens the future adult life of a child as much as an ungrateful and/or entitled attitude! Congratulations, this will probably be remembered as your best Christmas ever!
I think your children are the luckiest children to have such great parents who care so much about them and their future. Teaching them values and gratitude will last them for the rest of their lives, long after you and your husband are gone. I know children that are so privileged and so ungrateful, I’m concerned for them, since the mindset of feeling entitled is not in everyone else’s mind. life will chew them up and spit them out and it’s called “learning the hard way”. God Bless you and your family.
I cancelled Christmas in my house and banned it forever. Of course I also beat up Santa Claus and was talked to for trying to convince people that the Easter Bunny is meant to be cooked and served.
I think what you are doing is very admirable and I needed to see this story so badly today. I am a dance teacher and I can’t tell you how often I feel like the mean teacher for sticking to my class rules and core values. We use stickers as a reward at my classes for good listening and participation. We have a clear system that I review with students each class, 2 stickers for a good listening day, 1 sticker for a not so good listening day and 0 stickers for a very bad listening day. I am always very clear that I don’t like not giving out stickers or feeling like the mean teacher but I think the worst thing I can do for them is not to stick to my rules and follow through when I have given them every opportunity to participate productively or even earn their stickers back with constructive positive behavior. It makes me more uncomfortable then it does them because as I said I end up feeling like the mean teacher. Today we were passing out winter recital costumes and unfortunately I had a student who, despite giving her every opportunity to make a positive choice to listen and participate, decided to be disruptive and throw multiple temper tantrums during class. I finally had to tell her, after she had already lost her stickers, that I was giving her costume to mom, who works at the school, to hold onto until mom thought she had earned it. She then preceded to start screaming and kicking at me and tried to rip the costume out of my hand. While I certainly was upset by this as I would rather be having fun and singing and dancing during my class, I have to say, both mom and her teachers thanked me for not giving into her tantrum. Seeing what you are doing reminded me how important it is as the adult figure to remember that, as uncomfortable as it makes us, we are responsible for shaping our students into caring and helpful citizens of this world. Thank You for sharing this.
Good for you! I wish I had done this when my kids were young. They will never forget this and will gain so much more than toys from this experience. Bless you!
100% support to this family’s approach to the holiday of Christmas. I have tried to establish this in my family the past few years, but it was my Father who was the unwilling participant of the family! Bravo to everyone who puts aside personal desires for the needs of others! Great article, Lisa!
I did this with my children too. I raised them back in the 70’s and 80’s. It was getting out of hand and they wanted more and more and expected more. So one year we decided to give instead of receive, with the exception of one gift to each family member from the other and it had to be completely handmade. Nothing purchased. It turned out to be such a great Christmas, the kids wanted to do it every year. Now my four are grown and have kids of their own and I also have great grand kids. They all still carry on the tradition of one gift to be completely hand made. They do buy a few gifts but they also give more than they get. It is a good lesson to teach.
I’m 60, retired after 30 yrs as a police officer in a diverse urban area, father of a police sergeant and a Lutheran minister, and grandfather of 2. What you 2 are doing is rough on those 3 children now, but it will be a very important lesson in their lives; they will thank you later. You are indeed “celebrating” the important things about Christmas. Kudos to you two for your insight and courage, and God bless you everyone!
I found this post via Albuquerque’s Channel 7 news site. I AM SO PROUD of you and your husband, but I’m a tad disappointed that the article mentions that the boys will still get presents from the family. I’m disappointed because it means your family isn’t supporting all your efforts to make this lesson REAL. In my ‘momma-head’ I’m thinking they boys will think “well Mom and Dad may not give me what I want but now I know ________(fill in the blank…Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt So-n-So, or Uncle So-n-So) will, I just need to tell them (whine, cry and act pathetic). I guess if I had come to this point ever with my kids I’d cancel everything that didn’t have to do with the celebration of Jesus’ birth.
Just wanted to say I stand with you Lisa! I’m not yet a parent, but this has been something that’s always bothered me about the Christmas season. I love the lights, the family and the friends, but NOT the gift lists filled with essentially useless junk that will soon be forgotten/broken. I think I’ve come to the decision that I won’t be doing Christmas the way commercialized way from the get-go; instead we’ll be buying for others and taking the time to understand compassion & thankfulness for the things we already have. So tried of seeing Epic Toddler-Style Tantrum Throwdowns in the toy aisle from kids way too big to be acting that way! Good on you and your husband. I’m sure your children will look back on this as they grow in age and wisdom to see how much good it’s done in their lives!
I just wanted to applaud you and your family. It is so hard to raise grateful kids in today’s world. We are not a wealthy family, there are days when our fridge is literally empty, and yet the kids STILL whine and complain about silly, worthless things. We make sure they always have enough food, and clean clothes, and they even have a playroom full of toys. It isn’t just “wealthy” kids who act this way. So I not only applaud your actions, I plan to follow your lead. Now, we only do three gifts here, because baby Jesus only had three gifts. We are giving the kids their own Bibles this year, one family game to play together, and a box of “dates”, coupons for one on one activities with family members. If we had money to spend on more, we would love to do some of your projects. But you can do projects for others without spending a dime. We are making cards for a nursing home and plan to hand them out and sing carols as a family. You are never too poor or too rich to teach your kids an attitude of gratitude instead of entitlement!
I cant tell you how proud you should be for this. Ive never commented on a blog ever, but just couldn’t help myself this time. One of these days your children will thank you for this. My initial reaction was a good laugh. My next reaction was , finally! Parents today are failing miserably with their kids today. And they are easy to spot. All the ones below me who are bashing you for trying to instill respect, compassion, empathy and other traits that they forget are needed. These are the same parents who want little Johnny to get a trophy because someone else did. They are the same parents who want their kids to think it all rainbows and unicorns. And yes I am a father, and yes my dad taught me these values long ago and yes my son will pass them on to his children. So don’t let the sheep who are bashing you get you mad. Keep raising sheepdogs.
I so commend you for what you are doing! I have 3 beautiful granddaughters that I am helping raise and they act the way your boys did and yes I’ve been guilty of santa will pass you by and reading this might just have the courage to go through with it. If you as parents don’t teach them they will grow up acting just like they are now or worse. God Bless your family!
Great Parenting! I took electronics away from my two kids this summer do to their fighting and tantrums and I’m reaping the rewards these days. I hope you have the same outcome.
Good for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks. This is your decision as a family and if people don’t agree with it they can’t move right along. I love hearing how your kids have taken it upon themselves to do truly important things that affect a larger world than their own. Seems like they’ve learned their lesson already. Great story.
We never had much for Christmas when I was young. I was born just after the Second World War, so money was tight and most food was on ration. My mother saved up her ration of sugar and butter just to make cakes for the Festive Season.. My Father found an old bike frame, which he repaired and painted it for me… Our table was full Christmas Day, which was marvelous for us all…. Our children now take so much for granted now in this consumer world we live in… I applaud you for what you have done.. Some times we have to step back and look at ourselves… As long as there is food on the table and love in your heart, you will never go wrong.
This is an entirely appropriate response. They knew there would be serious consequences for the behavior, you and your husband worked with them to change it… but they didn’t.
That said, what a way to turn this into a positive learning experience. Hopefully, if they shape up and get Christmas next year, you’ll keep “giving back” on the list of traditions.
It is interesting to me that so many Americans think that the 12 days of Christmas END on Christmas Day. In fact, that’s the FIRST day of Christmas. I always wondered why you all took down your trees and decorations so quickly. They stay up until January 6 in our region 🙂
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas
I would like to say I support you. I would do the same thing If I had children. It will make them better young men as they grow up.
The only Christmas I remember as a small child was the one where my parents canceled Christmas. They bought lots of gifts for other children and we helped package them up! We were in no way deprived, and there was no loss in ‘Christmas spirit’. I had a great day with my family. I’m 100% glad that my parents canceled Christmas. I think it was a great decision for you to make (plus – you’re the mom. You know your kids – and their needs – better than any commenter on this website). You go girl 🙂
I saw this article on Yahoo & in light of the negative comments I just wanted to share my support for your decision. I too “cancelled Christmas” for my son five years ago due to his behavior. The result: we had our absolute best Christmas ever. The day started off a bit rocky b/c my husband and I were a bit sad. Our little one definitely got over it before we did, but we spent the day just doing things as a family. At the end of the day I couldn’t believe how much we had enjoyed ourselves–even our six year old said he has fun. Please post an update after Christmas. I am really curious if you guys have a similar experience in that something that started out as a punishment turned into a true blessing for your family & created another one of those precious memories to retell in future.
Good for you! You have a taken a great step and probably your kids will remember this as their best Christmas ever with the focus where it belongs. Next year it will be so much easier to give less to the kids and they will appreciate it so much more. My guess is they will want to do projects of giving every year from now on. We work with Samaritans Purse on their Operation Christmas Child project every year and you nds your kids might really enjoyed doing that next year. Info is at samaritanspurse.org
i remember a christmas that we got nothing because my parents could not afford anything but the food on the table..Although, it was a hard lesson, we learned to appreciate what we had..Americans are so spoiled that kids now a days have no work ethic, they feel everything should be handed to them. I think your a brave parent who is trying to instill values in your sons, I think it’s wonderful…God Bless you and your family…
I LOVE what you did. I’m a middle school teacher and I see what happens when these kids are entitled as they get older. Thank you for being an awesome parent. I say BRAVO to you and your husband.
I absolutely love this. Christmas has nothing to do with presents. You didn’t cancel Christmas… You found Christmas:)
I think you are taking a bold stand, Lisa. I agree with what you are doing 100%. Haters gonna hate, as they say. Your boys are learning great lessons from this experience. Kudos!
Entitled behavior occurs because it has been reinforced.
Hi Lisa,
I am not a parent. I will never BE a parent, so I can’t speak to your decision as someone with experience. I can speak to you as an adult. I have to say that your decision is probably one of the smartest decisions I have heard about in a long time. Your children will NOT suffer. They will LEARN. And they won’t just learn to be nicer in order to get gifts. They will learn the true pleasure of giving to others; of being of service to others. I think you are really wise parents and I respect your courage. I read about this on another site and felt compelled to let you know what a great job you are doing as a family. They probably will remember this Christmas with both happiness and a little contempt, but I can guarantee that the “contempt” will end up a joke that you will all talk about for the next 50 years! Don’t let the Keyboard Mom Mob get to you. I look forward to the post after Christmas!
BRAVO!! My brother of 47 still cannot support himself throughout an entire year because my parents never followed through on their negotiations. Your children are VERY FORTUNATE children…and apparently seem to realize it.
Great parents
My family did this one year and it was the most teachable and memorable Christmas I had. We found a nursing home with Elderly who didn’t have family. We got their favorite things list, went shopping on a budget for our specific person (Each sibling was responsible for a different adult), wrapped the presents, and spent Christmas in the Nursing home with singing and gift opening. It was my favorite Christmas even though we only did it once and I was in elementary school. My mom also didn’t make us do it… She came to us with the idea and we chose this over presents that year.
I gave this advice once to Mrs. Cleaver since Wallace and Theodore were too unappreciative of her mothering skills. True, her cooking was routine — unlike the gourmet fare Mrs. Haskell cooked for our family, but she looked better vacuuming in pearls better than any other mother int he neighborhood! Theodore in general has discipline issues. She did not listen to my suggestion, however– what a true shame that you were not around then Lisa to serve as a shining example to parents in need of a proper role model.
good for you and even better for the kids
The temptation to lavish gifts on children is amazing. I get it. But when kids are only asked to receive, and only give with their parents’ money, they’re never really learning much about what we value in adults; those who are able to sacrifice temporary happiness for long term joy. Those who will put another’s good before his own. This family is taking the opportunity to teach their children to practice now values they want them to have as adults. I don’t get the negative feedback for this. It’s not like she’s doing it with children too young to understand the link between action and consequence.
I have no problem with what you did. One year we adopted a family and gave up Christmas for our 3 kids. They got gifts from other relatives and we knew that our kids were more than well off. It is not about the gifts they receive and I feel this is one way to teach them about kindness and doing good for other people.
If it would be different if these parents “cancelled Christmas” around the premise of “this year, as a family, we’re going to focus on others less fortunate because we have so much already” instead of it being a consequence for their kids’ bad behavior. What do they plan on doing next year if the kids are “good”? Believe me, I am all for not overindulging your children. My kids have way too much stuff and because of that, there are few things that are special to them. I remember absolutely loving certain dolls or toys as a child, but it was because I didn’t have many toys and didn’t expect that if I stopped liking something that my parents (or grandparents) would buy me something else. I don’t pretend that this is my kids’ fault, however, and don’t plan on punishing them for my own parenting mistakes. Undoing these mistakes will not happen overnight, and I don’t think it will with this family’s one cancelled Christmas either.
I am in total support of this!! it’s nice to see parents acting like parents and not a child’s best friend. These kids are learning a valuable lesson, and would be the kids I would want my kids to socialize with. Some may consider this old school, but guess what OLD SCHOOL WORKS!!
I’m going to remember this for when I finally have kids of my own. This is such a great way to teach your kids to do the right thing. This is parenting done right.
Katielyn & FarmSchoolMarm – I see both points, and I like even more that you had a civil dialog over it. Have a safe, warm, and joyful season this year, and Happy New Year’s too.
What a nice thing to say! I agree, I see both sides as well… truly these ladies are documenting their lives and talking about household tips, etc.
I have a personal friend who is a professional blogger. This lady spends 40 + hours a week on her blog and often uses her kids to advertise sponsored products. So I’m sensitive to the whole “oversharing” that the mommy bloggers do.
I also know that it’s rare these days for parents to hold their kids accountable for anything. Lots of threats, but rarely a follow through.
So yeah, I see both sides, but I would just rather not see this type of family get blasted by the mainstream media.
We should ask this mom how she feels about the “elf on the shelf”
LOL!
Again, thank you for your comment! This world would be a boring place if we all agreed on everything, but there is no reason why we can’t be open minded enough to share opinions civilly. Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you an your family!
Good for you. I wish more parents would teach the big lessons.
Fascinating that people are criticizing this. It’s as if Christmas presents are a fundamental right. It may not be my choice, it may not be your choice. But it certainly sounds as if it’s working out OK. They will get gifts from family members. They will build memories. Honestly the best things I remember about Christmas aren’t the presents. It’s the things we did together as a family — including helping others. Let’s face it, there are plenty of families for whom “cancelling Christmas” isn’t a choice but an unavoidable reality. If not getting a bunch of gifts from Mom and Dad is something “they will remember — and not fondly” as adults, they’re already screwed up.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles as parents and the entitlement issue. Thank you for being bold enough to share how this is worked on in your home. It is so difficult to teach these things to our children even when we ourselves model this every day. I applaud you and your honesty. 🙂
Wonderful story…thanx for sharing…great idea also. This was the first year I refused to go shopping after Thanksgiving…and it felt good.
I guess I am left wondering what exactly brought on the boys poor behavior in the first place. Since you state it went on for months and they had warnings, what was fueling or causing them to act up or act out? I have three boys (now grown) and could never imagine them doing anything horrible enough that I would cancel their Christmas. We had rules, they followed them, and on the rare occasions they did break one, grounding solved the problem. Are the expectations too high or inappropriate for their ages? My kids weren’t perfect, but I found when the expectations were realistic, there really weren’t any big behavior issues. I’m glad the spirit of the season has become more apparent to them and it sounds like they will have a nice holiday in spite of the loss of Santa and his gifts, but still found myself wondering what they were doing that was so awful.
Nice one Jules.
There is NO statement anywhere in the Bible that Jesus was born spring, only other statements about events that DO go on in spring. (Of course there is NO biblical question about the time of year for Good Friday and Easter, but for some reason there’s an Easter Bunny around that holiday.) I’m sure YOUR church doesn’t have an Easter Egg Hunt that Sunday morning, since that is a pagan thing.
Second, if you ACTUALLY READ the WHOLE post, you’d have read the giving projects the family is doing (the true meaning of Christmas) and the gifts from the Grand Parents are allowed.
Lastly, withholding a BIRTHDAY from a child is quite different, and it’s unfortunate you don’t already see that. But I am terribly sorry for your husband, and his mother was WAY out of line.
Kudos,I say good for you. I did the same, only mine are adults. We should all start doing this.Disrespect is an ugly thing. Lets all make a difference following by example here.
I did this one year to my own children (then 8 and 10) and I agree, cancelling Christmas totally made them respect the season and me. I took them to do service at a food bank and show them what life was like for some people. They changed their entire attitude and have ever since been the greatest! I applaud your family for the effort!
You are rocking the parent thing. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad!! What a wonderful lesson for your children!!
I think this is amazing. Christmas was cancelled for my family one year too. I was already married and my sister was in college. My father has gotten ill, lost his job, and my parents were facing bankruptcy from trying to pay medical bills. That year, my mother made us over night bags and got my husband a (singular) t-shirt. By far, this was the best Christmas of my life. We have been a much closer family because of this.
AWESOME PARENTING! I hope to be an awesome of a parent as you one day!
I totally agree with you. We told my son that if he didn’t change his behavior I was going to return one of his gifts and put an envelope with a picture of what the gift was. I wasn’t going to just hide the gift in the closet to come out another day. It was either getting returned or given to a child that would be grateful and happy to receive such a gift. I told him that he had been making poor decisions on how to talk to us and his friends and Santa sees that too.
Well Santa sent him a video yesterday that said that he wasn’t on the nice list yet but he had time to change his ways. My boy was heartbroken when he saw that and he crawled up on my lap and sobbed for 10 minutes.
Maybe it was the kick in the pants he needed.
Thank you. This year I didn’t have quite the guts you do, but we did decided to keep it small. One thing from us and one thing from Santa, an that is it. And the budget is small. I know there are always things we want, I want lots too, but Christmas isn’t about that. And I really don’t want my kids to think they can always get new stuff when they don’t even take care of what they have. This has helped them think harder about what is really important and what do they REALLY WANT. They have thought long and hard and hard about, and I am proud of them. One child is even helping pay for her more expensive item from her allowance, and I am proud of her.
I totally support what you are doing. Your children are learning some valuable lessons. Those people who don’t agree, I would love to see how your children behave. My daughter didn’t get to go to Homecoming one year because of her behavior. And I had her return all the Mum supplies. If you don’t start teaching them when they are young they won’t learn.
Our family have a birthday party for Jesus and we give gifts to different place each year instead of each other. The grandchildren help plan what we are eating and help prepare it. They keep tract of what we have had and try to make sure we have something different each year. We ask them what do you think Jesus would want? They come up with pretty good stuff. They get stuff on their birthdays.
I totally understand where you guys are coming from. Five years ago my husband and I also cancelled Christmas due to the fighting and disrespect our four children engaged in throughout the year. We took the money and used it for spiritual books that they could read together. Since then they have made great changes in their behavior and attitudes toward each other. I support your decision to cancel Christmas.
Sharing ideas to support a community of parents, and feeling so superior as to tell said parent that they are doing everything wrong are two different things coming from two very different sorts of personalities. You may not agree with someone sharing their struggles on the nets. Fine, then don’t read it. Otherwise, be constructive. That’s all. Have different opinions, just don’t be a dick. The response was that same competitive ‘mommy sport’ type of reactionary response that says, “Just stop, you are doing it all wrong. I, on the other hand, am doing it perfectly!” (As their kids whine and push the cart into your heels while they pay no attention…..) The response I was responding to originally does not pass the “don’t be a dick” guideline for all civil discourse. Or am I missing something? She was going for some personal satisfaction, not discourse in any manner.
I was glad to read this post because I to have cancelled Christmas at my house. My kid’s behavior and grades this semester at school are TERRIBLE. In life there are consequences, this will be their first big lesson. Thank you for sharing.
It is so good to see that some parents still believe that children should not be rewarded for selfish and ungrateful behavior . A lot of parents should go back to this type of parenting. Then maybe more children would appreciate the things they do receive. Way to go, hopefully they will learn their lesson.
This is the 2nd dumbest for myself, but only because the winner has no punctuation. I think BH here has too little to do this season.
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
You’re a narcissist.
Great job! I love this post. My children are 2 and 3 and have everything they could possibly need crammed into their messy playroom. For Christmas and birthdays they just get more and more. This year I decided they will only get one gift under the tree, and I don’t really don’t want it to be from Santa. Their daddy works hard for the money it takes to buy their stuff, why should Santa get the credit? Well, it has gradually (and out of guilt) grown to one thing and some little things in their stockings. I want my kids to grow up appreciating things they have. This makes me feel better about the way I want to do things vs. the way things are done.
I think you should be commended, as I believe you are the opposite of a lazy parent, as some here have accused. A lazy parent is the one that gives in to every demand the child voices, just to keep from something that is more difficult for everybody. Thank you for being good parents.
I think what you’re doing is great! I wish more parents would follow suit. Kids these days seem to have entitlement problems. Certainly I want better things for my kids that I didn’t have, but not at the expense of them feeling like its owed to them. Also, I feel that kids appreciate things more if they occasionally have to work for them. Great job, keep it up!
I will confess, I read this with the expectation that I would be offended. So many “perfect” parents blogging about their “perfect” parenting choices, and pause from perfection only long enough to tell me all the things I’m doing wrong.
This post is nothing like that. Thanks for sharing what works for you. Thanks for sharing some of your more “daring” choices.
I am no parenting expert. My only son is not even three yet. One of the most discouraging experiences I have as a parent is the constant messages that today’s parents are too permissive, our kids are “brats,” we’re doing everything wrong. Then, when someone like you comes along to address entitlement, to have a conversation about consequences, how you can have a great time emphasizing other elements of the holiday while teaching your parents a valuable lesson about giving and compassion to others — that’s apparently not OK either?
Thanks for putting support and ideas out there for other parents. Thank you for sharing your stories. We just got our first Elf on the Shelf. (He somehow ended up with the name Nezzerzerb.) I will be diving into your posts on Elf on the Shelf!
You have to be two of the best parents i have heard about in years! Honestly, 20 years from now your boys will be remembering all the good things they learned from this, and will probably pass those on to their children. I applaud you. Your heads and hearts are in the right place, We should all be taking notes and learning from parents like you. Naysayers are very probably the ones that unintentionally enable their kids to be selfish – you keep on being strong, positive examples. Keep up the great parenting! God bless.
It seems that the wrong ones are being punnished…These children have done nothing so wrong that they deserve Christmas taken away…The parents need lessons on parenting…One it seems that the stay at home mom is not doing her job seeing through the punnishment that she is given to the children…Parents you could have said “NO” instead of giving in to their every whem…You have missed teaching them to appreciate the things that they do recieve and are rewarded for good and not needs wants…The only thing the children will really take away from this for the rest of their little lives will be “Remember when Mom & Dad gave us nothing for Christmas” All the praise you are recieving for you actions are coming from those who would never have done this to their own children…I pray that you look deep inside your soul that this decission is one you & your husband can live with…Because you children will never forget…
I was probably a bit harsh in my last post, but I guess I just don’t understand how through 5-11 years, they have not been able to curtail the feelings of entitlement until now. I have a feeling that it won’t work, at this point.
But you have not actually cancelled Christmas yet, it’s only Dec 4…you really have to go the whole way, so that on Dec 25, everyone wakes up to…..? What? Satisfaction? A pat on the back? Will you and the kids talk about how much they learned? Does not sound like much fun. Will you sing a few songs? Will your husband break down and have a few things in the garage and save the day? What if other people send you things? Do you keep those, or donate them all. What if your kids get cranky next week and misbehave. Will you make the donate even more? Have you now linked charitable works with punishment? I think you may have. I completely understand the desire to “de-commercialize” and I also empathize with Xmas entitlement. But I’m thinking that if you really follow through the whole way, that Christmas morning is going to be a long, sad day…I think maybe your kids don’t really think it’s actually going to be cancelled.
Or they could ponder what it is to be truly poor, and share the joy the kids are feeling that they donated toys to. Maybe they will play a board game as a family, read Calvin and Hobbes (or the Bible depending on your preference), and share a meal together. Maybe the Whos down in Whoville will sing a song and rejoice at their luck of having everything they need to survive and love. That is not sarcasm either….
Maybe..if we tried this in my home, I’d cave, I’d buy gifts anyway, which would “save the day”, but undermine the entire effort….If only one parent caves, it’s going to make the other on look really bad. I fear that Lisa and John are going to be second guessing each other and will grow suspicious, wondering if the other secretly bought gifts…It’s a moral dilemma… A modified “prisoner’s dilemma”.. I also wonder if the kids will not bother to get gifts for the parents? Will the parents not give anything to each other? I cannot help but think that this was well-intentioned idea that was executed too rashly, like the time I decided to quit Facebook…
Well, parents acting as one is always easier for sure. I quit Facebook after 6 months and never regretted it. Okay, okay so I am on Google+ but that has circles, so much better for its purposes. No one sees anything unless I want them to! Maybe I should just stop there.:)
Yes, G+ is great, better than FB for sure…. Well, I am now following this blog,too… because I am fascinated to see how this plays out. I hope Lisa posts about the ups and downs of this. The struggles as well as the successes. And of course, I hope it’s mostly successes, though I am still coming up with so many other moral and practical pitfalls that could arise….
That is the story of parenting. Suffice it to say that I am not brave enough to put all of my parenting decisions out there for all to judge. Reasoning it out for myself with my husband, and then maybe to my child is enough. Explaining the whole of a situation piecemeal to strangers seems like it would be exhausting. I’d rather build Lego ships with my son or read a good book. Sheesh!
True. I had not even thought about that, the fact that they now linked being charitable to misbehaving. Nothing good comes from punishment. I hope the kids got their parents gifts, and then they better have something tucked away in the closet, or they will feel terrible. What kids don’t make something for their parents at school? My son had made a glitter pinecone last year at his school, he kept it in his backpack, and took it out when I wasn’t watching. He kept it and wrapped it in secret. Then he gave it to us as the last gift on Christmas eve. It was so beautiful! And he was only three! To have kept it a secret for so long… And if they don’t, what kind of parents don’t help their kids get presents for the other spouse, of for the other siblings? Have they taken away the act of giving even for each other? Just so sad.
I don’t see much wrong with what you are doing. Lets face it as the kids get older the types of gifts change and they go from quantity to quality – i.e. a bunch of little gifts for when they are younger to maybe a few less but more expensive – say video games when they are older. Each year is different, each year they get older and if your kids are okay with everything and they are still getting some presents from family – ie you didn’t ban anyone else from gifting to them, then I say go for it! I think it is a worthy thing to do and to all the people that are hating on you – IT IS 1 YEAR PEOPLE!!! Its not like it is going to kill anyone…….
While we haven’t cancelled Santa and presents completely we have put a major limit on what we will be giving to our children this year as well. Their level of entitlement this year is way past out of control and it has gotten to the point where we need to do something to change it. I totally agree with you and your husband for taking a stand and trying to teach your children something that they will hold forever. You go girl!
BRAVO to you and your husband Lisa!!!!! You are truly the best parents ever and are doing an AMAZING job raising your boys to be the type of young men our world needs.Thank you for being brave enough not only to stand up to your own children but sharing your story on national news. I now
consider you both role models. Sincerely, another mom of three dudes……
P.S. 30+ years ago my cousin received only one gift from Santa……a bag full of switches. He’s now a wonderful man, and yes, we still tease him about this! 🙂
I think you are fabulous and wish all the parents that are complaining would realize you are doing society a huge favor. Not only are you teaching your children not to feel entitled, you are teaching them to see the needs of others, help fulfill them and also how to sympathize. I think you rock.
I fully support you decision to cancel Christmas Lisa and think you are providing a valuable life lesson to your kids that they will never forget. I also applaud you for staying so clam during your fox interview that involved a debate with the woman who wrote a parenting book. Everything that came out of her mouth was sugar-coated crap that pretty much said, “our kids are entitled to gifts even if they haven’t earned them and they shouldn’t have to”. What a load of garbage! I wanted to let you know how nice it is to actually see a mother be proactive in their childrens life lessons. Some may think the approach is too harsh but like you said, you are still following family traditions but focusing more on giving then receiving. What has happened to our society that Christmas HAS to include presents!? That isn’t the purpose of Christmas and it about time that everyone wake up and realize it.
That is supposed to say *calm not clam hahah
Im curious how you and your husband decide which children you donate to are naughty or nice. And if you dont, I find that a tad hypocritical to say the least
For those who complained and maliciously stated that the mom has no clue and the kids brattiness was because of her incompetency: you do know that children could pick up bad traits from school/friends, right? My mom raised me and my sister equally, but because we have different clique (she’s the beauty queen, I’m the nerd) and eventually different high school we have totally different personality as if we were raised differently. Any one with a child should know this, the peer pressure is even written in Little Women back in the 1800s.
Also, the best of kids test boundaries, go through developmental changes that challenge their disposition, and various other influences like little sleep, stress, and just asserting one’s
desires. Parents must use their own judgement, but consistency is always the most efficient way to teach correct behavior and self control. It shows that you actually care and love them enough to keep boundaries, but will also help them overcome their difficulties. Giving in does none of that.
Dear John and Lisa,
My kids are 20 and 29, every year at Christmas – prior to celebrating it themselves – we (as a family) have gone and purchased the newest, coolest toys and donated them to a local toy drive. I believe this and your action/idea/decision are similar. My boys had to pick stuff they would have loved to have for another child. The caveat was that they could not then get that gift from “Santa”. No children were harmed in this endeavor (tongue firmly planted in cheek). It helped them to become more compassionate and understanding about other children who maybe didn’t have the advantages they had. I applaud your decision and give huge high-fives to your kids who have found the true silver lining in the lesson.
Vicki
I think that your children will learn alot and always remember this Christmas. The only thing I would do if it were me in your place, is Santa would probably bring a gift or two to each child, with a note saying how they went from the “naughty list” to the “nice list” because of all the good things they did this year. Santa recognizing their good deeds would be a nice surprise. Merry Christmas, and keep up the good work!!
Good for you for taking a stand! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know you probably won’t even read this comment, but thank you anyway!
Coming from Indonesia where massive gift-giving is unheard of, my first Christmas in US shocked me. First of all the amount of shopping we did was so ridiculous that it barely fit the trunk of my husband’s compact car, but what amazed me was even after the distributing all the presents, the presents that we have for the three of us (including our little daughter) was enough to filled the whole trunk AND the back seat of the car. I can’t help thinking, is it really necessary? The sad part is, the kids got so many presents that they didn’t even recall which one is from who, or even what they actually got. They simply lost track. Our daughter never even wore the sweater we got for her, not even once. I don’t think she even remember we got her one. There are such thing as too much of a good thing.
And for people that said the mom is not doing her job because the kids are disrespectful, please remember that children does not only absorb attitude from their parents, they also mimicked their friends at school. Remember that it takes a village to raise a child.
I think this is AWESOME!!!! I just WISH more parents would do something similar and not just around Christmas time. Kudos and congratulations to you.
Congratulations and a good decision in a difficult situation. So many of the commenter criticize you implying that you have “control” over your children and therefore failed by not getting your desired result initially have never been “real” parents. Kids have agency too, and parents only really control them in cases of risk of physical harm where you must step in. I think you kids will thank you in the future for the lessons you taught them this Christmas.
With all of the attention that your blog has received, I am wondering if you should remove the picture of your children. We know that there are dangerous people out there and too often we tend to post public pictures of our kids. With all of the press and news of your blog reaching national news outlets, it may be a good idea. Just a thought 🙂
What struck me the most was how your children reacted. It speaks to their character (and, I imagine, the character of you both as parents) that they seem to be taking as much joy (maybe more) from helping others and making gifts for each other, as they would have in receiving them this year. I’ve taught for nearly 25 years, and I’ve never met a truly bad child, just a lot of unfortunately bad parenting. I admit the CNN title line made me dubious. But, after reading your blog, I think the message you’ve sent is incredibly positive, and will stay with them the rest of their lives. Bravo.
I would be very interested to read more about what you describe as “entitlement” and how you help your kids understand what that means.
Thank you for sharing your story, for doing it right as parents, and may you continue to have a fulfilling holiday season!
What you are doing today will stick with your children for years to come – and I do not mean that in a negative way. Congrats to you on teaching your children the TRUE meaning of Christmas!
By punishing them for all the world to see?
Too many of today’s generation have the sense of entitlement and parents everywhere have overindulged their children due to their busy lives, their guilt, their misinterpretation of what it means to do more for their children than what was done for them as a child. I applaud you for taking the ball back into your court (analogy here for those of you who think I’ve lost focus) and making each basket (opportunity) count in order to win the game as a parent. Of course you are not guaranteed a win, but again I applaud you for trying to ensure that your children understand the importance of giving, of Christmas, and that it’s not always all about them. More parents (myself included) could and should learn from this and reconsider the way in which Christmas is celebrated within their own home. Good Job!
I’ve noticed that when “entitled” kids grow up and join the workforce they don’t shed the attitude and make things bad on the honest people that don’t have that lame dysfunction. Thanx for doing everyone that will meet your kids in the future a favor by nipping this in the bud now. ✂
AT first I thought that this was a bit extreme, but as I read the post, I thought “Bravo.” I know too many people with children that make idle threats about taking away their phone, or their computer or their I-Pads, and never have the balls to see it through. And their kids know it. They KNOW that their parents are full of crap, so the bad behavior and sense of entitlement continues. Bravo to you.
Excellent! Children of all ages need to understand the relationship between actions and consequences. I’ll lay a bet that come Christmas 2015 the children will be a little better behaved, assuming mom and dad don’t cave in on this.
In any case, Christmas is a holiday that is about Jesus of Nazareth, not the retail segment of the local economy. Exchanging gifts has nothing to do with Christmas.
I think what you did was a wonderful idea! Today Christmas is all about the presents under the tree, when really its more about giving to others in need. Your children are learning how to be caring and giving. I think more people should do what you are doing. It is a wonderful story to share! Have a Merry Christmas and God Bless! 🙂
How on earth is this controversial? How can anyone be upset with parents teaching their kids a valuable life lesson by doing good for the community? I have no feelings about this blog or family personally, but this is the type of discipline that more parents should embrace.
I love this! You’re teaching your kids the most important lesson and showing them that true happiness comes from serving others. Well done.
i completely agree with you. i have 3 sons too. and if they do get to the same point yours did, i will do the same. in fact, maybe instead of waiting might really have to consider doing this soon so they truly understand the meaning of christmas. which is about giving and not receiving. these kids these generations are all about entitlement. thank you for posting and letting us know its okay to take stand. even the wife and i catch ourselves threatening to cancel but havent hit the lid off yet but thanks.
Kudos…….I have been that parent……I am a single father of an autistic son….He was acting up. Hitting me…..yelling….peeing the bed (because he did not want to get out of bed after he had stopped all summer) lying….. I too made a statement….while I did not completely take away Christmas….I made a statement. Santa leaves a letter every year telling my son what he has done good……needs improvement….. That year the santa letter was not a happy letter. Santa only left underwear, socks, and a bedwetting alarm. My son cried for about an hour…….To this day He still reads that letter when he is being disrespectful and mean. I agree with you….children need to learn the true meaning of Christmas and life……..Thanks for being a great parent….big hugs
Laughing at the thought of an autistic kid getting a bed-wetting alarm for Christmas. 🙂
Good for you and your husband! Kids these days have the idea that they should always be on the receiving end of the gift giving. I believe if we teach them that it is better to give than to receive and show them the joy in helping others who are not as privileged as us, then we will have done well. We should all pay more attention and show more love to our neighbor.
Awesome, this is kick ass. Every little brat needs to go through something like this.
Much Kudos! Thank you for taking a stand. Totally support you. This will make your kids into better people in the future.
Way to go Mom and Dad! We battle with entitlement as well, and we do not “spoil” our kids with much at all-we have 6 of them and we live on a very modest income. Entitlement mentality is pervasive in our society to the point that it is crippling young men and women from reaching their potential in Christ. Sadly many mothers and fathers also have and entitlement mentality. It seems that the pendulum went from depression era rooted thriftiness to let’s buy them everything we never had. I was raised somewhere in the middle, and so was my husband. However, grandparents, who know better lol, and seeing all that their friends have, makes us seem like the bad guys for “denying” them all the latest fads and gadgets. I sense the pendulum is beginning to swing back to something more sensible. I pray for children who are content without excess-understanding that being blessed does not always equate to finances. By showing them like you have with your children what the smallest things, sometimes even just basic necessities, mean to a child in a 3rd world country, I hope they can understand that 99.9 percent of our “problems” and “disappointments” are First world issues, and even spiritually rooted in many cases. Thank you for sharing in spite of criticism. You have done this in a way that I feel should encourage others to look at their own situation and determine if this or something similar is right for their family. Blessings on your Christmas season!!
You can get trolled for the slightest thing on the internet. You’re brave people posting your parenting efforts and I admire your commitment. I recall getting virtually nothing at Christmas because of financial hardship but I was fed, clothed and loved. Can’t complain and certainly think one missed Christmas could teach more than a lifetime of empty fulfillment.
Awesome!!! I wish I had thought of this when my children were younger!!
I think the choice you and your husband made was an excellent one and I think your kids will thank you for it one day! Thank you for being a loving, responsible parent who has their kids best interests at heart. Kids have so much more these days and the more they get, the more they want…it’s a never-ending cycle. This will definitely help them appreciate what they have now.
Parenting, you are doing it right. Good job!
Just 2 x 2 words : Thank you & Well done. Ans i just can’t understand why people were angry about this decision. Merry Christmas
I just first want to say “Bravo”. You are indeed very brave but a better parent and role model for the rest of us for your actions. I am doing sort of the same thing right now with my family. We have five children with us full time and now after years of praying for it, my fiances’ two children who’s mother has kept them from us for the last four years has moved back so the five already feel like Christmas has come early. Every year we have had very somber and slightly empty Christmases because a part of our family (big part) was missing. This year we have made a focus on all the things true to the real meaning of Christmas and even though we have children ages 13 to 3 they have all come together in agreement that Christmas is about way more important things than presents and getting materialistic stuff.
I salute you for following through on a much uttered threat. Not at all a bad lesson for the boys to learn. Learning to GIVE is something that many kids these days miss. Bravo Mom! Well Done!
I totally agree with you and I commend you and your husband for showing your children what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. So many people go broke just to get their kids the latest in thing which leaves them wanting more and that sense of “entitlement” you where talking about. I have printed this out for my oldest son to read to my youngest son and if their behavior doesn’t change I too will Cancel Christmas!! Thank you for standing strong and putting “Christ” back into Christmas and less about receiving. May you and your family a blessed Christmas!!
I don’t have children myself but do know of others whose children are spoiled & parents give in & as you say don’t follow thru. This is a great time to give to those less fortunate in this economy. Sending old toys & clothes wonderful idea!!!!! We sometimes have way toooo much. This is awesome & kudos to you both. Your kids will be more grateful of those that they do receive
I’m on the fence with this one. I see her point, but my question is how they got to that place to begin with? How were the kids so bad and entitled that this was ever necessary? All kids are different and some are certainly more difficult than others (and maybe that is absolutely the case here – I don’t know them so this is all just speculation) but I really can’t help but wonder that if there was more discipline and humility taught in their day to day lives prior to this if it would even be an issue. There are so many daily ways to teach your children the joy of giving. While yes, we need to be more mindful of the true meaning and value of Christmas – there seems something very wrong with using the day (or lack there of) as a form of punishment. People do go overboard with gifts for their kids and spoil them etc. but Christmas should feel joyful. I just can’t help wonder if there was a better way to maybe balance it out a little more. And there is still time – maybe they will?
I agree with you completely. I feel like the article on Fox didn’t let you say everything you wanted and I don’t think everyone read your blog entry to see what you actually are doing and how well it is going. Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
I gotta tell ya – this makes me feel good about my decision (or fence-sitting) about turning off not only Christmas but his birthday as well. We’re entering the 13 year-old teenage boy age. The disrespect, eye-rolling, “whatevers”, and task-telling X’s a billion – this momma is DONE! I purchased one gift for him for his birthday (which is tomorrow) and it’s sitting in the hidey hole until his attitude warrants it. Our children’s generation of instant gratification & first world problems (his Christmas wish list contained 2 items that were under $100 though most were over $200 – like I *EVER* spend that much on him) is creating spoiled, selfish, arrogant young adults. I haven’t fully decided about Christmas – he has one week left to turn things around. Birthday will be a pack of socks and dinner. He’ll be lucky on the socks! Good job & thanks for unknowingly being supportive! 🙂
Merry Christmas!!
You are an awesome Mom and today children who have a little less than others can pick up that sense of entitlement. For My two girls there will be a few gifts that I bought over the summer while I was working until my car broke down and I lost my job, So I have been spending time making some really nice home made gifts to put under our tree this year. Meanwhile spending what money I do have into getting my car fixed so I can get another job and start working. I have canceled birthdays and Halloween in the past due to bad behavior. So way to go mom and yes, before anyone can say anything my two daughters have done charity work. They have helped collect food for Thanksgiving and Christmas for our local food pantry, that helps out families not only during the holidays but also during the rest of the year. We go through their clothes and donate to a domestic violence shelter that helps not only woman with children but men who have custody of their children. No we are far from rich but we are rich in other ways and always find time to do crafts, play games and bake together. My daughters may not have much but they have me and I have done all I can for them as a single mom.
You two are great parents. No one wants to raise spoiled brats. But most parents these day do. You start out giving in every time your child has a fit in the store and allow them to get what they want every time they cry, you end up with selfish spoiled brats. That the world has to deal with. The teachers, their friends, your friends and the family. God Blessed these three little boys with parents who truly care about them. When they grow up they will remember this lesson and be happy that their parents cared that much about them. This is truly an act of love. And the next time they are told to behave or straighten up their behavior, they will get the message loud and clear. More parents should model their child rearing after you.
I think what you are doing is GREAT! What people don’t understand is you are not canceling the family time, the decorating, the celebrating, you are only canceling the presents the MATERIAL part. We as a society are so wrapped on how much money we can spend on Christmas presents, I mean look at how stores are opening up earlier and earlier every year so shoppers can go out and get a great deal on material things. You are teaching your children a valuable lesson while still enjoying the magic of the holiday and the family together time, which without the added distraction of new games/toys/etc. Growing up my parents did not have much $, and what they did get me for Christmas was appreciated. I now have several nieces and nephews to buy for and I feel obligate to spend spend spend, but I can’t afford to be elaborate. Bravo to you and your husband!
Thank you so much for writing this! I am loving the whole idea/concept!!!
This is a great idea! I love how the kids are making presents for each other and are also focused on giving rather than receiving. I don’t know how anyone could bash you for this! Maybe you will start a new Christmas tradition. I think if more people did this, we’d be a better society.
Kudos to you for being a good parent. Being a parent means giving values, not things! Hats off to you!
I think this is a fantastic lesson to be learned. When I was very young, I acted the same way – complaining about not having anything to do, my toys weren’t good enough, etc. My dad wasn’t having any of it. He put me in the car, and drove me around some really rough neighborhoods to show me how much I actually had, and to never act so ungrateful again. I was only 5 or 6, yet I still remember it so vividly at 29. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I really enjoyed reading your reason behind your decision. Thank you for posting it.
YOUR AN AWESOME MOM!!!! THANKS FOR SHARING. A LOT MORE PARENTS SHOULD FOLLOW
Your children will thank you once there adults and really
understand the lesson you are teaching them. My Grandmother was born a poor
coal miner’s daughter. No, really she was. She worked very hard and acquired several
million dollars before she passed away. Every year she would let me pick one
toy from the previous year’s Christmas gifts and we would deliver them with a
turkey to an orphanage in northern Mississippi. I met some really nice girls at
the orphanage, that weren’t so fortunate then myself. After the first year, I
looked forward to seeing them and took extra care of my toys so they would
receive nice dolls and such. Thank you for setting such a good example.
WOULD THIS FAMILY ALSO CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING AT A LOCAL SOUP KITCHEN FOR CHRISTMAS DAY?
You are a truly good parent and I love this story. As I sat wrapping present after present last night for an 11 year old, I was concerned it wasn’t enough because he isn’t getting the gaming system he wants and we aren’t willing to buy (he has others). Now I am thinking of what I can return to the store because he doesn’t need any of it. Thank you so much for sharing your story and KUDOS to you!
Brilliant! That is it, you are simply brilliant! Not only are your children learning the gift of giving but the value of what is given to them as well. I commend you on doing this and yet not taking away their childhood belief in santa. Way to go.
This year is a little tight, not because we are poor but because we made a very big purchase for our daughter earlier this year. She knows that her present isn’t under the tree but living in the barn. She would be fine with no presents this year. But we started when she was young by volunteering at a Christmas Toy Shop and donating toys and time to deliver the toys to kids who did not have the same blessings as she. She went through her own toys and found gently loved toys, she saved money to buy new toys and she helped deliver toys to those homes since she was 4. She gathers up her outgrown clothes each year to donate also. What you are doing is awesome! I love it! It celebrates the Reason for the season.
Thank you for this inspiring letter! I feel THE EXACT SAME WAY YOU DO!! The bad part is, I dont have support from my husband! My children are not thankful for anything that they recieve, I cant stand it. I tell my kids all the time that we need to be thankful for what we have because there are so many kids that dont get to do “extras” or get everything that my kids get… but it doesnt seem to matter. We are not rich! We live paycheck to paycheck but my kids seems to have everything. But they always want more! When I would tell the kids that we cant afford something, their usual response was “then go get a job!” (I was a stay at home mom until this October! I was diagnosed with a form of cancer this summer so I needed to go back to work to help pay for medical bills.) My husband agrees that our kids are spoiled rotten but he would never agree to canceling Christmas. We had no where to go on Thanksgiving so I suggested feeding the homeless on the stree. My husband said “No way! Dont be an idiot! We will never expose our kids to what could possably happen in that kind of setting!! The shelters told me that we cannot help them because our kids are too young to help! I tell you all of this because I think what you did was WONDERFUL!! Way to go!!! Christmas, and everyday life, isnt about getting more and more and more. Most kids, including my own, fell this way! They need a reality check!! I congradulate you! You are an amazing woman and mother!! Kiddos to your husband too!! (We are on no social media what so ever in my house. I literally had a teacher call me once and tell me that my then 10 year old needs to have access to “the real world” and I am holding her back by not allowing her access to Facebook…”)
My husband and I cancelled Christmas 9 years ago and we have never gone back. Our children were also ungrateful and entitled, now they are very responsible, mature, adults that will never go out and bankrupt themselves for a holiday! They are not traumatized or emotionally stunted because we didn’t buy them gifts. Now we volunteer our time to worthy causes at the holiday season.
Say it like it is. This isn’t “bring back the meaning of Christmas”. This isn’t “let’s strike a blow for ending materialism”. This isn’t anything altruistic. This is you and your husband punishing your kids. Don’t say “consequences” to lighten it up anymore than calling adultery “affair” to soften it. You and your husband got mad at your kids, warned them, and now this is punishment. That’s a disgrace to everything Christmas stands for. If you are a believer, then the heart of Christmas would be “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”, meaning He gave to us while we were at our worst. Even if you don’t believe, making a holiday like Christmas about punishment and your negative emotions towards your kids its core is wrong. Kids follow parental example. Giving, kind, empathetic parents who SHOW generosity all year without hypocrisy raise kids who feel good about that. If your kids actually felt “entitled”, it is because it is in you. Inconsistency causes this. You could have given “consequences” all year. Christmas is all about mercy. The first gifts you ever should give to are to your children, and they to you. That’s called real love, not this whole punishment crap disguised as something altruistic. Pure hypocrisy.
Lisa, congratulations on doing the right thing for your children. It sounds like they have accepted your husband’s and your decision and are learning a valuable lesson from it. Better they learn it now rather than later. And good for you for not caving into the commercial aspect of the holiday.
-DJB
Calm down people. This family didn’t really ‘cancel’ Christmas. They just decided to do everything but the gift giving. It’s all in how you present it to the children – it doesn’t have to be a punishment.
It’s amazing how powerful marketing is. This emotional reaction from the readers is all thanks to very successful Christmas marketing campaigns brainwashing Americans to run around like chickens with their heads cut off, to spend beyond their means and to stress their kids out with tons of stimulation.
We don’t celebrate Christmas at all and my kids are happy, healthy, and GRATEFUL. We spend the holiday season volunteering at the local homeless shelter, feeding people who can’t afford to buy all those junky plastic toys.
Bravo Lisa!
Good for you. I did this 2 years ago to my son who was a pre-teen. Just my son, because he was very disrespectful 4 days before Christmas. ‘Straighten up, or you won’t get any gifts. I have the receipts, and not afraid to use them’… ‘I. DON’T. Care’…. Okay….
Not all gifts mind you. He’d still get the new socks, snowboots, and jeans. Just not the gaming unit that had been sitting in the closet for a few months biding its time. All of the relatives had purchased games and accessories to go with the system. No to all of it!
It did not go over well with my husband, my parents or my in-laws. Every one started blaming me. How I was being a bad parent. How dare I think about taking Christmas away. I was wrong for giving the ultimate ultimatium. (ok, maybe I was, but it was out there, couldn’t take it back). How can we expect kids to understand what we expect, if we just reward them anyway?) I told the inlaws that if it was going to be a problem, that we just wouldn’t visit for Christmas. (I live across the street!) For 3 nights, I got endless calls to see if I’d changed my mind. Nope. On Christmas Eve, there were calls to say that the relatives were going to just go ahead and give him the gifts so that they would be from someone else.
That did not sit well with me. If that was the plan, we wouldn’t be seeing them before New Years.
So Christmas came. Tension between me and the family was THICK! Thankfully, the gaming system remained wrapped, in the closet. It remained there until March. I had been going to give in and give him the gift, still wrapped in Christmas paper, at New Years, but he got an attitude. Next up was Valentine’s .. same thing. Finally, for St. Patrick’s Day, my parents said, can we give it now? Before it’s outdated? So, my kid got his Christmas present, still wrapped in Christmas paper, for St. Patrick’s Day.
Great story, thank you for sharing it. And why to go for hanging in there. I’m a bit speechless how out-numbered you were.
HATS OFF to you and your husband!! You shouldn’t have to explain yourself as to they way you discipline your kids. I understand fully! I have thought about doing the same thing because my kids don’t want to OBEY, DO CHORES, DO HOMEWORK, BRING HOME GOOD GRADES…..and these are things that they will need in life. It’s not about being a mean or lazy parent…it’s about teaching them values and that life is not easy. My kids don’t have much, but they are taken care of and often get what they want when I don’t really have it. Keep raising your kids with good values and they will grow to be respectable young men!
I did read the post, I read it about 5 times to gather my opinion. I stand by my opinion, even if others, including the mom that wrote this post disagrees. Do you have kids? I raised 3 kids, and I would redirect my behavior all the time to alter theirs. It is a consistent, ongoing, often times exhausting process, with huge benefits when kids grow up to be productive, loving caring, and compassionate human beings. What I gathered in this post, mom got fed up after the results of spoiling turned into entitlement. It is not the kids fault, the kids are only doing what kids do, and what is taught to them by mom/dad. If they have celebrated Santa, and Christmas every year, but this year, they were “naughty, thus no presents under the tree.. it sends a very negative message, and I don’t care how much fun they are currently having NOW. Mom is going from one extreme to another…These boys are pretty young, and mom have plenty of time to redirect without taking extreme measures of taking away a child’s joy of Christmas morning…….. BTW, if they are doing all these things NOW to give, act selflessly, etc etc.. I do believe Santa would put them on the “NICE” list…. but in this punishment there is no redeeming themselves… you will give, you will do all these great things NOW, and still.. you end up on Santa’s naughty list…. they are far too young to understand this lesson in such a quick time period…
I love what you’re doing – ignore the meanies! Merry Christmas!!!!
While I agree about public shaming (though I’m not sure this really is public shaming – the kids didn’t really seem “ashamed” in the video I saw), I would disagree with the sentiment that all the blessings have been received for their good deeds. A chapter before Jesus says not to do your good deeds to be noticed by men or you have received your blessings in full (Matthew 6), He says to so let your light shine before men that they see your good works and glorify God in Heaven. I think one of the values of blogs today is that we can have a cyber community (where we SO lack a physical community) where we can watch and learn from others. I think what is being modeled here is a great thing – and as long as it is done for the right reasons (which it seems to be), it is more of a Matthew 5 thing than a Matthew 6 thing.
You definitely have a good outlook on it.
I’m home sick today, so it’s really the only reason I was on FB poking around. With that said, I have made a point to NOT patronize this type of “mommy blog” for many reasons.
The family has definitely done some great things, but blogging it for the purposes of blog readership is eh… very self serving.
She might not have thought about it as shaming her children, but once your story hits national news, Facebook, and all the other social media sites, I believe you are opening your children up to public ridicule.
I agree with you in that we all participate at some level as a “virtual” community. However, the virtual community is not kind, and probably not the type of acceptance I would ever desire to validate myself or get my personal worth from.
I’m rambling, sorry… but I don’t see good things coming from this in the virtual community.
For them personally, I bet the kids have grown a lot personally from this, at least I hope they would!
Further, the mom does NOT need to justify that they are well clothed and have plenty of stuff. Again, that is NOT the purpose of Christmas!!!
I am sorry you are sick!
I definitely think that any kind of community has the potential for misuse and abuse. I have seen people in real (as opposed to cyber) community who fall into some of the same pitfalls (spending too much time nurturing that community at the expense of their families, airing family laundry, running down husband or children because we have an audience, etc…etc..) – and it definitely has its potential for sin. However, I suspect that it is also a blessing to a good number of people. At any rate, you are wise to recognize the pitfalls and do what you need to to avoid them.
I hope you are better soon! (And, with that said, I better get off of here as I have wandered far from the reason I got on the computer! God bless!)
I applaud you for teaching your children an important lesson. I am sure it was not easy. More parents, myself included, should discipline their children, even if it is difficult. Too many, myself included again, take the easy way. There are consequences in the future. I am living it now.
We did something very similar with our children one year when we felt they expected too much. We did not “cancel” Christmas, but we did restrict it to homemade presents and gift wrap. It was a wonderful Christmas; one that reminded us of the true meaning of Christmas.
Good for you. It looks like your boys are learning a valuable lesson this Christmas–the true meaning for the season. I wish more parents were like you!
I think it’s great that you took a stand, and it’s neat to see how the kids’ attitudes are improving from it!
Good for you
Good job! It seems to me that people are way too entitled in this country. Maybe that’s why you received negative criticism, because it hit a nerve. But at the end of the day, you and your family may have done more than the rest of us. I’m sure the people in the Philippines will be grateful that someone is thinking of them and not so much the gaming consoles or flat screened t.v.’s. We need more people(parents) like you, willing to do take the road less traveled and to parent with purposemeaning.
I actually think giving to the needy is a wonderful thing to do…I myself each year choose one to two children a year that i buy coats, clothing and toys for. I do this for two reasons (1) to help those who are in need and to let them know there are people that care and (2) to remind myself how lucky myself and my family is. While i think its wonderful that you are buying for the needy…I have to say I do not agree with punishing your kids for things that all kids all over the United States do…bickering, hitting thier siblings…we have all been there and witnessed our own kids go at it…because in essence you are punishing them…which i can tell you that the older the child the more they remember and when your 11 year old grows up he is going to remember that Christmas most and probably think you were mean bitch. Sounds to me you have trouble within your own child rearing skills and maybe it’s you and your husband’s problem.
I too, love that they did the service project. My issue is that it is publicized. When you give alms, you should do so in private. All her rewards and blessings are coming in the form of Blog hits, and not blessing stored in Heaven.
Agreed Katielyn…I’m not sure these children or at least the younger too will understand the skematics of what the parents are trying to convey here…but i feel they should have kept it to themselves as I now believe they are slacking in their own parenting…children live what they learn…and siblings have been fighting since the beginning of time.
You are amazing!!! I love the meaning and thought behind this!! I know it is hard to hear people ripping on you, it sucks in fact! However, you are the only one who knows what is best for your family and your kids! I love that you have canceled Christmas!! You are an amazing mom and are raising boys to be grateful and empathetic, they will be amazing men someday!!! :o)
I see that your blog post has really “gone viral” and you’re catching a lot of flack for it. I just wanted you to know that sharing this with the world was a brave thing and I admire you for it. Admitting to the world that your own kids were feeling entitled is not an easy thing to do! By being real, you are making a lot of other parents in the same situation feel they are not alone. Your methods may not be the choice everyone would make but it certainly is food for thought and a great catalyst for discussion.
As for the folks who are blaming you and your husband for your kids feeling entitled, do they really think that you can truly “make” a child feel a certain way? I can remember being shamed into cleaning my plate because I should think of the starving kids in China who had no food. It did nothing to make me want to eat my broccoli. Actions speak much louder than words to kids and you came up with an effective way to get your point across. Kudos to you!
We have struggled with the same sorts of issues and trying to find a way for the kids to appreciate the spirit of the season rather than the expectation that there will be a lot of things coming their way. I want them to realize how good their lives are and how much they have. I want them to work on understanding that others are not so fortunate and they should not take it all for granted. I am sorry to hear that others have not been so supportive of your decision and just want to say that I love some of your ideas to get the kids involved, giving and working on understanding the generosity that is the holiday season.
I would like to make an additional comment:
Kids don’t get entitled, parents first believe they are entitled and then enable their kids to be entitled. It is the parents who have no true idea who they are at all, instead awash in all the fictional marketing and brainwashing and keeping up with the Kartrashians
good for you I agree & if we don’t start early children will never learn ! with you 1000% I see way to much entitlement . great you took a stand !
we would do the same I remember one Christmas our young son didn’t like a gift he was given well it took me 1 second to pull him aside & tell or tell him regardless what it is you say thank you , it never happened again , first today parents want to be there friends I say first I’m your parent then your friend !
Good for you. I’m always happy to buy my nephews gifts, I’m always happy to donate gifts to needy children but then I see children who are screaming,I work in a store.,and having fits but the parents are STILL buying them stuff. C’mon! Do it! It’s important for them to learn and that’s what we need to do. Stop buying overly entitled kids gifts if THEY DO NOT deserve them!
I personally think this decision was a wise move, for many of the same reasons other commenters on here listed who are proponents of your decision.
I think the biggest problem in the majority of U.S. families are their priorities, with extreme materialism being the first order of business, which then subverts all things that are truly important in this life.
That said, most parents won’t change that dynamic in any meaningful way because, as the cliche goes, ‘you must first admit you have a problem…” I don’t think you ruined Christmas for your kids at all; you enhanced it tremendously.
Your kids will thank you for this valuable lesson, and it will become more precious as they age into adulthood.
P.S. – I’m not religious at all. However, there’s no doubt you did the moral, correct thing (which is usually much harder to follow through with). And, if you happen to be religious, then I’m sure your god and/or savior, and/or prophet(s) would approve.
For those parents saying this is “mean” and “takes away from the magic of the season”, does the season entitle children to automatically get whatever they want? Doesn’t Santa’s “naughty list” exist for a reason? Some parents say this is “lazy”? Seriously? Obviously, those parents have either perfect children, or spoiled ones. Kids need to learn how to be respectful to each other and to parents. And in reading many of the posts in here, I would say many of these people never learned to be respectful themselves. Others should not be belittled for their decisions, opinions or actions just because it’s not what “you would do”. People should not be belittled for grammatical errors! Lisa – you are a brave woman for opening yourself up to this 😉 And I do hope your boys learn a big lesson from this. Good luck! From a parent who can relate.
I give you both kudo’s for this. Seriously, i do. Christmas is NOT about gifts…it’s about others. They seemed to have learned a lesson from all this. Sure, it’s not conventional…but children must learn that they are not entitled to everything they want…just because they are kids. They need to learn to do good without reward….to do something good for someone and expect nothing in return. God bless you guys!
This is nothing new,?? my family have been doing the same and giving gifts ($ for chickens, goats, water buffalos)to needy through gospel for Asia and shepherd’s purse for years!
Lisa and John, you are amazing parents. Teaching your children that there is a consequence for very action is absolutely the right thing to do. I wish all parent(s) taught their children what is and what is not acceptable so as to raise caring, responsible people. I have not read any comments posted but want you to know that I believe people who post negative remarks are raising an uncompassionate, entitled future generation.
Lisa and John, you are providing the best Christmas for your family and the one that they will remember and cherish forever.
Kudos to you and your husband! Our country is very spoiled and have forgotten the best gift is the gift you give to those in need. Who’s to say-if need be, you can’t implement a Christmas of “homemade” presents that your sons can give to each other 🙂
But truly- this is not only a great way to restore humility-humbility, but to install the importance of community service and charity! I commend you and applaud both you and your husband.
I support your decision, you are a great role model ,mother and role model for other mothers. You took the Christmas away because they didn’t deserve it so now they have to use their Christmas to give back to other people which is not bad at all it’s teaching them how to love other people rather than be selfish and spoiled. You’re doing a great job keep it up!
As a future educator, I just wanted to say thank you for following through. Soon enough, I and teachers like me, will have your boys as students. You have taught them an invaluable lesson of following through and true meanings. Anyone who says you are a bad mom for this, likely has children who are horrible, ungrateful, and downright mean kids (and I know I’m going to get some saying “Mine aren’t!!” Whatever. Yes, they are.)
Keep up the great work. Future teachers (and current ones) thank you for it!
GOOD JOB!! Christmas is about giving to others not about receiving. You are teaching the kids a valuable lesson. Who cares what other people say! They are not the ones raising your children or paying your bills!!! You do the best you can for your children and hope in the end they will become adults who are productive citizens in their community and don’t feel like the world owes them everything.
I have SO MUCH respect for you guys and your stand. I think this Christmas will be remembered by your children more than any of the others, and I believe they will appreciate you for it. I wish more parents would join in and teach their children that having “things” is a privilege and not a right!
Ignore the naysayers and haters – it sounds like your kids are getting the lesson you’re teaching, having a nice time and enjoying the holiday in a wonderful fashion. It’s a well-written, interesting read.
I think it’s great that you are taking steps to correct your children’s behavior. However, children act out as a result of the way they are parented. What steps are you taking to amend your own behavior so that your kids no longer feel the need to act so disrespectfully?
This is a wonderful lesson to teach your children. The small amount of disappointment they feel today will be replaced with a sense of gratitude and respect as they realize how hard this was for you and your husband. Congratulations for taking a step outside of the commercialized holiday Christmas has become and teaching your children the true meaning behind Christmas. God Bless!
Lisa – I am SOOOO proud of you. You did good honey, and the guts it takes to do what needs to be done to teach them the right lessons is extremely difficult. You did it! And I love you very much … I’m so proud to call you my niece.
Ever heard of a dictionary?
cre·a·tive
krēˈādiv/
adjective
adjective: creative
1.
relating to or involving the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.
AN ORIGINAL IDEA = CREATIVE
What? I wasnt even talking about something being creative?
I totally get it Lisa and I totally support it!
Too many Americans are materially rich, while religiously bankrupt, they bear the yoke of spiritual hunger. The quiet celebration of the birth of Christ, has morphed into the perverse of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Yes, less IS more…sometimes much much more. Teaching our children the true meaning and joy of Christmas is a celebration of true Christianity. God Bless You-and your family. And, Merry Christmas to everyone!
May I offer another take on it? I don’t see this as “cancelling” Christmas at all – by changing the emphasis from getting storebought gifts to looking for ways to share and give, you are having a beautiful celebration. And I doubt you & your husband presented this to your sons as a punishment; it sounds like a choice made after thinking about what you want to see develop in their characters. Love that they’re enjoying being generous! I think you were very creative and brave to do this, and hope you’ll let us know how it goes despite the haters. Maybe the boys can be your guest bloggers for a day and share their reflections 🙂 A blessed Advent and Christmas to you all!
I applaud you!
Thank you for teaching them about what its really about,GOOD JOB MOM!!!
I’m proud of you as a mom, not only for taking a stand for your family, but also putting it out there for people see, knowing that people would tear you apart for it. I personally think your idea is amazing. And while my kids aren’t at this point yet, it wouldn’t take much to reach the point where I may just be forced to try out your method also 🙂
Jen I completely agree
You and your husband took responsibility for the young men that you are providing to this world. I would much rather there be three giving, respectful, and caring men than three entitled [email protected]$holes who think they deserve the world. Do not listen to the nay sayers because at the end of the day they are YOUR children and you raise them as you see fit. There has been no psychological harm in learning to give and love your fellow man.