*2015 update: This article was written by a prior author of Over the Big Moon. She is no longer contributing to this website. Out of respect for her and of the experience she and her family had, any emails sent to Over the Big Moon from the media in regards to this article will not be answered. Thanks for your understanding.*
It’s true. We have cancelled Christmas in our house this year. Well. at least the version of Christmas our boys have been focusing on.
Let me explain. We have not cancelled putting up decorations, celebrating the birth of our Savior, or any of our other heartwarming traditions. But, we have cancelled presents, Santa, and stockings. Their letters to Santa this year will be asking Santa to find someone who needs their presents more.
Here is why – John and I feel like we are fighting a very hard uphill battle with our kids when it comes to entitlement. It is one of the biggest struggles as a parent these days in middle class America. Our kids have been acting so ungrateful lately. They expect so much even when their behavior is disrespectful. We gave them good warning, either it was time for their behavior to change or there would be consequences. We patiently worked with them for several months and guess what, very little changed. One day after a particularly bad display of entitlement John said, “we should just cancel Christmas.” And, so that’s what we did.
Instead we will be taking the money we would have spent on presents and put it towards service projects and giving gifts to others this season. We are trying to teach them the pleasure of giving rather than continuing to feed their childhood desire for more.
The first project we did this season was to hold a clothing driving in our neighborhood. We gathered gently used clothing, sorted them, and packaged them up to send to a village in Northern Cebu of the Philippines. The village was hit hard by Typhoon Haiyan last year. Then the kids wrote letters and found hard candy from their Halloween stash that we could ship to the kids in the village. It was awesome! Instead of being sad over giving up their Halloween candy they were excited and kept wanting to give more and more. After we had the boxes all packaged up we mailed them. The kids loved it! It was a lot of money to ship and they understand that they gave up having something, so they could give these clothes to others.
We also ordered a couple of these 12 piece Nativity sets.
We will be choosing two families for the 12 days of Christmas. Each day we will deliver a different piece of the nativity. On Christmas day we will give them the last piece of the nativity, baby Jesus. We have a free set of printables for the Nativity countdown here. That will be 12 nights of fun memories we will be making trying to deliver the pieces without getting caught. We are also looking into an Adopt a Grandparent program. For Christmas dinner we have invited several older widows and couples in our area that don’t have family around to eat with us.
See what I mean? How cool will this Christmas be! Instead of focusing on what they will be getting, we will be keeping the focus on what they can give!
The few presents they get from Grandparents and other families members will be more cherished because the quantity will be less. They can enjoy what they get rather than feel overstimulated with so much. Christmas morning won’t be less special without Santa coming. Instead we can enjoy our Cinnamon rolls, play games as a family, and truly enjoy the few presents they did get. There is a good possibility that Santa will be writing them a letter of how proud of them he is and perhaps put a few pieces of hard candy and an orange in their stockings. We have Santa Stationary that is free for download.
I really think that we as parents need to take a step back and look at our motivation for giving gifts to our kids. Obviously we enjoy giving to our kids. That is not bad! But, have we gone too far? I have had so many people say to me, “This is such a good idea, but I don’t think I could do it.” Which was so true with my husband and I! I think we were more disappointed than our kids when we cancelled Christmas. How often are kids threaten that Santa won’t come if kids are naughty…. yet have you ever heard of anyone that really followed through on that threat? That is where the entitlement comes from. We continue to give our children things even when their behavior doesn’t warrant it, simply because we as parents don’t want to live with the consequences.
That is why we have taken a stand this year. While this may not be the best choice for everyone, it feels right for our family right now. We really want Christmas to be remembered for the right reasons and to keep the focus on the Savior and the feeling of giving. That is the true essence of Christmas. The feeling of kindness and giving are what give Christmas its magic. I am excited that our kids get to focus on that feeling. I am almost certain this will be the best Christmas they ever have!
Updated to add:
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. First, my kids are in no way hurting for things. It’s not like I took Christmas away from Tiny Tim here folks. They have good clothes, shoes, and so many toys they can’t keep their playroom clean. They are not sad about what we have done! They have reacted by making gifts for each other and sneaking them into each others stockings. They are learning exactly what we wanted them to learn, because they are not moping around feeling sorry for themselves. They are thinking of others.
The second thing I wanted to clarify is why I wrote this post. Some people seem to think I wrote this for attention. Ummm, the attention you get from posts like this is not good and actually extremely difficult to handle. Right now there is a whole thread, not only ripping me apart as a mother, but also ripping my kids to shreds. The reason I wrote this post is I want to empower parents to feel like it’s okay to take a stand. I think half of the reason we as parents are afraid to take a stand, is because we don’t want our kids to feel like they have the mean parents. I wanted to share what we are doing, so any parents that feel they are struggling with the same issues in their home can see what others are doing and get ideas for their family. My intention is to help support other parents and to raise amazing kids. Unfortunately we had to close the comments. There were too many people who were not being respectful to our family and also other commenters.
I wrote a follow up to this post on December 15th about how our month is going and also my response to the all the craziness surrounding our decision. You can read my response here.
You can also read the follow up on how our Christmas morning went here.
Menshealth99
Lisa, you rock. I am totally on your side here. I have two girls, age 14 and 10, and lately we have had many disagreements with them about feeling “entitled” to the things we give them with no sense of what I have done or contributed to earn these things. Just like the motto of Alcatraz, you are entitled to a bed, clothes, an education and food. Anything else you get is a privileged. We have talked about taking them to a homeless shelter to see how people who really have nothing live, so that they will be more appreciative of what we give them, and how they can help those in our community who are truly needy, not truly wanting.
We celebrate Hanukkah, and we gave up giving presents of junky toys a few years ago, and have never been happier. We give our kids presents of clothing and games. We do give them a fun gift, such as a CD from their favorite group.
charlie
Good for you. The mere fact that they are already making gifts for each other says a lot about them, and you as great parents. Merry Christmas
Jamie
I, for one, think what you’re going is great and it looks like the proof is in how your kids are reacting. Keep it up! ๐
Jamie
Ugh. Should be “what you’re doing.” I can’t edit the comment to fix.
[email protected]
The hateful comments from other parent make me cringe! This may not work for everyone, but it is working for you and your family. Sometimes you must do something drastic to teach a lesson. I can’t image that this is punishment for your children at all. I applaud you as a mother (and your husband as well) for standing up for what you believe, standing firm in raising your children to be caring and thoughtful adults and having the guts to publish it on your blog. Parenting is tough enough without be ripped apart by strangers. Merry Christmas!
drgnldy
Terrific post and with the best of intentions! I applaud your family sharing and creating a “true Christmas”. Merry Christmas to you all!
Breezy
I applaud you and admire you… I did this when my son was 10 years old. Not for misbehaving but I thought the true meaning of Christmas had been lost. I never regretted doing it.. Each Christmas he would get ONE gift. nothing big, just meaningful. If my son were alive today, he would be 44.. He always remembered the lesson and it was good for both of us. Each Christmas we would make a new memory, going to a movie, (which we never had done on Christmas) Cooking a Turkey and staying in. Just no gifts,, but Time together. It’s the most important. Good luck with your children
lori-g
Lisa, you are my new hero!! My sister sent me this because she knew I would love it and I do. You rock! I live in an affluent area where my biggest complaint is the entitlement of the kids in this area. Ok maybe second biggest after property taxes. lol. This is an inspiration! We do try to keep Christmas small but even all the little things add up to too much stuff that we don’t need. I applaud you and your husband for your decision! Your boys will have wonderful memories and stories from this Christmas forever!
Natalie Saylor
Don’t listen to the haters! You are teaching them a wonderful lesson about giving and they seem to be loving it. It sounds like you have brought much more meaningful traditions to your family over mindless consumerism. The people who are criticizing you are so brainwashed by our materialistic society that they can’t understsnd the loving lesson you are teaching them. You didn’t cancel Christmas…you brought back the true meaning of Christmas!
Jenna
I feel this is an amazing thing to do! We have done something similar. It is a great way to get back to where the roots are. Good on you and your family! ๐
Linda V Reid
What they are doing is not a punishment. they have now opened their children’s eyes to the fact that there are consequences and rewards depending on your behavior. The children have many toys and gadgets already. They are not being deprived of anything. They are being taught that others have much less and that inviting people to the house that otherwise might be alone is kind . They are teaching them that Christmas is not just about getting .The best gift the parents can give these children is that it really is better to give than receive . The children will receive joy in their hearts when they see the joy and happiness they bring to others with generosity. Well done and very courageous parents in my opinion.
Amanda
I saw AWESOME FOR YOU!!!! And AWESOME for your kids for handling the whole thing like they have been! Exactly like you were hoping. I see nothing wrong with this nad ALOT of parents should. too many screaming brats in the stores and the parents give in just to make them shut up. I was in Hobby Lobby recently and the mom had a baby and a toddler and the toddler was supposed to pick soemthing out for her new room and the mom was showing her some stuff and the toddler said “No I dont like that I hate it, you’re so mean Mommy!” and started screaming. the mom said “well if thats how you feel follow me, we are leaving” and the little girl was instantly was apologetic and still crying cause she didnt get to pick out anything and the mom left the store saying, how disrespectful that was for her daughter to say that to her and to behave that way and she wasnt getting rewarded for that bad behavior. PROPS to that mom too! Im not perfect, never will be, but i try so hard to teach my kids respect and when I see stuff like this happen..yes it happens, they are kids and they are tryingn to see what they can get away with. and they have to learn, like everyone else. but your article and what your family has done, I 100% support! And I love how your kids are handling it. GOOD FOR ALL OF YOU!!!
Helen Cole
You have given your children the greatest gift – and one which they will never forget – unlike, I suspect, many of the others you will have lavished on them! Bless you!
Helen Cole, France
Velma
You didn’t cancel anything; you changed the focus in a very positive direction.
Laura
I would love to see more parents doing what you’ve decided to do. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that the joy of giving is so much more special than the joy of receiving.
Robin
I say Amen… Good for you and your husband… I think its a good learning lesson for your boys and to all.. Maybe they will want to do the same thing next year and make it a tradition.. One never knows… Merry Christmas..
Lit Lovers Lane
I think what you’ve done is absolutely wonderful. As parents, you are the only ones to know when your children have gone too far in the entitlement direction, and you are the only ones who can effect a change. Others who deride you will be the ones with grownup kids who are always looking for something and thinking of no one but themselves. So, be proud of yourself. Going against the grain is not ever easy, but you have had the courage to do so, and in so doing, you are gifting the world with better human beings. Thank you.
Taya
Good on you! You saw a problem with your kids behaviors and actually did something about!! Well done and hope it goes great on the day!
Stella Bell
I applaude these parents – it is very difficult to stand firm and use tough love. You as a parent questions your decisions all the time asking did I do the right thing – decisions aren’t just to make situations better for the moment but also for the long term. The parents actions of cancelling Christmas will teach these children lessons that they will carry for the rest of their lives – that the world doesn’t revolve around them, that there are others in the world – and sometimes being gratful is enough – teaching childrent they have to earn what they get in life will shape and form them in their adult lives. More parents should be teaching these lessons. Parents lead by example and following through is the best thing to demonstrate to your childrent how to start something and how to finish it. PAT YOURSELVES ON THE BACK – GOOOD JOB – GOOD PARENTING – and don’t let anyone tell you any different – those who are trying to tell ou this is wrong they are teaching their childrent to be self centred and greedy.
Bobbi
Years ago when our family was very very young; our parents really had our backs and took care of our little family. The first year my husband and I could afford it ourselves we had so much fun buying and wrapping but the grandparents didn’t hold back either. That Christmas was overwhelming and out of control. We decided that year things had to change so we committed as parents on three gifts only. Essentially what was good for the Savior was good for them and it worked really well for Santa to bring something, a gift from Mom and a gift from Dad. We had service oriented activities around the home to help them serve each other and mom and dad. As our children got older we changed it again now they get two one from Mom and Dad. My children range from 14-28 at the age they decided they were to old to believe they became an elf. We gave them the money to purchase something and give to someone else. There are several trees around shopping centers, churches, homeless shelter, and the hospitals. It has been so rewarding to watch them find a person and then find a perfect gift. One year my now 18 year old daughter picked another girl her same age, we do have a ceiling of what they can spend but she recognized how blessed she is and she wanted to make the gift extra nice so she took her own money and added to it. When her younger siblings saw this they followed her example and now they save money to add to their gift giving sometimes they pick more than one person and spread it as far as they can other times they just add to the requested item to make it that much nicer. Just side note Santa still fills a stocking because if your an elf of course you believe.
christy
If more parents took a stand, society might not be heading in the direction it is today. I applaude you!
Sarah Wade
I think it’s a great idea! Good for you for taking a stand. I’m always amazed at how rude people can be online! I mean, if you don’t agree- just click off the page. There are plenty more things to read online. I’ll never understand. Anyhow- good for you! What a great idea… we may just do it ourselves!
Dale
I believe these are GREAT lessons you are teaching your children. Too many children & adults are all about what are you going to do for me. Wish I had thought to do this when my children were small & XMAS became all about GIME, GIME, GIME.
Dani Banigan
I think you guys rock. As parents you’re giving your kids something so much more special then a bunch of gifts on Christmas. Kids these days expect everything handed to them and it’s just not right. Bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded and I think canceling Christmas is a great way to show that and also teach them about giving to those in need. With all the cell phones, tablets, Jordan sneakers and other high priced unneeded items kids get these days, its refreshing to know that some parents really do want to raise their children to be well rounded individuals and not only understand that you don’t get rewards when being bad, or not behaving, but also that putting other first is a great thing. They will always remember how much fun they had packing those boxes of clothes and candy to send overseas. You’re giving them such good life lessons. Don’t led the nay sayers get to you, you guys are doing it right!
Lisa v
Bravo. My husband is half Dutch, so we adopted celebrating St. Nicholas Day last year, Dec. 6. That is the day that Santa Claus visits our family. The kids get 4 presents each, plus something little in their stocking, and candy in their wooden shoes. It’s so liberating! I finish Christmas shopping around Thanksgiving, and then we have the rest of December to focus on the real meaning of the season, Jesus Christ. We look for opportunities to serve other, fill our advent calendar with fun, meaningful family activities, and spend December thinking of homemade gifts to give each other on Christmas Day. My kids still have gifts from Grandparents and Aunts/Uncles on Christmas, but they know that the gifts given to them on Christmas are from someone that loves, cares, and thinks about them, not a mystical elf. The change did take courage and a bit of explaining to family and friends who couldn’t quite grasp our reasoning. Way to go.
Em
I find this inspiring. I’m a new mom with a 5-month-old daughter. I want to teach my precious baby about the joy of celebrating Christ’s birth and giving to those in need at Christmas time. Even before I heard about your post on a Catholic radio station, my husband and I were planning our Christmas tradition and how we can focus on the true meaning of Christmas, which means leaving out Santa. We’re still going to decorate a tree, make cookies, put up lights, and display a nativity scene. We’ll give her a gift (from us, not Santa), but not a huge gift, and this will be secondary to giving to those in need. Santa Claus won’t be coming to our house; instead she will grow up to know who St. Nicholas was and what he did. God bless you and other parents who want to raise incredible, grateful, generous, God-loving children.
Dorene Rowand-Schmidt
Wow I just read a bunch of replies below and they TOTALLY have nothing to do with “Cancelled Christmas”. Why do people have to go off on their own “war path” instead of sticking to the subject? Just tell Lisa how great (or horrible) her and her husband’s idea is. Personally I think it’s terrific!
Dorene Rowand-Schmidt
I think this is a wonderful idea. So many children don’t even know that the reason for Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ. I’ll admit we overwhelmed our son and usually our 6 nieces and nephews with presents Christmas day BUT I am so happy to say this tradition did not make our son (or most of our nieces and nephews) grow up to be a punk who expects everything to be given to him. By the age of 12 it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell us even one thing he wanted for Christmas. His retort to my questions would be, “I have enough for my own toy store, I don’t need anything else”. How proud that makes a parent feel.. oh and frustrated because you have to guess what they want. My husband and I stopped exchanging gifts decades ago because if we needed anything (and the older you get the less you need) we would just go buy it. I think having your children take part in choosing gifts to give to children who NEED things, like food and clothes, is a wonderful experience for them. As you said, they’ll still be getting gifts from other family members and they’ll experience the joy of giving to others. Our church helps support over 40 missionaries around the world and my guess is your church does the same, so sending them extra money to buy for their community would be a huge help. Our one missionary is the Philippines was just saying that the children she teaches are asking for more rice to eat. Congratulations on your idea!
Irene
I think you have opened a discussion that people are starting to have quietly because they are afraid of the judgement of other people. I believe we should all be able to make the best decisions for our family. I have many family members who give and give to their children without giving the hard things like discipline and values. My children are all grown and forming their own families the memories they share with me are not the gifts or the things. They share the experiences and the laughter. They share cookie baking and phone calls to Santa. If you had used Santa and Christmas as a beating stick, like my stepmother who threw the tree out the window, I would say that it was one moment of rage but like all good discipline your decision was an act of care made out of love and followed through with teaching and redirection. I think people who judge this choice should perhaps look at whether they are trying to defend some of their own bad choices. We need to support each other as parents.Enjoy what I hope will be your most wondrous and blessed Christmas.
Ileen
I like your family’s approach to this Cancelled Christmas!!!
Spiderlady
It’s great that you’re teaching your kids to give and enjoy it, but don’t they deserve to be rewarded for this? What you’re doing is not in the spirit of the Yule season as those of us the holiday belongs to understand it. In fact, your children wouldn’t be so “entitled” if you hadn’t brought them up to be that way, so why should they pay for *your* mistakes as a parent? They’re innocent kids!
501Venus
What is the spirit of Christmas? Using the propaganda that retailers are telling you to buy, buy & buy? They have the Christmas tree, they have the decorations, they are instilling the biblical lessons of Christ, the Wise Men & why Mary gave birth in a manger. What ‘spirit’ are you referring to?
Santa Claus as I just wrote was an angel of Christ formed into this messenger of commercialization & capitalization of a religious holiday. The story was invented basically by 2 men. Not, a ‘spirit’, an ‘angel’ or higher power but 2 men. It grew in popularity as advertisers & retailers learned they could make a mint abusing the holiday making it more non than religious. Religious holiday has been turned into the holiday of the retailers. The ‘spirit’ of Christmas is hope, fellowship, goodwill, love & hope. That is the ‘spirit’ and I hope you realize you are using spiritual phraseology to debate what you are trying to encourage.
Review what I wrote about the history of Christmas. Are you telling them not to observe the ‘Christ’ in mas, as they do with Xmas or holiday greetings? You are so focused on the gift bearing, note, Christmas is not the only time one can freely exchange (note word ‘exchange’) gifts. You or anyone can freely buy gifts anything day of the week, month or year daily, frequently or when you want to do it. So why are you so focused on Christmas if it isn’t for the ‘spirit’ of it?
What about all those kids never receive a gift?
501Venus
The reason why there is a holiday is because of the ‘Christ’ in mas. Pope Julius I (Catholic religious?) designated December 25th to observe the holiday.
The Santa Claus that we all know was created from the story of St. Nicholas. He supposedly rewarded those that have behaved well towards others and gave those that didn’t coal. Many in dominant protestant countries weren’t enthusiastic & dropped the image.
When the story got translated overseas to the USA sometime during the Revolutionary period the the saint’s name changed from St. Nicolas to Sinter Claus to Santa Claus. There is a comic 1809 that depicts him.1810 was first known St. Nicolas party (holiday party).
Clement Moore created the back story to this figure. He wrote a poem in 1822 “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. This came by New Amsterdam traditions along with German/Norse legends. The difference is that he wasn’t do it for Christmas but for midwinter pagan festivals. Many probably wouldn’t care about this poem, except it was anonymously printed as “The Night Before Christmas”.
Thomas Nast added more to the creation, he was a cartoonist. He created the North Pole having a workshop to build toys & had a list to check off who was naughty or nice.
Santa Claus evolved from wearing variety of colors to the 20th century wearing only red trimmed in white. Normal Rockwell the painter, created several paints particularly one on the cover of a magazine ‘The Country Gentleman’ in 1921 of ‘A Drum for Tommy’. Coca-Cola has been attributed to creating the image of Santa in their advertisements in the 40s using their drink.
This image of Santa living in the North Pole, having a workshop with flying reindeer going around the world giving gifts to all the kids on Christmas Eve was created by 2 men & perpetuated by advertisement to sell specific products. Then gradually the advertisement changed to incorporate selling products geared to kids then evolving into a full commercialization of Christmas making it a retailer’s lottery of winning more & more revenue for the image of gift giving. TV shows, movies have developed the back story of Santa Claus to the point Christ even mentioned in the story lines.
Bossie’s attitude is not about the holiday but to support the male creation of spending money to predominantly male non-religious organizations to gain revenue from the manipulation to guilt parents, friends, couples & extended families to purchase gifts to do so as ‘everyone else is doing it’. A religious man Pope Julius I a Catholic Pope decided December 25 to celebrate Jesus birth.
If it wasn’t done, there would be no Christmas with trees & lights. Christmas religious songs, nor ‘Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer’, no Black Friday, Cyber Monday or Thanksgiving Day shopping specials. No office or office/personal holiday parties, religious day off/winter vacations from school/college & celebratory anniversary celebrations of Christmas which was the original reason for Santa Claus & gift giving.
Deb
Shame on you!
501Venus
There are people don’t have money to give their kids gifts. Christmas as you so-called term it is about learning how to give & receive, not take, take & take.
Giving kids a lesson about learning how to respect & appreciate is better than self-fulfill themselves. Christmas as I stated below ‘is’ a religious belief of extremists, otherwise, what would it be called? Hanukkah, Fourth of July, Winter Solstice? It isn’t supposed to be money maker for retailers. By the way Bossie, how do you think they celebrated Christmas in colonial days or out west in the 1800s, or 1900s? Tell me how they celebrated Christmas during the Depression? How about during WWI & WWII?
You want to make a stand? Take the word ‘Christ’ out of Christmas then the religious tone is taken out. We don’t celebrate bearing gifts at Halloween nor do we on Memorial Day. Change the day & remove the name & force all to buy gifts you go the religious undertone & those that are against the thought of commercialism are being forced say tortured to follow your ideology.
501Venus
The reason why there is a holiday is because of the ‘Christ’ in mas. Pope Julius I (Catholic religious?) designated December 25th to observe the holiday.
The Santa Claus that we all know was created from the story of St. Nicholas. He supposedly rewarded those that have behaved well towards others and gave those that didn’t coal. Many in dominant protestant countries weren’t enthusiastic & dropped the image.
When the story got translated overseas to the USA sometime during the Revolutionary period the the saint’s name changed from St. Nicolas to Sinter Claus. There is a comic 1809 that despicts him.1810 was first known St. Nicolaus party.
Clement Moore created the backstorthy to this figure. He wrote a poem in 1822 “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. This was drawn up by New Amsterdam traditions along with German/Norse legends. The difference is that he wasn’t do it for Christmas but for midwinter pagan festivals. Many probably wouldn’t care about this poem, except it was anonymously printed as “The Night Before Christmas”.
Thomas Nast added more to the creation, he was a cartoonist. He created the North Pole having a workshop to build toys & had a list to check off who was naughty or nice.
Santa Claus evolved from wearing variety of colors to the 20th century wearing only red trimmed in white. Normal Rockwell the painter, created several paints particularly one on the cover of a magazine ‘The Country Gentleman’ in 1921 of ‘A Drum for Tommy’. Coca-Cola has been attributed to creating the image of Santa in their advertisements in the 40s using their drink.
This image of Santa living in the North Pole, having a workshop with flying reindeer going around the world giving gifts to all the kids on Christmas Eve was created by 2 men & perpetuated by advertisement to sell specific products. Then gradually the advertisement changed to incorporate selling products geared to kids then evolving into a full commercialization of Christmas making it a retailer’s lottery of winning more & more revenue for the image of gift giving. TV shows, movies have developed the back story of Santa Claus to the point Christ even mentioned in the story lines.
Bossie’s attitude is not about the holiday but to support the male creation of spending money to predominantly male non-religious organizations to gain revenue from the manipulation to guilt parents, friends, couples & extended families to purchase gifts to do so as ‘everyone else is doing it’. A religious man Pope Julius I a Catholic Pope decided December 25 to celebrate Jesus birth. If it wasn’t done, there would be no Christmas with trees & lights. Christmas religious songs, nor ‘Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer’, no Black Friday, Cyber Monday or Thanksgiving Day shopping specials. No office or office/personal holiday parties, religious day off/winter vacations from school/college & celebratory anniversary celebrations of Christmas which was the original reason for Santa Claus & gift giving.
Katy
Hi there. I’m 14 years old, so as a child, you can believe I wouldn’t want this to happen to me. I’m neither over privileged or under privileged, I am content with what I have and eager and grateful for more. I think that you’re doing the right thing as a mother, and I think your children will benefit from this Christmas experience. If this were to happen to me, I know I’d be upset. Very, very upset. And perhaps I’d act more upset than I actually was (crazy hormones…crazy hormones everywhere…), but eventually the true meaning of the holiday season would kick into my brain and I would become a better person through it. You’ve still got the decorations and family traditions (my personal favorite part of Christmas) and a whole lot of giving, but not a lot of getting. Well…not ANY getting.
Just thought I’d offer some input. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Love, Katy.
501Venus
You got it kiddo! The thought can anger but then one gets to realize not all is what we want in the way we want it.
Where I grew up, there was a house next to my elementary school. It had a decorated Christmas tree in the front window of their living room. They never took it down. Every single day I rode the bus back & forth to school I saw it. When it turned dark early I saw it was light.
I & the other kids at school used to think the people owned the house were lazy or crazy. Until they did a story by the local news station on it. You see a lady lived there & had the tree decorated for over 20 years. Her son was drafted & went over to Vietnam. Before he shipped out, he made her promise to keep the Christmas tree out for him. He thought he would be back by Christmas when he left. He didn’t. He was declared MIA (Missing In Action).
As the years went by, her & her husband (soldier’s father) kept the tree up with the hope he would be found & that tree would be there to show they never gave up on him. Her husband passed, but she still kept the tree up. She wasn’t doing it for ‘gifts’, or recognition. She did it for a promise as well as hope. The lady herself has since died, but she never gave up hope. I bet there was a Christmas tree waiting for her with both her son & husband standing beside it.
Shawna
I haven’t read any of the other comments, but I can imagine there are some very unkind ones. I just want to say good job. It’s not easy to take a stand, and it’s certainly not easy to do it publicly. I was feeling the same way and we have decided that our kids are only getting three presents from us this year, and aren’t spending much on those. In the past we have spent $500-800 on each of our kids (we have 6), spending entire Christmas bonuses and money we should have spent on bills and such, just to give them everything their hearts desired. Bad idea!!! I cannot take the bad attitudes anymore. Live and learn, right? I wish I could have talked my husband into no gifts at all, and doing exactly what you have done, but the 3 gifts is all I could get him to agree to (because Jesus received three gifts). Better than how we have done it before. Sounds like you are making some really wonderful memories. Thanks so much for sharing.
Chrissy McCann
As an eighth grade teacher I can’t say how amazing this is of you. Many kids these days have no consequences and it shows in all of their actions. It’s frustrating to hear some of the commenters saying how horrible this is to do to children. You’re teaching them an extremely valuable lesson. More parents need to teach their kids that giving is more important than receiving and that good behavior will lead to a better future. Perhaps we would have fewer problems as a whole if more parents would actually take their role seriously. I, for one, THANK YOU!!!
sillymel25
Personally, I think that what you and your husband are doing, is wonderful. I myself find that I give and give to my children (22, 20, & 9) more than I should. No one has a right to judge your parenting, as long as your children are feed, clothed, and loved, which seems like they are. It’s your blog, your life, and your stories, none of us are forced to read them or follow you. For all of the negative responses (which I had to stop reading due to a headache approaching) are people who don’t have the courage to stand up to their children, for fear of reject or resentment, or just people who believe that their way is the best way. If your boys are enjoying this, which it seems like they are, then you are doing a good job as a parent. That car, or action figure that they might have received on Christmas, will be hidden in a couple of months underneath all of the other toys they have. What you are teaching them now, will last the rest of their lives. I do believe however, that maybe that letter that comes from Santa on Christmas morning, should acknowledge what they have done and include a very special present to go along with it. Nothing extreme, but maybe something that will carry the joy on Christmas morning for their good deeds, and unselfish behavior while carrying out those good deeds. Please keep us updated on how it goes. I wouldn’t mind sending the little guys something from me, a complete stranger, to show my appreciation for their kindness. I hope you and your family have a safe and wonderful holiday.
N. Peterson
This is amazing. Thank you for posting, and I’m sorry you have to deal with negative attention for doing so. I’m not a parent, but I work with children with behavior problems and emotional support needs. I know it must be hard to do what you’re doing, and I commend you. So often I meet parents who are too afraid to challenge their children because they fear backlash and don’t want to be “mean”. What service do we do children by indulging their every desire? What lesson does that approach teach them? As you’ve said, your children are not in need, they are in “want”. This has become a holiday of materialism. You and your husband are giving your children the greatest
gift you can give them: the joy
of reaching out into the community and helping others. I would challenge couples just starting
families to raise their children in this regard… with no presents, and
instead with a focus on the holiday, family, and service to others. Thank you for sharing your experience. And finally, I commend your self-reflection as parents. To look at
what we do, in any facet of life, and decide to challenge ourselves or
the people around us in order to promote positive change is brave. It
reflects the passion with which we strive to be the best possible version of
ourselves and what we do. Bravo to you and your husband. I never
post comments on blogs, but was compelled to do so after reading your
page.
Teresa
Thank you for sharing…I think what you are doing is great! When I was growing up we did not have a lot either. My fondest memories of Christmas is participating in the Christmas program at my church and hanging out with my family on Christmas Eve cooking dinner, laughing and joking. We did not have a lot, but we had fun and love! I do not like the commercialism of holidays….My parents are gone, but they taught us that the holidays should be about family friends, giving to others an being thankful for what you have and what is given to you. .God Bless You and Your Family!
Jerilyn
I think it is a good lesson remember the animals at the shelters also please. Thanks
Tracey Gagnier
Scale back perhaps…..completely cancel the childrens christmas. I am sorry but I think this choice is not a great one. You however will have to live with the thought that this might bother them for years to come.
keb
You are awesome parents!
Candice Jennings
I would like to offer a helpful suggestion. Please YouTube Dr. Becky Bailey and see what she says about Conscience Discipline. I have gained so much from watching her videos and have seen a great response with my own 2 boys. I am not trying to sell you anything because I don’t work for her or her company. Notice I said YouTube her – that’s free. It may help you and your family get to the root of the behaviors and create more peace all year round. Good luck!
Jenny
I think this is wonderful! I know there are many parents who would cringe & are calling you names, but I love the traditions you are building that your family would never had experienced otherwise. God Bless!
Ashley
Interesting how the thoughtful, intelligent comments listing perfectly legitimate reasons for disagreeing with you are being deleted, but you are leaving the more vitriolic ones, and the posts by those who agree with you. Someone is angling for the sympathy vote here. I initially tried not to comment about your narcissism, but clearly, you need some psychological help, or perhaps a real job. Mommy bloggers tend to be horrific narcissists.
Rhonda DeLullo
So says the nitpicker to the one they felt was nitpicking … Amazing some of the tactics used to DELIBERATELY and INTENTIONALLY embarrass people as if that really makes you correct and superior. It just makes you look bad.
shaqattaq32
I don’t think you are being cruel at all. You are helping them build character. Isn’t that what parenting is supposed to be about?
Owen Adams
Glad you aren’t my parents!
Michael Fletter
amen to that lol, when my mom had to skip christmas, it was for a reason and she always made sure we knew we were loved ๐
501Venus
Why? Indulge you without realizing there are many can’t have a Christmas like you? Realize that entitlement evolves into insensitivity & disrespect towards others? Don’t take responsibility for your actions & just assume others will find you the job, pay your bills & always be the center of attention?
Become possibly a bully or materialistic so focused on your wants you totally could care less what your parents needs are as they age, leaving them in nursing homes never visiting them when they ill or dying?
Do you remember any of ALL the gifts you got from when you were a child to now? You probably wouldn’t remember a third of them, yet, it’s okay to give them gifts instead of values.
msFirestar
This
“maybe a good idea” but i will never call my children UNGRATEFUL and
ENTITLED in front of many people ..children grows up according on how
we teach them while they were young..God bless ur family
Michael Fletter
It may be okay to make a stand, but really, do you feel like a good parent by pasting pictures of your kids and basically saying that there are my kids, they are selfish and entitled little brats.
Seriously, as a mom, you’re supposed to care for and love your kids, NOT OPENLY INSULT THEM. If you want your kids to act decent and respectable, maybe, just maybe, stop acting selfish and entitled yourself. Because you insulting your kids just feels selfish to me. My kids aren’t perfect but they know that I love them and will give them what i’m able when they deserve it, but I WILL NEVER post pics of my kids or insult them, to their face or behind their back.
God bless and I hope you realize that the people tearing you a new one doesn’t mean they’re all misunderstanding your story, or they’re all wrong and you’re right. Maybe, just maybe, if numerous people are commenting on this, it has nothing to do with christmas, and more about you having NO RESPECT for your children.
Christina
I wouldn’t call this a ‘cancelled’ Christmas but a more meaningful one- kind of what it is really supposed to look like. We keep Christmas very simple at our home and I think that it is wonderful. Good for you guys!
SoCalSandy
Wow…just reading these comments is giving me a huge headache! SO…I’ll just say that I totally get your point and I agree that MANY children these days could use a “meaning of Christmas” refresher course.
dirobin76
I think people forget that the people they talk about on the internet have feelings. That girl they bash and call names, is actually someone’s daughter or the man they call a thug is someone’s son. They sit behind their computer screens and use the brass balls they grew from the anonymity they posses behind that screen to be cruel and mean, when in reality, if they were sitting right in front of you, they would be more polite and kind. People being cruel about the lesson that you teach your kids and then posting about it without thought to your feelings or the motive you posted it is cruel. The lesson you are teaching your kids is an important one that more parents need to take the time to teach. You’re teaching your kids to be kind to others. You’re teaching them to put someone’s feelings before their own. You’re teaching them the true meaning of Christmas. Posting about it isn’t attention grabbing…It’s the opposite. It’s humiliating yourself to help other parents gain ideas for teaching your kids to be less entitled. Ignore the haters, listen to those people who support, because the haters are out there always. They will never change and they will always judge. Don’t let them steal your goal of teaching your kids the true meaning of Christmas. Merry Christmas…
Rhonda DeLullo
It is indeed my choice to post under my real name rather than to be an anonymous cowardly cyber commenter and stalker, unlike yourself …
My display of manners was far less caustic and abrasive than your own, by far were they “abhorrent”. I offered an opinion, which is encouraged by the blogger and the reason for this chat thread.
As far as “making a stand”, I already stated I was offering an opinion and just because my opinion differs from others, yours included, is “NOT making a stand.” My intent was not to be rude or bash either the blogger OR any of the commenters offering their opinions. I kept my original comment to addressing the topic of the post, not to attack others for their differences of opinions until another commenter felt the need, as well as yourself, to make it a personal issue between them, or you and I.
Thanks for the tip about SodaHead, perhaps the commenters there have a better handle on cyber etiquette.
I suppose I can expect little other type of behavior from an anonymous cyber bully when the only knowledge they have of me was gleaned from a few comments in this chat thread and by STALKING my facebook page.
I pity you, that you haven’t the conviction in your beliefs and the validity of your opinions that you must post your comments anonymously, but then this is what stalkers do, they have to sneak and hide who and what they are.
Learn some manners and practice some civility, show some character and come out of hiding …
I
dave101sport
Good on you!!! I am pretty much at that point with my kids. Even this morning while shopping each of the three kept saying “I want this, I want that” I told them that Mommy & Daddy are done with our shopping and we were not taking any more “requests or ideas” but they would not shut up!! I wish we had the will power to do what you did and cancel Christmas. Thank you for sharing!!
Laura
I think you’re doing a good thing. You’re not being mean about it, at all. You’re guiding them vs punishing them, and that’s what makes this okay.
5427jg
I think this is awesome and you are doing exactly what needs to be done!!! Thank you for the post and for being willing to change things for future generations!
Keri
This is true, but the church as a whole and our culture has come to know Christmas as a time in which we celebrate the birth of Christ. Even though it is not “correct” on the calendar, that is what it is about for us a church.
501Venus
You are not cancelling Christmas. I know the title was for shock value perhaps. Christmas is the story about Christ, not the made up version commercial version of Santa Claus. Christmas is supposed to be a time of goodwill/fellowship. Not being manipulated in fighting shopping frenzies to get toys that kids will play with usually a week then discard, or clothes they will grow out of in a couple of months, or other items for significant others they tend to exchange for items they want or the money.
It’s trying to find time in this crazy world of work, college, dating, appointments, play dates, after school programs, sports, music lessons, texting/cell phones & computer games to spend together. Take part in physical interaction talking to others, catching up on what others are doing, joking & laughing around, If someone is a good cook, pig out & rest. Kids like the time to get the neatest gifts but that’s no all it is.
Christmas is a hard time for me. It is depressing. Christmas also reminds me that turmoil can cause life to change in ways we can’t predict or cope. Things happen families fall apart sometimes, maybe they can get back together, maybe they never do. When my grandmother died suddenly a week before Thanksgiving, as my family knew it suddenly & irreversibly changed.
There wasn’t the happy frolicking & singing. There was a discord that never was filled. The rituals of going out to search for the fat Christmas tree that always no matter what part of the room I was in, seemed to want to lurch & almost fall on me disappeared. The stringing of popcorn vanished. The putting on the tinsel just right as my grandfather schooled me on every single branch no longer was purchased. All the Christmas ornaments which seemed to be a steady stream of boxes that had some sort of history of this great-great aunt/uncle bought it were lost. The Christmas music blasting out of the stereo as we decorated the tree, danced making cookies, pies and cakes for Christmas went poof! Precious time sitting on my grandmother’s lap in the rocking chair or falling asleep in my grandfather’s recliner chair as we stayed up late watching the Christmas lights on were lost with only the memories to keep it. The memories I had of my family when I was young, weren’t of the gifts. I miss the laughter, my family always laughed.
Laughing, singing, goofing around, going to church holding hands and eating ourselves stuffed playing games then later on watching football & Christmas TV shows. It was an innocence like Christmas Story. Family is a very precious & special thing. I was blessed for that, no child/physical/mental abuse in the family.
When we moved from my grandparents’ house after the death of my grandmother, my mother was strapped financially. What my mother had done was put whatever extra money she had into a Christmas Savings account for me. Being a child I remember whenever we went to a mall or drove through town she always looked at the decorations/lights. Her eyes lit up like a little kid enjoying the moment smiling. When I got my check in the mail, I knew what I wanted to do. I knew my mother was hurting with the loss of her mother. I also knew she loved Christmas & had lost all the ornaments/decorations.
Ungrateful kids would have bought toys, a bike even gone to see the Ice Caspades with the money. I wanted to see her smile so I used my entire check buying an artificial tree, ornaments & an angel for her. I had my mother’s sisters take her out for a day. I assembled the tree & decorated it on my own. When she came in & saw the tree her eyes filled with tears. Though the tree has seen better years yet she never would get rid of it.
Over the years, there was feast/famine. There were times we were so poor there was no money to buy gifts to put under the tree let alone had food. It didn’t matter the tree was always assembled, the ornaments put on & lights were strewn. The message of sacrifice, unconditional love, hope, compassion, goodwill & friendship was abundant.
My mother has since passed. Christmas isn’t material ‘gifts’ as suggested. It’s being loving, giving & supporting feeling. It’s being thoughtful knowing what someone wants & what they can afford gets it for them. Too many forget ‘Christ’ in the day & focus on an angel that was rewarding kids that spread & acted out the Christian message & distorted it commercially. That Santa Claus is not Christmas but only a rep. This commercial subliminal message we must give gifts to everyone & go into debt seems to be forgetting what the main message which was not to be loved for the gift but the thought buying a gift for someone.
You are being a mom & giving what my mother gave me, her mother gave her. Structure, discipline, love, Christian fellowship & not forgetting what this is all about.
Beth Ann Sarpong
this is GREAT! kudos to you for being the kinds of parents that are willing to be the “mean” parents in order to impart good character on your children. I bet your kids won’t even miss all the things people think you’re depriving them of.
Kathryn
As a regular day to day parenting strategy, I’d agree with you – kids need to know consequences and earn much of what they have. They’ll respect you and their stuff more for it. However, this is Christmas, and it sounds as though you celebrate the holiday for the same reason I do – it’s Jesus’ birthday. I also agree that Christmas has become too commercial. Given that we are on the same page with those things, here’s why I wholeheartedly disagree with your decision on no gifts for Christmas.
Christmas is special – it marks the celebration of the birth of Jesus, our Savior, God’s one an only Son. Jesus is God’s gift to us. This gift is one that NOT ONE of us deserve or could ever earn. The bad behavior of people (sin) is exactly why we need the gift. It is a gift out of unconditional love, not one that is earned or deserved. The gifts we give at Christmas should represent God’s love we share with others, including our children. As Christians, we should be teaching this to our children from the cradle on up, which should head off the entitlement problem. Christmas gifts are/should be different from any other gifts given at other times of the year – unearned and undeserved but given anyway out of unconditional love. This is why I have never threatened my children using Santa Claus as a weapon. Santa and Christmas are not a tool with which you can suddenly makeup for poor parenting skills. What will you do when Christmas is over?
It’s great to teach your children to give to others, but it should be taught to be done in love, not as a punishment.
In addition, it also seems as though this has been really good boost for your blog, which you of course have monetized (i.e. the link to the nativity on sale at Amazon, hooked to an affiliate ID so you can be paid if anyone clicks through and buys one). There’s nothing wrong with your blog or monetizing it, but let’s admit also that a headline of “Canceling Christmas” goes a long way to helping you financially.
DJA
BEAUTIFULLY said. You recognized the point that this was done to promote the blog, regardless of what was said, as well as remembering why we celebrate Christmas. So many here have talked about the commercialization of Christmas. The couple said that their decision was based on their sons’ behaviors. You remembered, and stated the reason that Christ was placed amongst us.
visitor
I think what you’re doing is great! I’m a teacher and each year the behavior and entitlement children bring into the classroom is unbelievable. Then when you try to fix the behavior , as a teacher, we sometimes get crucified by the parent(s). A lot of the children I see everyday continue to want more, and it makes me wonder how values have gotten so lost? I applaud your stand and wish there were more like you.
Heather Dawes
I want to tell you THANK YOU! for doing this. I have 3 children myself, and I raised them the way I was raised. It isn’t about gifts and presents, and being greedy and ungrateful. The whole reason is to celebrate Christ. Too many parents are to blame for how their children behave. These parents have given them everything under the stars and the moon, they have spoiled them beyond belief and then want to cry, whine, and moan when the child(ren) is(are) disrespectful, rude, greedy, and ungrateful. Your children will be better people in the long run for having this lesson. Keep up the good hard work.
Joni Elder
Good for you. the world is so selfish and it is expected to get gift at Christmas, but guess what it is not law. I am doing the same to my young adult children, we have made attempts to help/support them through out the year with out any appreciation or thanks, just continuing to expect more. This all while they are making little attempt to help them selves. The true meaning of Christmas is NOT about gift giving it’s about love and joy and the birth of Christ hence “Christ” mas! stand your ground there is support behind you!!!!
Mary Ann
We cancelled my husband’s 14-year-old son’s (my step-son’s) birthday party this year because of unacceptable behavior. All we did was bake him a cake and sing happy birthday. We felt badly about it, and we were expecting a bad reaction from him, but there was none. I totally support your and your husband’s decision. You’re not canceling Christmas, you are actually celebrating Christmas for its true meaning!
Alice
I think this is wonderful, and I don’t understand the backlash at all. My fiance is an immigrant and grew up in poverty. Every year, I see how upsetting it is for him to watch my nephews be showered with gifts for which they aren’t even grateful. He did not get Christmas, or Christmas traditions and treats, let alone dozens and dozens of gifts when he was a child. Now, the constant reminders of how demanding and ungrateful my family is in the face of so much excess make the holidays a very hard time for him, and I am resolved that, when we have children, we will emphasize family and tradition over getting stuff. I don’t see this as a “punishment” but as the best gift you could ever give your children. Ignore the negativity, you’re doing the right thing!
deborah
my thoughts ditto
deborah
I think the message here is great. Not giving your kids many gifts on Christmas is a great life lesson for all parents and undeserving entitled kids and is a very private personal choice. However why you would choose to air out a private family matter for all of America to judge and the school friends of your sons to know is beyond me. If my husband went on tv to say he was cancelling Christmas presents with my children (Knowing he had a blog that was popular) and using my kids to find the true meaning of Christmas by giving back because of my kids shameful behavior I would cancel my marriage..have more respect for your self as a mother, your husband and your children. You made this monster and know it is your own you should keep it that way. I hope you give the money from this blog to charity. I tried to be respectful and still make my point.
TPaine
Good for you! I don’t understand the people who are reacting negatively to this. Presents shouldn’t be expected, especially if the receivers are not behaving. Kudos to you for doing what is right for your family, not what is easy
Rose
I do not have kids but I am a kindergarten teacher so I am around children every day. When I first viewed the title of the post I had no idea what to expect. After reading it, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. I think it took a lot of courage to make that decision and go through with it. Christmas is my favorite time of the year but no for the presents. I think that so often, so many people get so caught up with the gifts that they forget what this holiday is all about. I have a feeling this might be your family’s best Christmas yet. Don’t let the negative and narrow-minded comments bring you down. I think you are a terrific mom. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
kimKB
Thank you for sharing this wonderful gift you gave to your children. They will look back on this and it will be one of the best Christmas’ they ever had.
Amanda
So glad to read this today! After exactly the same scenario (the disrespect and entitlement mentality) we removed all our children’s toys last night. Our son simply refused to clean up his toys. We warned him multiple times and when he finally said “Fine! I don’t want them!” we took them away. We’ve seen all of our children exhibit disgraceful behavior when it comes time to clean up their toys……even to the point of saying “Just throw them away, Mom. Then I’ll have room for new ones.” After spending a morning listening to whining and begging to have them back, I realize my children have little imagination and almost no skills for innovation. We also realize that it’s our own fault that our children feel the way they do. We LOVE to buy toys at garage sales and save them for Christmas. NO MORE! After reading this, I feel empowered to continue what we’ve begun and KNOW that we’re doing the right thing for our children. Thank you so much!
Linda S
I think you’re doing a wonderful thing. I don’t have kids myself, but I have a niece and nephew and lots of friends with kids. Middle class kids have so much these days and I don’t think they realize how lucky they are. I think you are raising kids who will be kind and empathetic – so much better than showering them with material things.
Jean
Sorry for the long post but I had to explain…..
I would like to say Thank you first! Secondly, we decided to do the same thing this year. We had a different approach to it but nonetheless we ended up with the same result. Right after Halloween, when Grandma asked them what they wanted for Christmas is when we decided that we would do something different. The thing was, none of us could really think of anything that we wanted. I have 2 teenage girls and they couldn’t come right out with a list of stuff that they wanted! I was amazed but our girls truly do not “NEED” anything. If they need something, we don’t wait for Christmas to come around for them to get it. So we sat down and decided that each of us (just our 4 unit family) would make 1 gift for each other. “This is going to be rough” is all I could think but it’s been the best thing! Both of my girls have gotten so excited about thinking outside the box and figuring out what they could make and how to come about the materials to make it. Oh! Did I mention that you couldn’t “buy” anything! We came up with a “if we don’t have it, you have to barter for it” principle. I’d like to explain by saying that i did clarify that they could ask a family member or neighbor that we know if they could exchange helping with a household chore for an item such as scrap wood, a jar, or even ribbon. We do not want them to put themselves in harms way for one of mom’s crazy ideas! But this way, they are giving back without really receiving anything.
And to top it off, since we are not spending money that we really don’t have anyway, we are “adopting” 2 of the oldest kids that are in a local orphanage and doing for them. Some of that does entail buying gifts for them but we are also making things for them as well. The 2 kids that we chose this year are interested in similar things that my kids are interested in so it’s been…….interesting. The oldest child is really into Spiderman. My youngest child would DIE over the things that this boy asked for but she has been fantastic about it. “No mom…not that one! This one is better!” My kids are doing a card, letter and gift bag (stocking) for each child besides the gifts.
I would encourage every parent out there that has the mean’s to think outside the box when it comes to Christmas with their kids. Think about this. Do they really need it or is it just another THING? Kids are creative when they are young and we need to continue that as they get older. They also need to know that it is not all about what they can get out of something but rather what they can do for someone else.
We have already talked about adding 2 more kids next year and getting the neighborhood involved. We already have some great traditions but what a great new Christmas tradition!
just me
poor parenting? Sometimes we as parents want to give more than we had as children. We think our kids are much better off. Well, just handing things over without having the children work for them ( good behavior, chores and so on… )makes the gift much more appreciated.
where did you come from. I think its great what they did. The children are not being punished. They are being taught. Which is what most people now a days don’t do. They rely on everyone else to do the teaching. These parents took the bull by the horns and stopped the behavior before it became outrageous. Kuddos to these parents. I wish I would have had the guts to do this way back when.
just me
I meant much less appreciated….
Frustrated Mom in PA
Personally, I applaude you! We are following your lead this year, for the very same reasons. Disrespectful behavior despite being raised to respect others. My kids are 12 and 15, and they actually got excited about the idea of helping others instead of getting more “stuff” that they will be bored with in a few months. It became a competition to see who could come up with the best way to help our community. We’re turning Christmas back into a season of giving, instead of receiving.
Brandi Weiss
We are doing this in a way. This year we are studying Life in the 1800’s, focusing mainly at what Christmas was like then. We have decided to buy a TV for the family to watch Christmas movies together and then make gifts like they would have then for family and friends. We are also donating money to the Salvation Army and my children have decided to donate books to those that don’t have any. I am also wanting to donate blankets to a homeless shelter. We have a friend, a single woman with no kids that always buys the kids so much that they get bored opening her gifts, so why add to that. We are trying to teach our children gratefulness, contentment and compassion for others. If they need something we buy it and also try to give them somethings they want just because we love them. This article was great and I appreciate you writing it.
Clรกudia Tavares Jorge
Love your iniciative! I do not feel sorry for your kids… I envy them!!!! Those who have…sharing with those who don’t! You are not cancelling christmas…. you are living the real one and making your children living it too!!!! that’s the greatest gift of all… So … you didn’t not give them gifts… Bless you and your husband!!! Hope I can have that same courage!
shb1964
This is a very cool story. I’m not a parent, but from your explanation, I truly support your theory and reason in all this. I do believe this is one Christmas your children will remember and I will bet for all the right reasons. Bravo for your husband for suggesting it, bravo to you for following through. You may even start a new family tradition! I suspect you may have one of the best family Christmases ever. All the best… (single lady in Orlando, Fla)
Evette Danell
I too have cancelled Christmas. My little girl has no respect for authority and has tested the waters way more I like and has ignored be warned Santa won’t come. She 6 years old. Three months into the school year she has been suspended from school, suspended from after care and suspended from the school bus for THREE days. I have had enough. To add insult to injury she doesn’t take care of anything she has. Three hats, losts! Glasses, “I don’t know” she says. It’s as if her room had a toy explosion! My other daughter and her son still lives at home. Christmas morning she will watch as her nephew open all his gifts. Sometimes you have to get their attention! It’s going to hurt me more than she knows because I love Christmas and love seeing the smile on her face. However when you act like you are entitled without putting in work …. CHRISTMASCANCELLED
whatanightmare
Bravo to you!!! If more parents had the sack to ante up & follow through with ANYTHING they say we wouldn’t be overrun by spoiled, self-entitled little heathens. I’ve cancelled xmas numerous times & our kids have MORE FUN those years (I don’t do it every yr simply b/c some years their behavior is exceptional compared to others…& I love to buy them things they want.) Christmas is a great excuse for that but so is a good report card, a special thing they did for someone (last year a neighbor broke his ankle, my 10yo asked to go see him & without me EVER putting the idea in his head, offered to walk the man’s dog twice a day for a week…THAT is special!), there are SOOOO many great reasons to give them things they want that reinforces kind, thoughtful behavior. I’m careful not to go over the top very often, as I also don’t want them to think that doing something nice automatically entitles them to reward, that’s not always how life works but, for the act of kindness toward our neighbor he received $100 from the man at the end of the week (neighbor was shocked he’d actually followed through the whole week) & at the home front he got to choose whatever meals he wanted that week, 100% his choice (within reason lol…”just candy” was not an acceptable request!) and then coupled with A’s & B’s on his report card the following week, he also got the bike he’d been wanting. Christmas is about BEING TOGETHER, not “stuff”. I also notice that the xmas’s that are all about junk are sadder, there’s a high 1st thing in the morning as they open everything, but by midday they’re usually bored, tired from all the early morning chaos & acting out….in STARK contrast to the years we “do good”, when their toys are THE most cherished few & afternoons can be spent w/cocoa around the fire talking about faces we lit up, ideas for the next year & funny misfortunes (like those wonderful, TERRIBLE family vacations where everything goes wrong lol) we’ve suffered. THAT’S what Christmas is about…or should be. Haters are gonna hate, I think you’re doing the right thing & doing a great job PARENTING (a word long forgotten for many!) & I applaud your bravery in writing & resilience to nasty commenters on a story like this, keep it up!
Liz Beaton
Cudos to you! I am a single mom of a 3 year old and wish to instill good values within him. It takes brave parents to brake the cycle of the holiday season. Thank you for sharing your family with us so that we may bring inspiring ideas into ours :). As Taylor Swift said (and yes I’m quoting Taylor Swift lol) “Haters gonna Hate, Hate, Hate, Shake it Off, Shake it Off!” – Merry Christmas! ๐
Doug Eberhart
I agree with you LIsa, it is a GREAT choice.
Flockmom
Right on.
Mike
I do understand why you cancelled Christmas for your kids; however, if your going to cancel it, cancel everything and make them appreciate what their missing during the holiday season. Since they are learning their lesson so to speak, maybe they will appreciate the things they do have, Like the expression goes, what goes around, comes around, and I hope they did learn their lesson.
Laura
I read they wrote santa and asked him to give their presents to some needy children. “Santa” is going to write back about how proud he is of them.
rsladar
I just partially read a comment to be careful and that your dangerously close to taking things too far. ….. h.mmmmmm…… your being overly dramatic. Christmas is not mandatory in any way and as a parent it’s not a form of abuse to withdraw from Christmas presents. That’s insane for you to even think.
Ken
When I was a kid, that naughty or nice thing was in full effect with my Mom. She didn’t reward ongoing bad behavior with presents. When I was about 8 years-old, just before Christmas and my birthday, December 28th, I got in trouble. My Mom cancelled both for me and I woke up to Christmas with no gifts! Ditto on my birthday –. She relented on New Year’s Eve. I was a miserable and contrite mess. I cried my eyes out. but I learned my lesson which came down to I wasn’t entitled to those gifts and her expectation, a reasonable one, was that I be a good kid and to behave. So, I totally approve of the Hendersons’ choice. My Mom and I laugh about that Christmas now and how it was a hard choice on her part but the right choice.
HoneyTree EvilEye
Congrats on making a move to raise your kids in a positive manner. Not as if you need mine or anyone else’ approval but I’d be hard pressed to see anyone putting you down for this. All kids need some humility in their lives.
Tina
All I have to say is…how do you think they got that way? They are not the ones who gave themselves too much. They are not the ones who bought themselves too many toys, or too many trips, or too many times of not saying “no”. You could have taught them these sames lessons without “canceling” your own gift giving to your children. I think you should have taken responsibility for your actions, and let the children know that you are the ones who helped them get to this point. I fully realize what and who Christmas is about, I also realize that posting a picture of your 3 children, for all the world to see, with a huge “CANCELED” sign across them, and going on Good Morning America is shaming for them. They may feel good about what they are doing now, but not so great when friends think they were so bad, that they had to have Christmas canceled.
I don’t doubt you are great parents, but I think this could and should have gone another way. God is graceful 70 x 7. You could have handled this differently and respectfully of your kids.
deborah
My thoughts diito
HistoryFan
When did all these people start worshiping Santa
Claus? When did people start teaching their children right from wrong
with the use of a commercialized folktale? I posted this on Yahoo and
was told that I was boring the readers and the people who commented. I
am a 57 year old former teacher and I am writing about how I was raised in America.
Sorry if it bores people, but come on, Christmas IS a Sacred
Holiday, it’s not about some Type 2 Diabetic coming down your chimney and disciplining your children:
“When I was young we never celebrated Santa Claus in our family. I
never really even thought about it, and never heard much about it in
public school or from any of my friends that I can remember. My family
had a Christmas tree (representing everlasting life and star represented
the Star of Bethlehem), we made Krumkake, Lefsa and Lutefisk, and ate
pickled herring. I always sang in the church and school programs. On
Christmas Eve we went to candlelight service, read the Christmas Story
(yeah, not the movie, which I do love, by the way) from the Bible, then
afterwards opened usually small presents from each other that
represented the gifts of the Magi…Most of the excitement us kids had
was spending (from our parents) the $1 each on one another. Christmas
Day we had a nice Christmas dinner (Lutefisk …lol) and met with
relatives. When I was about 10, I heard about Santa as a folk tale in a
public school class about how different cultures celebrate Christmas,
but I never got confused about it. I always understood Santa Klaus to
be an (American translation) fable about a Catholic Bishop, Saint
Nicholas. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I get it,
though, it makes me wonder why Christmas had to be cancelled if her kids
were raised the way she wants them to be now. Anyway, good for you!
Even if it has never been a Sacred Holiday for you and your family, it’s
nice that you are giving back now and enjoying it, too!”
Lisa
You argumentative adults need your christmases cancelled. You’re really setting a bad example for the kids, going off topic and bickering like you are. Go take a time out and think about what you’ve done, and put some cash in the mean jar. NOw Lisa and family, I never once thought “deprived” when I read your blog. It sounds like they are still going to have a better christmas than so many people here in the US, and all over the world. THey will have food, family, games, fun, and the added joy of helping others. Pus a few gifts from other family members? You haven’t cancelled Christmas.. It sounds like you have FOUND Christmas! ๐ Enjoy! ๐ Merry Christmas and God Bless!
Whitney h
Wow-zahs this has a LOT of crazy comments. I mean…going into the history of Europe? Umm…what?
Right on for doing what YOU think is best for YOUR family.
Deborah
Wow. Good for you!
Baiambo
“Story tellers”, you call yourselves.
Becky
Thank you for your inspiring story. I decided, thanks to you to do this with my family as well. If you want to read our story you can here. http://aofthewm.blogspot.com/2014/12/proud-mom-going-to-be-best-christmas.html
Vick R.
You & your husband are doing a great job; I admire your courage & I fully support your decision to change things up this Christmas, most especially because of what you are adding to their experience by helping them to serve others. One of my biggest desires for my boys is that they grow up believing whole heartedly that people will always be more important than things. Always.
Grace Ann O'Conner
I think your title is wrong. I don’t believe you are cancelling Christmas at all. After having read this article, I believe you are giving your children far more than they could get from any material gifts. Your family is celebrating the birth of Christ in the truest sense. Your children will cherish and hold with them the values you are instilling in them long after material things would have been discarded. I think your title should be we are going to Celebrate Christmas for the First time.
May you and your family truly enjoy the blessings that God will unfold upon you and your family as you put Him first and raise your children with values.
ME
Jessica.. I am not sure why people are jumping on you. I think you’ve done some homework. I agree with you.
guest22
You have no idea how visceral and absolutely horrific reaction I have over this.
Be very very careful on this! If you haven’t totally stepped over the line, which I believe you have – you are so dangerously close to it where I have absolutely no respect for anything close to this course of action other than extreme empathy for your children!!
Yes my mom thought I was a ‘little hurricane’ growing up. I supposed there were times I deserved it – not not as often as it was suggested or for the often capricious reasons for it.
The main reason was because I wouldn’t practice 2 hours a day on the two instruments I was supposed to. But there were other reasons, depending on the whim du jour.
Not only did I have a bunch of holidays cancelled including Christmas, my birthday, you name it: One time, all my toys were given away. This post made me recall lovingly going over all my toys on a shelf just before the Salvation Army truck hauled it all way (the real reason was I was enamored with padlocks and was playing with them with imagination instead of practicing).
My mother has been gone for a while now. I can honestly say I no longer hate her. I can also honestly say I quit loving her by the time I turned 10.
Samara Perfect
I think what you are doing is awesome!! I’m a single mom, so I can’t afford what their friends have. They act as if they are entitled to things anyway. I told them what I have bought through out the year will be give to our church for the giving tree. The true meaning of Christmas is not about what you get but the birth of Jesus.
LadyAri
I tried in vain to get my relatives to do this very thing with me over the past few years. I finally just stopped participating in the holiday with them. I applaud you for exhibiting the common sense and goodness needed to parent. some of the negative reactions you have gotten illustrate where we’ve gone wrong in the past so its absolutely refreshing to see you trying to do something better for our future gen. WAY TO GO!
Missladyhawke โแตแตสณแถฆแถ แถฆแตแต
Great job, you are right, no parent ever follows through, thank you for setting an example.
North County Dog Training
Good job ๐
andrew76092
An orange and a piece of hard candy? WTH???
RRRR
I won’t address the superstitious aspects of this post, but it doesn’t seem like you’re cancelling Christmas at all, merely observing it differently and, mostly, more constructively. I don’t see a problem with that.
LovesChristmas
Redridermom217, this is such a great comment on this story! Thank you!!!
Sherri
I applaud what you and your husband are doing. In a world filled with spoiled rotten kids who grow up into selfish adults, it’s refreshing to see people actively teaching their children what Christmas really means.
Emily Bergren
I am VERY proud of you and your husband for doing this & wish more would follow suit. It will make our children better people which is the whole point of parenting. I did follow thru with Santa skipped you because you didn’t behave & have gotten those nasty looks from moms who don’t have a 5 year old master manipulator in their home. But he remembers and really stepped it up this year. He even hosted a charity drive for his birthday in lieu of presents & was very proud of himself when we dropped them off at the children’s home. I am sure that even if they don’t speak up you have inspired at least one person, which is worth a little grief. Jesus said love one another, not be selfish, greedy, & ungrateful. Some kids learn those lessons easier than others. The responses of your kids shows what a great job you are doing as parents and you should take a second to pat yourselves on the back. Thank you for helping to change our world and culture one family at a time.
Jeanniery Gonzalez
Your idea, more than amazing, is real. It will leave your family with the most important gift of all: being humanitarian, humble and respectful. Many people can say they are only kids, but this is the age when kids MUST learn the importance of obedience, humbleness and helping the ones in need. I really admired you to move forward after all the criticism you might received for taking such a very personal decision. If i were in your place, i would definitely do the same. Your kids will never forget this lesson, and most importantly, they will stick there is something beyond the meaning of CHRISTMAS than just the gifts, food and music. Best luck for you, your family and those around you!
shirleypartridge
Lisa this is one of the best life lessons you will teach your children. Hurray for a great parent! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! My teacher friend had a 5 year old come out of the school bathroom today. She instructed him which way to go and he decided to question why, be very disrespectful and continue to try to argue with her. Five years old!!!!! Of course, she had no part of it, and he found that out quickly, but honestly, what parents are doing to children these days are not doing them any favours. They fear nothing and have no discipline. A little bit of fear and disappointment should be in their lives. It will make them better fit for society and the highs and lows that it presents.
Angel Putman
AWESOME MOM! Way to teach your children what CHRISTMAS really is!
Jo. S
You are awesome–I wish that there were more parents like you (& your husband) out there. Rock on!
Melissa
It sounds like the kids are finally learning charity. This is a fantastic thing and I don’t understand why anyone would rip you or your children apart for it. More parents should take a stand versus letting their children grow up and feeling entitled. It breeds egos and arrogance galore. Thank you for your stance and for sharing. Namaste.
Volatile
I commend you for your courage in making a big change in your celebration and in posting about it. I was very spoiled as a child and always got so many presents for Christmas, but my best and most cherished memories are all centered around the things I did for others and the time I spent with family. When it comes to children, all moments are teaching moments, and I think this will have a life-long positive impact on your boys.
dwoodyr
congrats way to go but how bout have the kids buy some kids for kids in foster care or cps custody have them wrap them and take them there now that would be awesome
Melissa Barth Vanek
Ok, so I read the title from the news article and thought “What, the whole thing?” and then I read your blog. Good for you. I myself am in a similar situation, only with my sister’s kids. Constantly wanting, wanting, wanting. So this year, we are doing homemade gifts for everyone in our family. That way maybe the gifts will hold more meaning, knowing that we sewed and crafted till we were happy with the results instead of buying the first toy on the shelf.
sab
I reckon these kids will still have a boss Christmas, you know what grandparents or like.
MJMcMahon
Lisa –
just wanted to drop a note to let you know that not everyone is critical of your decision. Some of us recognize that you made a difficult choice in an effort to make sure your boys grow up to be the best people they can be.
Blessings to you and your family this Christmas!
Mike
Mindi
You rock!
lionelbob
Shame on you. Regardless of your reason, you should be thankful you have healthy children. Treat them well, you only have one chance at this.
V
I say “HOORAH” for you! More parents need to take this stand! Many of our children are over-entitled and behave this way, mine included. Although I have not yet cancelled Christmas, I did cancel her 6 year old birthday party (she is now 16) and she remembered very well for the entire year and talked about behaving so she wouldn’t lose her 7 year old party. I have cut back tremendously on many things and now that she is older, I let her know why she isn’t getting to do something, go somewhere or have me buy something. Until the attitude changes, these things won’t change. You are doing the right thing and teaching what is so much more important. Kudos to you and your husband!!!!!
JMichaels
I’m curious about the kids’ behavior. Has it improved since you cancelled Christmas? I feel that a consequence for bad behavior should be directly related to the offense, and delivered within a short period of time. The same thing goes for rewards for good behavior. It sounds like by giving presents to those less fortunate, your kids are learning empathy, sharing,and giving, which are positive outcomes. I think cancelling Christmas is a little harsh for such young children, with Christmas still weeks away, but I think putting the focus on giving rather than receiving is appropriate. Growingmindsproject.blogspot.com
Scott Leach
I just wanted to congratulate you on excellent parenting skills. I am in awe of you. This must have taken a lot of strength to see it through. Well done
AdalynLeigh
Good for you. You’re nicer than I am, too, they wouldn’t get a present from anyone in the family. In lieu of gifts I’d request a donation in their name, and if they insisted the gifts would be accepted and then given away.
If you’re going to make a threat, follow through. They’re going to be disappointed on Christmas — right now I bet they don’t think Christmas is REALLY cancelled so it’s still fun — but they’ll survive.
Tia Bismonte
You are an example to us all! Great job, MOM!
ArielMama
You have some great ideas for showing your kids how to care for others, and I love it. We’ve been experiencing the same things with our daughter, she has more stuff than we have room for, and she wants everything she sees (and forgets it the moment she walks away). She is missing the giving part of the season. Our budget is extremely tight this year, and my husband and I were discussing how much smaller our Christmases were growing up. None of this spend hundreds of dollars on toys thing. We aren’t cancelling it, mostly because I didn’t see this until today and I already got her the one LEGO set she’s wanted for months. But I want it to be about the memories. So we are doing more, vs. opening more. And so far she loves it. Thanks for the ideas, and the encouragement.
Deb
Wow! I see what you mean by the crazy comments! I am in agreement that you are teaching them how to give, which is really the spirit of Christmas. Good for you! I think that “Cancelling Christmas” was a poor choice, though, since that can’t really be done. Cancelling “X-mas” is really more like it. Wishing you all the best experience this Christmas!
PB
I think what you have chosen to do is a wonderful idea. I have been complaining to my husband that Xmas has become a day of getting and “I wants”. That our children have lost the true meaning of Xmas. It doesn’t matter if you are deeply religious or just enjoy the season. I believe it is about giving and helping others who may need to have their spirits lifted. Even if it is only an act of kindness. In our society today, we so often get wrapped up in having everything, that we forget what we already have. Much like some of (the positive) comments people have written, your children will remember all the things you did together as a family. The joy they brought others. The memories that you are making will last a lifetime, unlike the toys or electronics they would have normally received. Don’t let others discourage you. The best presents you can ever give your children are the lessons you are teaching them this year. I wish you the best of luck and I’m going to steal some of your ideas ๐
caitlin
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE? WHICH I MEAN YOU DOLLY!! did you not take the time to read the entire article? her boys are learning something from this and they are enjoying it and realizing what Christmas is all about GIVING. why would you even make a comment to give her children up for adoption? were you raised properly, because if you were then you wouldn’t make a comment like that to someone you don’t even know!!
Dolly
Your made and raised your children that way. Don’t blame the children. Blame yourselves for raising them wrong and not nipping their behavior problems from the start. . Every child deserves something from Santa. I total disagree with your thinking and maybe you should consider giving your children up for adoption, if you do not know how to raise them properly.
Chantal
I think that what you are doing is great. I will consider this when my son can comprehend giving versus getting. Congrats on showing your children the true meaning of Christmas. Family, traditions and fun.
Brittini Allen
I think this is great! I decided this summer that to do away with getting my daughter gifts for Christmas. I got tired of the commercialism of it all and her expecting to get “this and that” for Christmas. That is all she thought about when it came to Christmas and that is not how I wanted her to be raised. I sat her down and we discussed the true meaning of Christmas and nowhere in that did presents come up. When I told her that this year I didn’t want to get her present but instead give our time to helping other people she got very excited. Like you I am allowing other people to still get her gifts and she is looking forward to that but even more our conversation has turned from “I want this for Christmas” to “I want to give this to this person for Christmas” or “Can I donate this for Christmas?”. I love the lesson that she is learning and I’m unsure if we will ever go back to the old way. Thank you for posting this. It truly helps me stay firm in my decision.
caitlin
Good Job!! you are teaching your children life lessons and they learned from it. Just like you said, you are still having Christmas, but the point is, material things mean NOTHING. Love, Kindness, and Giving are WAY more important and your children will always remember this and grow from this. I think that you and your husband made a wise choice and it seems that your children are enjoying it. For anyone who is trying to bring you down, or tell you that you are bad parents are the ones who need to step back and look at their lives from an outside view. Lately all people care about is material things and everyone wants more and more and more, for what? To be socially excepted? To be cool? To pretend they are someone they are not? Whats important in life is family, love and respect. I commend you for this! and I commend your boys for realizing this is a wonderful outcome and they are having fun with it! What you are doing is amazing, helping those who really need it. Good Luck, Merry Christmas! Don’t let it bother you what other people say, they are just insecure & rude. Obviously, they are not seeing what good you are doing for others. Christmas isnt all about presents and maybe if some of these people who are making bad remarks about this situation will realize this after my post. Christmas is about giving and loving and you did something wonderful!! Thank you for being a amazing human being unlike some other people out in this world. Need more people like you!! Happy Holidays!!
-Caitlin
Jennifer Walk
I think you are a wonderful parent and I applaud you for taking a stand even if it is unpopular and following through with it. I can’t believe the hateful comments you are getting, but they must be from weaker parents who allow their children to walk all over them. The types of parents you see in videos where the parents pretend that they ate all their Halloween candy and the children curse at them, yell, scream, and shout. I NEVER would have gotten away with that as a child and I am so grateful that my parents raised me to be a respectful member of society. We never had our Christmas taken away, but if we would have, I’m sure we would have deserved it and years down the road I would have been thanking them for not allowing me to grow up as a selfish and self-centered person. I know my parents loved me enough to want me to be a good person and we still have a very good relationship to this day, and I’m in my late 20s.
Naomi
Fantastic job mom. I’m sorry you have had negative feedback, but usually that will come from people without children or the problem parents. We all know the ones. Best idea ever! Teaching ones children that actions have consequences AND about the importance of contributing something to the community in which they live can never come too early. Kudos!
nan
I don’t think it’s just getting stuff that causes a sense of entitlement. It’s always being put ahead, a child who is always given the floor anytime he wants to speak even if interrupting others. Who no matter how often, forgets his lunch mom or dad drop everything to bring it to them or announces a project due tomorrow and mom or dad is off to the store to buy all the things necessary to complete it. Teaching them that they always come first, before you, your spouse, your marriage, in every small want or whim they are going to feel entitled even if you don’t buy them everything.
Kristy Crow
I think you are an amazing mom and this is what Christmas is about GIVING!!! Why would anyone tear you or your children apart because they are selfish people who do not believe in the little Jesus that we do!!! the world is turning into a nasty place and these people are proving how nasty it really is!!!
Jack Hartford
I have no problem with you all doing what is best for your family. I wholeheartedly thing that the service your children are performing for others is a wonderful thing. But something about this bothers me. I thought and thought about it, and what bothers me is that Christmas is about celebrating the grace of God poured out on this world in the form of a baby. Christmas is about recognizing what God has given to us and to others. It is also about demonstrating our love to others by giving. By merely “cancelling Christmas” and not giving gifts, that seems to be taking the message of grace out of Christmas and sending a message of judgment. I hope that you and your husband find a way to show some grace to your children on Christmas. Gifts are a wonderful way to do that. Grace is about receiving something we don’t deserve. So right now they believe Christmas is cancelled. I hope that on Christmas morning they will find some gifts to show grace. Because that is what Christmas is all about.
JCoop
Good job!! It’s about time we as parents start teaching our kids how to be appreciative and start teaching them the true meaning of Christmas. Keep up the good parenting!!
Erica
This is awesome! Your kids are going to get so much out of this experience– and from the sounds of it, they already have. Sorry for all the bashing you’ve received.
jan
I can not believe people are taking such a negative attitude on this,, I guess they are putting themselves in your childrens shoes and the greed they feel in taking over!
jan
your kids will benefit from this and talk about it when they are older! you have done a very special thing!
Mom of three
what will the kids say when asked what they got? they got the chance to help others. duh. it isn’t about what you get. or if it is, your christmas sure is shallow.
Mom of three
this, i can’t get. “punishing them for being kids”. yes, sometimes that is our job. when kids are behaving in a way that isn’t appropriate, even if all the other kids are doing it, you need to teach them not to. otherwise we’ll get a generation of adults who are too self centered to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them. oh. wait. too late.
Mom of three
do you have kids? are your kids born perfect, and they have to learn bad behavior by our failure as parents? um, no. they naturally come selfish. it’s our job as parents to teach them otherwise.
501Venus
Don’t get goaded. People hide behind signs & for whatever reason use it as an excuse to state outrageous, insensitive & irrational statements. They aren’t real. They are like the Gringe, or Scrooge. They just want to see what you get irritated.
Mom of three
good grief- why do you read mommy blogs? to leave negative comments? or to find advice and support from people in a similar situation. for me, it’s the latter. so why does she write it? because it helps people. just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean you know why she does it…
crystalg461985
Thank you for taking this step as a parent. And thank you for sharing this, despite that backlash. Just remember these internet trolls and internet know it alls DO NOT KNOW YOU or what you and your husband have to deal with, you may do things by the book (lord knows I have for 7 years) and the good lord knows how we struggle to find a balance in teaching the right way and the wrong way. This is what christmas is all about. Thank you! We will as well not be doing christmas in our home. its about family, no need for getting everything you already have all over the home.
angelamontenegro
I think what you are doing is fine – although you didn’t really cancel Christmas for them – they’re making presents and giving them to each other, which is lovely and a wonderful tradition to start. I would also suggest that you take the kids to a homeless shelter to see how lucky they are and how people in their own area could benefit from their attention and kindness.
Your kids became entitled because you and your husband let them become that way. It’s common, especially today where kids expect high tech toys and to be able to get away with bad behavior. The fact that you are changing the way you parent shows you taking responsibility. All in all, what you’re doing is a good thing and don’t listen to those who tell you otherwise.
Kathy
WOW there are a lot of nut jobs here. SHE IS A BAD MOM! BOO ON THE KIDS! OMG THIS IS AWFUL AND HERE ARE ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO CRITICIZE!!! Jeeeez!!!!!!
After the umpteenth Christmas watching people exchange a bunch of junk where 90% of the gifts really aren’t anything anyone really wanted that badly or will use, and this new thing where people take that awful “black Friday” stuff and are now extending it on into Thanksgiving, and all acting like fools over material objects, I have to say, it’s quite refreshing to see somebody take the opposite approach.
I also don’t get the logic where if you hear someone’s children were acting out of line habitually, that they MUST be “bad parents”. REALLY?? It’s just that easy folks, parent “well” and your children are angels. If your kids ever are being brats it is therefore because you simply didn’t follow the “parenting well” rules.
UM, no…..even the best parent can end up with a bratty kid, despite all of their best efforts that are wildly effective on most children. Even the best children can go through phases where they’re all out nightmares for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with how well someone ‘parents’.
The fact that these parents took Christmas as an opportunity to really make a statement to their children about some recent issues they’ve been having with their kids is awesome. The fact that they didn’t just cancel it but added additional helpful things for other people? All the better.
I am not a religious person at all, but I still nevertheless find it awfully sad that people who are supposedly Christians celebrating a Christian holiday have become so obsessed with the commercial side of things. I see Thanksgiving and Christmas jointly as a celebration of family, friends, the value in providing for and spending time with others, and those things have gotten completely lost for both holidays because everyone is a huge sucker for the retailers’ marketing of all their junk.
I commend these parents for doing this and for letting everyone know it.
MothermayI
Mr. & Mrs. Henderson,
I applaud your decision and comment you for taking a stand.
I find that we are raising a generation of ungrateful children who feel as if we as parents are entitled to give them everything that they want. Having two (2) sons who are not given everything that they want, but all that they need and sometimes a bit more…I find that as they are aging they are getting more
and more ungrateful and disrespectful. Because of this behavior I have cut back on the amount and kind of gifts given to them over the years. Hence, I have also told them that they will not be getting a Christmas gift or anything that is not a need until their behavior and attitude changes.
At the end of the day itโs your children and as parents we are their first teachers. Teach your boys the lessons that you would like them to learn and do not pay attention to what others may think you are doing wrong.
I myself am considered a mean parent and I am proud to be if it will teach my sons the moral lessons (respect, proper manners, how to be grateful, value of hard work, money etc.,), that I would like them to learn.
From my home to yours I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous Year and all the best as you raise your sons to be outstanding men in their community!
Debra
Having grown up on a southeastern farm in the 1950’s my family’s Christmas gifts were sparse, only 2 humble presents, mostly needed clothes, etc. I learned to make my own toys from things around the farm, using tobacco sticks for guns or a very large cardboard box for a play house. I spent hours and hours in that box reading books checked out from the mobile book lender who came around once a month. We now have become an affluent society with kids who no longer use their imagination to create their own environments, who rely on abundant store bought toys and electronics to fill their time. So with what you and your husband are doing with your children is appropriate and timely. Children can not understand the true value of their constant supply of “things” until there is no more. They can not understand that money comes by hard work until the “things” money buys is withdrawn. This is not tough love, it is a good dose of reality. It will prepare your children for adulthood knowing the true value of money and thus the “things” it buys. It will also teach your children that misbehaving will not bring the “things” they most desire. I applaud you and your husband’s decision. It is right thing to do, so do not feel any guilt from the responders here who decry how horrible you are…that is all baloney!
sally wilson
so don’t agree with Jeannie Cunnion, author of “Parenting the Wholehearted Child,”. She is so far off base about Jesus. One of Cunnion’s comments “that gift-giving on Christmas should be tied into “the miracle” of Jesus’ birth.”. Since when is giving gifts tied to the birth of our Savior? This is making his birth nothing but a time to receive gifts. Last time I checked, Jesus’ birth was to “save” us from our sins. Don’t see gifts in here. Gifts are for Santa not CHRISTMAS! People need to stop the commercialization of Christmas.
Elizabeth White
One Christmas, (many years ago) my family and I were homeless, living in
a homeless shelter. My husband and I now have three grown children
but that Christmas, they were young but old enough to know all about
Santa Claus. We had been living in the shelter for several months and
weren’t sure what to do nor what to tell our children, because
couldn’t afford Christmas gifts for all our three children. The
church we attended, at that time, was collecting Christmas gifts for
abused and neglected children. And then, I realized that there were
other children going through difficulties far greater than what my
own children were going through that Christmas. We knew we could
afford one gift so that one child – who was going through a tougher
time than our own children โ could receive a toy for Christmas.
At least we were able to stay together as a family, which meant
everything to my husband and me. My husband and I hugged our children
each day and showed them that we loved them and we were able to take
care of them, even through that financially difficult time. My
husband and I then told our children that the gift of being together
as a loving family will be our Christmas gifts to each other that
year. And so we bought a toy for a child to show that someone cares,
in hopes that child would be able to experience Christmas joy.
About a week later, quite unexpectedly to us, the homeless shelter gave us
a huge bag of toys for our children. We also received a beautiful
Christmas tree plus a big box of food for Christmas dinner. Our
children were so happy to receive gifts under the tree that Christmas
morning and they really appreciated those toys. Most of all, what we
truly appreciated was knowing that other people gave from their
hearts.
We didn’t live close to family and couldn’t afford to go home for
Christmas. My parents were able to visit us a couple days after
Christmas and brought us gifts plus gifts from family members. I
don’t remember the gifts my parents gave us, but what I still
appreciate was my parent’s love and encouragement for us during that
difficult time.
What made that Christmas so special for our family was that we learned to
give from the heart without expecting anything back and then, we were
able to receive God’s Blessings. Lisa, your children will not be
‘deprived’ this Christmas – instead they will be receiving Blessings
far more meaningful than any toys you and your husband can afford to
give them. The birth of Jesus is meant to be our most treasured Gift
โ not for us (even as children) to only understand what we can
‘get’; but for all of us to know and live by: ‘the gift of giving’.
God Bless you and your family.
Twinsplustwo
I think you are spot on – well done for taking the plunge and following through! And, you haven’t just made a knee jerk decision, you have planned and considered how the children can learn from this. Too many parents blame kids for bad behaviour that then continually endorse by never following through with sanctions. This is a carrot, not a stick – a diversion, not a “road closed” decision. Well done you for being brave and following that diversion, your kids will have a great Christmas and come out the other side as more considerate individuals. Punishments don’t work – this isn’t one as anyone reading this can see. Thank you for sharing!
Brenda
Thank you for taking a stand and inspiring your children to live out the true meaning of the Christmas season! Entitlement has become such a huge issue in today’s society. Blessings to you and your family!
Kat
Amen! You go Moma, I think it’s a great idea! Hope you guys have the best Christmas ever, I’m pretty sure you will! God bless!
Lorretta Morales
Bravo! I applaud you and your husband for doing this. As a society in general we give too much to our kids and they tend to take it for granted and do become “entitled”. Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas to your family! =)
Raymond
I commend you for being parents who are are more concerned about your children and less concerned about a backlash from taking a stand that may be unpopular with your children or embarrassing when the general public finds out. I hope that one of the things that I have learned over my years of parenting children is that no family is just like another and no one child is like another child. All are unique and effective parenting can only be done with guidance from our Heavenly Father and the love exemplified by his Son, Jesus Christ. Your story reminded me of the experience of Thomas S. Monson, current President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The following is the story related in his own words:
The times were those of economic depression, yet Mother and Dad, through some sacrifice, I am sure, presented to me on Christmas morning a beautiful electric train. For hours I operated the transformer, watching the engine first pull its cars forward, then push them backward around the track.
Mother entered the living room and said to me that she had purchased a wind-up train for Widow Hansenโs boy, Mark, who lived down the lane. I asked if I could see the train. The engine was short and blockyโnot long and sleek like the expensive model I had received.
However, I did take notice of an oil tanker car which was part of his inexpensive set. My train had no such car, and pangs of envy began to be felt. I put up such a fuss that Mother succumbed to my pleadings and handed me the oil tanker car. She said, โIf you need it more than Mark, you take it.โ I put it with my train set and felt pleased with the result.
Mother and I took the remaining cars and the engine down to Mark Hansen. The young boy was a year or two older than I. He had never anticipated such a gift and was thrilled beyond words. He wound the key in his engine, it not being electric like mine, and was overjoyed as the engine and two cars, plus a caboose, went around the track.
Mother wisely asked, โWhat do you think of Markโs train, Tommy?โ
I felt a keen sense of guilt and became very much aware of my selfishness. I said to Mother, โWait just a momentโIโll be right back.โ
As swiftly as my legs could carry me, I ran to our home, picked up the oil tanker car plus an additional car of my own, ran back down the lane to the Hansen home, and said joyfully to Mark, โWe forgot to bring two cars which belong to your train.โ
Mark coupled the two extra cars to his set. I watched the engine make its labored way around the track and felt a supreme joy difficult to describe and impossible to forget.
Mother and I left the Hansen home and slowly walked up the street. She, who with her hand in Godโs had entered into the valley of the shadow of death to bring me, her son, across the bridge of life, now took me by the hand and together we returned homeward by way of our private Jericho Road.
Some remember mother for her rhymes recited, others for her music played, songs sung, favors bestowed, or stories told; but I remember best that day we together traveled our Jericho Road and, like the good Samaritan, found a cherished opportunity to help.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1977/04/your-jericho-road?lang=eng
Thank you again for sharing your experiences as a parent. I hope that all of us, as parents will do what we can to teach our children that Christmas is not about getting but about giving….giving with unconditional love the way that our Heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ gave.
john
This is not about Jesus or Santa. This is about people unable to communicate with their children. Children have to be taught, shown and guided. She says their ungrateful children. 364 days in the year and you pick Christmas day to correct your children. What happened during the rest of the year, ,where were you?
More time should have been spent with your boys don’t ya think instead of all your projects. Then say the boys are ungrateful. Maybe they wish you spent more time with them and showing them the way to go. children’s minds are pure, they don’t know right from wrong from the start. Life is complex enough today to expect children to be perfect right from the start. Your heart is in the right place but your mind is not. Spend more time with your boys,,you’ll see the difference
Joel Knutson
good for you!!!
charm
There is no such thing as Santa – and kids need to learn appreciation for what they have – I applaud these parents! They are teaching their children that the world does not revolve around them and their wants – teaching them to be balanced human beings – if you bothered to read the article you would see that they are not being deprived at all and that they are making little gifts for each other. How did bullying come into this? I think you have a major issue with good parenting
Pat Mulligan
Geesh. I can only imagine how terrible your childhood was…….
a_taminator
Don’t you have some other forum you regularly police?
Caitlin
You, Pat Mulligan are a horrible person for even making that assumption about someone’s childhood. Why don’t you get your ass off the computer and do something nice for someone instead of put people down you don’t even know. You are close minded and rude!! We can only imagine how terrible your heart is. ๐
Namma
If you’re 35 and can’t let go of that memory, then I will send positive energy to you in the hopes that you can finally find a way to let it go and get some peace.
Pat Mulligan
I see you’re CLEARLY incapable of seeing the point. No wonder kids today are growing up to be mass murdering school shooters.
a_taminator
Help him “let go?” You can’t even let go of this article. He mentioned nothing about his age or something in the past. Methinks the troll doth protest too much.
Namma
Click the “See More” button so that you may read ” I’m 35 years old and that same hate for that Christmas is in my thoughts constantly. ”
Thank you for showing yourself as you are. May you find some peace within yourself this holiday season.
a_taminator
There’s nothing of the sort in there. Stop gaslighting.
Kimberly Rotter
Fantastic!!!
charm
Great parenting! Don’t be discouraged by some of the remarks! Great to see that you are not ‘obedient’ parents
mommy7137
We cancelled my oldest’s birthday last year because of this very reason – bad behavior, poor choices, sense of entitlement and failure to improve after patiently working with him. We went out to dinner (his choice) and he got a video game but no birthday party, no friends, no extravagant gifts. I seriously cannot even tell certain people about it because I’m afraid of the backlash and judgement. I love my kids but I feel it’s my job to get them ready for the real world, and I know some think I’m a bad or mean mom.
Lucinda Jezzebelle Blackletter
Replying……was that confusing to you in some way?
Johanna
Very interesting! Way to follow your parental instincts and follow through. Gosh, I am sorry people can be so nasty in their comments. I scrolled through a bit and I had to stop reading because the negativity was getting to me. You must be pretty thick skinned to tolerate that. Thanks for sharing your heart and your experiences.
ExperienceJOY
Goodonya Lisa, I’m so proud of you and your husband. That was a hard, wise thing.
Your kids are very blessed to have you. When my little girl was young I too was determined that she would know Christmas as a time for giving not getting.
We would visit hospitals and old people’s homes singing carols, I couldn’t find an ‘adopt a Gran’ program so I started one, best move ever!
Keepee
Good for you! I don’t know when thousands of dollars in presents became a God-given right, but so many people seem to think so! I think it is wonderful that the kids are learning the joy of giving and service, rather than the temporary joy of gimmie gimmie gimmie.
truth hurts
You have shown you very much care how your son grow up to be good caring people more parents should care as much as you do
Jason
God Bless you for teaching value of life. Some kids just want a heart or kidney that works. Great Job Mom and Dad. with wisdom comes all the REAL gifts life has to offer. You seem most wise
Momof4
Your title is misleading. You didn’t really cancel Christmas. All you are doing is have a REAL Christmas this year!! Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the Savior and show our love to Him by giving to others. It is not about spoiling kids with a million presents. Congratulations on figuring out the meaning of Christmas!
M K
Taking a stand on the ‘hottest’ holiday of the year; and I put it that way because personally I believe true meanings for religious holidays have been quite lost…isn’t such a dramatic revelation folks. This blog sounds as though the parents are trying to ‘re-invent the wheel’ so to speak. As I began to read the blog the initial flag that kept popping up for me was that ..hey..sounds to me like its the parents who created these attitudes and behaviors all along with the kids. Maybe treating them to a lot of material things, not saying ‘no’…ect. And now because its spun out of control they feel the need to make it sound like a new and improved way to unscrew what you negatively; and yes what you unintentionally …have screwed up while raising your kids. First off – we’re all guilty of this parenting fault to a degree – it happens – we’re human – not perfect. And its up to we parents to recognize what we’re doing and follow through with corrections and positive reinforcement so our families can move along happily. Bottom line of the lesson that could be recognized here is that its a change of attitude and behavior for not only the kids but mostly for the parents. They watch us and what we’re doing more than we watch them and what they should be doing. It just happens to be Christmas that’ll be the tool used to instill these refreshed ideas on the family. I personally do not believe in the materialism that Christmas is now based on and revolves around. That’s a whole other subject. So the lesson of not spending the money on more ‘stuff’ that ‘Santa’ traditionally gives is just one tool. What about birthdays or Easter. Giving to less fortunate people or not putting ones self first or more dramatically – suffering yourself for the betterment of others around you ; the general religious(‘Christ’-mas) point made I believe ..is what December rounds up another entire year of living, to be. Ok, ok…I’m not trying to suck the fun out of what some of us have grown up with; I was a kid too. But come on..its not entirely the kids doing. Its the parents. We mold how a childs thought process grows. This just happens to be a grand time of year to emphasize this particular and not uncommon family issue. I’m betting or hoping this family will learn a lot about themselves along the way with what their doing. I do give them credit. Its a tough decision to make because no matter how much its ‘your business’ how you raise your family there is always someone looking at and opinionating your actions. I’m just throwing in my two cents here like others and posting a view of what I see. ๐
Bem
I agree that the parents in this story created the problem (nobody’s a perfect parent, and all parents mess up), but the important thing is that they are trying to correct the problem. I have a similar situation in my family, but the parents aren’t doing anything about it, and I fear what kind of adults the kids in my family are going to grow up to be.
Liz
#hatersgonnahate #trollsgonnatroll Good for you for standing up for your principles and doing what Santa is supposed to do. We have focused more on giving back this year also. My husband and I just went through our home and got rid of garbage bags full of toys that our kids no longer liked or had barely used. My kids also get new and used items for the holidays. My daughter wants a Barbie camper and I’m not spending an insane amount of money on something she may not play with next year. I found one at Goodwill for $7.50. Kids nowadays are given soooo much and are sometimes taught that new is always better. I often tell family and friends instead of gifts to do something meaningful with my children. Teach them something, take them on a special visit to the zoo, museum, etc… It doesn’t have to be an expensive “date” and they are more likely to remember an experience vs a gift they received. I think this will be a positive lesson for your children and more families should participate in giving back. I’m doing #30daysofgiving on my beprettybebold facebook page. ๐ good luck and merry Christmas to you and your family!
babyclee
Lisa-
I’ve been following your story and I commend you and your husband for doing this. As a mother with three boys of her own, I feel as though I could have written your same post. My husband and I have been teaching our boys since they have been born about helping others and other important and strong values. Still the disrespect and entitlement filters into our daily life. We struggle with this daily. I like how you are showing them the value of giving and helping others less fortunate. Enjoy your holiday season ๐
Sabine
Too many parents out there are trying to be best friends to their kids, and as a result are raising entitled spoiled monsters that society now has to deal with. So good for you for acting like a real parent instead! I know what you did was a tough decision, but I truly hope your kids will learn and understand the lessons you are trying to teach them, and become better people as a result of it. All the best to you and yours this holiday season!
Robin
Hi: I have read your post about cancelling Christmas. I am wondering what it was that your children were doing for months and months that got them to this point. What is “entitlement” in a child? Why aren’t timeouts working? Why do you “threaten” punishments? Threatening does not good. Why do you feel you need to empower parents to take a stand? Parenthood is about taking stands several times each day–that is one definition of “parenthood”. Why did you choose to send clothes to the Phillipines? Trust me, close to where you live, are people who need food and clothes. This is the reality of the US today. I am glad that we raised our daughter when we did–she is 35 now with an infant of her own. If she were a child today, she would be the only kid she knew who had no cellphone, iphone, whatever phone, or tablet or laptop or electronic anything of her own. Electronics let kids run their own show way too much, and that makes them bratty. When our child was growing up, having your own phone in your room was the big deal, and she did not have one. Her day was filled with school, a little extra curricular, homework, and lots of chores–dishes, yard work, house work, help with the laundry, pet care, for which she was given not one penny. Those things were her contribution to the work of the home and family. As a teen she did some cooking and drove for me when I had forestry or appraisal work and needed a driver. We raised a good kid who is an exemplary citizen and a wonderful wife, mother, and member of the Armed Forces who is well on her way to earning 2 masters degrees simultaneously. we couldn’t be prouder of her than we are
Namma
It would have been truly nice if you could have shared your story without the hostile tone in the beginning. Parents, NO parents are perfect. There is always something each and every person wishes they did different. It is a good thing these parents caught on before their children became older when it is near impossible to put some order and good discipline in. Next time perhaps you could forego the hostility and just relate your story. It could have been enjoyable.
a_taminator
There’s nothing wrong with your story. Some people on here think they are the Disqus police.
Big Arrow
Lisa–Kudos to you. I wish you a blessed Christmas, good health,. happiness and prosperity in the coming year. The meaning of Christmas has been lost to most kids during the past few decades., in that it has become a contest to see who gets the most “loot”. What we do not realize is that there is an abundance of choices available for all things, we take everything for granted and do not appreciate the gifts we have been given.
Kiera Jones Pracht
So proud of you! Keep up the good work parents!!! You are BEING GREAT PARENTS!!!
mcmlxix
You and your husband are my heroes! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Bem
There are children in my family who are entitled little brats. I love them, but they are snobby brats! So much so that I refuse to buy them presents anymore, as every time I do, I am embarrassed and hurt by their ungrateful behavior. These kids in my family have everything they want and do not understand or appreciate the value of money or the hard work it takes to earn that money. They also have no clue of the suffering and poverty of other kids in the world. I hope this lesson you are teaching your children sticks with them, but I’m a bit surprised you are allowing any gifts at all. Seems like they might miss the point if they are still getting gifts. I also cannot believe you are getting crap over this. Our western culture has become a materialistic nightmare when it shreds a mother up because she is cutting back on TOYS. Unbelievable! This kind of shallow backlash makes me embarrassed for America and as an American.
Moonmommy
I think this was an awesome idea. Spending time together as a family helping others is a WAY better gift than any material possession!
michelle
Thank you for showing that parents can take a stand. I have friends who are struggling with their children, yet keep giving them stuff. Your idea of replacing getting stuff with giving to others – priceless.
Namma
Lisa I feel compelled to leave you one last posting here. You wrote above. “Some people seem to think I wrote this for attention. Ummm, the attention you get from posts like this is not good and actually extremely difficult to handle. ”
There are a lot of damaged people in the world. Some grow up, pick themselves up, and carry on without unloading on others.
Some feel compelled to deliver unexpressed resentment onto others who have nothing to do with their past experiences and they are only slightly reminded of these by your writings. It is not your fault they feel badly. It seems to me that many here had memories of uncomfortable things bubble to the surface and they exploded onto you.
Well, they are deserving of something. Some call it prayer, others call it positive thoughts, still others will send positive energy. It’s really the only way to handle it.
Point this out to your children as another life lesson, that not everyone they come across in life will respect the rights of others, that others may say hateful and nasty things as a way to exorcise the demons in their own lives, and some have had such horrible experiences that anything good makes them feel less. They are deserving of prayer, positive thought and positive energy in the hope that such might possibly help them move past these troubling times in their live and find some peace for themselves.
LSieg
Thank you for being wonderful parents. Your boys will take this lesson into adulthood and continue to give back to the community.
Nancy Miley
Good for you! Christmas is so much more than receiving presents. All anyone has to do is look around at all the teens, young adults, and preteens making the news today. They are getting in trouble with the law, dying at the hands of law enforcement because they are getting into trouble, living their lives out in prison because of stupid things they do and people will realize what you are doing is teaching your children respect, the act of giving to others without expecting anything in return. Good for you, you are responsible, caring parents who love their children enough to teach them. Wish there were a lot more like you!
tt
Are you Christian? Just wondering. I assume so as you referenced Jesus and are celebrating Christmas at all. If you are a church going family and you intend to teach your children the faith, you have just sent a really hugely bad message. The greatest gift Christ has given us is grace. And it is not earned. But your children have been told that all good gifts are earned. Not just in words but extremely loudly in action. I am also curious as to how you attempted to teach respect and deal with their entitlement. Did you address the behavior with immediate consequences? Did you model a lack of entitlement in your own life and explain why you could not give in to wants and demands? If you merely issued warnings (as your post says) then jumped to this huge (and overblown and possibly damaging) consequence, sorry, but you’re doing it wrong. As for the publicity, if you didn’t want it, you could have turned it down. You didn’t have to answer press calls or make appearances.
1776
I’m not the most brilliant Christian ever coined, so maybe I don’t have standing when I admonish you to lighten up, tt. If you want to get hardco re, which I often enjoy, there’s a sound, theological case that Christmas shouldn’t even be a Christian festival. As for the author’s parenting skills, as far as I can tell, she is quickly becoming an expert. She tried to correct poor behavior and instill good character, but her efforts seemingly fell flat. And then she had a stroke of genius, she and her husband tried the fresh, creative approach she writes about, and voila! Her children’s behavior and attitude turned on a dime. And by the way, she clearly has three, fine boys with good hearts. I trust that when Ms. Lisa has a theological breakthrough with her children, she’ll blog about that too. In the meantime, I invite you, tt, to join me in enjoying this heartwarming piece…
tt
Actions are louder than words with kids. Believe me. I have worked with more kids than most parents have ever met in 21 years in education, plus I raised one that isn’t even my own. “Grace is a free gift, you don’t have to earn it” vs. “Because you didn’t live up to my standard, I am not buying you any gifts”. Message received by kids is absolutely going to be “I must earn gifts”. Dialing down Christmas is one thing. Adding family activities that emphasize giving to others is wonderful–but why weren’t they doing that all along? And doing it year round. More than anything, we know that children learn what they live. If these kids are that entitled, then the first task for mom and dad is not threatening them or punishing them, but looking at themselves to see how it is that the kids have learned that. Seems that Lisa and her husband have done very little of that hard work.
Namma
You do have to earn in life. And yes, you do have to be the type of person that invites gifts, not demands them. That is a sort of “earning” as you have to have the attributes that others admire, not detest. Love from others besides parental is not guaranteed, it is granted. Children must learn the skills to EARN the trust of others so that they may form lasting bonds of friendship that invite gestures of gifting. No one wants to give even the gift of a “Good Day!” to a detestable person.
tt
You shouldn’t have to earn those things from your parents. That is a detestable message. And people don’t have to earn dignity, which is what you are saying. That is one of the things wrong in our culture–this notion that we should treat people as less than until they prove something to us. Jesus did not put any qualifications on “love your neighbor”.
Namma
LOL! Your attempt at sarcasm is funny!
imani1962
She crossed the line by publicly displaying their faces. The backlash will be is that they will be humiliated and shamed by the kids in their neighborhood, school, church, and anywhere they go.
Children can be mercilessly teased by other children and shaming them in public is wrong.
Christmas will come and go, but the bulling has yet to begin. And bullying is a serious problem.
I wonder how people would have felt, if she put them over her lap and spanked them and posted that? It isn’t the spanking that would hurt it is the humiliation.
And why does the oldest boy have to hold a picture up?
Punishments should take place in private not on a public forum.
1776
Now, I’m all for spanking, especially when it’s among consenting adults. That being said, the author didn’t “shame” her children, publicly, or otherwise. I think she did the opposite of that: she conveyed that her children turned on a dime from being selfish little ingrates, which is the lower nature of all children, to taking joy in giving. And they didn’t miss “Christmas” half as a much as the parents. It’s quite amazing. The way I see it, Ms. Lisa is throwing out pearls of wisdom for free. And I’ll leave it to you to recall the second part of that analogy…
Namma
Facetious at best. We have no idea what the next 20-30 years will bring. 30 years ago there wasn’t an Internet. It’s NEW. Therefore laws, customs and what is acceptable are still being hammered out. Critical mass is approaching and many things will happen and we have no idea what they will be. If anything in this post confuses you then use your browser to do some research. It does a mind loads of good.
a_taminator
Yeah I’m sure this internet thing is just a fad.
1776
Employers (I’m one) can be epic jerks. It’s almost as if they try to do that. But trust me: any employer that would hold this blog piece against these fine (very young) boys is no employer anyone would want to serve. Thank God there are literally millions of employers out there. I’m betting some of them deem childhood ways (which in this case are completely normal) are utterly irrelevant in gauging job qualifications. After all, if we could make children behave like adults, employers like me would be aggressively expanding the labor pool…
1776
Oh brother! You’re wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast! But here’s a tip of advice for you: rather than wildly speculating about my sexual orientation, predilections, fetishes and the like, perhaps you who should consider submitting yourself to intensive Freudian therapy. After all, It’s pretty clear that something’s wrong with your psychology. Oh, and Merry Christmas to you…
Jena Perry
Lisa I completely understand what you are experiencing. I felt the same way with my 2 boys 8 and 10 years old. Until I discovered the Accountable Kids Program online. WOW! !! It has drastically change my kids behavior over night. I no longer have to constantly hound them to do their chores or brush their teeth, etc. It has these cards that you can put on a board that reminds them of what is expected of them. They even started to read their scriptures on their own cause I put it on their board. Anyway I just wanted to make you aware of some thing that really Helps. I am LDS and live in SLC BTW. Good luck.
Suz D
Love this post! For those who are accusing you of seeking attention…for goodness sakes people, she’s a blogger. She blogs about what is going on in her family’s life, in her community, whatever she feels like blogging about. Isn’t that what every blogger does?
Flรกvia
Fantastic initiative! I don’t have kids but am horrified with my little cousins’ behavior – they are absolute brats, entitled and ungrateful. I think that you are not punishing your kids, but teaching them in a very effective way. Keep up the good work!
Brian Holbrook
Boy, who knew so many supposed christians harbored so much hate for the youth of today. Reading the comments here, many of you applauding this act seem more than a little vengeful and are vicariously enjoying punishing the ‘ungrateful’ and ‘disrespectful’ kids of today. Respect is earned. If you want your kids to be respectful, then be worthy of respect. Be less of a dictator and more of a mentor. Realize that your job as a parent is to teach, not to command.
Mom of three
What? Respect should be earned? Does that mean that if we, as humans, aren’t perfect, no one should treat us with respect? Do you mean that children, who are still learning right from wrong, are on equal footing with their parents unless their parents “earn” the “privilege” of being respected? Do you mean that we ought not respect the president if we don’t agree with him, or our boss if we don’t like him? ALL humans should be treated with respect, whether they “deserve” it or not. That is one of the reasons everyone is so angry and selfish! Respect should be automatic, not earned.
Sunny79
I think this is FANTASTIC!!! My only thought was “No visit from Santa?” But then I read that he would leave a letter- awesome idea!! The magic of Santa is my favorite part, and I think everything you are doing is creating that magic for your family. I teach high school students and I see it all the time. The sense of entitlement is real. Kudos for you for making the change your family needs. If you continue to do this every year, great! If one year you decide to go more “traditional”, I’m sure your kids will be more appreciative than ever. I think you’re a GREAT mom! ๐
Liz
Good for you as a parent that is stopping their child from feeling “entitled”!!!! Too many children are growing up to disrespect adults, authority, etc. I applaud you!!!
Vickie
I’m sorry you’re getting so many negative comments. I suspect that the majority are coming from defensive parents who have ‘entitled’ children but don’t dare or are too tired to do anything about it.
LC
I think you made a good decision. Christmas is over rated and Children do have a sense of entitlement. I think all parents should participate with their children in giving to others. Good Job Mom and Dad.
Jason Gammon
She is a sick individual who is publicly shaming her own kids for money bottom line. Those are ads over on the right hand side of her website she gets paid every time someone
clicks on those or orders from those websites. This post has gone viral
she will have a nice payday at her kids expense.
Mom of three
money?? really? she is a wonderful mother trying her best to raise grateful children. your nasty comments probably break her heart. she loves her children, and it’s clear as day in her posts. Have you read any of her other posts? or you basing everything on your ignorant assumptions after reading one thing?
Kathryn B
Lisa,
Thank you, thank you for teaching your children that their actions have consequences. If more more parents would hold their children accountable for their behavior we would have less disrespect and more people would grow into adulthood understanding that they are the owners of their behaviors and stop blaming society, the weather or other factors. Thank you again
Thank you, thank you for teaching your children that their actions have cons
Jason Gammon
This lady is a blogger, she writes blog posts, it is her job to write the
most creative exciting blog post she possibly can so that the public
will come over and read her blog, and if she’s lucky she will have a
post go viral, and get millions of people to her blog, and then those
readers will hopefully click on those ads on the right side of the page.
When that happens guess what she gets paid every time.
She is publicly shaming them for money bottom line. Those are ads over
on the right hand side of her website she gets paid every time someone
clicks on those or orders from those websites. This post has gone viral
she will have a nice payday at her kids expense.
Namma
What ads? Oh right, I’m smart enough to use adblockers. Carry on.
Diane
I applaud you. I wanted to do this when our kids were younger and my husband insisted it was “too much, “too cruel” and you know what we have now– a 25 year old and a 27 year old that have a huge sense of entitlement and no sense of real consequence. I am astonished by the number of people acting this way. I can assure you a GENERATION ago, parents had NO problem leaving that infamous “bag of coal” to naughty children. I love my children with all my heart but they are not adults that I like very much sometimes. I wish they worked harder, cared more about others and the environment as well as social issues.
Brian Holbrook
You sound like a very bitter and unhappy woman.
Namma
No, she is facing the reality of what her children have become. She has more of a right to it than you do judging her.
Marco
In a day and age when the spirit of Christmas is being swallowed by the likes of Best Buy, Disney and Mattel, I applaud you for taking your children back to the essence of what makes this time so special. My wife and I have a set of 6 year old twins and we try to instill in them a sense of faith in God and serving others. That is the REASON for the season – everything else is irrelevant.
Brian Holbrook
Uh, I’m an atheist, and having faith in your god is certainly not the reason for my season. I like the glitz and glitter of the holidays. I like the lights, the food, the smells, the traditions. I like expressing my love of others through gift-giving. In fact, I have dozens of reasons I love the Holidays, but faith in your god isn’t anywhere on that list. So, in truth, faith in god is the reason for YOUR season; don’t presume it is everyone else’s.
Namma
Uh, so what? Not your blog, not your forum. You want one go start one. Or go grief people on SodaHead. You’ll be real comfortable there and find many kindred spirits.
a_taminator
I’m Jewish. Christmas is about pretty lights, presents, food, and finding bargains… same as the majority of milquetoast Christians. I think someone peed in Namma’s Wheaties this morning.
Vickie
Good for you, Lisa! You are teaching your children the true meaning of Christmas.
Laura
Wow – I say good for you! I saw the film from GMA and your kids clearly have gained so much more as people that they will carry with them throughout their lives than they would have by getting yet more material things — not that there i s anything wrong with presents on Christmas — it can be very magical, but the meaning can and does get very lost. Your kids clearly are growing from this experience and from giving back to the rest of the world — what could be more valuable than to build character and generosity?? And I am guessing they will appreciate and value every future Christmas even that much more, as well as be likely to remember the best ways in which to treat eachother going forward. This is a great lesson for kids in weighing in the consequences of your actions, and it builds their critical thinking skills too. So impressive! Thank you for sharing! THIS is what Christmas is about — gratitude and generosity!
ashleigh
Good for you! I completely agree. If their behavior wasn’t up to standard, you had every right to cancel Christmas. Why sing “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’ve been bad or good” if Santa caves every year?
In 2011, I unexpectedly lost my home and my then 4 and 6 year and I had to sleep in our car for a month, and then we finally found a place to stay with a friend for another month. By then it was November. I finally found an apartment I could barely afford in addition to my car payment, but we had a place to live. Because it cost so much, when we moved our belongings in finally I told my kids our apartment was our Christmas present. My kids were happy with that after living as nomads for two months. They still got presents from relatives and did fine.
The best thing about children is their ability to adapt and their optimism. They will be better for this. You are good parents.
Namma
Lisa don’t feel in any way that you have to “explain” yourself. What you did is good for your children since they will grow up with less of a sense of entitlement (I want that, gimme!) and more of responsibility and accountability for self (how can I make my life better). I do hope you continue with the lessons that will be of benefit to them once they leave your house and are required to deal with other people.
Last note, please consider creating, or finding, a program or plan to involve them in household expenses and budgeting. I sincerely wish that my parent’s had done this as the schools 35-40 years ago were not. Simple budgeting education will go very far, increasing it to teaching the understanding of the banking and credit system, what works for the consumer and what can lead to bankruptcy will be invaluable. Good luck in all you do and have a very Merry Christmas ๐
Kellie Stoddard Soper
Wonderful. I love how you are showing them the meaning of the season is the joy we can pass on to others based on the amazing gift given to us. Blessings to you and you efforts. Keep it up.
Terrie
My husband and I did something very similar four years ago. Our issue with our three were much the same, trying to get them to do the smallest chores was a constant battle and the “I want, I need, can I, will you… were out of control. I asked that they please keep their things picked up and orderly so that they could make a Christmas list and would then clean out what they had out grown or no longer wanted as to make room for the new, They did not comply with our request so while they were away at their grandparents I cleaned their rooms. I re-gifted everything I picked up that either still fit or that they still played with. There were presents spilling into the middle of the room. Christmas morning they were so excited and loved what Santa had gotten them(one gift I insisted happen) and then it went down hill, they were not happy campers as they started opening their stuff but we sure got our point across. It ha been a pretty trouble free compromise the last here years.
TV Boss
I think you’re amazing parents! So many parents these days want to be friends or parent out of guilt. The kids grow up to be entitled and spoiled. How do I know this? I’m one of those grown up kids. When I was growing up I got anything (within reason) that I wanted. Toys, then clothing, when I got older, cars. In adulthood, I cant pay rent, “Oh Daddy….” Cant pay car insurance, “Oh Mommy…” They bailed me out of jams again and again and again. In spite of working and making my own money I knew that if I needed new tires or major car repairs I could call Dad.
Now, unfortunately my mother and father passed away 2 weeks within each other a few years ago. Talk about a wakeup call! Aside from missing the 2 people I loved more than anyone, I lost my security blanket.
No one to depend on. If I’m short on rent, theres no one to call. No groceries and 2 weeks till payday? Oatmeal and rice it is.
I’m sorry, i didnt mean to make this about *me* but I wanted to stress that parenting without consequences does not help your child. I’m so sorry that this family is getting criticized, they are teaching their kids a valuable lesson.
ktcreativity
Good job! The world needs more moms like you that teach children that there are consequences for their actions and everything is not about them. I don’t feel bad for your children and you are certainly not being a bad parent. They are clothed, well feed, and healthy. They don’t NEED presents. The people who have a problem with what you did are part of the problem of the entitled society we live in. I applaud you! Keep up the good work!
jayhdavis
Christmas is not toys, or giving, It is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It is a time for worship.
Jean
When our daughters were little, Cabbage Patch Dolls were what all little girls wanted for Christmas. We couldn’t afford them, so after they went to bed, I made three sculptured dolls with matching sleep sacks and diaper bags. Their excited squeals on Christmas morning still ring in my ears, and to this day, those dolls are still loved. They say that if they had received the store dolls, they’d be long gone, but the home made ones will stay with them forever.
Evann Whitt
Lisa – I just want to apologize for all the negative, harsh comments you have received from your blog post. I completely understand why you did what you did, and I am very excited your boys are becoming more gracious and giving. They are precious and I admire you for taking a stand against entitlement and guiding them to become godly men one day! Love this post!
Amber Strong
The world needs more parents like you and your husband!!! Bless you for doing the right thing, and sticking to your guns when the kiddos wouldn’t listen. Too many parents just threaten punishment and never follow through, which just grows their little entitlement attitudes!!
orangekitties
I can’t believe a parent actually followed through on this! I hear moms and dads threaten their kids all the time with “punishments”- i.e., “If you don’t stop whining, Santa won’t come this year, if you don’t finish your dinner, you don’t get dessert, if you don’t stop hitting your brother, no t.v. for you,” and on and on and on with no real consequences in sight. All the kids learn is that mommy and daddy are big pushovers, and there are no actual downsides to misbehaving. All they have to do is push and push and eventually, they’ll get their way.
It is so refreshing to see that not all parents are raising disrespectful brats who don’t understand the words, “no,” “enough,” or “this is what happens when the rules aren’t followed.”
Cookie
Don’t listen to the haters. They are most likely acting out and calling you names because no one had the foresight to cancel Christmas when they were kids. ๐ Merry Christmas!
lauriea776
I completely disagree with this parenting move. I’m sure I’m restating a lot of the other comments, but wanted to put my vote in. There are ways to have Christmas and teach lessons. By canceling Christmas and all the hoopla that has created, the children will probably not get the lesson from this that you intended. If you were trying to teach them how to be humble that lesson flew out the door, too. If this had all been done anonymously, maybe they would have learned something. I’m not a regular reader of this blog, so I have no way of knowing if this blogger is just attempting to grab attention, so I won’t make that assumption. The same lesson could have been learned without the heavy handedness.
maggie winter
Just read about this in a UK paper…I fully support you, well done you for trying to teach your children well…keep it up and ignore the spoilt, entitled idiots that love to troll. Bet you have a fantastic christmas.
Sending much blog love ๐
Patty
You carried through with your threat. I applaud you.Good going Lisa!!!
Agnieszka
I’m completely with you! Ther are so many people, who forget, what Christmas is about. Ypur idea is so beautiful, that it should be spread around the world ๐
Harris
I feel this is taking things a little to far. How do you think your kids will feel when their friends are running around with new toys and they are asked what they got for Christmas and have to say “nothing.” You say your kids are not upset or mopey or anything but deep down you know this is killing them. Christmas is the one day a year (aside from their birthday) that kids have a right to ask for things and be a little over the top with asking for things and by taking this away from them you are taking away the joy of waking up on Christmas morning and running downstairs to see what Santa has left. You’re taking away the joy of leaving cookies and milk for Santa because you have told your kids “Santa isn’t coming this year.”
Westin21
Full support and respect your parenting decisions. Well done
Mandie
You know how when you are a kid in school and the other kids pick on you for something – my mom always told me it was because they wanted what I had. O.O So, Lisa – I just wanted to remind you of that. ๐ HI5 Awesome job. Could you maybe write a follow up on some of the obstacles you had in implementing this and how you dealt with them both in detail and psychologically speaking? I’m sure it would help all the jealous moms out there
Mama
If it’s done with love, it’s not so bad. Why don’t you make it a Spend No Money Christmas, instead?
Reese
Good. For. You! I’ve found myself more and more disenchanted with Christmas as of late. It’s a bit sad when you look at how this “season” has turned into nothing more than an over-commercialized excuse to trample others to death over a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll.
In reading a lot of these comments, I can’t help but laugh because the same people are condemning you for canceling Christmas, are typically the first ones to complain about how lax parents have become in teaching their children, respect, responsibility and basic manners.
As a parent, the only advice I ever have for another is “do what YOU need to do.” Your children will not be traumatized. If anything, they will grow more appreciative and understanding that not everyone can afford to splurge on getting tons of Christmas presents for their children. In fact, many can hardly afford to pay their electricity bill and put food on the table.
I hope that you remain positive, despite some of the negative comments you are receiving. You guys are setting a very positive tone for your children. Just know that many of us commend your decision.
I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas!
Theresa
Rob Osterman
We have a tradition in our house that is targeted at your big idea: To encourage giving rather than getting.
Every year the kids shop for a present for little kids that don’t have as much as they do. They pick out presents for those kids carefully and with care, and lots of questions about who would like that present, who would play with it, and why.
Then on Christmas Eve those presents are left on the fireplace along with the usual milk and cookies and carrots. Santa comes, leaves his gifts for our kids, and takes the presents to pass on to some other kid in the world. You see, Santa has a lot of kids to take care of, and he expects the help of kids who have a lot to help him see to the kids who don’t have much at all. He’s also very good about leaving an official thank you note where he reminds our children of the value of giving, and who he plans to give the presents he picked up to.
It is absolutely hard to keep kids focused on the giving, but we find a lot more value in blending the two together into the spirit of the holiday.
disqus_lrkz0VlwiD
Just wanted to throw it out here: Our 4 children ages 9-2 have never really had “Christmas” if you mean by that word, “Getting tons of loot that costs hundreds of dollars.”
We celebrate Christmas really big: family, tree, decorations, music, singing, cooking, baking- SO many fun traditions! But we usually just buy each kid one present- they get a couple more from grandparents and that’s it. FIY: they’ve NEVER missed the giant pile of plastic junk under the tree . . . .
Way to go, mom! You’re not cancelling Christmas at all.
Clarisse
Congratulations to this fantastic parents that know how to teach their kids about the real value of things, cause today’s kids may know the price of the things and not have a clue about their value….
Felicia
I too canceled the gift giving for Christmas this year. And my best friend was not nice about it but I am sticking to my guns. Christmas is about Christ and not gift giving.
Anette
I really admire your courage and warm hearts! Wish more families could wake up and see the need of others in stead of giving their own children an overload of stuff and clothes they really donยดt need. I wish you and your familiy a joyful holiday, surrounded by love and people!
Jenny
Good. A lot of kids these days act like little shits and are given anything and everything they want. It’s about time a parent finally said no! Good on you.
Mel S
Good for you! Christmas has been so commercialized and has been about pagan practices and about receiving. Celebrating the true meaning of Christmas and giving to others is what it’s all about. Your children will be mightily blessed by thinking of others and giving of themselves. Both your husband and you should be proud to know that you followed God’s will for your lives. You will be mightily blessed for you obedience. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks:).
meredithtolsdorf
I think it is WONDERFUL! I applaud you! You have kept the right parts of Xmas, you have given your children a real gift. THey will learn so much from this- as I am sure they and you have already! You are right on- and forget the naysayers!
Nancy
I applaud you as parents. I wish more parents would do something to take away the entitlement their children feel. My daughter is four…but she understands what the season is about. She goes through her toys she already has every year the week before Christmas and gives away half or more of what she has. We donate them to other families who couldn’t afford to buy these things. She does the same thing every year at her birthday. She gives away clothes 4 times a year and does so willingly. I started her as soon as she could walk and talk to be giving in the name of Christ instead of taking. She loves Christ and enjoys giving in his name. She asks me to give now instead of me telling her she has to! No she isnt perfect she is 4. She has attitudes and tempertantrums when she doesnt get her way…but as parents we have to ask ourselves do we want to teach our children that they can have whatever they want and get more by acting in a negative manner or do we want them to learn that their behavior good or bad will determine what they get? Just wanted to give you my two cents and let you know what we do as a family!
Dreamer
I think it’s a wonderful idea. I don’t think you cancelled Christmas. I think you just gave it a real meaning of what it’s about. Memories together can never be replaced by material trinkets. Ask some grandparent or senior what they would like most & they’ll tell you – come visit; spend time with me. Your children will grow up with great character & philanthropic goals.
Kudos to you!
Stu
So there was more to this than Yahoo suggested…you are a GOOD MOM! Thanks for teaching your boys the gift of giving vs getting. Merry Christmas and God Bless You All!
Holly
So happy to see another parent having the same feelings over the ungratefulness that kids have in todays society. Will definitely be incorporating these ideas this Christmas and all the Christmases from now on in our family traditions. I have a five year old and a 16 month old. Granted the 16 month old is happy with just a box but my five year old still wants more and more and doesn’t care that he doesn’t appreciate what he has. Thank you for this and ignore the haters out there!
Nan
I truly respect you and your parenting style. So many people are willing to say “no” when it comes to a child’s safety (“mom, can I jump off the top of this ladder”, “dad, can I light one of the fireworks” ect) but they aren’t willing to say no when it comes to bad behavior (“mom, can I have this toy”…even though I just hit my sister 3 times for no reason and have been whirling around the store like a tornado even though I’ve been told several times to stop.) I believe that kids these days would be so much better off if parents learned how to say “NO” more often. Thank you for posting and may God continue to bless you and your family as you share His love with those around you.
Becca in Wichita
Good for you. I am struggling with my 10 yr old boy to get his room clean and I said I am going to cancel Christmas and his birthday (since it comes right after Christmas) if he doesnt clean it. He says its against the law to cancel Christmas and his birthday (which I know its not) but he has so much stuff in that room that he cant possibly fit one more thing in there. I am totally in agreement with how parents parent these days. I feel like I dont want to be judged by others as a horrible parent when we are out and about and he acts up. If I yell at him or pull him along they will report me to the authorities but these people dont know the whole story…I also have to get over myself and know that I am doing what is best for my son. Thanks for sharing your story. Your kids will thank you one day for teaching them this valued lesson of giving to the less fortunate at this very Blessed time of yr. JESUS is the REASON for the SEASON not SANTA.
Courtney Stasica
GOOD FOR YOU. I think what you did was what you and your husband think best for your family and children. This will shape them into good men. Not like you need my opinion, but this was a great idea. One I would like to incorporate somehow once I have a family.
Lisa Fender
I am a foster to adopt mom of 4 siblings ages 5 to 9 and a bio 17 year old and I applaud what you are doing. I actually took the time to listen to your story and the reasoning behind it and I think its wonderful. This generation of children have had everything given to them I think its time we teach them to give back. We should all take note…….I know my family has! Have a wonderful Christmas and God bless you!!
Teresa
You are wonderful parents!
Michelle Spangler
I praise you and husband for what I sure was not a decision made in haste! There were many years when my children did not have much from Santa, but as parents we do all we can and still try to raise well-balanced children. In the profession I’m in, I see young people coming right from living with their parents and into the “real” world. I cannot say how many times a day I wonder how these children (yes, children) were raised! Many are disrespectful or just plain out rude. I see more and more many young people thinking that they are entitled to so much more than they really are. I raised my children to treat others as they wish to be treated, open doors for ladies and their elders, say “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am”, and that they were ENTITLED to the wonderful life the our Lord and Savior gave them. They must earn what they want. They saw me struggle as a single parent (with no help from the state, I might add). They knew things came hard. But…they also knew that acting out was the fastest way to receive nothing besides the basics in life. Don’t misunderstand me, my children were clean, healthy, clothed, and had a roof over their head thanks to the decision I made as a young person to serve our country. I hope more parents have to courage to do what you have done. Maybe this world would become a better place!
JENJEN
GOOD FOR YOU! Your children will remember this as a great holiday memory! The “oh yeah this is cool” feeling you get from opening a toy lasts minutes, maybe hours or a few days at most. The feeling you get from doing something good for other people will last a LIFETIME. This is a great way to teach grateful giving and a lesson in humanity. Your children will come to cherish this. Christmas isn’t about getting cheap plastic toys, electronics, and “stuff”. You are a wonderful parent teaching your child a valuable lesson. If only more parents would teach their children how to help those in need and how to give generously. WAY TO GO!
Mommyof4inPhx
I just read about this on Yahoo news and I say you’re awesome. The fact that your kids are actually learning from the experience is proof that this is a good thing. As parents, we have to make decisions that are the best for our kids, and I definitely think you guys did. Kids are so blinded by the bright spotlight of the commercial Christmas being fed to them by society. Growing up, my siblings and I were happy to have food on the table, nonetheless actual toys or other presents. To see how kids think of the holidays now is something that is hard for me to grasp. Keep up the good work. Your blog is amazing by the way!
Barbro Holth
I think what you have done this year is WONDERFUL!! I wept as I read your blog and saw the pictures of your boys so eager to give!! More people should do this. It’s about teaching our children that they’re human beings, responsible for what they do. Good or bad. And that giving really warms more than getting things. Most kids today have far to much stuff. I am norwegian, and this autumn there have been discussions on the news related to this. Some Norwegian kindergardens have actually taken away toys from the children, for days or even weeks. Simply put it away for a while to see what happens. And actually, the interaction was better, the children played anyway. They still had paper and pencils, and swings outside, but no dolls, cars or other toys to play with. Very quickly, the children started playing with eachother instead. They pretended that twigs were different items they needed for their play, that pebbles were money or that sticks were swords or horses or almost anything. This encouraged them to use their imagination more, and was over all a big hit that’s spreading.
I’ve done something similar years ago to my son, who’s now 18. He had so many toys, and his room was always a mess. I cleaned out most of the things, and said that he could only get it back if he remembered at all that he had it, or really wanted one special thing. After 5-6 weeks we checked the boxes, and found that lots of had not been missed at all. We packed it and sent it to an orphanage in Lithuania, where they have very little, and surely appreciated it more that my boy. He never missed any of it, and learned the joy of giving in a very good way. I wish you and your family the best christmas ever, and, who knows, maybe all your christmases will be like this:)) <3
Linnie
I applaud you, this is a fantastic gift you are giving your kids: the gift of giving! This is truly an example to follow and I thank you for sharing!
Debbie
I applaud you and your husband. You found a great way to teach your children the joy of giving and what Christmas is all about. I wish I had done this years ago when my children were younger. But like most parents, I didn’t think I could go though with it. Your children will be better people because of this. Thanks for sharing–and Merry Christmas!
Oscar
Good for you guys Lisa! You are absolutely right about following through. Had my sister followed through with ANY of her threats while her daughter was young, she wouldn’t have turned out as the hellion she is today – always taking, disrespecting, and testing. All these people lashing out at you for what you are doing were probably spoiled brats when they were kids, and so they just can’t understand your actions. Last time I checked, parenting is still a very personal and individual thing, and not a ‘social media village’ thing. I wish there were more parents out there like you! Keep up the good work.
Paul Minda
I noticed that nearly every other recent post on this blog is related to that “elf on the shelf”…. Maybe that’s why the kids were feeling both entitled and anxious about Christmas. I mean, maybe it would have been easier to have a laid back christmas if you were not spending 6 weeks creating elaborate, daily dioramas with that slightly creepy elf who may or may not be spying on the kids. maybe next year, keep Christmas; toss the elf…
Annie
Bravo to you and your husband. As a grandmother of three, I can truly understand what you are
doing,. My grandchildren have every electronic toy, designer clothing and jewelry and still ask for
more at Christmas. Teaching children to focus on others who have little or nothing is the greatest
gift you can give them. As you mentioned, they will get gifts from other family members and will probably appreciate them more. What a beautiful Christmas your family is going to have, embracing the true meaning of “Christ” in Christmas.
JP
Kids need more mean parents. Don’t be your child’s friend, be your child’s guide.
Meg's a Blonde
I just want to say I think you a great mom and I love that there are still families who believe Christmas, in material form, is a privilege and not a right. You are a great mom and your kids are great, they just went through a bumpy patch. I was a difficult kid, it doesn’t mean we are bad, we just need some hard lessons. Have a Merry Christmas with memories that will last a lifetime ๐
tp
I have never joined a discussion until now…
As long as the child is well cared for and loved, the other decisions-discipline, etc-within that family are unique. Why do we have such a tendency to blast our “mommy peers”?
The negativity and lack of unity is appalling.
Bravo Lisa for teaching your children empathy!!! It will serve them well.
Holly
I think this is a wonderful way to get the kids to understand that they have so much more than so many others. I see NOTHING wrong with what you’ve decided to do. I see so many children feeling entitled, my own included sometimes. And yes, we have cancelled activities and outings, and even special occasions due to that kind of behavior. You are not alone in what you’ve decided to teach your children. I feel more parents should take advantage of the lessons available to them. I wish you and your family a magical holiday!
Edith
Well said in your update. A good many have taken the true meaning of Christmas and turned it around into a material purpose (me included to a degree). I can’t say ignore the ignorant post, learn from other peoples views and make sure you family doesn’t stoop to their levels. You and your family have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Ranting Monkey
If you had done this to teach your children what you believe to be the true meaning of christmas, I’d say kudos to you. But that’s not why you did it. You did it as a punishment. Which is fine, that’s your right as a parent. However, what are you going to do in January to get your children to act right? What are you going to threaten them with next time? Will you start on Dec. 26th threatening that if they don’t behave Santa won’t come? You’ve just told us how great their christmas is without him. How effective do you think that’s going to be next time?
Raise your kids your way but stop acting like you made some life changing decision for the good of your children that is going to teach them some major life lesson. You’ve finally decided to hold them accountable for their actions, that won’t negate the rest of their lives where you quite obviously haven’t.
Jeanine
Good for you! This is pretty amazing. Why anyone would say otherwise is sad. First of all they are your children you can and should do as you wish! Second of all your kids will get way more out of this than they would gifts so kudos to you! This is fantastic! – – Jeanine @ sixtimemommy.com
Chrissy
YEAH MOM & DAD!!! You are right on the reality that so many parents threaten to cancel Christmas and then don’t follow through… Which is the real crime. How will your kids learn to trust if you say things you don’t really mean. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. We got realistic with gifts when each of our kids turned 10. For birthdays and Christmas they have a $ amount. They can ask for so much. It is amazing how frugal they have become. And they have plenty of money earning opportunities around the house so when they “need” something in a store and I “must” buy it, I give them the choice to pull the money from their funds (because let’s face it I don’t need it, and I don’t think they do), BUT if they feel it is that important they will put the money down… Amazingly they often don’t really need that item and choose not to get it. Our stories of “we didn’t get this or that back when we were kids” only go so far. These are life lessons and expectations. Years ago parents would make you eat everything on your plate and tell you kids were starving and would be grateful for your food… Now our family volunteers at a homeless shelter several times a year and I don’t have to tell them… they know.
Lexis Mom
I applaud you as parents (who should set the example of value to be instilled in your children) for taking the stand that so many criticize and let bad behavior become the ‘norm’ in today’s world. It’s hard work to be a parent and lead by example and many are not willing to go this extra mile for their children because they may be considered a scrooge, Grinch, etal,; then they wonder WHY their children turn into bullys, as well as other unsavory characters — because they refuse to exert parenting values for generations to come. We are a ‘self-centered me’ society and it’s about time we hear something positive in creating the adults of tomorrow – by your actions, your children are already staring the path to giving and isn’t that what Christmas, Haukkah, and other Holiday celebrations are about?! Good Luck, stand up and be proud and your children will also set the example.
KevinInSA
Good job Mom & Dad! Too many children are raised without the respect and consideration for others that you are trying to instill in your kids. I applaud your parenting!
Tangia Benoit
Excellent way of teaching gratitude. Kudos to you Mom!!!
Edward De La Cruz
These are your kids and your decision. Don’t ever worry what others will say.
Natalie H.
Ain’t going to lie, I saw this on Morning Express on HNL. I thought to myself, “why didn’t I think of this..” I’ve told my kids the exact same thing, except I didn’t make it a blog post. hah! I think this is awesome, for the same reasons you lists, I told my kids, I wasn’t getting them anything due to the fact they’re disrespectful of what they already have. *HIGH FIVE*
Angela
This is a Christmas your children will always remember. Not because of the things the didn’t get, but because of what they did get. I always tell my children that stuff is just stuff, you will move on and give it away or it will break, but real experiences will last the rest of your lives. I think that this is awesome, and your kids are going to remember this forever, they might even ask you to do it again next year.
Daniela
I’m all about giving children the gift of being grateful. However, if you have three kids and they all have the same issue, perhaps it is time to look inside to see what went wrong along the way. Better though to start now than never…and please make sure you do this while making them feel worthwhile and loved.
The Curvy Girl
Wonderful article. I feel a lot of people have lost the true meaning behind Christmas; fighting over parking spaces, retail stores opening up on Thanksgiving Day rather than let employees enjoy their families and waiting in line for hours just to save a few bucks on a TV. Sadโฆ.very sad. I hope this lesson carries on with your kids for years to comeโฆwell written and I am a new follower to your blog.
Darla
I truly applaud your courage for doing the right thing. Over the years I would see the same characteristics with my girls and be appalled by how the spirit of Christmas would become assaulted by greed and selfishness. My children who are and kind and good natured girls outside the home, could be monsters within. The commercialism would grab hold of them and they would loose there minds.
My personal dilemma was combating Santa. After all, if I were to hold back, would my children feel unworthy and have their self-esteems shattered. So, I continued to lie to them about the truth of the matter, not to shatter their childhood.
A Jewish woman once told me, what a disservice Christians do their children about lying to them about one of the most important holiday’s we have. We distract them with Myth instead of instructing with truth. She was so right.
This year my youngest is aware of the Santa myth and we are having the best Christmas Advent ever. I am not hearing about the things my children want, but what they can give. Since they all know the truth, they really don’t want much, because they already know they have it. It is truly an Advent season.
Cyrielle
Thank you for sharing your story. Taking a stand for values is important as a parent. Really good to hear that you were able to explain to your children your decisions and that they agreed to follow you on it and learn from it. Taking things for granted is no good, being entitled is worst (child or an adult…) GOOD JOB!
Robyn
Lady, you are awesome. In my opinion, the sense of entitlement people have is the basis for a lot of the problems in our world/country. You are my hero!!!
TJ
You didn’t cancel Christmas. Actually you are showing them the true meaning of Christmas by giving instead of receiving! I would be willing to bet that this ends up being one of their most memorable holidays. God bless.
Eszter Nagy
You should teach parenting. You are an awesome mother.
Jenelle C. Worme
I say this is great mothering and fathering! ๐ whoever has been saying that’s bad not giving children a Christmas bcuz of there behaviour is completely wrong. That’s how you create a very spoiled child. I will have to try this when my daughter gets older.
Annie
I think you are being great parents. What you teach your children this Christmas will last them a lifetime. Thumbs up to you I think Iยดll follow your example ๐
InstantJustice
Kids who are Jehovah’s Witnesses survive. Good or ‘bad’ I think Jesus, would be personally shocked at the commercialism of the holiday in HIS honor (not to mention the REAL St. Nick). You all realize that filling up a tree underneath with STUFF has only been around since the 20th century. We can live without it. It used to be about FOOD, FAMILY, FRIENDS & FUN.
Eva
You are doing the right thing here and it seems like your children appreciates the initiative. There’s a lot of us who should do the same, give without expecting anything back. That’s a great gift to learn! Keep the good spirits up and keep doing what you’re doing it’s encouraging!
InstantJustice
‘Where do they get that entitlement?’ Watch kids’ TV! They talk amongst themselves, compare. In the 80s we learned ‘name brand = status. So, not any old truck will work, it’s got to be that Hess truck with 2 planes! I think it’s wonderful that this mom is teaching REALISM. I don’t know about YOU guys, but I can’t afford all this STUFF. The first family may exchange gifts, but they also dish out meals at the charity mission. Which do you suppose is more REWARDINGโฆ INSIDE? Kids may make fun, they may not. I think what this mother is doing is nobleโฆ whether or not the kids misbehaved.
The Wife
Every year Santa gives our family a new game. It is always one we can enjoy together. We also like interactive gifts like Lego’s that can be played with together. We look forward to playing our new game Christmas day and throughout the year. It is a gift that keeps our family tight and our kids learn many important lessons by playing them.
Cecilia Gatungo
Hello Lisa! I think what you did was just right. You and your husband did the right thing for your boys. I applaud you wholeheartedly. Your kids would have become exactly as you imagine had you not put your foot down. I went to school for wilderness studies. Afterwards, I worked in the woods with American kids from middle and wealthy families. Some times we got kids from wealthy families from other countries. The kids were sent to the wilderness programs because their parent were fed up. They never did what you had the courage to do. Be the parent! As a person who has worked with American children from affluent families who do not have the tools to navigate life or make good decisions, I commend you. The first thing that parents need to know is that kids are not your friends. They have their own friends. They are your children and they are looking to you for a moral compass and life skills. Most of the kids that I worked with were given any and every material object their little hearts desired. If they didn’t get it then they would throw tantrums and act out. Their hardworking parents thought that endless gifting was the way to keep them happy and to buy their love. They never got what they really were asking for. Children just want positive attention, their needs fulfilled (not wants), tools to deal with uncomfortable emotions, communication skills, boundaries and emotional connection with their caregivers all of which adds up to love. Material stuff doesn’t matter unless you make it matter. When the parents of the children that I worked with were fed up with their rude and entitled little darling turned out of control preteens and teenagers, they took everything from them and sent them to wilderness program where I was waiting. My job as a wilderness instructor at a therapeutic program was to identify patterns and to break entitlement. I taught them life skills, responsibility, communication skills and how to survive in the wilderness without their creature comforts. I taught them everything their parents and other adults never had the courage to teach them. It wasn’t a fun job all the time. If they chose to make bad decisions in the woods well that part just worked itself out. Lets just say that nature is not so forgiving. That is why nature is so transformative. There aren’t any negative distractions. There is no escape to electronics or closed doors or other people. The kids had to sit with their fears, thoughts and yucky feelings. I loved those kids because they weren’t bad. They were all just enabled to make bad decisions for too long and they were emotional confused. It was horrifying for them at first to find themselves in such a strange environment, sitting alone with their thoughts and bad decision. It was amazing for me to watch their transformation from totally entitled, rude and at times verbally and physically abusive brats. I worked with children ages 9-18. Trust me, you did the scariest thing and the most necessary thing that most parents don’t do. You drew clear Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You held them accountable and then you processed your decision with them. They hated it which of course is natural but then they came to understand. Don’t worry about the backlash. Those who criticize your decisions will be sending their teenagers to the woods while your family goes on a pleasant vacation to Paris or something. I therapist at the wilderness program told me once that people don’t change unless they are willing to sit in the fire. Sitting in the fire is painful. Pain is what makes you grow. Look how much they have grown from the experience of not have material goods on Christmas. and honestly when you think about it, most of the world outside of America people don’t go shopping for gift to give. They spend that time giving to others and gathering around a table with loved ones. Cheers! and remember “There is no such thing as a perfect parent”
katie cox
As a rule I think that mommy blogs are ridiculous but man, the ire that this woman has received for the audacity of “Cancelling Christmas” is beyond any reason.
Santa will not visit this family’s home this year to drop off gifts. Mom and Dad will not be buying gifts for their kids this year. Full stop. That’s all folks. It’s only controversial if you are stuck on the notion that receiving material goods for Christmas is the one and only reason to celebrate. And if that’s the case, what a shame.
george
you’re not really cancelling christmas, you are cancelling the secularization of christmas
EG
My kids misbehaved once too (or a million times I can’t remember)โฆ What I do remember is looking at the lady whose shopping cart they accidentally (and lightly) hit with a roll of Christmas paper. My kids stopped sword-fighting and quickly were embarrassed and said sorry to her. She had a face on her like “are you gonna get mad!”, I smiled at her, and said, to her “I apologize for that, I have healthy kids.” I looked at them and said, “thank you for saying sorry.” She changed her look and said, “yeah, you’re right, most parents would have gotten mad” We all walked away happy and no one was hurt.
Point beingโฆ boys will be boys. It’s how we teach them to respect and have manners that’s important. Their behaviors, so long as they’re not hurting themselves, or others, or breaking rules, will pass and we do not need to give it so much attention because then they will give that more importance too. Instead, praise your children when they do good things. I live much more stress free (at home and outside of it), get complimented often, and feel happy to be a mom, not frustrated.
It’s never too late, but you need to start change with yourself before you can change them.
missstreet
Why were you letting your kids play “sword fight” in a store? That’s for the back yard…the playroom…the basement.
EG
I understand your point and I agree. Notice I said โmisbehavedโ.
I know itโs inappropriate behavior that should not be done inside a store. We happen to be walking down the Christmas role aisle and they grabbed them, played for like 3 seconds, and then one swung away. It happened quickly. It was an accident and there was no need to get mad and escalate things, because then, my point again, weโd be
giving too much importance to the negative behaviors.
missstreet
Ah! I understand and point taken. ๐
missstreet
This may have been stated elsewhere, but how is giving away things you don’t even want (stale Hallowe’en candy and old clothes) teaching children anything? I could give away a fondue set that I received as a wedding gift 25 years ago and never even opened…and it wouldn’t hurt a bit or teach me anything about excess or charity.
riz
i don’t have kids and never will .. too old ( me 61, my husband 44 ).. but i absolutely loved reading this like getting some air during these trobling times. a few years ago when we were building our own tradition, we struggled with gift getting and giving and decided the expense didn’t make sense, we didn’t enjoy shopping. we ended up discovering that we enjoyed the gift giving between us sucked dapned the holiday to the point it was turning into dread and stop giving each other gifts. instead we host an open house on a late sunday afternoon a week before the holiday. we live in a small apartment and can’t fit more than ten or so, but we just have folks stop by, enjoy a nosh, help decorate the tree and just fellowship. guests can stay as long or as little as they like, or not show up at all. we ask that no one bring gifts, but are free to bring a beverage or a bite. or not. they can bring a friend, special someone, or come alone. i cook a little , but not a lot. a pot of black eye peas, a pot of rice, but we splurge and gp to chinatown and get some roast ducks.. or maybe a meat and relish plate. we spend an evening doing this sometimes threatening to make it an all nighter. we discourage guests from turning it into a party. we don’t want a party and we don’t to want feel as if we’re ‘entertaining’ we invite the neighbors hoping to gain their tolerance if the mirth can be heard through the wall, or if singing or dancing breaks out. but when w’re tired, we gently say so to whatever guests are still present and they’ve always politely wish us a great holiday and leave.and they always do as gently as we suggest it. in short it feels perfect for us, both celebratory and meaningful. and fun. after it’s over we relive the the evening for a few days sometimes a week after the gift we give ourselves every christmas for over a decade now. and our favorite part of the holiday season.
Jackie Morfesis
The whole notion of “cancelling Christmas” is ludicrous. Its impossible to cancel a Holy Day. You, as parents, can cancel gift giving, but that is a completely different issue. Christmas, contrary to popular belief, propelled and perpetuated by mass consumerism, is NOT about Gift Giving. Period. It is about a much greater and eternal gift to humanity, the birth of the Christ child. So your whole platform and perspective is skewed. You cannot cancel the recognition that billions of Christians honor each year in recognizing the birth of their Savior. Cancelling Christmas to you and your husband is withholding gifts. And with all due respect, if your children are acting up so objectionably at the ages of 11, 8, and 5, instead of blaming and punishing them, sounds like two other people need to take a good look in the mirror. Maybe Santa needs to leave coal in your stockings this year. And if you are practicing Christians, children should NEVER be punished – in any relational way to church or holy days. It is not your right. What is done here may look upon the surface as a parents’ right – for “bad behavior”, but spiritually and ethically, you have sent a very unholy message.
jessieA
Totally agree with you, and applaud you for parenting right (not perfect, because there’s no such thing!). I’m an imperfect parent too (of 3). But I don’t write about them online.
Regardless of canceling Christmasโฆ
Posting their pictures online for everyone in the world to see, posting their every disrespectful, ungrateful, entitled move and not understanding the damage that she is causing is appalling. Just because her kids are not allowed online, doesn’t mean their friends or neighbors won’t be online. This mom doesn’t get it.
Hopefully she does when her grown kids Cancel Mother’s Day.
Quistis Trepe
Heh, you’re right, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. I applaud my kid’s desire not to repeat a mistake I’ve made as much as I applaud them for following a good thing I’ve taught. We learn two things from our parents, right? What to pass on, and what not to become. My mother fought a propensity for uncontrollable rage, and when she would fail at it, I learned ways to succeed where she had failed. I always tell my sons that I fail at my job as a mom if they don’t grow up to be BETTER than me.
JessieA, your post made me smile. I doubt Fox would have done an interview with kids who chose to cancel Mother’s Day. I’m curious as to how Lisa’s kids celebrated it. They looked awesome on the interview. My eldest brought me a dandelion when he was 6. He didn’t know that dandelions are my favorite flowers. He just knew that our neighbor was angry that they “invaded” her lawn and wanted to “save” one from getting “killed”. I kept it in its dixie cup by the sink until it rotted and smelled bad. heh.
Jo Clark
The Christmas that stands out the most for me is the year we were moving – on 12/23 and the movers wouldn’t arrive at the new place until a week later. We took a mini-tree and a couple of small presents on the road, some Christmas goodies, and music and of course the Bible for the trip. Then the baby got sick and in the next few days everyone got stomach flu for the holiday. Yet it was such a good memory! Simplicity. A few days spent in a nice motel with the gifts, no chores, kids in the pool, and lots of family time.
Really?????
That’s what it’s about… Family time.
Even if we’re with family, when we start loading kids with ‘things’, going to the store for ‘things’, going to busy restaurants to eat ‘things’, being busy with ‘things’, we lose the family time. The best family memories don’t involve ‘things’ they involve feelings.
steph
I find this idea brilliant. You’re an amazing mother and what they learn this year is far more important than few more presents!
You go Mama!
It looks like the majority of commenters here are parents/grandparents of kids at all stages of life. It’s hard For me to get the reason behind all the mom bashing here. All of us with kids KNOW how hard this is, we all made our fair share of mistakes along the way…some fixable some not so much. We all regret things we did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say, sometimes I know I made the wrong parenting choice quickly and fix it quickly, other times I didn’t see it until some time down the road and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Any parent reading this who says “not me” is just lying. So if we know this, why can’t we just support each other on this journey.
I’m literally Appealing to the moms out there from all stages of mommy-hood…COME ON! you know what this is like so why is it so hard to offer support instead of mom on mom bullying? They don’t ever say it, but you all KNOW WHEN YOUR kid falls short of expectations of any kind…you blame yourself. These parents probably do as well, like most of us would. So is all the “it’s your fault they like that!” Really necessary? I swear Moms against moms can be a straight up, vicious, finger pointing, judgmental group of stuck up snobs. I hate seeing women attacking each other instead of supporting each other…this job of perfect parenting is hard enough as it is, and we all have been there. Show some compassion already! I don’t think the mom is laughing on the pile of dollars she saved keeping gifts from her kids. I’m sure it was hard for her to follow through with, even harder sharing it publicly and worst yet having other mothers who SHOULD BE ABLE TO SYMPATHIZE attacking her and telling her she’s been doing everything wrong for the past 10 yrs. something I seriously doubt! It’s no wonder humanity has lost their humanity…there is so little compassion or ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their struggles.
Mel Rae Rozelle
absolutely awesome!!!!! great job! i did the same to my 8 yr old daughter last xmas. i did let her celebrate but no presents
Heidi S
Bravo! You are teaching an amazing lesson to your children. You seem to have an fabulous mindset as well. You are NOT punishing your children, you are showing them the joy of giving and sharing. This will be their best Christmas ever. I applaud you!!
Lea Goldstein
I don’t know your family so I feel a bit hesitant to comment, but here goes. I absolutely 100% applaud you for deciding to make Christmas about giving to others in more need than yourself. However, I feel unsettled by the fact that your blog post suggests that canceling your own family’s Christmas in order to give to others is associated with punishing your own kids. I don’t want your kids to grow up and associate punishment with giving to others in need. Giving to others is the greatest joy in the world. I’m glad your kids are responding positively.
Liz
I think this is an awesome idea! Not only will your kids learn that material things are not what Christmas is about, but also that you as parents are the leaders in the home, not kids.
You go Mama!
I truly hope you see this In the swarm of comments you are getting, mostly because I want to say I suppsort you and think you are doing a great job. You may be avoiding The comments to avoid the haters and nasties, but if you see this…good job mom and dad. For seeing what your kids needed, and being brave enough to give it to them! I’m appalled and embarrassed at some of these comments I’m reading. I feel the need to apologize for them, but I won’t because they’ll never change or get what was wrong with their words.
To those who said you are embarrassing and traumatizing your boys…that must be laughable, (right after you fight the urge to rip into a bunch of know it alls acting as if they are more worried And concerned for your kids then you are) those comments are especially annoying! Your kids will probably laugh about this as adults and it’ll be a fun family story! dont let the haters get you down, they just fuss louder than the rest of us.
You go Mama!
Actually I didn’t reference any of those thing because you didn’t agree with my opinion. Opinions are not quite the same as calling her a terrible mother or whatever other terms have been used on this site. If only adults could respectfully state a differing opinion…however if you go through the comments, there’s a lot more going on than just an opinion. People are getting personal towards her and using uncomplementary names and references.
And it’s to those comments Ams their authors that I’m referring too.
Funny thing about opinions, Sometimes in this country there is purposeful confusion between stating an opinion and free speech vs the vitriol that someone typically sees throughout these blog comments. As if the term “opinion” is a full access pass to insult, demean, criticize and ridicule another human being…oh but it’s just my opinion so I’m allowed to say what I want without regard or consideration or respect for another person.
Camille Duckworth
We did something similar last year and now a lot of what we did has become tradition! Stick to it and it will do more good Christmases to come than you think! Read about our ‘cancelled’ Christmas here
http://theoregonducks.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-my-kids-gave-up-their-christmas.html?m=1
Francesca Mcelhatten
Hi Lisa! This summer I drew the line in the sand after months of back chat, sass, defiance from my older son, aged 10. Taking away screen time/sleepovers/treats etc wasn’t working – he had enough other stuff that he simply redirected his attention to something else . After a final warning I decided to implement a “mommy boot camp”. While he was at school I emptied his room of every single toy, game, device he owns. Everything went in packing boxes in the locked garage or in padlocked cupboards in our breakfast room. That was a very visible & effective reminder. The only things I let him have were his night time lovey and books. I was exhausted when I picked him up after hours packing & carrying boxes down from his room. I took him to a cafe for snacks to explain what to expect at home. Once back at our house he ran upstairs to check I wasn’t kidding and was just stunned. First question – how do I get them back? Each day of good respectful behavior, he got to bring back a toy. Electronic devices would be reinstated only for our European flights several weeks away – if his behavior had earned them.He chose carefully – for versatility & long term interest. First day – chess set. Then a box of lego. Thinking hard about what mattered most to him made him appreciate it. A day of bad behavior = no toy. A second day = a toy goes back to “toy jail”. Friends thought I was crazy doing this at the very start of summer break. Then they were intrigued and wanted the playbook. Mommy boot camp was the best thing I ever did for both boys. They visited the library 3 times a week. Swam every day. Walked the dog. Played outside with each other. He could have playdates at our house only, but I explained that there would be very few toys available. Didn’t seem to stop the fun. Long story short – much nicer kid. I’ve always followed through on consequences, but now he knows just how far I’m prepared to go. More family time, outside time, talking time. Everyone warned me that I would be worn out by Fall – not true. It is actually more tiring arguing with a defiant sassy kid all day. I understand why you made your choice. I have never regretted mine.
Kelley Hendricks
Please consider this a typed standing ovation.
Jacqueline Hall
I think that Lisa and her husband are doing a wonderful job. Christmas is the season of giving. Giving love, help, food, clothes or just a few minutes of your time. I wish everyone would remember what its really all about. And for those of you who sent rude and hateful messages. Shame on you.
Coll
I rarely comment on articles, blogs, etc, but this is the best thing I have read in a long time! Such a fantastic idea! Our 3 children are certainly guilty of run-of-the-mill bad behavior, but nothing that has really warranted “canceling” Christmas. But even so, I have been trying to come up with ways to tone down their gift-receiving and make it more about others. I just wasn’t sure how it would go over. Your post made me realize it’s more about my own issues with wanting to give them those gifts and it would probably be more difficult for me than them. Thanks for opening my eyes and giving me the push I need to try this idea!
Alison
your post makes me so happy! i’m doing the same things with my kids this year. Last year broke my heart, my kids would open a gift, not even look at it and ask for the next. They were so greedy and rude. So this year I have told them that instead of santa giving them gifts, they would be playing santa and giving gifts to other kids who were in need. so far so good! they have been really excited to donate and purchase things for others. our motto this year is caring and sharing, not greedy and receiving
Missy
ABSOLUTELY!!!
Missy
I think most parents would also agree that when the child misbehaves–You deal with the poor behavior at that time. If your child isn’t behaving after that, you don’t do things that aren’t effective over & over then do something drastic at Christmas.
HDavis
I think you are teaching your children a very good lesson! This will help teach them to be appreciative, to get along with their siblings as well with other children and realize that their behavior good or bad has consequences. It will also give them a life long valuable lesson. That they are blessed with loving parent ,,siblings , roof over there head , food and clothing and that some children do not have these. If only more parents would step and set rules and guidelines and beside each one have a punishment or a reward for each behavior and stick to it we wouldn’t have half of the problems we do now with children. I give you a BIG applauses for standing up and sticking to your beliefs. An just shrug up all the negative nelly’s. God Bless your family and Merry Christmas!
Corthann Amoldo
Poor parenting is also the cause of bitter, self righteous, and arrogant behavior. Your parents failed you.
Missy
If you were intelligent enough to read and understand what I posted, you wouldn’t make a ridiculous reply. LOL
Corthann Amoldo
I’m not going to bring my intelligence DOWN to your level. It’s a crime to humanity and a dis-service to a better world.
Missy
“what’s presents got to do with…”
Please tell me more about your intelligence. Wowww~
Michele
Obviously some of you are proponents of the “commercialized” version of Christmas. I say bravo to this mom for teaching her children the true meaning of what this season is supposed to be about. “Things” are not important in the long run- toys get broken or tossed aside – the memories these boys have will last a lifetime- the true gift of this season is giving- not receiving. Seems to me many of you have forgotten that fact. Presents don’t matter- people do.
Corthann Amoldo
I know right?!?! They shouldn’t do ANYTHING. People like you act as if children are only influenced just by parents and parents alone. And folks like you mirror all those people in the world who seems to believe are deserve everything just because they are there. Perhaps the one who should be doing some evaluating is you. From the looks of it, these parents are loving and caring. They want their children to see beyond the materialistic things in life… presents are just that… Apparently you failed to learn that growing up.
Kelley Hendricks
What an utterly ridiculous comment. No one said they shouldn’t do anything, but you can undo years worth of behavior in a couple of months and you don’t punish children for your failures to teach them properly in the first place. Parents are the main influence in a child’s life and are the ones who are responsible for teaching their children their manners and their morals. The basis of all that they are comes from their home. Had this woman said they wanted to teach their children to see beyond the materialistic, that would be one thing but what she said is that they are canceling Christmas due to the children’s behavior. BIG difference. One is a life lesson, the other is a punishment. I am a parent and my sons were taught their entire lives to respect and appreciate and they are now wonderful, productive men. My oldest son is a single parent and I have helped him to raise my three grandsons since they were very young. Rarely do we go anywhere that perfect strangers don’t stop to compliment us on how well behaved and respectful the boys are so I think that is a pretty good evaluation right there.
Corthann Amoldo
While I do not doubt your kids are great (I am not being sarcastic – really, but taking your word)… but your way of parenting will not work for every child. There isn’t a perfect method of parenthood. And judging by the pictures and the smiles these boys glow with… they are loved and well nurtured. I am positive these boys will grow up to be fine gentlemen. Life lessons and punishments goes hand in hand… You learn from failures… Have your sons not ever done a wrong? Ever? If you say no, you are a liar. There is no such thing as a “proper first place.”
Kelley Hendricks
In scrolling through people’s comments I’m noticing a pattern in your responses… they are all rude. Your constant attempts to insult people says far more about you than it ever will about the topic at hand. Perhaps you might want to work on that before worrying about what others have to say. It is really rather sad.
Corthann Amoldo
With that said, maybe you should take your own advice. Yes, I will call you out if I think you are a disagreeable human being… like you are calling out these people for being “horrible” parents or parents with “bad parenting skills.” It’s a two way street. You can’t just say rude things to others and not expect the same.
Corthann Amoldo
If Christmas is about Christ and his birth… what’s presents got to do with Christ and his birth? The birth of Christ has nothing to do with parents required to give gifts. You should just be thankful to your parent because they gave life to you, much like you should be thankful to God because he is your creator and he sent his one and only son to save man kind. That is the true meaning of Christmas…. it is NOT about presents. YOU are the one who needs to grow up… as you are part of the ever growing problem in this world where people seem to think they are entitled to something just because they exist…
Missy
Please re read my post. I am AGREEING–It’s about His birth–NOT presents. SMH~
Missy
While it’s not ABOUT PRESENTS–It absolutely is NOT about PUNISHMENT.
Corthann Amoldo
Yes, I read your post. But at the core you are saying the kids deserve presents, even for their ill behavior… because Christmas is about Christ? It not taken that way then you are saying the kids deserve the presents anyway, because the parent’s failed at parenting. How does that even make sense? Do murderers and rapist get to go free because their parents forgot to teach them that both is wrong? Do bullies and tormentors deserve no retribution because parents and the adults in their lives failed them. No. It is never too late to correct behavior nor punish bad behavior. The punishment isn’t done in association for Christmas… it’s done so the kids correlate good deeds/rewards for good behavior. As Christmas was never about presents, so what if the kids get no present for one year.
Missy
I never even used or implied the word “presents”. You are. I am saying–again–Christmas shouldn’t be associated with PUNISHMENT. Is punishment implied by the parents? YES. I don’t care what they do or how they celebrate–They are saying they are PUNISHING their children.
Corthann Amoldo
Then what are these parents doing wrong? The punishment in this case is not receiving presents for Christmas… but you said Christmas is not about presents or receiving gifts (to which I agree)… then by your context: what are these parents doing wrong? Nothing then. They are merely taking away some expectations of their kids… their usage of “punishment,” then is just merely semantics.
Rubi Bayer
It sounds like you work really hardโthat’s awesome! And it sounds like your father left a great legacy.
Every kid is a little different, even in the same family, and every household is a little different, so I love when people take the time to share what does and doesn’t work for them. Parenting is *so hard*, and it’s compounded by constantly wondering if we’re doing the right thing. We are our own hardest judges.
Let’s not make it even harder by tearing one another down. If there was one perfect parenting method that everyone should follow identically we’d all have perfect kids. ๐ Everyone’s doing the best they can. I appreciate these parents and all the ones like them who take the time to share their ups and downs with the rest of us so we can sympathize, laugh, and maybe pick up some tips along the way.
Teri
Lisa and Hubby, KUDOS to you both!!! We did the same thing 3 years ago. After one of my children was disappointed with the contents of her Easter basket I felt we were doing our kids (9, 6 and 4) a great dis-service by showing them these Christian holidays were about the gifts not the true meaning of the day we celebrate. So my husband and I took away Christmas, telling them they had been ungrateful and entitled. We prayed long and hard about how to make this a positive experience instead of the worst Christmas EVER!! We found a local children’s charity called Sunshine Acres and called to inquire how we could help. In order to make this personal for my kids, we went on a tour of the facility. It really set in when my kids realized that even though these children had a nice place to live, they did not have their family or parents to tuck them in at night, and siblings often had to be separated. My kids fell apart and wanted to help, even if that meant giving up their Christmas. We wrote Santa a letter asking that he bring all the gifts he would have brought them, to Sunshine Acres. My children each had only 1 present under the tree that year, and it truly was the best Christmas EVER: no expectations, just the pure joy of knowing they were a part of bringing joy to others. I am so thankful for that experience! It has touched many over the years, and it changed us forever!! So to you all, I say WAY TO GO!!! More should realize these are amazing, selfless, life lessons, not just a cruel way to torture our children. (P.S., My kids encouraged me to write this:-)
Heidi Schilling Fowler
Just saw your spot on Good Morning America, Lisa. (Congrats!) I was shocked when I saw that you have been called a “lazy parent.” I think you are quite the opposite. A lazy parent would let their kids get away with everything and not follow through on consequences. It’s the active parent that has the courage to do something that is hard, but is the best thing for their kids. I have a feeling this will be one of your family’s best Christmases ever! Good job having the courage to make such a hard decision for your family.
Rose
Lisa & John, Way to go! I whole hardly agree with what you are doing. I don’t think you are being mean or bad parents at all. You are teaching your children and that is what you are suppose to be doing. It’s refreshing to see this instead of the norm of children running around undisciplined and unparented.
Kim
Lisa, you have quite possibly stopped reading the comments, so this may not reach you. I just wanted to offer some encouraging words. I admire you and pray that your family has a wonderful Christmas. Even though you have received some negative criticism, in the end, the naysayers will stop visiting your blog. You will, however, gain some new, loyal readership. ๐ I look forward to following your posts…
annagitana
You are awesome. Great parents. You are actually bringing back the true meaning of Christmas.
blah
There was a comment that was said that I fully agree with. Just because these kids are happy/cooperating with you now doesn’t mean they will the entire month. I applaud what you’re trying to do but your kids are still too young to understand the full meaning. Come Christmas day, they might be expecting to receive presents for their good work. I feel like you should at least get them something. They’ll be more appreciative of it.
Ken D
You are doing the right thing, I applaud you for not caving to public pressures. Are your kids being more respectful to you?
Joy Campbell
The main way I kept Christmas sane in our family was by limiting the amount of gifts my daughter got. She got one Santa gift (which was usually a large gift or consisted of many related things) she got a special gift from Mommy and a special gift from Daddy and then one from both of us together (at least until the divorce). She always helped me pick out gifts for a child from the Angel tree (until we ourselves became a family that needed help). She always appreciated the gifts she got and was never overwhelmed by too much. She is now a 23 yr old who is very kind and giving and unlike many others her age has never felt entitled.
Gerald
Thanks so much for posting this story! I agree with the principles behind what you have chosen and it’s wonderful to see the positive results from what you are doing.
Julie Gaglione
Bravo to you. I have wonderful children ages 22,19, 16 and 13. There were many, many times that I tried to please them instead of teach them. I am a loving yet imperfect parent. You will never be sorry for “canceling Christmas.” In my mind you have just redefined Christmas for your kids, and I will bet that no Christmas will ever be as good as this one, and they will certainly not forget how this was the Christmas they received more by giving! Kudos to you all…
Marge
About 35 yrs ago when my 3 sons were bad, I didn’t cancel Christmas..I gave them 1 gift each..As u know kids want games, etc…Well,
I gave them each a bathrobe..Well u know they weren’t happy but they finally realized they needed to straighten up.
Alyson
I love your idea – thank you for sharing! It reminds me of my favorite Christmas book titled “Gathering Christmas.” We are planning to do something similar this year! Thank you for your example of keeping Christ and service the center of Christmas.
Icancounttopoo
I think what you are doing is a wonderful thing. Maybe because I grew up knowing that Christmas wasn’t about the presents but was about the birth of Christ ( I am no longer a practicing Catholic) and being with family. I think all parents should read this and realize that this generation is handed everything in life and it is damaging them more than helping them. You have taught your children such an amazing thing. The true meaning of Christmas.
Diana
I think you are doing a wonderful job of Parenting…to many children today as you say are becoming entitled to everything you give them. They have to realize they are lucky to have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their stomach that most kids do not have the privilege of having. I pray they never have to go to bed without food and feel the hunger growling in their stomachs and there is nothing in the fridge for them to eat. We have children in the Tennessee in the hills starving with very little food, clothes, shoes…and a roof over their heads that probably leaks. I am sure this will one day be the Christmas they will talk about most. Truthfully it probably will become their fondest memory…GOD bless you all and Merry Christmas…
Susan Lynn Lacey
I support you decision on cancelling Christmas! Might I also having the kids help with feeding the hungry, giving out gifts at a children’s hospital or something else charity oriented. This really opened my kids eyes to how lucky they were and have made them into very thoughtful giving adults.
Beth
The only unfortunate part of this piece is the title. You are really not cancelling Christmas for your children, Lisa. What you are doing is teaching them what Christmas is really about. I wish there were more parents like you.
Ignore the haters and keep doing what is in your heart. ๐
Tim
You made a great decision in taking away Christmas. As a high school teacher, I see too many ungrateful children getting whatever they want from the parents. Example: “My stupid friends and I are running around the halls or horseplaying with a $300 tablet in hand and it breaks or I lost it…..Oh well! Not my problem! or Mommy and Daddy will buy me a new one!” I’m glad you’re laying down the law and being parents! Not friends to your kids. Kids, especially at their ages, need structure, discipline, and routine. When your rules aren’t being respected in your household, lay down the law and bring the consequences. Sorry, I get a little passionate about discipline but you guys are doing so great and being strong, respectable, honorable parents by doing this. For the rest of the hippy parents out there who want to be a friend and just placate with gifts, be prepared to have kids who don’t do anything for themselves, won’t do anything for others unless there’s something in it for them, and good luck having them respect you when they become adults.
cynthia
I think what you are doing is awesome. I am a single mom and was filled with guilt for so many years that I overcompensated my kids during the x-mas season until I lost my job, then 3 bedroom house and became homeless in that order. I learned to value family over things and now that I am somewhat back on my feet, my three children and I have realized things are just that, things. I recently finished school and became a kinder teacher in an upper middle class to affluent neighborhood. Some of the children and parents belong to this entitlement ideal. The children don’t know or value, respect, items that don’t belong to them, they cry if they are not allowed to have their way and some of these parents just do everything for them. Sorry to say the children are going to have a difficult time in life because life is just not that easy. I go for tough love, respect, and value what you do have even if it has little monetary worth. The focus should be, how can I make society better, instead of I want and give me. Thank you for being great parents and teaching your boys life lessons.
Chris
You have done a great thing. You are an example of what great parenting is. Too many kids and adults today have a sense of entitlement that is beyond understanding. They think the world owes them everything just for being alive. Your kids are learning a great lesson from this. It sounds like they are doing just fine and the good memories they will have to share with each other from all the good they have done will last a lifetime. You are also keeping the focus on the real reason for the season-the birth of Jesus-who came not to get gifts-but to give the ultimate free gift to all who believe. This is what Christmas is supposed to be about. Stores made it about gift getting and our culture has allowed itself to be caught up in that. Keep up the good work! I look forward to hearing about more parents who teach their kids this lesson because of your example. God bless your family!
Deb Cote Endyke
Congratulations to you and your husband for taking a stand against your boys’ attitude and sense of entitlement. I hope the lesson stays with them as they grow. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship with our grown children but we always knew it was far more important to be parents than friends during the early years. I wish you the best of luck!
jane
i agree with what you’re doing 100% & admire you & your husband for following thru with this. it will forever impact your children’s lives & they’ll learn to give during the season, it’s not supposed to be about us receiving. you shouldn’t have to apologize, or even explain yourselves, for that matter. stick to your guns, more of this kind of parenting is desperately needed.
Codyfoti
I’m not saying this is wrong but with the reaction of the kids and if they’re good enough, maybe you could surprise them with something small. I mean I understand if my kids were greedy. I’d do the exact same and show them Christmas is a time about giving and not getting. That said we didn’t ask to get born in a lucky family. We should enjoy and respect the privileges we have, not just throw them out the window or take them for granted. If I were to make a suggestion: Make an even middle next year if you’ve already enforced no presents this year.
Jessica
Thank you for being brave enough to put this out there. I cancelled Christmas for my boys last year but kept it for my girls. We were having issues with the boys and they would not change their behavior so I was done. It was the right thing to do and it turned on a light bulb for them and they have a better understanding of what is expected from them and Christmas is on for this year!!! Yay.
Tara Cox
Let me just say that I applaud you and your husband for this decision. I have four boys. This year I have felt my boys have sucked the joy out of my holiday spirit. They are constantly fighting, crying, saying mean things which I am completely done. I keep thinking to myself what kind of parent am I if I don’t teach them what is important, teach them what it means to deserve nice things? All I’m going to do is reinforce this behavior if I just get them what they want. Three of my boys are in school and made honor roll and that is the only reason I am willing to get them some gifts. But I have to draw the line so they can see on the other side what they COULD have had only if they were deserving of it. Your children will never remember what they got each year for Xmas, BUT they will always remember the lesson you taught them every year. Great parenting!
Mom of 4 boys
Dan
lol the birth of our savior…people still believe that garbage?
Sheridan Uribe
Lisa my husband and I honestly love you guys! You have one of the sweetest families we have ever met, I love that you are doing this for your kids its great for them to learn the lesson of compassion for others. Your a phenomenal mother! ๐
Melanie
I’m sorry that so many people feel the need to rip you apart the way they have. Yes everyone is entitled to an opinion and yes you posted this out on the internet for all to see. However we only have a small amount of facts. I believe that you and your husband know the behavior of your children better than any of us do. I see children behaving every day just as you describe. Yes it is natural for children to want want want, but it is up to the adults in their lives to help teach them that first, even though we want…we don’t always get and second, we need to appreciate what we already have. Wanting and entitlement are two separate things. We are not exchanging gifts with anyone this year because my husband was laid off. We are blessed to not need anything. Sure we always want something, but not giving or getting gifts this year helps us focus on other things and remember the real reasons for Christmas. Your children are still getting some gifts from other family members and it sounds like they are/will enjoy all of the other activities you have planned. There are thousands of children all over the world that will not be getting gifts for Christmas, who may never have had a gift for Christmas. As you said you aren’t canceling every aspect of Christmas…you are just kind of rearranging it. I think if nothing else it will be a learning experience for all and isn’t that what parenting is anyway? no instruction manual?!
Tot Mom
When I read your story on Yahoo, I laughed. We are going through the same issue right now. My husband and I have cancelled Christmas for our children and we told them instead of gifts, they will have to volunteer, feed the hungry and hand out boxes of food this year. Yes, they still have attitudes and they still want presents. If we don’t teach them a lesson now, how will they be able to become well disciplined people of good character. It will not break them, children are resilient and hopefully they will learn quick and not have to repeat the lesson again in another situation. It is about real world application. What better lesson to teach a child now while they are young!
I applaud you for taking a stand! Children need to understand that they are not entitled to everything and they need to respect their parents. I am a SAHM as well and despite our best efforts, instilling Godly values in them, teaching them morals and discipline, children sometimes exercise their free will and make their own choices. It is our job as a parent to guide them, train them, equip them to be able to function and thrive in this crazy world and still be able to remain sane.
The problem with society today is that everyone is trying to be a friend instead of a parent. Parenting comes first and giving a child whatever they want so they will like you is also sending a very destructive message to children. People need to stand up for what is right and stop calling wrong;right and right;wrong. Have a backbone people!
Thank you for being a parent who obviously loves and cares for her children. Who do these youth of today think they are and that they can treat and talk to any grown up in any manner? Let people walk a day in your shoes, or mine and they would be singing a very different tune. It is very easy to jump on the bandwagon and leave a negative comment. At least you are a parent trying to instill goodness and character into your children, unlike the rest of society who has no manners! (sorry for the rant, it just makes me so upset when people try so hard and all you get is negative feedback for doing what is right-even from your own family members and friends). God Bless, stand strong!
Jesse Johannsen
If what you said was true and “They are not sad about what we have done! ” then what is even the point? Wouldn’t that just mean that your “punishment” didn’t work?
Mom of three
she isn’t trying to ruin the kids christmas. she doesn’t want them sad and miserable. she wants to teach them to be happy without focusing on what they selfishly want. it may have started as a consequence of inappropriate behavior, but discipline doesn’t necessarily mean punishment.
Robin
I stand with you. Materialism is completely out of hand in this country. Good on you for teaching your kids something valuable for the holidays instead of just giving them more stuff they don’t need, and won’t appreciate for long anyway.
Jimmie Brown
Amen!
The Full Light
I have written this Poem years ago and sent it to Lisa and John via email. I must share it with all of those who sit in judgment of them.
See as a Child sees
I asked, โLord, what is your will for me?โ
He told me, โsee as a child seesโ.
If I could see as a child sees,
how would the world look to me?
I look around perchance to see,
what the Lord has in mind for me.
Through the eyes of a child I see,
love abound for all people around.
No boundaries set for judgment yet.
Happy with what they have,
is the way to spend a day.
No need for all those material things.
As I see how a child sees,
honesty comes naturally to me.
A child is quick with forgiveness too,
unlike the world, who holds it over you.
As you see as a child sees,
remember they learn from you.
So always do as a child would do,
hold a child’s learning as a value to you.
You shape their future,
it’s something God has entrusted to you.
Don’t let the child you see,
be something you wouldn’t want to be.
Janine Fraser
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! If more parents took control of their kids behavior this would be a different world. What a GIFT those kids are getting.
Tom Cobb
Good choice Mom and Dad. I applaud you for taking a big step in discipline. To bad many, many other parents won’t take action to discipline their kids and just let them continue to have their way. God bless you for doing this.
Jewels
Christmas is an overrated holiday, anyway
Jimmie Brown
Maybe you should get some friends and family and stop being a kill joy for the rest of us. Just because your life is devoid of family & friends doesn’t give you the right to rain on our good times.
Rose
I think this is a great
lesson that they will remember for the rest of their lives. There are too many
children who feel entitled and they come from all backgrounds of life.
Kids feel that they can do what they want and that their parents are
there to provide it to them. I once had a friend whose son felt it was
his duty to report her for child abuse because she failed to purchase him ice
cream after she bought herself one. I was outraged and this is what we
see now with our children. I pray your boys understand what Christmas is
really about and that they turn this into a family tradition where each year
they can give one of their gifts to a child whose parents are unable to provide
them one. Great job mom and dad regardless of what others think. You
will be raising boys who contribute to a society that needs all the help it can
get.
Annie_33
Discipline is hard and especially following through on it. They will when they get older understand and will benefit from it. I remember my hard lessons, corporal punishment in grade school. I’m almost 50 now the best learning from hard lessons and discipline. All worth it now. Lisa you do what needs to be done to invoke values, moral and ethics.
Hopegirl
What? “This Lady’s” name is Lisa, and she has a blog with pictures of her family and loads of posts and pictures to prove it. She is clearly teaching her children gratitude. Did you read her post or just the title? Her children are learning so much more by giving instead of over-receiving. Then, since they are going maturing children, they will soon act like loving responsible adults, since that its he ultimate goal of parenting – which, by the way, Lisa and John are doing.
Hopegirl
Or, she will hopefully cause others to think about how to make Christmas more meaningful for their children. I have a feeling,as I peruse her other pages and pages of posts that that was her intent of this post, not to have people like you publicly accuse her of ill intentions and bash her parenting. Not everyone is motivated by money.
Hopegirl
Wow. Such a strong and angry reply. Hope you feel better now that you got that off of your chest. I know you will not see my reply here since you will not be visiting this blog again, but I just wanted to point out that the way in which you so freely and pointedly call people names and cut them down and conclude all sorts of things based on your observations and assumptions – no matter how faulty they are – is quite telling. Your angry comments are not making positive changes, but only bringing attention to you ……and your anger. Good luck with that.
Jennifer
I believe that what you are doing is reasonable and I applaud you for it. Our job as parents is to teach our children. So if they have not learned how to be grateful, this is one lesson they surely will not forget. Some of my well-meaning relatives give my kids WAY TOO MUCH stuff. We have been guilty of that as well. It’s overwhelming! However, I recently invited a few of them to help clean up the toy room and they quickly came face to face with the problem that their “generosity” has caused. Now, my Mom puts money in a bank account for their college expenses and limits their gifts. My sister takes the kids out (individually) to the zoo, the park, the museum, to feed the ducks, etc. My boys now look forward to and cherish these special “dates” and we don’t have to deal with more stuff. I don’t want to dread Christmas – but Black Friday is aptly named because it leaves a dark cloud over the world. This year, we are spending a large portion of our budget on a new dishwasher for our neighbor. We don’t make a ton of money, but this is something they NEED as they have mounting medical bills and may possibly lose their Mom to cancer in the coming months. Also, instead of giving my in-laws gifts, we gave them “one dinner a month”. This is a bit expensive and a time commitment, but is well worth it. It’s a great gift for anyone who says they don’t want/need anything. Either take them dinner or have them over for a meal! Everyone needs to eat and everyone needs to spend time with loved ones. Well, I’ve rambled on enough. I want to wish you a happy holiday and look forward to hearing about the blessings and the spirit you enjoy this year. Merry CHRISTmas!
David
Lisa,
More power to you. We home schooled four children and we did the same thing on more than one occasion. As our children got older we also made them earn the money to buy their first car. Teaching children that there are others less fortunate than them is a lesson we all need to learn. My youngest daughter celebrates her 30th birthday on Saturday. It is a costume party. She has asked that no one bring gifts, but instead bring a donation for needy children. This in the first time. On several occasions she has asked that we give her money to buy gifts for an Angel Tree instead of presents. My other children have turned out to be equally generous. There is such a thing as having too much and not appreciating what you have. Tough love is not a bad thing. You press on and God Bless what you are teaching your children.
Tigger
My 15- year old daughter found this article and read it out loud to our family while I was cooking dinner. I asked her to see if we could put a response up to your blog and she got me logged on to this point; now she has taken over the cooking and I am here typing!! She is an awesome daughter who usually does the cooking, so before anyone thinks to start yelling that she is being ‘abused’ for having to take over the cooking… she is not, she loves to cook.
I want to scream KUDOS to this set of parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it is an excellent idea and I bet you anything that these darling boys will remember this for the rest of their lives; both the loss and the ultimate gain of a FAR better Christmas then they could have ever imagined!! I am nearly 48 years old and when I was 4 years old I took a permanent marker to the side of my mom’s custom made light pine finished desk!! I was kept from going Trick or Treating, as this had been not my first offence of writing on things with utensils I was not suppose to have and/or use!! To this day I remember this consequence like it just happened; and not with anger or resentment towards my parents, but rather with gratitude and appreciation for teaching me that my actions have consequences. In all of life there are consequences, they are either good or bad, but their are always consequences!!!!
We made a decision when we got married that we would never lie to our children, so we do not do the whole “Santa” thing, but I totally get and agree with these parents on taking that away. Every secular Christmas story tells of how Santa has a naughty or nice list, so why shouldn’t you perpetuate the consequences of being naughty if you are going to perpetuate the idea of Santa. My children were never allowed to bad mouth Santa or to reveal to any other child that there was not just one guy that went all over the world in one night and delivered presents to everyone; they knew who St. Nick was and from where that tradition came. Everyone does Christmas different, no matter how anyone celebrates the season, so who are any of us to think we have a right to tell this family that what they have chosen to do is ‘wrong’. It is none of our business, they have the GOD given right to raise their children the way that they deem is right for them.
In closing, I will share one other story. Several years ago, when we had young children- the two youngest were 2 & 3, my husband and I had emergency surgery right before Christmas- his like 5 days, but with some complications and mine like 2 days before Christmas under emergency circumstances. Come Christmas morning the only thing that our children wanted to do was to read the Christmas story on Mommy and Daddy’s bed like always, do our traditional muffin birthday cake to Jesus, and to give Mommy and Daddy their gifts from them. They NEVER once asked for any of their gifts, not one of them; our other 3 children were pre-teen through young teens, in addition to the 2 & 3 year olds. Yes the tree was up and the gifts were around the tree, but they never bugged. They spent the day playing games, watching movies and having fun themselves- the older children helping with the younger 2 children, as both of us(adults) were in recovery mode. Our children told us that is one of their fonder Christmas memories, not in that us parents were in bad shape, but in that they spent the time together being a family!!
FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH: Sometimes we get too caught up in all of the hustle and bustle of the season, so where ever you stand on this families choice, or on how ever you and yours choose to celebrate this season, please take the time to remember the real meaning of Christmas and that having your family is the absolute best gift you could have this season. This will be my first year without my parents for Christmas, and I would give just about anything to have one last Christmas with them; as well as to have all of my children here with us and not separated by thousands of miles.
Elizabeth Rache
We, too, have agreed that we’ll be cutting back to the “big 4” (want, need, wear, read) starting next year (I’ve already finished shopping for this year a month ago). It’s good to know there are parents out there not afraid to do what needs to be done to truly impart on our children the true meaning and purpose of this holiday & celebration! Merry Christmas & may God shower your family with blessings!
Gerard M Duggan
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa…! Hold on… I didn’t think this was a real thing until now. I honestly heard (well read via online news, etc..) that this happened, but didn’t know too much because I obviously didn’t read about it. I simply read the headlines, & haven’t had the time to focus in on reading it. But now that I have a bit, I read enough anyways.
This is by far, the best idea I’ve heard regarding child upbringing, I myself am not a parent, so I would not know literally anything regarding such things. I am also not even remotely close to even having a decent enough opinion regarding this topic. But, I did have parents myself, & I can relate on a different level than that of a parent/guardian.
See, I was a spoiled rotten child from the beginning.
I’ll save the history lesson for everyone about my origins, but I was adopted, & raised an only child for most of my life here in the United States, & I’m originally from Colombia, South America.
I had a very dysfunctional family & my upbringing left more to be desired. That’s true of many families everywhere. But, one thing I always feel bad about, was how I never connected well with my Dad, my mom on the other hand was not a, suitable guardian & that’s another can of worm-filled story for another time entirely. But my dad was a great man, but had many flaws himself. Not to knock the guy at all, we all have made mistakes & everyone has the potential to stray from a path that is beneficial overall in the short term or long run. It’s what we do with ourselves when we are finally about to recognize & admit our faults, that we are able to move on, or not, etc….
Point is, I was raised spoiled rotten to the core. It did not help me in the least. Nothing about it was healthy. Nothing.
I wasn’t the only one either. That’s definitely for certain! Ha, ha!!
The family has a good point, & I support them completely. I have made a lot of poor decisions based on a lot of what I was taught directly, indirectly, on my own, or with others, peers or otherwise, through traumatic or less sort of situations & events, etc…. But one thing is clear, to me at least, because I don’t want to talk on the behalf of anyone else because obviously we’re all different & we all think differently & we shouldn’t assume so much or at all for that matter on what others may be thinking or whatnot. We’re not mind readers & that would be horrible if that were ever possible.
Tangent aside, I was once given 40+ presents one year in particular, & I threw a frenzy of a temper tantrum because it wasn’t even close to good enough! I had ‘friends’ who had 100 – 150 + presents (not exaggerating either!) & I didn’t! Talk about spoiled & selfish! My parents did do a lot of gift donations to those less fortunate, & all I wanted to do was take all their presents as my own, or got jealous that they got those cool toys, when I could have had them for myself!
Over the years, I had a lot of issues arise due to that sort of entitled thinking, & even my security blanket of a life was that, I could get away with everything or anything, & I always had someone to fall back onto when I did mess up, & that I always had money, & family, friends, pets, etc… & prison would never happen, nor jail, & I was always right, authority figures were all Evil Adults bent on Kid Tyranny, cartoons & anime & fictional things & places & people were real, other delusions, & etc.. I was very gullible & easy to be manipulated & very very bad with rejections & saying no, or taking a hint at social cues, or socializing in general, I had anger issues up the yin-yang!
I gradually got worse, & to the point where my life fell apart rather quickly & went downhill so fast I didn’t even have time to breathe or react, & at the bottom pits of heck, I was lost & alone.
3 x in fact, I learned to pick up what little I had left to cling onto, & my life has been slowly & painfully, getting a little less or more awful each day, but the holidays are the worst times for me…
My family is all gone. I don’t have many friends, if anything, I have a cat I received because he was abandoned, & is a bit of a troubled creature, but he’s all I have left. I lost all my other pets due to a lot that happened after my Dad passed away. The rest of my family betrayed me or are also no longer with us, or they couldn’t care less if I was alive or not, & as for my mother, she’s in a coma due to her overdosing on drugs of all kinds, in failed efforts to get high one year, (I was 8 or 9 at the time) she caused her stroke & due to a bloodclot in her brain, her left side of her brain is dead.
She caused a lot of issues with nearly everyone she came into contact with, she did a lot of damage to so many people, especially myself, but I’m managing to overcome them, but it’s a long & strenuous process that I face primarily alone.
However, I don’t hate her for what she’s done. She’s human & no human deserves to be in that sort of situation, not wished upon or anything. It only worsens the world for others who do care for people we may not always share the same compassion for. The less fire in the world, the better. For fighting fire with fire, only causes more fire spread. While fighting fire with water, kinda cancels each other out. And she must have been in a tremendous amount of pain & suffering to have caused her to act in such a tragically awful manner, & I only wish for her spirit to find peace when it’s her time.
So, long story short, no one has to share the same beliefs of child bringing, just respect that everyone has a different technique, & life happens & I never heard of the perfect parents bringing up the perfect kids. It usually has a lot of behind the scenes drama behind closed doors, & even then, parents, for the most part, are doing their best in a very foreign to them, situation.
And like before, to each their own & whatever helps ya sleep at night, tolerance, etc…
I’m 26 years old by the way. Ya don’t want to know much else & realize I’ve already said way too much.
I wish everyone here a safe & joyous season, whether or not they celebrate any holidays. It’s still a season & as long as people are happy or content, or as much as can be, it makes the world a lot less lonely & scary.
๐
sayitstr8r
good for you. now if only we could cancel christmas for all privileged americans who show no respect for others. that would really be perfect present for an ignorant nation. by the way, i know this does hurt you more than them, but, hey, that’s parenting sometimes.
Laurie Hoffman
I think you should surprise your children with a nativity set. It will be a nice reminder of the fun they had delivering Nativity Sets to others. I also think Christmas is about receiving God’s grace, and the surprise of receiving a Nativity Set when they expected nothing might really bring that home to them.
A Crock of Schmidt
Have you told all your extended family to not give gifts as well? Cancelling your gifts likely won’t be noticed much if everyone else still gives them boatloads of crap.
Christine
This is such a great idea! I believe that nothing threatens the future adult life of a child as much as an ungrateful and/or entitled attitude! Congratulations, this will probably be remembered as your best Christmas ever!
D Lola Gallegos
I think your children are the luckiest children to have such great parents who care so much about them and their future. Teaching them values and gratitude will last them for the rest of their lives, long after you and your husband are gone. I know children that are so privileged and so ungrateful, I’m concerned for them, since the mindset of feeling entitled is not in everyone else’s mind. life will chew them up and spit them out and it’s called “learning the hard way”. God Bless you and your family.
The JackB
I cancelled Christmas in my house and banned it forever. Of course I also beat up Santa Claus and was talked to for trying to convince people that the Easter Bunny is meant to be cooked and served.
irishbo
I think what you are doing is very admirable and I needed to see this story so badly today. I am a dance teacher and I can’t tell you how often I feel like the mean teacher for sticking to my class rules and core values. We use stickers as a reward at my classes for good listening and participation. We have a clear system that I review with students each class, 2 stickers for a good listening day, 1 sticker for a not so good listening day and 0 stickers for a very bad listening day. I am always very clear that I don’t like not giving out stickers or feeling like the mean teacher but I think the worst thing I can do for them is not to stick to my rules and follow through when I have given them every opportunity to participate productively or even earn their stickers back with constructive positive behavior. It makes me more uncomfortable then it does them because as I said I end up feeling like the mean teacher. Today we were passing out winter recital costumes and unfortunately I had a student who, despite giving her every opportunity to make a positive choice to listen and participate, decided to be disruptive and throw multiple temper tantrums during class. I finally had to tell her, after she had already lost her stickers, that I was giving her costume to mom, who works at the school, to hold onto until mom thought she had earned it. She then preceded to start screaming and kicking at me and tried to rip the costume out of my hand. While I certainly was upset by this as I would rather be having fun and singing and dancing during my class, I have to say, both mom and her teachers thanked me for not giving into her tantrum. Seeing what you are doing reminded me how important it is as the adult figure to remember that, as uncomfortable as it makes us, we are responsible for shaping our students into caring and helpful citizens of this world. Thank You for sharing this.
GrandmaB
Good for you! I wish I had done this when my kids were young. They will never forget this and will gain so much more than toys from this experience. Bless you!
Aaron
100% support to this family’s approach to the holiday of Christmas. I have tried to establish this in my family the past few years, but it was my Father who was the unwilling participant of the family! Bravo to everyone who puts aside personal desires for the needs of others! Great article, Lisa!
Lela
I did this with my children too. I raised them back in the 70’s and 80’s. It was getting out of hand and they wanted more and more and expected more. So one year we decided to give instead of receive, with the exception of one gift to each family member from the other and it had to be completely handmade. Nothing purchased. It turned out to be such a great Christmas, the kids wanted to do it every year. Now my four are grown and have kids of their own and I also have great grand kids. They all still carry on the tradition of one gift to be completely hand made. They do buy a few gifts but they also give more than they get. It is a good lesson to teach.
Michael Ackley
I’m 60, retired after 30 yrs as a police officer in a diverse urban area, father of a police sergeant and a Lutheran minister, and grandfather of 2. What you 2 are doing is rough on those 3 children now, but it will be a very important lesson in their lives; they will thank you later. You are indeed “celebrating” the important things about Christmas. Kudos to you two for your insight and courage, and God bless you everyone!
Karyl Griffin
I found this post via Albuquerque’s Channel 7 news site. I AM SO PROUD of you and your husband, but I’m a tad disappointed that the article mentions that the boys will still get presents from the family. I’m disappointed because it means your family isn’t supporting all your efforts to make this lesson REAL. In my ‘momma-head’ I’m thinking they boys will think “well Mom and Dad may not give me what I want but now I know ________(fill in the blank…Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt So-n-So, or Uncle So-n-So) will, I just need to tell them (whine, cry and act pathetic). I guess if I had come to this point ever with my kids I’d cancel everything that didn’t have to do with the celebration of Jesus’ birth.
ORose
Just wanted to say I stand with you Lisa! I’m not yet a parent, but this has been something that’s always bothered me about the Christmas season. I love the lights, the family and the friends, but NOT the gift lists filled with essentially useless junk that will soon be forgotten/broken. I think I’ve come to the decision that I won’t be doing Christmas the way commercialized way from the get-go; instead we’ll be buying for others and taking the time to understand compassion & thankfulness for the things we already have. So tried of seeing Epic Toddler-Style Tantrum Throwdowns in the toy aisle from kids way too big to be acting that way! Good on you and your husband. I’m sure your children will look back on this as they grow in age and wisdom to see how much good it’s done in their lives!
Mom of three
I just wanted to applaud you and your family. It is so hard to raise grateful kids in today’s world. We are not a wealthy family, there are days when our fridge is literally empty, and yet the kids STILL whine and complain about silly, worthless things. We make sure they always have enough food, and clean clothes, and they even have a playroom full of toys. It isn’t just “wealthy” kids who act this way. So I not only applaud your actions, I plan to follow your lead. Now, we only do three gifts here, because baby Jesus only had three gifts. We are giving the kids their own Bibles this year, one family game to play together, and a box of “dates”, coupons for one on one activities with family members. If we had money to spend on more, we would love to do some of your projects. But you can do projects for others without spending a dime. We are making cards for a nursing home and plan to hand them out and sing carols as a family. You are never too poor or too rich to teach your kids an attitude of gratitude instead of entitlement!
harveydog
I cant tell you how proud you should be for this. Ive never commented on a blog ever, but just couldn’t help myself this time. One of these days your children will thank you for this. My initial reaction was a good laugh. My next reaction was , finally! Parents today are failing miserably with their kids today. And they are easy to spot. All the ones below me who are bashing you for trying to instill respect, compassion, empathy and other traits that they forget are needed. These are the same parents who want little Johnny to get a trophy because someone else did. They are the same parents who want their kids to think it all rainbows and unicorns. And yes I am a father, and yes my dad taught me these values long ago and yes my son will pass them on to his children. So don’t let the sheep who are bashing you get you mad. Keep raising sheepdogs.
Rosanne Purrington
I so commend you for what you are doing! I have 3 beautiful granddaughters that I am helping raise and they act the way your boys did and yes I’ve been guilty of santa will pass you by and reading this might just have the courage to go through with it. If you as parents don’t teach them they will grow up acting just like they are now or worse. God Bless your family!
CFS
Great Parenting! I took electronics away from my two kids this summer do to their fighting and tantrums and I’m reaping the rewards these days. I hope you have the same outcome.
Kurt Schauer
Good for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks. This is your decision as a family and if people don’t agree with it they can’t move right along. I love hearing how your kids have taken it upon themselves to do truly important things that affect a larger world than their own. Seems like they’ve learned their lesson already. Great story.
Miriam
We never had much for Christmas when I was young. I was born just after the Second World War, so money was tight and most food was on ration. My mother saved up her ration of sugar and butter just to make cakes for the Festive Season.. My Father found an old bike frame, which he repaired and painted it for me… Our table was full Christmas Day, which was marvelous for us all…. Our children now take so much for granted now in this consumer world we live in… I applaud you for what you have done.. Some times we have to step back and look at ourselves… As long as there is food on the table and love in your heart, you will never go wrong.
alicja1977
This is an entirely appropriate response. They knew there would be serious consequences for the behavior, you and your husband worked with them to change it… but they didn’t.
That said, what a way to turn this into a positive learning experience. Hopefully, if they shape up and get Christmas next year, you’ll keep “giving back” on the list of traditions.
Olde Christmas Day
It is interesting to me that so many Americans think that the 12 days of Christmas END on Christmas Day. In fact, that’s the FIRST day of Christmas. I always wondered why you all took down your trees and decorations so quickly. They stay up until January 6 in our region ๐
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas
Heather I
I would like to say I support you. I would do the same thing If I had children. It will make them better young men as they grow up.
Ani
The only Christmas I remember as a small child was the one where my parents canceled Christmas. They bought lots of gifts for other children and we helped package them up! We were in no way deprived, and there was no loss in ‘Christmas spirit’. I had a great day with my family. I’m 100% glad that my parents canceled Christmas. I think it was a great decision for you to make (plus – you’re the mom. You know your kids – and their needs – better than any commenter on this website). You go girl ๐
a_diva
I saw this article on Yahoo & in light of the negative comments I just wanted to share my support for your decision. I too “cancelled Christmas” for my son five years ago due to his behavior. The result: we had our absolute best Christmas ever. The day started off a bit rocky b/c my husband and I were a bit sad. Our little one definitely got over it before we did, but we spent the day just doing things as a family. At the end of the day I couldn’t believe how much we had enjoyed ourselves–even our six year old said he has fun. Please post an update after Christmas. I am really curious if you guys have a similar experience in that something that started out as a punishment turned into a true blessing for your family & created another one of those precious memories to retell in future.
gatewayocc
Good for you! You have a taken a great step and probably your kids will remember this as their best Christmas ever with the focus where it belongs. Next year it will be so much easier to give less to the kids and they will appreciate it so much more. My guess is they will want to do projects of giving every year from now on. We work with Samaritans Purse on their Operation Christmas Child project every year and you nds your kids might really enjoyed doing that next year. Info is at samaritanspurse.org
julie
i remember a christmas that we got nothing because my parents could not afford anything but the food on the table..Although, it was a hard lesson, we learned to appreciate what we had..Americans are so spoiled that kids now a days have no work ethic, they feel everything should be handed to them. I think your a brave parent who is trying to instill values in your sons, I think it’s wonderful…God Bless you and your family…
Sherri
I LOVE what you did. I’m a middle school teacher and I see what happens when these kids are entitled as they get older. Thank you for being an awesome parent. I say BRAVO to you and your husband.
Rosemarie Groner
I absolutely love this. Christmas has nothing to do with presents. You didn’t cancel Christmas… You found Christmas:)
grammyprepper
I think you are taking a bold stand, Lisa. I agree with what you are doing 100%. Haters gonna hate, as they say. Your boys are learning great lessons from this experience. Kudos!
Jack
Entitled behavior occurs because it has been reinforced.
Timothy Ertz
Hi Lisa,
I am not a parent. I will never BE a parent, so I can’t speak to your decision as someone with experience. I can speak to you as an adult. I have to say that your decision is probably one of the smartest decisions I have heard about in a long time. Your children will NOT suffer. They will LEARN. And they won’t just learn to be nicer in order to get gifts. They will learn the true pleasure of giving to others; of being of service to others. I think you are really wise parents and I respect your courage. I read about this on another site and felt compelled to let you know what a great job you are doing as a family. They probably will remember this Christmas with both happiness and a little contempt, but I can guarantee that the “contempt” will end up a joke that you will all talk about for the next 50 years! Don’t let the Keyboard Mom Mob get to you. I look forward to the post after Christmas!
truetome11
BRAVO!! My brother of 47 still cannot support himself throughout an entire year because my parents never followed through on their negotiations. Your children are VERY FORTUNATE children…and apparently seem to realize it.
Yolando
Great parents
Whitney
My family did this one year and it was the most teachable and memorable Christmas I had. We found a nursing home with Elderly who didn’t have family. We got their favorite things list, went shopping on a budget for our specific person (Each sibling was responsible for a different adult), wrapped the presents, and spent Christmas in the Nursing home with singing and gift opening. It was my favorite Christmas even though we only did it once and I was in elementary school. My mom also didn’t make us do it… She came to us with the idea and we chose this over presents that year.
Eddi Haskell
I gave this advice once to Mrs. Cleaver since Wallace and Theodore were too unappreciative of her mothering skills. True, her cooking was routine — unlike the gourmet fare Mrs. Haskell cooked for our family, but she looked better vacuuming in pearls better than any other mother int he neighborhood! Theodore in general has discipline issues. She did not listen to my suggestion, however– what a true shame that you were not around then Lisa to serve as a shining example to parents in need of a proper role model.
g
good for you and even better for the kids
Valerie Evans
The temptation to lavish gifts on children is amazing. I get it. But when kids are only asked to receive, and only give with their parents’ money, they’re never really learning much about what we value in adults; those who are able to sacrifice temporary happiness for long term joy. Those who will put another’s good before his own. This family is taking the opportunity to teach their children to practice now values they want them to have as adults. I don’t get the negative feedback for this. It’s not like she’s doing it with children too young to understand the link between action and consequence.
Brenda O'Neil
I have no problem with what you did. One year we adopted a family and gave up Christmas for our 3 kids. They got gifts from other relatives and we knew that our kids were more than well off. It is not about the gifts they receive and I feel this is one way to teach them about kindness and doing good for other people.
27lives
If it would be different if these parents “cancelled Christmas” around the premise of “this year, as a family, we’re going to focus on others less fortunate because we have so much already” instead of it being a consequence for their kids’ bad behavior. What do they plan on doing next year if the kids are “good”? Believe me, I am all for not overindulging your children. My kids have way too much stuff and because of that, there are few things that are special to them. I remember absolutely loving certain dolls or toys as a child, but it was because I didn’t have many toys and didn’t expect that if I stopped liking something that my parents (or grandparents) would buy me something else. I don’t pretend that this is my kids’ fault, however, and don’t plan on punishing them for my own parenting mistakes. Undoing these mistakes will not happen overnight, and I don’t think it will with this family’s one cancelled Christmas either.
jusayin
I am in total support of this!! it’s nice to see parents acting like parents and not a child’s best friend. These kids are learning a valuable lesson, and would be the kids I would want my kids to socialize with. Some may consider this old school, but guess what OLD SCHOOL WORKS!!
Mike G
I’m going to remember this for when I finally have kids of my own. This is such a great way to teach your kids to do the right thing. This is parenting done right.
MandyS
Katielyn & FarmSchoolMarm – I see both points, and I like even more that you had a civil dialog over it. Have a safe, warm, and joyful season this year, and Happy New Year’s too.
katielyn
What a nice thing to say! I agree, I see both sides as well… truly these ladies are documenting their lives and talking about household tips, etc.
I have a personal friend who is a professional blogger. This lady spends 40 + hours a week on her blog and often uses her kids to advertise sponsored products. So I’m sensitive to the whole “oversharing” that the mommy bloggers do.
I also know that it’s rare these days for parents to hold their kids accountable for anything. Lots of threats, but rarely a follow through.
So yeah, I see both sides, but I would just rather not see this type of family get blasted by the mainstream media.
We should ask this mom how she feels about the “elf on the shelf”
LOL!
Again, thank you for your comment! This world would be a boring place if we all agreed on everything, but there is no reason why we can’t be open minded enough to share opinions civilly. Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you an your family!
maggiemaye
Good for you. I wish more parents would teach the big lessons.
Cheryl Reid-Simons
Fascinating that people are criticizing this. It’s as if Christmas presents are a fundamental right. It may not be my choice, it may not be your choice. But it certainly sounds as if it’s working out OK. They will get gifts from family members. They will build memories. Honestly the best things I remember about Christmas aren’t the presents. It’s the things we did together as a family — including helping others. Let’s face it, there are plenty of families for whom “cancelling Christmas” isn’t a choice but an unavoidable reality. If not getting a bunch of gifts from Mom and Dad is something “they will remember — and not fondly” as adults, they’re already screwed up.
Kristen
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles as parents and the entitlement issue. Thank you for being bold enough to share how this is worked on in your home. It is so difficult to teach these things to our children even when we ourselves model this every day. I applaud you and your honesty. ๐
Codie Taylor
Wonderful story…thanx for sharing…great idea also. This was the first year I refused to go shopping after Thanksgiving…and it felt good.
Karen
I guess I am left wondering what exactly brought on the boys poor behavior in the first place. Since you state it went on for months and they had warnings, what was fueling or causing them to act up or act out? I have three boys (now grown) and could never imagine them doing anything horrible enough that I would cancel their Christmas. We had rules, they followed them, and on the rare occasions they did break one, grounding solved the problem. Are the expectations too high or inappropriate for their ages? My kids weren’t perfect, but I found when the expectations were realistic, there really weren’t any big behavior issues. I’m glad the spirit of the season has become more apparent to them and it sounds like they will have a nice holiday in spite of the loss of Santa and his gifts, but still found myself wondering what they were doing that was so awful.
MandyS
Nice one Jules.
MandyS
There is NO statement anywhere in the Bible that Jesus was born spring, only other statements about events that DO go on in spring. (Of course there is NO biblical question about the time of year for Good Friday and Easter, but for some reason there’s an Easter Bunny around that holiday.) I’m sure YOUR church doesn’t have an Easter Egg Hunt that Sunday morning, since that is a pagan thing.
Second, if you ACTUALLY READ the WHOLE post, you’d have read the giving projects the family is doing (the true meaning of Christmas) and the gifts from the Grand Parents are allowed.
Lastly, withholding a BIRTHDAY from a child is quite different, and it’s unfortunate you don’t already see that. But I am terribly sorry for your husband, and his mother was WAY out of line.
Barbie Scott
Kudos,I say good for you. I did the same, only mine are adults. We should all start doing this.Disrespect is an ugly thing. Lets all make a difference following by example here.
CC Gonzales
I did this one year to my own children (then 8 and 10) and I agree, cancelling Christmas totally made them respect the season and me. I took them to do service at a food bank and show them what life was like for some people. They changed their entire attitude and have ever since been the greatest! I applaud your family for the effort!
bburn
You are rocking the parent thing. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad!! What a wonderful lesson for your children!!
Amy
I think this is amazing. Christmas was cancelled for my family one year too. I was already married and my sister was in college. My father has gotten ill, lost his job, and my parents were facing bankruptcy from trying to pay medical bills. That year, my mother made us over night bags and got my husband a (singular) t-shirt. By far, this was the best Christmas of my life. We have been a much closer family because of this.
AWESOME PARENTING! I hope to be an awesome of a parent as you one day!
Tiffani Gulbransen
I totally agree with you. We told my son that if he didn’t change his behavior I was going to return one of his gifts and put an envelope with a picture of what the gift was. I wasn’t going to just hide the gift in the closet to come out another day. It was either getting returned or given to a child that would be grateful and happy to receive such a gift. I told him that he had been making poor decisions on how to talk to us and his friends and Santa sees that too.
Well Santa sent him a video yesterday that said that he wasn’t on the nice list yet but he had time to change his ways. My boy was heartbroken when he saw that and he crawled up on my lap and sobbed for 10 minutes.
Maybe it was the kick in the pants he needed.
Kellie
Thank you. This year I didn’t have quite the guts you do, but we did decided to keep it small. One thing from us and one thing from Santa, an that is it. And the budget is small. I know there are always things we want, I want lots too, but Christmas isn’t about that. And I really don’t want my kids to think they can always get new stuff when they don’t even take care of what they have. This has helped them think harder about what is really important and what do they REALLY WANT. They have thought long and hard and hard about, and I am proud of them. One child is even helping pay for her more expensive item from her allowance, and I am proud of her.
Kelly
I totally support what you are doing. Your children are learning some valuable lessons. Those people who don’t agree, I would love to see how your children behave. My daughter didn’t get to go to Homecoming one year because of her behavior. And I had her return all the Mum supplies. If you don’t start teaching them when they are young they won’t learn.
eunice
Our family have a birthday party for Jesus and we give gifts to different place each year instead of each other. The grandchildren help plan what we are eating and help prepare it. They keep tract of what we have had and try to make sure we have something different each year. We ask them what do you think Jesus would want? They come up with pretty good stuff. They get stuff on their birthdays.
Kathy Moss
I totally understand where you guys are coming from. Five years ago my husband and I also cancelled Christmas due to the fighting and disrespect our four children engaged in throughout the year. We took the money and used it for spiritual books that they could read together. Since then they have made great changes in their behavior and attitudes toward each other. I support your decision to cancel Christmas.
jules
Sharing ideas to support a community of parents, and feeling so superior as to tell said parent that they are doing everything wrong are two different things coming from two very different sorts of personalities. You may not agree with someone sharing their struggles on the nets. Fine, then don’t read it. Otherwise, be constructive. That’s all. Have different opinions, just don’t be a dick. The response was that same competitive ‘mommy sport’ type of reactionary response that says, “Just stop, you are doing it all wrong. I, on the other hand, am doing it perfectly!” (As their kids whine and push the cart into your heels while they pay no attention…..) The response I was responding to originally does not pass the “don’t be a dick” guideline for all civil discourse. Or am I missing something? She was going for some personal satisfaction, not discourse in any manner.
Lerryn McCullough
I was glad to read this post because I to have cancelled Christmas at my house. My kid’s behavior and grades this semester at school are TERRIBLE. In life there are consequences, this will be their first big lesson. Thank you for sharing.
Josephine
It is so good to see that some parents still believe that children should not be rewarded for selfish and ungrateful behavior . A lot of parents should go back to this type of parenting. Then maybe more children would appreciate the things they do receive. Way to go, hopefully they will learn their lesson.
Anons Neighbor
This is the 2nd dumbest for myself, but only because the winner has no punctuation. I think BH here has too little to do this season.
Anon Ymous
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
Mike
You’re a narcissist.
Bonnie
Great job! I love this post. My children are 2 and 3 and have everything they could possibly need crammed into their messy playroom. For Christmas and birthdays they just get more and more. This year I decided they will only get one gift under the tree, and I don’t really don’t want it to be from Santa. Their daddy works hard for the money it takes to buy their stuff, why should Santa get the credit? Well, it has gradually (and out of guilt) grown to one thing and some little things in their stockings. I want my kids to grow up appreciating things they have. This makes me feel better about the way I want to do things vs. the way things are done.
Tonya
I think you should be commended, as I believe you are the opposite of a lazy parent, as some here have accused. A lazy parent is the one that gives in to every demand the child voices, just to keep from something that is more difficult for everybody. Thank you for being good parents.
Brad Kern
I think what you’re doing is great! I wish more parents would follow suit. Kids these days seem to have entitlement problems. Certainly I want better things for my kids that I didn’t have, but not at the expense of them feeling like its owed to them. Also, I feel that kids appreciate things more if they occasionally have to work for them. Great job, keep it up!
Nicole
I will confess, I read this with the expectation that I would be offended. So many “perfect” parents blogging about their “perfect” parenting choices, and pause from perfection only long enough to tell me all the things I’m doing wrong.
This post is nothing like that. Thanks for sharing what works for you. Thanks for sharing some of your more “daring” choices.
I am no parenting expert. My only son is not even three yet. One of the most discouraging experiences I have as a parent is the constant messages that today’s parents are too permissive, our kids are “brats,” we’re doing everything wrong. Then, when someone like you comes along to address entitlement, to have a conversation about consequences, how you can have a great time emphasizing other elements of the holiday while teaching your parents a valuable lesson about giving and compassion to others — that’s apparently not OK either?
Thanks for putting support and ideas out there for other parents. Thank you for sharing your stories. We just got our first Elf on the Shelf. (He somehow ended up with the name Nezzerzerb.) I will be diving into your posts on Elf on the Shelf!
battaniya
You have to be two of the best parents i have heard about in years! Honestly, 20 years from now your boys will be remembering all the good things they learned from this, and will probably pass those on to their children. I applaud you. Your heads and hearts are in the right place, We should all be taking notes and learning from parents like you. Naysayers are very probably the ones that unintentionally enable their kids to be selfish – you keep on being strong, positive examples. Keep up the great parenting! God bless.
Dagley
It seems that the wrong ones are being punnished…These children have done nothing so wrong that they deserve Christmas taken away…The parents need lessons on parenting…One it seems that the stay at home mom is not doing her job seeing through the punnishment that she is given to the children…Parents you could have said “NO” instead of giving in to their every whem…You have missed teaching them to appreciate the things that they do recieve and are rewarded for good and not needs wants…The only thing the children will really take away from this for the rest of their little lives will be “Remember when Mom & Dad gave us nothing for Christmas” All the praise you are recieving for you actions are coming from those who would never have done this to their own children…I pray that you look deep inside your soul that this decission is one you & your husband can live with…Because you children will never forget…
DJA
I was probably a bit harsh in my last post, but I guess I just don’t understand how through 5-11 years, they have not been able to curtail the feelings of entitlement until now. I have a feeling that it won’t work, at this point.
Paul Minda
But you have not actually cancelled Christmas yet, it’s only Dec 4…you really have to go the whole way, so that on Dec 25, everyone wakes up to…..? What? Satisfaction? A pat on the back? Will you and the kids talk about how much they learned? Does not sound like much fun. Will you sing a few songs? Will your husband break down and have a few things in the garage and save the day? What if other people send you things? Do you keep those, or donate them all. What if your kids get cranky next week and misbehave. Will you make the donate even more? Have you now linked charitable works with punishment? I think you may have. I completely understand the desire to “de-commercialize” and I also empathize with Xmas entitlement. But I’m thinking that if you really follow through the whole way, that Christmas morning is going to be a long, sad day…I think maybe your kids don’t really think it’s actually going to be cancelled.
jules
Or they could ponder what it is to be truly poor, and share the joy the kids are feeling that they donated toys to. Maybe they will play a board game as a family, read Calvin and Hobbes (or the Bible depending on your preference), and share a meal together. Maybe the Whos down in Whoville will sing a song and rejoice at their luck of having everything they need to survive and love. That is not sarcasm either….
Paul Minda
Maybe..if we tried this in my home, I’d cave, I’d buy gifts anyway, which would “save the day”, but undermine the entire effort….If only one parent caves, it’s going to make the other on look really bad. I fear that Lisa and John are going to be second guessing each other and will grow suspicious, wondering if the other secretly bought gifts…It’s a moral dilemma… A modified “prisoner’s dilemma”.. I also wonder if the kids will not bother to get gifts for the parents? Will the parents not give anything to each other? I cannot help but think that this was well-intentioned idea that was executed too rashly, like the time I decided to quit Facebook…
jules
Well, parents acting as one is always easier for sure. I quit Facebook after 6 months and never regretted it. Okay, okay so I am on Google+ but that has circles, so much better for its purposes. No one sees anything unless I want them to! Maybe I should just stop there.:)
Paul Minda
Yes, G+ is great, better than FB for sure…. Well, I am now following this blog,too… because I am fascinated to see how this plays out. I hope Lisa posts about the ups and downs of this. The struggles as well as the successes. And of course, I hope it’s mostly successes, though I am still coming up with so many other moral and practical pitfalls that could arise….
jules
That is the story of parenting. Suffice it to say that I am not brave enough to put all of my parenting decisions out there for all to judge. Reasoning it out for myself with my husband, and then maybe to my child is enough. Explaining the whole of a situation piecemeal to strangers seems like it would be exhausting. I’d rather build Lego ships with my son or read a good book. Sheesh!
Thea
True. I had not even thought about that, the fact that they now linked being charitable to misbehaving. Nothing good comes from punishment. I hope the kids got their parents gifts, and then they better have something tucked away in the closet, or they will feel terrible. What kids don’t make something for their parents at school? My son had made a glitter pinecone last year at his school, he kept it in his backpack, and took it out when I wasn’t watching. He kept it and wrapped it in secret. Then he gave it to us as the last gift on Christmas eve. It was so beautiful! And he was only three! To have kept it a secret for so long… And if they don’t, what kind of parents don’t help their kids get presents for the other spouse, of for the other siblings? Have they taken away the act of giving even for each other? Just so sad.
Sara
I don’t see much wrong with what you are doing. Lets face it as the kids get older the types of gifts change and they go from quantity to quality – i.e. a bunch of little gifts for when they are younger to maybe a few less but more expensive – say video games when they are older. Each year is different, each year they get older and if your kids are okay with everything and they are still getting some presents from family – ie you didn’t ban anyone else from gifting to them, then I say go for it! I think it is a worthy thing to do and to all the people that are hating on you – IT IS 1 YEAR PEOPLE!!! Its not like it is going to kill anyone…….
Nickie Warrick
While we haven’t cancelled Santa and presents completely we have put a major limit on what we will be giving to our children this year as well. Their level of entitlement this year is way past out of control and it has gotten to the point where we need to do something to change it. I totally agree with you and your husband for taking a stand and trying to teach your children something that they will hold forever. You go girl!
Jen Pearce
BRAVO to you and your husband Lisa!!!!! You are truly the best parents ever and are doing an AMAZING job raising your boys to be the type of young men our world needs.Thank you for being brave enough not only to stand up to your own children but sharing your story on national news. I now
consider you both role models. Sincerely, another mom of three dudes……
P.S. 30+ years ago my cousin received only one gift from Santa……a bag full of switches. He’s now a wonderful man, and yes, we still tease him about this! ๐
Sherry
I think you are fabulous and wish all the parents that are complaining would realize you are doing society a huge favor. Not only are you teaching your children not to feel entitled, you are teaching them to see the needs of others, help fulfill them and also how to sympathize. I think you rock.
Jade
I fully support you decision to cancel Christmas Lisa and think you are providing a valuable life lesson to your kids that they will never forget. I also applaud you for staying so clam during your fox interview that involved a debate with the woman who wrote a parenting book. Everything that came out of her mouth was sugar-coated crap that pretty much said, “our kids are entitled to gifts even if they haven’t earned them and they shouldn’t have to”. What a load of garbage! I wanted to let you know how nice it is to actually see a mother be proactive in their childrens life lessons. Some may think the approach is too harsh but like you said, you are still following family traditions but focusing more on giving then receiving. What has happened to our society that Christmas HAS to include presents!? That isn’t the purpose of Christmas and it about time that everyone wake up and realize it.
Jade
That is supposed to say *calm not clam hahah
Amanda Winter
Im curious how you and your husband decide which children you donate to are naughty or nice. And if you dont, I find that a tad hypocritical to say the least
Ary Yogeswary
For those who complained and maliciously stated that the mom has no clue and the kids brattiness was because of her incompetency: you do know that children could pick up bad traits from school/friends, right? My mom raised me and my sister equally, but because we have different clique (she’s the beauty queen, I’m the nerd) and eventually different high school we have totally different personality as if we were raised differently. Any one with a child should know this, the peer pressure is even written in Little Women back in the 1800s.
jules
Also, the best of kids test boundaries, go through developmental changes that challenge their disposition, and various other influences like little sleep, stress, and just asserting one’s
desires. Parents must use their own judgement, but consistency is always the most efficient way to teach correct behavior and self control. It shows that you actually care and love them enough to keep boundaries, but will also help them overcome their difficulties. Giving in does none of that.
Vicki
Dear John and Lisa,
My kids are 20 and 29, every year at Christmas – prior to celebrating it themselves – we (as a family) have gone and purchased the newest, coolest toys and donated them to a local toy drive. I believe this and your action/idea/decision are similar. My boys had to pick stuff they would have loved to have for another child. The caveat was that they could not then get that gift from “Santa”. No children were harmed in this endeavor (tongue firmly planted in cheek). It helped them to become more compassionate and understanding about other children who maybe didn’t have the advantages they had. I applaud your decision and give huge high-fives to your kids who have found the true silver lining in the lesson.
Vicki
trish
I think that your children will learn alot and always remember this Christmas. The only thing I would do if it were me in your place, is Santa would probably bring a gift or two to each child, with a note saying how they went from the “naughty list” to the “nice list” because of all the good things they did this year. Santa recognizing their good deeds would be a nice surprise. Merry Christmas, and keep up the good work!!
Lynnette
Good for you for taking a stand! Thank you for sharing.
Ary Yogeswary
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know you probably won’t even read this comment, but thank you anyway!
Coming from Indonesia where massive gift-giving is unheard of, my first Christmas in US shocked me. First of all the amount of shopping we did was so ridiculous that it barely fit the trunk of my husband’s compact car, but what amazed me was even after the distributing all the presents, the presents that we have for the three of us (including our little daughter) was enough to filled the whole trunk AND the back seat of the car. I can’t help thinking, is it really necessary? The sad part is, the kids got so many presents that they didn’t even recall which one is from who, or even what they actually got. They simply lost track. Our daughter never even wore the sweater we got for her, not even once. I don’t think she even remember we got her one. There are such thing as too much of a good thing.
And for people that said the mom is not doing her job because the kids are disrespectful, please remember that children does not only absorb attitude from their parents, they also mimicked their friends at school. Remember that it takes a village to raise a child.
disqus_BT68PJqA20
I think this is AWESOME!!!! I just WISH more parents would do something similar and not just around Christmas time. Kudos and congratulations to you.
RaymondSmith
Congratulations and a good decision in a difficult situation. So many of the commenter criticize you implying that you have “control” over your children and therefore failed by not getting your desired result initially have never been “real” parents. Kids have agency too, and parents only really control them in cases of risk of physical harm where you must step in. I think you kids will thank you in the future for the lessons you taught them this Christmas.
Sara Madar Goncalves
With all of the attention that your blog has received, I am wondering if you should remove the picture of your children. We know that there are dangerous people out there and too often we tend to post public pictures of our kids. With all of the press and news of your blog reaching national news outlets, it may be a good idea. Just a thought ๐
PaulinIN
What struck me the most was how your children reacted. It speaks to their character (and, I imagine, the character of you both as parents) that they seem to be taking as much joy (maybe more) from helping others and making gifts for each other, as they would have in receiving them this year. I’ve taught for nearly 25 years, and I’ve never met a truly bad child, just a lot of unfortunately bad parenting. I admit the CNN title line made me dubious. But, after reading your blog, I think the message you’ve sent is incredibly positive, and will stay with them the rest of their lives. Bravo.
I would be very interested to read more about what you describe as “entitlement” and how you help your kids understand what that means.
Thank you for sharing your story, for doing it right as parents, and may you continue to have a fulfilling holiday season!
PacNWMomma
What you are doing today will stick with your children for years to come – and I do not mean that in a negative way. Congrats to you on teaching your children the TRUE meaning of Christmas!
Will Z
By punishing them for all the world to see?
Serenity
Too many of today’s generation have the sense of entitlement and parents everywhere have overindulged their children due to their busy lives, their guilt, their misinterpretation of what it means to do more for their children than what was done for them as a child. I applaud you for taking the ball back into your court (analogy here for those of you who think I’ve lost focus) and making each basket (opportunity) count in order to win the game as a parent. Of course you are not guaranteed a win, but again I applaud you for trying to ensure that your children understand the importance of giving, of Christmas, and that it’s not always all about them. More parents (myself included) could and should learn from this and reconsider the way in which Christmas is celebrated within their own home. Good Job!
แแแ แ.2
I’ve noticed that when “entitled” kids grow up and join the workforce they don’t shed the attitude and make things bad on the honest people that don’t have that lame dysfunction. Thanx for doing everyone that will meet your kids in the future a favor by nipping this in the bud now. โ
Annie
AT first I thought that this was a bit extreme, but as I read the post, I thought “Bravo.” I know too many people with children that make idle threats about taking away their phone, or their computer or their I-Pads, and never have the balls to see it through. And their kids know it. They KNOW that their parents are full of crap, so the bad behavior and sense of entitlement continues. Bravo to you.
Clyde
Excellent! Children of all ages need to understand the relationship between actions and consequences. I’ll lay a bet that come Christmas 2015 the children will be a little better behaved, assuming mom and dad don’t cave in on this.
In any case, Christmas is a holiday that is about Jesus of Nazareth, not the retail segment of the local economy. Exchanging gifts has nothing to do with Christmas.
Ashton
I think what you did was a wonderful idea! Today Christmas is all about the presents under the tree, when really its more about giving to others in need. Your children are learning how to be caring and giving. I think more people should do what you are doing. It is a wonderful story to share! Have a Merry Christmas and God Bless! ๐
Ibby
How on earth is this controversial? How can anyone be upset with parents teaching their kids a valuable life lesson by doing good for the community? I have no feelings about this blog or family personally, but this is the type of discipline that more parents should embrace.
Zoey
I love this! You’re teaching your kids the most important lesson and showing them that true happiness comes from serving others. Well done.
thankyouwhatyouredoingisgood
i completely agree with you. i have 3 sons too. and if they do get to the same point yours did, i will do the same. in fact, maybe instead of waiting might really have to consider doing this soon so they truly understand the meaning of christmas. which is about giving and not receiving. these kids these generations are all about entitlement. thank you for posting and letting us know its okay to take stand. even the wife and i catch ourselves threatening to cancel but havent hit the lid off yet but thanks.
Tony
Kudos…….I have been that parent……I am a single father of an autistic son….He was acting up. Hitting me…..yelling….peeing the bed (because he did not want to get out of bed after he had stopped all summer) lying….. I too made a statement….while I did not completely take away Christmas….I made a statement. Santa leaves a letter every year telling my son what he has done good……needs improvement….. That year the santa letter was not a happy letter. Santa only left underwear, socks, and a bedwetting alarm. My son cried for about an hour…….To this day He still reads that letter when he is being disrespectful and mean. I agree with you….children need to learn the true meaning of Christmas and life……..Thanks for being a great parent….big hugs
Clyde
Laughing at the thought of an autistic kid getting a bed-wetting alarm for Christmas. ๐
cooper
Good for you and your husband! Kids these days have the idea that they should always be on the receiving end of the gift giving. I believe if we teach them that it is better to give than to receive and show them the joy in helping others who are not as privileged as us, then we will have done well. We should all pay more attention and show more love to our neighbor.
Brad
Awesome, this is kick ass. Every little brat needs to go through something like this.
Ryan
Much Kudos! Thank you for taking a stand. Totally support you. This will make your kids into better people in the future.
L. Holcomb
Way to go Mom and Dad! We battle with entitlement as well, and we do not “spoil” our kids with much at all-we have 6 of them and we live on a very modest income. Entitlement mentality is pervasive in our society to the point that it is crippling young men and women from reaching their potential in Christ. Sadly many mothers and fathers also have and entitlement mentality. It seems that the pendulum went from depression era rooted thriftiness to let’s buy them everything we never had. I was raised somewhere in the middle, and so was my husband. However, grandparents, who know better lol, and seeing all that their friends have, makes us seem like the bad guys for “denying” them all the latest fads and gadgets. I sense the pendulum is beginning to swing back to something more sensible. I pray for children who are content without excess-understanding that being blessed does not always equate to finances. By showing them like you have with your children what the smallest things, sometimes even just basic necessities, mean to a child in a 3rd world country, I hope they can understand that 99.9 percent of our “problems” and “disappointments” are First world issues, and even spiritually rooted in many cases. Thank you for sharing in spite of criticism. You have done this in a way that I feel should encourage others to look at their own situation and determine if this or something similar is right for their family. Blessings on your Christmas season!!
Steve B
You can get trolled for the slightest thing on the internet. You’re brave people posting your parenting efforts and I admire your commitment. I recall getting virtually nothing at Christmas because of financial hardship but I was fed, clothed and loved. Can’t complain and certainly think one missed Christmas could teach more than a lifetime of empty fulfillment.
Chris
Awesome!!! I wish I had thought of this when my children were younger!!
Brooke
I think the choice you and your husband made was an excellent one and I think your kids will thank you for it one day! Thank you for being a loving, responsible parent who has their kids best interests at heart. Kids have so much more these days and the more they get, the more they want…it’s a never-ending cycle. This will definitely help them appreciate what they have now.
Sheila Confer
Parenting, you are doing it right. Good job!
Kris
Just 2 x 2 words : Thank you & Well done. Ans i just can’t understand why people were angry about this decision. Merry Christmas
Jennifer
I just first want to say “Bravo”. You are indeed very brave but a better parent and role model for the rest of us for your actions. I am doing sort of the same thing right now with my family. We have five children with us full time and now after years of praying for it, my fiances’ two children who’s mother has kept them from us for the last four years has moved back so the five already feel like Christmas has come early. Every year we have had very somber and slightly empty Christmases because a part of our family (big part) was missing. This year we have made a focus on all the things true to the real meaning of Christmas and even though we have children ages 13 to 3 they have all come together in agreement that Christmas is about way more important things than presents and getting materialistic stuff.
JC
I salute you for following through on a much uttered threat. Not at all a bad lesson for the boys to learn. Learning to GIVE is something that many kids these days miss. Bravo Mom! Well Done!
April
I totally agree with you and I commend you and your husband for showing your children what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. So many people go broke just to get their kids the latest in thing which leaves them wanting more and that sense of “entitlement” you where talking about. I have printed this out for my oldest son to read to my youngest son and if their behavior doesn’t change I too will Cancel Christmas!! Thank you for standing strong and putting “Christ” back into Christmas and less about receiving. May you and your family a blessed Christmas!!
LAK
I don’t have children myself but do know of others whose children are spoiled & parents give in & as you say don’t follow thru. This is a great time to give to those less fortunate in this economy. Sending old toys & clothes wonderful idea!!!!! We sometimes have way toooo much. This is awesome & kudos to you both. Your kids will be more grateful of those that they do receive
Angie
I’m on the fence with this one. I see her point, but my question is how they got to that place to begin with? How were the kids so bad and entitled that this was ever necessary? All kids are different and some are certainly more difficult than others (and maybe that is absolutely the case here – I don’t know them so this is all just speculation) but I really can’t help but wonder that if there was more discipline and humility taught in their day to day lives prior to this if it would even be an issue. There are so many daily ways to teach your children the joy of giving. While yes, we need to be more mindful of the true meaning and value of Christmas – there seems something very wrong with using the day (or lack there of) as a form of punishment. People do go overboard with gifts for their kids and spoil them etc. but Christmas should feel joyful. I just can’t help wonder if there was a better way to maybe balance it out a little more. And there is still time – maybe they will?
Kelle
I agree with you completely. I feel like the article on Fox didn’t let you say everything you wanted and I don’t think everyone read your blog entry to see what you actually are doing and how well it is going. Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
Melanie
I gotta tell ya – this makes me feel good about my decision (or fence-sitting) about turning off not only Christmas but his birthday as well. We’re entering the 13 year-old teenage boy age. The disrespect, eye-rolling, “whatevers”, and task-telling X’s a billion – this momma is DONE! I purchased one gift for him for his birthday (which is tomorrow) and it’s sitting in the hidey hole until his attitude warrants it. Our children’s generation of instant gratification & first world problems (his Christmas wish list contained 2 items that were under $100 though most were over $200 – like I *EVER* spend that much on him) is creating spoiled, selfish, arrogant young adults. I haven’t fully decided about Christmas – he has one week left to turn things around. Birthday will be a pack of socks and dinner. He’ll be lucky on the socks! Good job & thanks for unknowingly being supportive! ๐
Merry Christmas!!
Julia Gammeter
You are an awesome Mom and today children who have a little less than others can pick up that sense of entitlement. For My two girls there will be a few gifts that I bought over the summer while I was working until my car broke down and I lost my job, So I have been spending time making some really nice home made gifts to put under our tree this year. Meanwhile spending what money I do have into getting my car fixed so I can get another job and start working. I have canceled birthdays and Halloween in the past due to bad behavior. So way to go mom and yes, before anyone can say anything my two daughters have done charity work. They have helped collect food for Thanksgiving and Christmas for our local food pantry, that helps out families not only during the holidays but also during the rest of the year. We go through their clothes and donate to a domestic violence shelter that helps not only woman with children but men who have custody of their children. No we are far from rich but we are rich in other ways and always find time to do crafts, play games and bake together. My daughters may not have much but they have me and I have done all I can for them as a single mom.
Willowrose
You two are great parents. No one wants to raise spoiled brats. But most parents these day do. You start out giving in every time your child has a fit in the store and allow them to get what they want every time they cry, you end up with selfish spoiled brats. That the world has to deal with. The teachers, their friends, your friends and the family. God Blessed these three little boys with parents who truly care about them. When they grow up they will remember this lesson and be happy that their parents cared that much about them. This is truly an act of love. And the next time they are told to behave or straighten up their behavior, they will get the message loud and clear. More parents should model their child rearing after you.
Lauren
I think what you are doing is GREAT! What people don’t understand is you are not canceling the family time, the decorating, the celebrating, you are only canceling the presents the MATERIAL part. We as a society are so wrapped on how much money we can spend on Christmas presents, I mean look at how stores are opening up earlier and earlier every year so shoppers can go out and get a great deal on material things. You are teaching your children a valuable lesson while still enjoying the magic of the holiday and the family together time, which without the added distraction of new games/toys/etc. Growing up my parents did not have much $, and what they did get me for Christmas was appreciated. I now have several nieces and nephews to buy for and I feel obligate to spend spend spend, but I can’t afford to be elaborate. Bravo to you and your husband!
shelley
Thank you so much for writing this! I am loving the whole idea/concept!!!
Lori
This is a great idea! I love how the kids are making presents for each other and are also focused on giving rather than receiving. I don’t know how anyone could bash you for this! Maybe you will start a new Christmas tradition. I think if more people did this, we’d be a better society.
Lin Teichman
Kudos to you for being a good parent. Being a parent means giving values, not things! Hats off to you!
Whitney
I think this is a fantastic lesson to be learned. When I was very young, I acted the same way – complaining about not having anything to do, my toys weren’t good enough, etc. My dad wasn’t having any of it. He put me in the car, and drove me around some really rough neighborhoods to show me how much I actually had, and to never act so ungrateful again. I was only 5 or 6, yet I still remember it so vividly at 29. Keep doing what you’re doing.
bnorton
I really enjoyed reading your reason behind your decision. Thank you for posting it.
Danita
YOUR AN AWESOME MOM!!!! THANKS FOR SHARING. A LOT MORE PARENTS SHOULD FOLLOW
Della McCallister
Your children will thank you once there adults and really
understand the lesson you are teaching them. My Grandmother was born a poor
coal minerโs daughter. No, really she was. She worked very hard and acquired several
million dollars before she passed away. Every year she would let me pick one
toy from the previous yearโs Christmas gifts and we would deliver them with a
turkey to an orphanage in northern Mississippi. I met some really nice girls at
the orphanage, that werenโt so fortunate then myself. After the first year, I
looked forward to seeing them and took extra care of my toys so they would
receive nice dolls and such. Thank you for setting such a good example.
Bev Swinford
WOULD THIS FAMILY ALSO CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING AT A LOCAL SOUP KITCHEN FOR CHRISTMAS DAY?
sglover
You are a truly good parent and I love this story. As I sat wrapping present after present last night for an 11 year old, I was concerned it wasn’t enough because he isn’t getting the gaming system he wants and we aren’t willing to buy (he has others). Now I am thinking of what I can return to the store because he doesn’t need any of it. Thank you so much for sharing your story and KUDOS to you!
katherine
Brilliant! That is it, you are simply brilliant! Not only are your children learning the gift of giving but the value of what is given to them as well. I commend you on doing this and yet not taking away their childhood belief in santa. Way to go.
Lisa Hall DePlacido
This year is a little tight, not because we are poor but because we made a very big purchase for our daughter earlier this year. She knows that her present isn’t under the tree but living in the barn. She would be fine with no presents this year. But we started when she was young by volunteering at a Christmas Toy Shop and donating toys and time to deliver the toys to kids who did not have the same blessings as she. She went through her own toys and found gently loved toys, she saved money to buy new toys and she helped deliver toys to those homes since she was 4. She gathers up her outgrown clothes each year to donate also. What you are doing is awesome! I love it! It celebrates the Reason for the season.
Melissa
Thank you for this inspiring letter! I feel THE EXACT SAME WAY YOU DO!! The bad part is, I dont have support from my husband! My children are not thankful for anything that they recieve, I cant stand it. I tell my kids all the time that we need to be thankful for what we have because there are so many kids that dont get to do “extras” or get everything that my kids get… but it doesnt seem to matter. We are not rich! We live paycheck to paycheck but my kids seems to have everything. But they always want more! When I would tell the kids that we cant afford something, their usual response was “then go get a job!” (I was a stay at home mom until this October! I was diagnosed with a form of cancer this summer so I needed to go back to work to help pay for medical bills.) My husband agrees that our kids are spoiled rotten but he would never agree to canceling Christmas. We had no where to go on Thanksgiving so I suggested feeding the homeless on the stree. My husband said “No way! Dont be an idiot! We will never expose our kids to what could possably happen in that kind of setting!! The shelters told me that we cannot help them because our kids are too young to help! I tell you all of this because I think what you did was WONDERFUL!! Way to go!!! Christmas, and everyday life, isnt about getting more and more and more. Most kids, including my own, fell this way! They need a reality check!! I congradulate you! You are an amazing woman and mother!! Kiddos to your husband too!! (We are on no social media what so ever in my house. I literally had a teacher call me once and tell me that my then 10 year old needs to have access to “the real world” and I am holding her back by not allowing her access to Facebook…”)
Holli Gribbons Nance
My husband and I cancelled Christmas 9 years ago and we have never gone back. Our children were also ungrateful and entitled, now they are very responsible, mature, adults that will never go out and bankrupt themselves for a holiday! They are not traumatized or emotionally stunted because we didn’t buy them gifts. Now we volunteer our time to worthy causes at the holiday season.
Quistis Trepe
Say it like it is. This isn’t “bring back the meaning of Christmas”. This isn’t “let’s strike a blow for ending materialism”. This isn’t anything altruistic. This is you and your husband punishing your kids. Don’t say “consequences” to lighten it up anymore than calling adultery “affair” to soften it. You and your husband got mad at your kids, warned them, and now this is punishment. That’s a disgrace to everything Christmas stands for. If you are a believer, then the heart of Christmas would be “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”, meaning He gave to us while we were at our worst. Even if you don’t believe, making a holiday like Christmas about punishment and your negative emotions towards your kids its core is wrong. Kids follow parental example. Giving, kind, empathetic parents who SHOW generosity all year without hypocrisy raise kids who feel good about that. If your kids actually felt “entitled”, it is because it is in you. Inconsistency causes this. You could have given “consequences” all year. Christmas is all about mercy. The first gifts you ever should give to are to your children, and they to you. That’s called real love, not this whole punishment crap disguised as something altruistic. Pure hypocrisy.
DJ John Bear
Lisa, congratulations on doing the right thing for your children. It sounds like they have accepted your husband’s and your decision and are learning a valuable lesson from it. Better they learn it now rather than later. And good for you for not caving into the commercial aspect of the holiday.
-DJB
Anonymous
Calm down people. This family didn’t really ‘cancel’ Christmas. They just decided to do everything but the gift giving. It’s all in how you present it to the children – it doesn’t have to be a punishment.
It’s amazing how powerful marketing is. This emotional reaction from the readers is all thanks to very successful Christmas marketing campaigns brainwashing Americans to run around like chickens with their heads cut off, to spend beyond their means and to stress their kids out with tons of stimulation.
We don’t celebrate Christmas at all and my kids are happy, healthy, and GRATEFUL. We spend the holiday season volunteering at the local homeless shelter, feeding people who can’t afford to buy all those junky plastic toys.
Bravo Lisa!
Megan
Good for you. I did this 2 years ago to my son who was a pre-teen. Just my son, because he was very disrespectful 4 days before Christmas. ‘Straighten up, or you won’t get any gifts. I have the receipts, and not afraid to use them’… ‘I. DON’T. Care’…. Okay….
Not all gifts mind you. He’d still get the new socks, snowboots, and jeans. Just not the gaming unit that had been sitting in the closet for a few months biding its time. All of the relatives had purchased games and accessories to go with the system. No to all of it!
It did not go over well with my husband, my parents or my in-laws. Every one started blaming me. How I was being a bad parent. How dare I think about taking Christmas away. I was wrong for giving the ultimate ultimatium. (ok, maybe I was, but it was out there, couldn’t take it back). How can we expect kids to understand what we expect, if we just reward them anyway?) I told the inlaws that if it was going to be a problem, that we just wouldn’t visit for Christmas. (I live across the street!) For 3 nights, I got endless calls to see if I’d changed my mind. Nope. On Christmas Eve, there were calls to say that the relatives were going to just go ahead and give him the gifts so that they would be from someone else.
That did not sit well with me. If that was the plan, we wouldn’t be seeing them before New Years.
So Christmas came. Tension between me and the family was THICK! Thankfully, the gaming system remained wrapped, in the closet. It remained there until March. I had been going to give in and give him the gift, still wrapped in Christmas paper, at New Years, but he got an attitude. Next up was Valentine’s .. same thing. Finally, for St. Patrick’s Day, my parents said, can we give it now? Before it’s outdated? So, my kid got his Christmas present, still wrapped in Christmas paper, for St. Patrick’s Day.
MandyS
Great story, thank you for sharing it. And why to go for hanging in there. I’m a bit speechless how out-numbered you were.
hardworkingsinglemom
HATS OFF to you and your husband!! You shouldn’t have to explain yourself as to they way you discipline your kids. I understand fully! I have thought about doing the same thing because my kids don’t want to OBEY, DO CHORES, DO HOMEWORK, BRING HOME GOOD GRADES…..and these are things that they will need in life. It’s not about being a mean or lazy parent…it’s about teaching them values and that life is not easy. My kids don’t have much, but they are taken care of and often get what they want when I don’t really have it. Keep raising your kids with good values and they will grow to be respectable young men!
ME
I did read the post, I read it about 5 times to gather my opinion. I stand by my opinion, even if others, including the mom that wrote this post disagrees. Do you have kids? I raised 3 kids, and I would redirect my behavior all the time to alter theirs. It is a consistent, ongoing, often times exhausting process, with huge benefits when kids grow up to be productive, loving caring, and compassionate human beings. What I gathered in this post, mom got fed up after the results of spoiling turned into entitlement. It is not the kids fault, the kids are only doing what kids do, and what is taught to them by mom/dad. If they have celebrated Santa, and Christmas every year, but this year, they were “naughty, thus no presents under the tree.. it sends a very negative message, and I don’t care how much fun they are currently having NOW. Mom is going from one extreme to another…These boys are pretty young, and mom have plenty of time to redirect without taking extreme measures of taking away a child’s joy of Christmas morning…….. BTW, if they are doing all these things NOW to give, act selflessly, etc etc.. I do believe Santa would put them on the “NICE” list…. but in this punishment there is no redeeming themselves… you will give, you will do all these great things NOW, and still.. you end up on Santa’s naughty list…. they are far too young to understand this lesson in such a quick time period…
Lindsey
I love what you’re doing – ignore the meanies! Merry Christmas!!!!
FarmSchoolMarm
While I agree about public shaming (though I’m not sure this really is public shaming – the kids didn’t really seem “ashamed” in the video I saw), I would disagree with the sentiment that all the blessings have been received for their good deeds. A chapter before Jesus says not to do your good deeds to be noticed by men or you have received your blessings in full (Matthew 6), He says to so let your light shine before men that they see your good works and glorify God in Heaven. I think one of the values of blogs today is that we can have a cyber community (where we SO lack a physical community) where we can watch and learn from others. I think what is being modeled here is a great thing – and as long as it is done for the right reasons (which it seems to be), it is more of a Matthew 5 thing than a Matthew 6 thing.
katielyn
You definitely have a good outlook on it.
I’m home sick today, so it’s really the only reason I was on FB poking around. With that said, I have made a point to NOT patronize this type of “mommy blog” for many reasons.
The family has definitely done some great things, but blogging it for the purposes of blog readership is eh… very self serving.
She might not have thought about it as shaming her children, but once your story hits national news, Facebook, and all the other social media sites, I believe you are opening your children up to public ridicule.
I agree with you in that we all participate at some level as a “virtual” community. However, the virtual community is not kind, and probably not the type of acceptance I would ever desire to validate myself or get my personal worth from.
I’m rambling, sorry… but I don’t see good things coming from this in the virtual community.
For them personally, I bet the kids have grown a lot personally from this, at least I hope they would!
Further, the mom does NOT need to justify that they are well clothed and have plenty of stuff. Again, that is NOT the purpose of Christmas!!!
FarmSchoolMarm
I am sorry you are sick!
I definitely think that any kind of community has the potential for misuse and abuse. I have seen people in real (as opposed to cyber) community who fall into some of the same pitfalls (spending too much time nurturing that community at the expense of their families, airing family laundry, running down husband or children because we have an audience, etc…etc..) – and it definitely has its potential for sin. However, I suspect that it is also a blessing to a good number of people. At any rate, you are wise to recognize the pitfalls and do what you need to to avoid them.
I hope you are better soon! (And, with that said, I better get off of here as I have wandered far from the reason I got on the computer! God bless!)
Mom
I applaud you for teaching your children an important lesson. I am sure it was not easy. More parents, myself included, should discipline their children, even if it is difficult. Too many, myself included again, take the easy way. There are consequences in the future. I am living it now.
Tracey
We did something very similar with our children one year when we felt they expected too much. We did not “cancel” Christmas, but we did restrict it to homemade presents and gift wrap. It was a wonderful Christmas; one that reminded us of the true meaning of Christmas.
Olivia_Newman
Good for you. It looks like your boys are learning a valuable lesson this Christmas–the true meaning for the season. I wish more parents were like you!
Debbie
I think it’s great that you took a stand, and it’s neat to see how the kids’ attitudes are improving from it!
Flip Flop Ranch
Good for you
Anonymous
Good job! It seems to me that people are way too entitled in this country. Maybe that’s why you received negative criticism, because it hit a nerve. But at the end of the day, you and your family may have done more than the rest of us. I’m sure the people in the Philippines will be grateful that someone is thinking of them and not so much the gaming consoles or flat screened t.v.’s. We need more people(parents) like you, willing to do take the road less traveled and to parent with purposemeaning.
Cat McQueen
I actually think giving to the needy is a wonderful thing to do…I myself each year choose one to two children a year that i buy coats, clothing and toys for. I do this for two reasons (1) to help those who are in need and to let them know there are people that care and (2) to remind myself how lucky myself and my family is. While i think its wonderful that you are buying for the needy…I have to say I do not agree with punishing your kids for things that all kids all over the United States do…bickering, hitting thier siblings…we have all been there and witnessed our own kids go at it…because in essence you are punishing them…which i can tell you that the older the child the more they remember and when your 11 year old grows up he is going to remember that Christmas most and probably think you were mean bitch. Sounds to me you have trouble within your own child rearing skills and maybe it’s you and your husband’s problem.
katielyn
I too, love that they did the service project. My issue is that it is publicized. When you give alms, you should do so in private. All her rewards and blessings are coming in the form of Blog hits, and not blessing stored in Heaven.
Cat McQueen
Agreed Katielyn…I’m not sure these children or at least the younger too will understand the skematics of what the parents are trying to convey here…but i feel they should have kept it to themselves as I now believe they are slacking in their own parenting…children live what they learn…and siblings have been fighting since the beginning of time.
Karen B
You are amazing!!! I love the meaning and thought behind this!! I know it is hard to hear people ripping on you, it sucks in fact! However, you are the only one who knows what is best for your family and your kids! I love that you have canceled Christmas!! You are an amazing mom and are raising boys to be grateful and empathetic, they will be amazing men someday!!! :o)
T. Rylands
I see that your blog post has really “gone viral” and you’re catching a lot of flack for it. I just wanted you to know that sharing this with the world was a brave thing and I admire you for it. Admitting to the world that your own kids were feeling entitled is not an easy thing to do! By being real, you are making a lot of other parents in the same situation feel they are not alone. Your methods may not be the choice everyone would make but it certainly is food for thought and a great catalyst for discussion.
As for the folks who are blaming you and your husband for your kids feeling entitled, do they really think that you can truly “make” a child feel a certain way? I can remember being shamed into cleaning my plate because I should think of the starving kids in China who had no food. It did nothing to make me want to eat my broccoli. Actions speak much louder than words to kids and you came up with an effective way to get your point across. Kudos to you!
Diana
We have struggled with the same sorts of issues and trying to find a way for the kids to appreciate the spirit of the season rather than the expectation that there will be a lot of things coming their way. I want them to realize how good their lives are and how much they have. I want them to work on understanding that others are not so fortunate and they should not take it all for granted. I am sorry to hear that others have not been so supportive of your decision and just want to say that I love some of your ideas to get the kids involved, giving and working on understanding the generosity that is the holiday season.
Andre
I would like to make an additional comment:
Kids don’t get entitled, parents first believe they are entitled and then enable their kids to be entitled. It is the parents who have no true idea who they are at all, instead awash in all the fictional marketing and brainwashing and keeping up with the Kartrashians
Maria Alvarado
good for you I agree & if we don’t start early children will never learn ! with you 1000% I see way to much entitlement . great you took a stand !
we would do the same I remember one Christmas our young son didn’t like a gift he was given well it took me 1 second to pull him aside & tell or tell him regardless what it is you say thank you , it never happened again , first today parents want to be there friends I say first I’m your parent then your friend !
Dawn
Good for you. I’m always happy to buy my nephews gifts, I’m always happy to donate gifts to needy children but then I see children who are screaming,I work in a store.,and having fits but the parents are STILL buying them stuff. C’mon! Do it! It’s important for them to learn and that’s what we need to do. Stop buying overly entitled kids gifts if THEY DO NOT deserve them!
Andre
I personally think this decision was a wise move, for many of the same reasons other commenters on here listed who are proponents of your decision.
I think the biggest problem in the majority of U.S. families are their priorities, with extreme materialism being the first order of business, which then subverts all things that are truly important in this life.
That said, most parents won’t change that dynamic in any meaningful way because, as the cliche goes, ‘you must first admit you have a problem…” I don’t think you ruined Christmas for your kids at all; you enhanced it tremendously.
Your kids will thank you for this valuable lesson, and it will become more precious as they age into adulthood.
P.S. – I’m not religious at all. However, there’s no doubt you did the moral, correct thing (which is usually much harder to follow through with). And, if you happen to be religious, then I’m sure your god and/or savior, and/or prophet(s) would approve.
kmbrly
For those parents saying this is “mean” and “takes away from the magic of the season”, does the season entitle children to automatically get whatever they want? Doesn’t Santa’s “naughty list” exist for a reason? Some parents say this is “lazy”? Seriously? Obviously, those parents have either perfect children, or spoiled ones. Kids need to learn how to be respectful to each other and to parents. And in reading many of the posts in here, I would say many of these people never learned to be respectful themselves. Others should not be belittled for their decisions, opinions or actions just because it’s not what “you would do”. People should not be belittled for grammatical errors! Lisa – you are a brave woman for opening yourself up to this ๐ And I do hope your boys learn a big lesson from this. Good luck! From a parent who can relate.
Marleana Spivey
I give you both kudo’s for this. Seriously, i do. Christmas is NOT about gifts…it’s about others. They seemed to have learned a lesson from all this. Sure, it’s not conventional…but children must learn that they are not entitled to everything they want…just because they are kids. They need to learn to do good without reward….to do something good for someone and expect nothing in return. God bless you guys!
Madison
This is nothing new,?? my family have been doing the same and giving gifts ($ for chickens, goats, water buffalos)to needy through gospel for Asia and shepherd’s purse for years!
iloveamerica
Lisa and John, you are amazing parents. Teaching your children that there is a consequence for very action is absolutely the right thing to do. I wish all parent(s) taught their children what is and what is not acceptable so as to raise caring, responsible people. I have not read any comments posted but want you to know that I believe people who post negative remarks are raising an uncompassionate, entitled future generation.
Lisa and John, you are providing the best Christmas for your family and the one that they will remember and cherish forever.
Kelly
Kudos to you and your husband! Our country is very spoiled and have forgotten the best gift is the gift you give to those in need. Who’s to say-if need be, you can’t implement a Christmas of “homemade” presents that your sons can give to each other ๐
But truly- this is not only a great way to restore humility-humbility, but to install the importance of community service and charity! I commend you and applaud both you and your husband.
Candy Rayne
I support your decision, you are a great role model ,mother and role model for other mothers. You took the Christmas away because they didn’t deserve it so now they have to use their Christmas to give back to other people which is not bad at all it’s teaching them how to love other people rather than be selfish and spoiled. You’re doing a great job keep it up!
Toni
As a future educator, I just wanted to say thank you for following through. Soon enough, I and teachers like me, will have your boys as students. You have taught them an invaluable lesson of following through and true meanings. Anyone who says you are a bad mom for this, likely has children who are horrible, ungrateful, and downright mean kids (and I know I’m going to get some saying “Mine aren’t!!” Whatever. Yes, they are.)
Keep up the great work. Future teachers (and current ones) thank you for it!
Carl Nohemy Mimi Meredith
GOOD JOB!! Christmas is about giving to others not about receiving. You are teaching the kids a valuable lesson. Who cares what other people say! They are not the ones raising your children or paying your bills!!! You do the best you can for your children and hope in the end they will become adults who are productive citizens in their community and don’t feel like the world owes them everything.
Susan
I have SO MUCH respect for you guys and your stand. I think this Christmas will be remembered by your children more than any of the others, and I believe they will appreciate you for it. I wish more parents would join in and teach their children that having “things” is a privilege and not a right!
cmaryfitz
Ignore the naysayers and haters – it sounds like your kids are getting the lesson you’re teaching, having a nice time and enjoying the holiday in a wonderful fashion. It’s a well-written, interesting read.
Brewer
I think it’s great that you are taking steps to correct your children’s behavior. However, children act out as a result of the way they are parented. What steps are you taking to amend your own behavior so that your kids no longer feel the need to act so disrespectfully?
Valerie Wilson
This is a wonderful lesson to teach your children. The small amount of disappointment they feel today will be replaced with a sense of gratitude and respect as they realize how hard this was for you and your husband. Congratulations for taking a step outside of the commercialized holiday Christmas has become and teaching your children the true meaning behind Christmas. God Bless!
Darlene Berkley
Lisa – I am SOOOO proud of you. You did good honey, and the guts it takes to do what needs to be done to teach them the right lessons is extremely difficult. You did it! And I love you very much … I’m so proud to call you my niece.
Guest
Ever heard of a dictionary?
creยทaยทtive
krฤหฤdiv/
adjective
adjective: creative
1.
relating to or involving the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.
AN ORIGINAL IDEA = CREATIVE
Lee Tomlin is still a bitch
What? I wasnt even talking about something being creative?
Jamie Lynn Natole
I totally get it Lisa and I totally support it!
MrWiseOwl
Too many Americans are materially rich, while religiously bankrupt, they bear the yoke of spiritual hunger. The quiet celebration of the birth of Christ, has morphed into the perverse of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Yes, less IS more…sometimes much much more. Teaching our children the true meaning and joy of Christmas is a celebration of true Christianity. God Bless You-and your family. And, Merry Christmas to everyone!
Marcy
May I offer another take on it? I don’t see this as “cancelling” Christmas at all – by changing the emphasis from getting storebought gifts to looking for ways to share and give, you are having a beautiful celebration. And I doubt you & your husband presented this to your sons as a punishment; it sounds like a choice made after thinking about what you want to see develop in their characters. Love that they’re enjoying being generous! I think you were very creative and brave to do this, and hope you’ll let us know how it goes despite the haters. Maybe the boys can be your guest bloggers for a day and share their reflections ๐ A blessed Advent and Christmas to you all!
michele keen
I applaud you!
Mary Chamblee
Thank you for teaching them about what its really about,GOOD JOB MOM!!!
FrozenBelle
I’m proud of you as a mom, not only for taking a stand for your family, but also putting it out there for people see, knowing that people would tear you apart for it. I personally think your idea is amazing. And while my kids aren’t at this point yet, it wouldn’t take much to reach the point where I may just be forced to try out your method also ๐
That bitch LeeTomlin
Jen I completely agree
Avidor Hearn
You and your husband took responsibility for the young men that you are providing to this world. I would much rather there be three giving, respectful, and caring men than three entitled [email protected]$holes who think they deserve the world. Do not listen to the nay sayers because at the end of the day they are YOUR children and you raise them as you see fit. There has been no psychological harm in learning to give and love your fellow man.
leetomlin
Their children were not shamed or embarrassed. Don’t say something that is not true. Go watch the video of the article and there is absolutely no shame or embarrassment whatsoever.
Lisa is a dumb bitch
You are completely right.
Linda
Good for you. First Christmas is really not about presents anyway. It has become so commercial and kids think it is about them. I loved Christmas. It had nothing to do with presents. Christmas to me was all about Jesus and family but of course following tradition I did get my children presents but never over indulging. Now I have learned that Christ was never born on December 25th and no where does it state in the Bible to celebrate Jesus birth. If you really investigate the beginning of Christmas holiday you will find it is a pagan holiday.
The more I think about the fact that we lie to our children until they reach an age that we tell them to no longer believe in Santa. Again think about that. Christmas is supposed to be about Jesus and love and helping people and yet we lied to our children about Santa. Makes me wonder how they ever believed us about anything else. If I could do over I would.
I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. Maybe if more people did this than our world would not be in the shape it is today. We would not be so selfish and people would be happier, healthier and love more.
leetomlin
Thank you for sharing this! ๐ I love your creativity and your selfless love for your family and for others.
Lee Tomlin is a bitch
How is this creative?
leetomlin
Ever heard of a dictionary?
creยทaยทtive
krฤหฤdiv/
adjective
adjective: creative
1.
relating to or involving the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.
AN ORIGINAL IDEA = CREATIVE
leetomlin
haha ๐
Momma Tomlin
haha 8=====D—— (O:)
lisa is a bitch
You`re my hero.
prshopgirl
I think what you are doing is brave and I’m proud of you for sticking to you guns! It’s so easy sometimes to let the kids “take over” when we are the ones supposed to be in charge. This is something your kids will remember forever and I’m glad you are teaching them valuable life lessons.
REBECCA
I never really had a Christmas when I was a kid, we got clothes for Christmas. I always said my kids would never feel the pain of that, but it is what it is, and we also have to cancel Christmas too. For different reasons of course, we don’t have the money while you are trying to teach them a lesson. I say you should get parents of the year awards because what you are teaching them will stay with them for all of their lives.
Leslie
Lisa, GOOD FOR YOU! I applaud you and your husband. I don’t have kids of my own, but have been around kids of all ages and have taken some child development classes (highly recommended, btw. they will TOTALLY back up what you’re doing here). It’s called authoritative parenting and you’re doing it right.
First of all, it’s absolutely wonderful that you and your husband acknowledged your children’s’ poor behavior and attitudes and then actually DECIDED to do something about it. That can be one of the hardest parts of raising children, I imagine.
Secondly, you both realize that you’re their parents, and not their friends. There are too many parents these days ( I see it first hand) who don’t realize the damage a relationship like that causes. Children need guidance as they grow and learn, and it’s not always the easiest thing to do as a parent.
Thirdly, while I’m not a religious person myself, it’s wonderful that you and your husband are taking the materiality out of Christmas. Too many people, including adults, have lost sign of the true meaning of Christmas.
I am so happy for your family and I hope your kids grow and learn wonderful lessons from this Christmas. What your family is doing is something ALL of us should be doing, but you’re kind enough to be one of the few to actually do it. More people that just your kids will benefit from your generosity this Christmas and I truly wish you all the best.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Dealb70
Looking to change, improve the American Christmas experience?….. I can relate with this lady. I’ve wrestled with the details of the Christmas season for decades! I just put up 2 video posts this week sharing the struggle I have felt in handling the Christmas celebration and the conclusion our family came to. Check them out my videos here:
http://www.dea-frommyhearttoyours.blogspot.com/2014/12/is-it-ok-for-chtistians-to-not.html
and here:
http://www.dea-frommyhearttoyours.blogspot.com/2014/12/my-journey_4.html
Ossie
Great Parenting. It is important to help our children understand that actions have consequences at all ages, the earlier the better. Constant and continuos disrepect, fighting and disobedience is not child like behavior, its a call for intervention and parenting by… You guessed it, the parents. Children can have fun and be children all day long all the while being respectful with the ocassional acting out moment. It’s important also to teach children at a yougn age that they are loved but not entitled!
Those parents that don’t agree and have harsh comments for these parents on what they saw as a way to teach their children to appreciate what they have and the real meaning of Christmas, which is that giving is better than receiving, simply mind your business and continue to pollute your child’s view of themselves as entitled individuals of the world.
Debbie
My son is 21 now.. I wish I had done this.
Maria K
I think that you are AWESOME parents!!!! In this day and age there are so many people who feel that they are entitled to something and they are not. I say WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!
Marnee A
I saw this “story” on a yahoo feed and I rarely ever comment but I felt compelled to say “Great job mom!” If it matters at all, you are affirmed from another mom who believes in the value these lessons teach our children. I bet you even set a new tradition in your home. Please try very hard to let the naysayers words roll off your back. I wish I had words that would edify and encourage you more. All I can come up with is job well done and enjoy the blessings this season has given you and your family.
Rick Mosher
Good for you. Your kids will remember this Christmas all their lives and i believe they will fondly cherish the memory of how they learned a valuable lesson about life.
As to all your detractors, spare us all the sanctimonious speeches about what a terrible parent this woman is and how she should never have let it get this far. When you are perfect and your children are perfect, check back in with us.
Betsy
Good for you! I believe it would be very hard as a parent, but following through to show your kids that there are consqeuences in their actions is more important..for their (and everyone elses) futures!
MEinLG
No matter what the naysayers and trollish entities say, I applaud you! It is difficult to stray from what has become the norm of materialism. You and your family are blessed. Merry Christmas!
Cre
Lyle and Erik Menendez started out this way.
Susanne Ek
Cool mamma =)
Charity Conners
This is AMAZING and good for you and your husband to do it! I do understand how you feel when you say you guys were more disappointed then your kids! We as parents WANT to give them things, we WANT to reward them, but sometimes they just don’t deserve it or have not earned it. There is a lesson to be learned and by taking a stand that is exactly what happened! If we ever feel the need to cancel Christmas with our kids we will! And I love how you did it, with giving back! That is the importance of the lesson! Giving is so much more fun then getting!
VVednesday
As a non-religious person who celebrates Christmas, or, gift-giving with my family, I think this is a really great lesson for your kids. Just as you’ve stated, there will still be giving and happiness and family, which is what all holidays are really about. Don’t think twice about your decision, especially when you see their behavior changing right before your eyes. I commend you and your husband. This Christmas will be extra special for all of you, and next year’s Christmas will be all the more special. This is an experience they will, no doubt, share with their own children today.
Michael D. Ray
Here is my Christmas gift to you and your family. This thought is mine, and mine alone. I did not read it somewhere. It is what I thought after reading about your actions. “Without gratitude wisdom seldom flowers.”-Michael Ray
P.S. Please have a wonderful Christmas!
Jennifer
First of all, I find it pretty sociopathic that you have such an obvious need for
validation, that you find it necessary to put your children on blast on social media.
One can only hope they do the same to you when you are old, in diapers, and shitting
on yourself. Let’s just hope you are never grumpy – but if you are, I fully support a
social media blast for you as well. All without your consent.
I do not believe your “updates” either – sounds like you are just trying to justfiy
yourself. If you really wanted to send a positive message, you would take out the
part about whatever your children have done wrong…and just discuss the positive, but no.
I will never understand the need for parents to blast their kids on social media – for what?
Attention, ad revenue, build up your “blogging” name? Maybe if you spent less time on
your blog, and more time with your children, they would be better “behaved”. I am not sure
what your issue with their behavior is – it sounds like they act exactly like you – selfish
and entitled.
XO
Debra
Cheers! Sometimes it is necessary to teach the true meaning behind Christ mas and forget the marketing hype. Good going.. God Bless
Kim
Good for you and your husband! Your entire family really. Christmas has become about excess and entitlement, instead of focusing on our Savior and what he has called us to do… Give and love. I think y’all are doing a wonderful job and this will surely be a memorable and special Christmas for all. Be encouraged in this season no matter what the naysayers say.
Christine
I don’t see anything wrong in this? Children need to be thankful for what they get. There are kids out there who are sleeping on the ground outside and do not get to have a elf on the shelf, a Christmas tree or Christmas presents. My neices and my sister in law ( who is 30) they send out a mass text to the entire family saying what they want on there Christmas list. What is up with that? My daughter who is 8 says thank you for every gift she get even if she does not like it. Kids are are so spoiled and have everything handed to them. They do not appreciate the gifts or things they get. This is a choice that the parents decided to do. Who cares what other people say. Maybe after this Christmas after not having one the kids will understand the true meaning of Christmas and be thankful for what they get.
MayM
We limit our gifts to 3 each for all of our kids (our 2yo son and my 2 stepchildren from my husband’s first marriage)–to represent the 3 gifts that Jesus received at birth. I learned it from a friend and have been practicing it in our house for 2 years now–I find it allows us to still do the gifts without things getting out of control and also reaffirming the meaning of why we give gifts in the first place at Christmas. For my 2 year-old, it will be the only way he ever knows of Christmas. When we explained to the 2 older ones a couple of years ago, they completely understood and were not disappointed at all.
Ashley Long
Not only is my family cancelling “Christmas”, we are choosing not to celebrate the pagan holiday that “Christmas” was applied to.
As Christians, we see in the Bible that Christ was born in the fall, not on December 25th. We believe that God would be ashamed in people celebrating traditions of man and using His name as an excuse. Most people celebrate “Christmas” in vain, just because they always have.
It’s amazing how just doing a little research will open your eyes on how false the celebration has become.
I celebrate the life of Jesus everyday, and I don’t need to bring a tree into my home, or exchange gifts to recognize my Savior.
Anne
I had four sons and I empathize with you and your decision. I never cancelled Christmas presents because I was a tough mom year round so just the hint that it could happen was enough to get them in line for long periods. But I have turned the car around and drove home from a trip, taken away all toys/electronics in their rooms and, as teenagers, revoked driving privileges, etc. Parenting is hard and requires a lot of effort. Sometimes I’m sure they hated me (sort of) and thought I was unreasonable but today they are grown up, productive, honest and caring human beings. They love me and I love them and even though they don’t always live nearby, we all keep in touch and get together when we can. They are my lifelong blessing and it was worth all the effort. You know your children and what they need from you so good job doing what is right rather than what is easy. Your boys will never be the same and THAT is not always a bad thing.
Christina P.
There is nothing at all wrong with this. If a child is being ungrateful then they don’t deserve to get anything for Christmas. That’s what the holiday is all about! Those who are naughty get coal. This is not harsh. Then to give it to those less fortunate is an even better lesson. This mom is not harsh at all. If her children are that out of control then do what needs to be done. Don’t fold because then they will go back to the way they were. Stick with it and be strong. They may change their attitude and realize they were wrong, but the lesson is not fully learned until it follows through. Buy a bunch of toys and on Christmas morning take your children and the gifts to a nearby childrens hospital and have you kids hand them over personally. Great job mom. Not many can do what you did, I hope it works out.
Thea
I agree. I saw this article come up again on facebook, by Fox News! The comment thread was scary, many hateful remarks towards the children. What the mother has achieved is, praise for her actions, perhaps, but she has also publicly shamed her children. Their faces are plastered all over the internet, did they consent to this? I have asked peope on facebook not to share that image. This will be on the internet for forever, for all to search, including their school friends. She is building an online presence for them, that they themselves have no power over. It is a selfish act. I wonder if perhaps the children get their sense of entitlement from the acts of their parents. I just hope that the mom will listen after this public backlash.
The Full Light
God Bless you both, you’re giving your children the BEST gift a parent can give “the gift love”. Parents are responsible for teaching children in the way they should go in life. Your children will always remember this experience and the lessons your teaching them. Your doing a great job!
FarmSchoolMarm
Good for you! It is one Christmas – one day out of 365 in a year…and one day out of, more than likely, more than 25,000 in their individual lives. What a great opportunity to make a huge, positive, impact in your children’s lives! While we haven’t had to make that particular choice, we have been the unpopular parents – unpopular with our kids, with their friends, and sometimes even their friends’ parents. But our adult kids (we still have 3 adult children and 3 more coming up) have grown into outstanding human beings and they agree that the tough, unpopular, parenting decisions contributed to those outcomes in a big way. We were once told, by another adult, that we were being too hard on one of our now-adult children – “she’s a good kid, you just need to let her do this…” It was funny that it didn’t occur to this adult that she was a good kid, in large part, *because* of our parenting choices – not in spite of them. As I said, good for you! Your decision has already obviously made a wonderful impact on your boys.
micka
This is awesome My children have been acting bad an out of control lately and everyday my husband and I say we want to cancel Christmas but the looks on the kids safe is devastating or my husband will say that’s being to harsh but I totally agree that if time outs and punishments aren’t working what else can you do but take away one thing they truly love..
Heather
Beautiful, excellent idea. Good job mom!
MC
Way to go and not only teach them to give and to be grateful, but also to PARENT. So many are not doing that anymore – they are worried about what the WORLD will say about anything they do in disciplining… I send you both KUDOS for attempting to set your standards/morals to where you believe they should be and teaching your kids what YOU think is right… Hope they remember this and cherish the great sacrifice you made to get them to learn SO MUCH!!
Jenni Sue Brannon
Good for you. I haven’t gone this far but our CHRISTmases remain small to this after adopting a tradition when my children were small. They receive 1 gift from Santa (the makings for their favorite meal) pj’s for Christmas eve and 3 gifts on Christmas. This day is to celebrate Christs birth and he received 3 gifts (Gold, Frankinscense & Myrrh. There we give 3 gifts; a Garment of clothing, something Fun & something for the Mind (educational). We revisit the Christmas story every year and why we give these gifts. The boys loved it so much they have passed on the tradition to their families. Once again I say GOOD FOR YOU for making this decision and making it wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
Priscilla
I think what you are doing is an amazing thing for your children. For people who are leaving rude comments, they can go take their comments somewhere else. Sometimes you have to take a step back and appreciate what you do have and what those don’t have around you and help out in any way possible. Keep your head up – you’re kids will be thankful later in life and remember that one time when their parents cancelled Christmas and had them do something else for others around them. They will definitely be better men in the future.
Katelyn McDowell
I agree 100% don’t let all those haters and greedy and negative people out there change your mind!! Follow through
Rebecca
As a first time parent myself I can see where it could be hard to stop giving in excess at this time of year. I wrapped up a few books for my baby and some bath toys. In the years to come I’ll be making sure she realizes that Christmas is a religious holiday and not a “gimme fest”. I’m so glad that you are doing this for your boys while they are young. Kudos to you and your spouse.
Jessica
I think it’s great what you did, and you’re raising your kids right! I think what would make it even better is if you did this more privately and did it for better intentions. I feel like the title and posting a month before the actual Christmas, with pictures of the box, it was mainly done to gain praise and attention from others. I think the best way to do service is to do it quietly, without people knowing. ๐ But I think you’re a great mom and keep it up!
Kirsty Prinsloo
Are you a horrible parent….no not at all. By changing your children’s Christmastimes into wonderful memories that they can think back on and remember the few special gifts they got that year and the amazing things they did to make someone else life just that little bit happier is a gift in itself.
jpb
I’m not writing this to say look at me — I just want you to know that others have done this too and it has been wonderful. Hang in there and it will change your families experience for the better.
We changed how we celebrate Christmas about five years ago. We were nervous because some of children were teens at the time and we weren’t sure how they would take it. We just felt that even though they dutifully went through the steps of service and giving to others and participating in the nativity reenactments, their minds and hearts were really just anxious for the presents. So we felt the only way we could really teach and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas was to do away with gifts. Instead we spend December saving money to give to those in need. We do acts of kindness and service for others. On Christmas Eve we deliver food and money to help pay medical bills or repair auto for those in need and then we go to dinner as a family. Christmas day and the week after Christmas is spent doing things together as a family whether it is a trip or activities around home. Each day is a new family activity. We even ask relatives not to send any gifts but to give to a charity in our children’s honor or wait and send for their birthdays or if they life close to spend time doing something with the children — creating memories. I will say to lighten the blow we told our children that while Christmas is supposed to be about Christ and others — their Birthdays can be all about them and we let them rule the day. We are a little more generous on b-days than we used to be. It has completely changed our families view on Christmas. The first couple of years they liked it ok but said when they are parents they will go back to the traditional way. Now they all say they prefer this and look forward to Christmas each year, helping to plan how to help others and plan the family time. We feel that we have replaced gifts of stuff with memories and experiences that will last forever.
Jen
I love what you have done! My husband and I have never really given our kids Christmas presents (now ages 13, 11, & 10). We started with just a single wrapped gift under the tree on Christmas morning and now don’t even do that. As a family, we adopt children in need and the kids pick out gifts for them. My kids even have a hard time now giving wish lists to family members who do buy them gifts. They truly appreciate all that they have and look forward to the family, food, and fun of Christmas!
Frank Trocchia
Respectfully, I disagree with the cancelling of Christmas for these children. Diverting the gifts to give to others is a great idea, but it should be along side the giving to the children. Kids grow and learn from the people they look up to… parents, teachers, etc. If they have an ungrateful attitude then they picked it up from somewhere. Work with them… and I mean work, not taking away something because you’re ‘entitled’ to, which is what it appears to me. Are you bad parents? No. I see the concern and the will try try anything to make your kids the best. Removal of an event that happens but once a year is not the right choice. Remove a device, or a toy, or a book. Don’t cook the dinner for a bit and let them fend for themselves. They can learn to be grateful. Taking away Christmas only makes them learn to be mean and uncaring. Some kids would try to run away after having that. Have you seen the videos of Jimmy Kimmel taking away halloween candy? Christmas gifts is much much worse. Give them Christmas back.
Dawn
Four years ago I was going through a divorce and was financially strapped. I sat my kids down and told them that the presents they would be getting would cost nothing and were all around them. On Christmas morning they looked and looked but couldn’t find any presents. Finally they asked what they had received and I told them they got health, amazing love for one another, laughter, family, togetherness, teamwork and the love of the holiday and the meaning behind it as their Christmas presents. They all looked at me like I had 3 heads but eventually my youngest daughter said that she understood and that they were really fortunate and they didn’t need material things because we had each other and her 2 siblings agreed. Then we sat snuggling on the sofa and watched Christmas movies and laughed and said what we were grateful for. Even though it wasn’t that long ago and our financial circumstances have improved they all agree that was the best Christmas they’ve ever had. They learned that those that have their health, the love of their family and the freedom to express it are the luckiest human beings on the planet. And that, my friends, is a very great gift indeed!
alexia561
Good for you! I’m sure your children will have so many good memories from this year as opposed to getting toys that they’ll quickly grow tired of and forget. Don’t let the negative people get you down, as your story is inspirational!
mommy of 3
first of all you don’t have to give any explanation justifying what you are doing. I am a parent myself and I am telling you that you are doing the right thing. You and your husband are definitely teaching your children a valuable lesson. Kids nowadays feel that they’re entitled to everything and that’s not how real life works, and these idiots that are on here judging you either they have no children themselves or they are the bad examples behind all these disrespectful, unmannered, little shitheads that we see out on the streets. so you know what pat yourselfs on the back you guys are doing a great job as parents by teaching your kids the importantes of being grateful and appreciative for what they have. You are also teaching them that giving can feel as rewarding like receiving.
Willie
If I had cancelled Christmas myself for my 3 boys, then I suspect they would’ve been more respectful, grateful, etc. But my husband wouldn’t hear of it. They were such brats to the point I dreaded Christmas time. He bought them everything they asked for, short of a car. Wait, I take that back. He eventually bought them each a car (not for Christmas). They were never grateful for the gifts they received or what they had. They each wrecked their cars with the exception of the youngest.
I have enjoyed my Christmas time for the past 4 years now because “he” is now my ex!!! My boys were all notified no gifts for them from me. Just my grandkids. Besides, Christmas is for the kids anyway (good kids).
LJ
I am printing your original post to share with my kids. I applaud your idea, and while I do not think I am strong enough to cancel Christmas, I do plan to scale it way back this year, and celebrate more the true reason for the season (I say that every year, but it still gets lost in the hustle and bustle.) Don’t let the haters bring you down…you are a better parent than they could ever dream of being!
Brooke
Lisa you are awesome! I thought it before and now I know! Thanks for being a great example of teaching your kids what is really important. It is not as though you are not celebrating. You are just celebrating what is really important. I think your kids will always remember this Christmas and not because they didn’t receive any gifts but because I think they will receive so much more.
Brian Tolley
I am actually the wife of Brian but I am going to post my comment. I say good for you as a family and this will be a Christmas they will always remember. I work retail and let me tell you I do not like a lot of the customers. They come in and spend money they don’t have and take it out on us. If you don’t have the money don’t spend. They get mad at us when we don’t have something in stock (like it is my fault plus I don’t make the prices). In the past we have made quilts for family and friends and everyone still remembers those special handmade gifts. So on that, what you are doing is the true meaning of Christmas GIVING…so THANK YOU!!!
mary
completely irrelevant to the point of this post. but ok.
Megan
I think what you are doing is a wonderful way to teach children to be grateful for what they have and humanity for others. Although my two daughters were no being bad, we have chosen to do the same. As a family we each prepared a box for Operation Christmas child and will be volunteering a local churches for Christmas dinner.
Lydia from Cali
I commend you and your husband for being together on this decision. I support your family decision and the alternative you took in giving to others!
Tazzer n Booms
I applaud you and your wonderful family. For once somebody out there besides me stopped and got off this train of just fighting to be the first at every checkout line to buy things that we are all so driven by all these Xmas commercials. Just for the sake of giving things without much thought to WHY we’re Giving them. I’m sure the kids will survive this episode of humility that your teaching them. Makes for a very down to earth lesson in life and they will grow up and be greater and more in touch with real down to earth young men that YOU two can be very Proud of.
You see we’re not sure if we’re having Christmas this year ourselves. It’s been a bad year for us. So financially it doesn’t leave any room for Christmas. People really lost the whole meaning behind Christmas, Too much is predicated on all the commercialization of the Holiday and lost is the True meaning of appreciating what you do have and what you can give. To give is so fulfilling to someone in need. To give to someone that doesn’t expect it and is Need is Even Greater. Especially if it puts a smile on their face. Guess it’s not enough to a lot of people to have a roof over their head heat in the winter and food on the table. People need to stop and look at themselves quit following the Christmas “pied piper” and lead by example and You’ve done that. Christmas is a warm family feeling that is shared and not drivin by Camping out your nearest discount retail store.
Sarahphina
A couple of my kids have lost Christmas over the years. One got his gifts taken away because he opened all of his gifts that were under the tree before Christmas morning. Another had her gifts taken because she stole my engagement ring (kept in my jewelry box) and gave it to a friend. Sometimes, drastic measures are needed.
JS Mac
Good for you, Lisa. Well done! I saw this story on the yahoo site and had to throw in in my 2 cents of support amidst the negative backlash. Giving is what it’s all about.
Mary Clark
Love it. Kids receive so much throughout the year, Christmas is just another time we are getting more stuff. You did great as a mother “cudos” to you and your husband on raising charitable, loving kids who now have learned that the best part of Christmas is giving to those less fortunate than we are, and how fortunate we are to have home, food and family.
RJ
I applaud what you are doing, Lisa. I do not have kids myself but have worked with children (and parents) in many settings, not to mention, the children in my extended family. I have seen a very big shift in the parent/child dynamic and there seems to be a lot of confusion over who is “in charge” of that dynamic. So many parents seem to feel they are supposed to be their kids “buddies,” not parents. Kids make friends at school. A parent’s job is to parent. Allowing your kids freedom to express themselves and whatnot is very important but they also need to learn boundaries and respect (not fear, mind you). A good practice (for managers as well as parents) is to explain your reasoning for a statement/decision in a way that makes sense to the person you’re telling. Don’t just say, “because I said so.” Allow them to see your process (“you can’t play on the steps because you could fall and get hurt”) and you may get less of a fight. Obviously it is important to pick one’s battles but lately I see far too many instances where a child is just obnoxiously out of line while a parent puts on their best Mr Rogers impression to appease them. Sometimes that tactic is fine, other times a child needs to be reminded that what you say goes. It is all dependent on the situation. A meltdown in Toys R Us may not be handled with a quiet talking to.
As they say in Sondheim’s “Into the Woods,” “Careful the things you say, children will listen.” For better or worse, they will listen and remember. Chances are, this is a lesson you and your husband may never have to teach again. Dare I say, they may even make this an assumed part of Christmas from now on, or at least have a deeper appreciation in the future. I could go on forever with this but what really matters is you did what you thought was right and no *real* harm was done. No one “needs” a pile of gifts every December. Sure, it’s nice but so is helping others. Honestly, this is a lesson many adults (your critics included) could benefit from, too. Less “ME, ME, ME” does not just benefit those you give to. Some food for thought.
Well done.
Mikesnixter
Bravo! It is extremely difficult these days to strike the right balance between allowing your children to enjoy what you can afford to give them and to teach them the true meaning of Christmas. Me and my husband are also doing something very similar. Our two boys have not had the best behavior lately. So we sat them down and told them that they would not receive presents on Christmas. We explained it was not their Birthday and it was not cruel to eliminate their gifts. We explained that they could llowed them to earn 1-3 gifts by having consistent responsible and respectable behaviors. Then we have sponsored a family that has 3 children, buying gifts for them. We feel we are accomplishing to goals here. We are teaching them to GIVE and that actions have consequences.
Stella Kurtz
Thank you so much for sharing with us!
I think there is hope for this generation after all!!!
Margie06450
Good for you… teach them that you don’t get rewarded for misbehaving. I appreciate you for writing this and bringing this subject up. Too Many parents want to give their children everything but they forget to teach them respect and that you have to do good to get good things. That is why “Santa” has a naughty list. Naughty kids get coal. One year me and my brother were naughty so we actually got spray painted black rocks in a bag. We never misbehaved that badly ever again.
Another thing that you could do is have them visit kids that are less fortunate and have your kids pick out a toy to buy those kids instead. Visit a shelter, homeless or pet, and have them help out there. Regardless what you do, you did the right thing by cancelling Christmas and if they don’t change their ways, cancel it again next year.
Astrid
I honestly admire you for doing this. I am a single parent of 2 boys 2 and 7, and no help from their father. It is sometimes hard to get them to understand that others in this cruel world wish they had the things they had. I am pretty sure when your kids get older they will appreciate what you have done for them. They will grow up to be very respectable citizens and do good to the community. I read this story on Yahoo!, I wanted to stop by and praise what you are doing for your kids. Honestly there should be more parents like this out there. I read a lot of negative comments, thought I would bring some positive. I will be following your blogs.
calimom
I think what you’re doing is GREAT. Dont be discouraged by negative reactions. Kids nowadays feel like they are entitled to everything they want. Parents are taking the easy way out and buying kids lots of toys and putting them in front of the TV all day so they dont have to deal with them or take responsibility for twhat they brought into the world. Theres no more family bonding time that doesnt involve technology (we grew up without all the technology and we lived a true childhood). Its because of this that we are hearing so much about little kids carrying guns to school. They feel they are entitled now to everything…they cant get the girl they want- shoot, a teacher made them mad- shoot. Parents HAVE to take responsibility and RAISE their kids, not let toys raise them. Not giving kids toys one christmas is not a big deal…millions of kids in the world NEVER get christmas presents bceause they cant afford it. Christmas has turned into “take take take; how many toys did you get this year?” when its really meant to be about giving and helping others, and being thankful for what you do have. And you arent restricting the gifts other famil members are giving your kids so its not like you are depriving them of toys (which still would not be a big deal).
Be strong. You are on your way to raising good kids! Celebrate christmas the way it should be celebrated. Christmas has become a way for companies to make more money and its taking away from the true meaning of what it should be about.
Deborah Sherman
Lisa, I had the same thoughts when my son, Jack, was 4 and whining all the time. So, I came up with an idea different from yours.
I decided we would go to the store, buy a gift for a needy child, wrap it together, then hand-deliver the gift to that child, face-to-face. Maybe my son Jack and that new boy would be friends, maybe not. Maybe Jack would notice how grateful the child was to have at least one gift, ONE gift at Christmastime.
So we did. I told some friends about it and they said, โCan we do it too?โ Why not, I thought. So that very first Christmas in 2010, about 20 of us loaded our cars up with about 200 presents and caravanned down to Coloradoโs poorest neighborhood, which is called Sun Valley, an area in the projects of Denver. That year, we gave gifts to about 60 kids.
OK, now hold on. It got bigger the next year. And bigger. We became an official non-profit, 501(c)3.
Last year, about 500 people across Colorado gave gifts to 1,200 underserved children in the Denver area. This year, (the event is on December 13), we hope to give gifts to about 1,500 children. We now have the event at a recreation center in the heart of Denver. Thousands of kids arrive in the same room at the same time and give gifts. Child to child. Hug to hug. We are now called Santaโs Elves – Kids Giving to Kids. Our mission is to teach our own kids early in life about giving backโhoping to create a ripple effect of generosity that lasts throughout their lifetimes. At the same time, weโre helping other kids in Denver who really, really need some hope.
You know the shoe company, Crocs??? This year, theyโve teamed up with us and are going to give away 1,500 pairs of shoes during the event! The Denver Nuggets have also teamed up with us and have given us tons of sports stuff for the children, and they also give the children free tickets to games!! These kids live in the shadows of the sports arena, but could not have ever stepped inside it, without the Nuggets help. We have companies that are going to give away free WonderDough and batteries and a couple of bands that going to perform for free on December 13. The city of Denver has declared us one of its most impactful charities.
Jack, now 7, is the lead elf and really, really proud. I said to him the other day, โHoney, have you learned anything here? Honestly, have you gotten anything out of Santaโs Elves?โ
He said, โYeah, mom. Iโve learned that someoneโs heart can change someoneโs life.โ
Well, OK, then. Mission accomplished.
Hey, Iโm just a regular mom with a full time job. Itโs crazy, but Iโm now also the CEO of this large charityโthat just keeps getting bigger by the day. Thank goodness Jack was whining.
Happy holidays,
Deborah Sherman
http://www.SantasElvesDenver.org
720.515.5692
Tazzer n Booms
Just BEAUTIFUL! Now That’s what Christmas is About. It’s about the JOY we give to Others that makes it so special. Which makes us special in God’s Heart. t was his Gift to ALL of us that happened 2014 years ago that makes Christmas Special. The day CHRIST was born is our Gift. Merry Christmas to ALL. Remember, God is taking in to account All that you do for one another.
Stephanie Jackson-Liescke
Great story it really got me thinking about what is more in-portent. My Daughter said this year I want my kids to no the true meaning of Christmas. So she asked me not to go all out on them. At first I thought thats not right it is Christmas. But I o nerd her wishes and only got two toys for them. It’s about our heavenly father not what the kids want great learning experiences. She will not be putting nothing under there tree this year. God blessing on your family God bless.
C. McCoy
I have done the same thing MULTIPLE times with my oldest son. We did it for Christmas and his birthday. He had been acting up in school, failed classes, not doing what he was supposed to at home, so we took away that privilege.
People need to remember it is a “tradition” to give gifts and things for birthdays and Christmas. It is a PRIVILEGE and CHOICE to have parties or do things such as that. We recognized his birthday, but did not buy gifts or go anywhere. We allowed him to participate in giving gifts to OTHERS for Christmas, but he did not receive any himself. Not only did it change his attitude when he saw that we were serious, but he began to realize the material things are not a REQUIREMENT… i applaud you for what you are doing… it sends a HUGE message and teaches a valuable lesson in the long run!!!! KUDOS!!!
Nicole
I know you are getting mixed reviews over the decision, any very critical. However, I think you are brave and wonderful for making this decision. I teach (middle school/VERY affluent students) and I am just disgusted how much they have and really have no idea why or how they have it. Yes, their parents work hard, but the kids will never have to. Family values & good morals, that is what it is all about. Rock on Mom and Dad!!!!
Mary
I think it was a very good thing to a great lesson for them to learn. Many parents think it almost wrong to hold children How else will they learn if we don’t teach them
DORIS MORTON
THIS IS A WONDERFUL STORY. YOUR MAKING YOUR CHILDREN MORE HUMBLE, AND SHOWING THEM WHAT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT. MAY THE LORD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU IN EVERY STEP THAT YOU MAKE IN YOUR CHILDRENS LIVES TO MAKE THEM A BETTER PERSON.
JJ
I actually think this is a great idea but I have one tiny quibble. The “12 Days of Christmas” start on Christmas and run the 12 Days AFTER Christmas to the Epiphany. So you may be giving the nativity pieces prior to Chirstmas Day, but your gifts do not mark the 12 Days of Christmas.
An Auntie Okie
Count me as a “Love-the-idea” supporter. The “attention grab” from Yahoo on your story, at first, made me think “Oh no!”. But upon reading the entire story, I’m all for your choice, because of how you are following-up with your kids, and you and your husband are in agreement. Parenthood; the toughest job EVER.
“He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought… doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps… means a little bit more!”
I can only imagine the “troll-spam” you’ve gotten, and I hope my comment wipes out at least one of them. Merry Christmas to you all.
Kara S
Awesome post. What wonderful ideas! I admire you for standing firm in the face of disrespect from your children (truly one of the most painful parts of parenting) and teaching your sons the value of giving. I have been struggling this year with our son being so focused on receiving and feeling like I’m somehow failing my children because we don’t have much money to spend on them this year. My husband just lost his job. I have been looking for ways to give during the holidays from various sources and your post gave me some really good ideas. Thank you!
With you 100%
My children ages 16 and 14 are horrified by the current 2014 holiday commercial from a very large retailer shouting What did you get? I have taught them from a very young age that we were not going to purchase commercially advertised goodies. Caused a bit of a problem when the new car and the commercial matched. Teaching moments for all…Now my children are skeptical of mouthwash increasing their dating proficiency, etc. Best wishes for sticking to it and not making rash decisions. I am hopeful the lessons you learn this year carry on.
Kim Chmiel
So you parents should take them to every Church Christmas event to show them the REAL reason for CHRISTmas! And donate the kids toys to boys that parents cant afford a Christmas for their GOOD children!
Guest
Ignore the self-righteous judgmental people who think they have a right to force their ideas on you. You and your husband obviously love your boys and are raising them with values and a sense of right and wrong. God bless you – and may your family experience the true meaning of Christmas this year!
SA Smith
Don’t listen to the naysayers, Lisa. Do what you feel is best for your family. As a father of 12 in a blended family, I applaud you for making hard choices and trying to teach lessons to your children. One oft-overlooked aspect of parental decisions is the added weight on the parent, be it financial or emotional. This may be your most expensive Christmas yet! LOL Hang in there, and may the Lord bless your family for your faith and diligence.
C. McCoy
I agree with you 100%!!!! She will be blessed because she is teaching and demonstrating DISCIPLINE to her children… not only will they understand the lesson and begin to correct their behaviors, but they will see their parents in a new light — Blessings to you!
Wizz
You should teach them that Christmas was actually a Pagan holiday, and that according to the Bible, there’s no way Jesus was born on December 25th.
tcfolch
I think what you guys are doing is FANTASTIC! if more parents CARED and knew HOW TO DISCIPLINE and TEACH their children our society would be much better off. Instead, we’re having to deal with children that NEVER got taught a lesson and feel entitlement of everything. You are raising good sons and citizens for this country.
Alicia Murphy
maybe you need to read the blog because you are the one that needs the pity
Gram
Based on the media presentation of this story, I came here expecting to read something very outrageous. Instead, I read a story about parents doing their best to teach their children to put others first. I am not sure I agree with no gifts from santa other than candy and an orange, but that is my own bias showing through. over all, i think you are teaching your children some valuable lessons, and i simply don’t understand the furor.
Melissa
I think you are doing the right thing. I wish more parents would give their kids a good dose of humility. There is a reason why it is called “spoiled rotten”. Don’t let anyone tell you how to parent your kids.
Christina
judge not lest you be judged… it must be nice to be perfect. If only, if only.
Ruthie Rocchio
common sense differs from religious affiliation. many folks don’t understand that.
Christina
common sense says you have no right judging unless of course you’re perfect.
Christina
Common sense also says that unless you have been intimately involved in this families life since the beginning of their adventure in parenting you have no logical or realistic way of coming to the conclusion that said parenting has been a total failure from the beginning. Unless you are all knowing… then of course that would require some religious belief in your own personal powers, lol.
Alicia Murphy
You did a fantastic thing and this will be instilled to them a lifetime. I did the same thing 1 year. This year my son is a Senior in HS and has his first job and when we went to the mall he saw Salvation Army Angle Tree he wanted to pick a child and go shopping. We did just that he spent $100 of his money and the fantastic feeling he had was overwhelming as a Mom that it worked what I taught him. I wish you a Merry Christmas and stand strong with you family you are doing the right thing!!!!
Tawny
She’s not advocating that she’s a better parent than anyone. She is sharing what she has chosen to do in her home. If it gets her publicity, that’s the media’s fault not hers. In the age of blogs and internet and 24 hour news things that previously would never have seen the light of day come into our living rooms non stop. Maybe she is partly to blame for her children’s bad behavior we all are, not one of us raised a child who behaved perfectly every moment. She’s trying to undo or correct her mistake. Women who run other women down when they are trying to do their best even if it doesn’t gel with our thoughts are harder on us than need be. She chose to put part of her personal life on public display and she gets nasty grams from other women. That’s what is sad. If you read her blog she is still decorating, she is still having get togethers, she is still cooking traditional dishes and including others, she isn’t preventing the children’s grandparents from giving them gifts either. She isn’t getting out of buying gifts, she’s using that money elsewhere.. She is giving her children a great gift the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. She may not be giving her children presents but presents are just that in the present a gift lasts far longer and comes from the heart and cannot be purchased for any amount.
Christina
Everyone’s a critic. Oh, to be so perfect as to know all the right answers for every other human on the planet. Wait? Is that an entitlement attitude or just an arrogant attitude?
Kellie
It’s upsetting that this mom is getting so much criticism for cancelling Christmas. While I understand she invited public scrutiny, by blogging about her parenting choices, they’re her children. She loves them and understands them better than anyone EVER will. Millions of non-Christian children live happy, healthy, wonderful lives never having a single visit from Santa. What an insular, ignorant viewpoint to find her behaviors “abusive”. You can think her choice was harsh or over-the-top, but everyone should recognize that this mom is AT LEAST trying to be proactive in raising loving, giving, compassionate children. That’s something to be admired.
Jen
I think the true gift you could give your child is letting Santa come after all. It is about the magic, about believing. It’s not about the gifts and what you get. After teaching all these wonderful lessons and seeing them learn so much…show them that their good didn’t go unnoticed. Does it have to be a big blow out Christmas? No. A letter from Santa with a small gift to show how proud he is of them. Let your kids believe.
Big Tasty
Who am I to judge? I am just glad that these kids have parents that actually care how they behave. Maybe if Mike Brown had parents that encouraged him to be a model citizen he would still be alive.
bubba06
i agree, Christmas is way too commercialized. Most kids think they don’t need to act right or take on any responsibility during the year. They need to learn how it is to work for things and just because it’s Christmas they should get everything they want no matter what. The actual meaning of Christmas has been forgotten. Happy Birthday Jesus!!!
Ina Springer
From Dr Suess’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas-
“What if Christmas”, he thought, ddin’t come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!”
Tawny
Lisa, as a grandmother with grandkids your children’s ages, I do have to commend you. I’m not going to get into the silly discussion about semantics and when Christ was born and what the Holidays symbolize, they are celebrated by people of many cultures in many ways all with good intent. From your post you are not advocating one way or another, just what you are doing in your family. If people criticize you and call you names that’s their trouble, you are not responsible for their feelings. I wrote a FB post the other day about the commercialization and the messages dumped on us during the Holidays by “Madison Ave”. Most of my “friends” saw the humor and the seriousness I meant to get across. But of course there’s always one who wants to defend the over consumption and the greed and the dollars spent on junk. I just have to wonder who of us would survive if “things” didn’t exist the same as they do now? Your boys might well remember this Christmas well into their lives, they may choose to keep doing it to some extent every year and maybe they will teach your grand children this lesson in 25-30 years. When I was younger I had an uncle who was single for most of the time my cousins and I were growing up. He didn’t buy us gifts for our birthdays or Christmas he took 8-10 kids between 7-15 to the lake for a week to waterski by himself. We did that for maybe 10 years or so, then we started to grow up and get married it wasn’t as feasible. I don’t remember many of the gifts I got over those years, some but none stand out to me as much as the times my cousins and I had at the lake those summers. Good for you and your husband. I wish you the best and keep us updated about the results and what your boys get in return for their good works.
Guest
Dr Suess got it right in a big way.
Sara Ladd
I would like to say, as a mother myself, BRAVO! I am a step mother so I face a particularly difficult challenge of having VERY different values and discipline than my son’s natural mother. He spends 5 days with her, and 2 days with us…He constantly whines when we go into stores and does not get to have a toy. He does not seem to understand that toys and presents are the results of good behavior, good manners and kindness. His natural mother spoils him beyond belief, and I understand why..he is her only child and she loves him desperately. But it makes it difficult on us because both households do not share the same values. And unfortunately our son is growing up thinking things are owed to him, despite talking back, pouting and throwing things, refusing to do homework and not listening to his father or me. I think it is great that you are teaching your boys that Christmas is not about getting, but giving. This lesson will make them better men, future husbands and fathers. You are in no way depriving your children of a happy life by helping them understand that giving is SO MUCH BETTER than getting. Stay strong in your beliefs and know that there are many mother, myself included, who are behind you <3
kelly
my family with 2 awesome children isnt having christmas either not cause they are bad. but because they get everything they need throughtout the year they dont need a ton of presents. christmas is about god and being with your family NOT presents
Anonymous
I am in awe – this is such a great gift to give your children! I am positive they will learn so much from this experience. I don’t have children, but I still have a vision of the kind of persons I want my future children to be, and giving them values like this… I think you are giving them a far greater gift than you would if you bought more of what they already have. I take my hat off to you, and hope you will stand up and stay strong when dealing with the negative comments you’ve received. You are awesome!
Christina
If she’s just doing this to get “noticed” or “famous” or to show she’s “better” then everyone else – you just fell nicely into her trap, lol! Maybe don’t respond to something when your accusation is that all she is looking for is a response and blog hits. Lol!
mary
I did. Hence my angst over it. I hate myself a little now, yet, here I am. Its kind of like when I click a link about the Kardashians and feel ashamed of myself after for adding to their fame.
Christina
Then don’t. A little self control goes a long way. I guess my point is it seems slightly irrational to add to what you consider to be the problem. Not that I agree that was her intent.
mary
the entire point of putting your business out there on a blog is to promote awareness. and discussion. If you don’t want people to judge, comment, discuss your choices, don’t publicly shame your kids on the internet and fake “cancel christmas” for notoriety.
Christine Budnack
we don’t know if they will get other gifts or not, and as far as shaming your kids, bad behavior needs to be called out or it continues, silence on it means condoning it and seriously your post is rude to Lisa so that’s why I’m calling you out on it!
Name
It’s parents like you who give me hope for the future! Way to go!
Christina
did you even read her post? I’m pretty sure she’s doing all those things you just ranted about. Maybe read first, then respond? Just a thought
mary
agreed
Christine Budnack
I think you are doing a great thing. I personally do not like what Christmas has become. First off the date is not 12/25 Christ was NOT born in the middle of winter, it was fall probably Oct. Parents lie to their kids about the mythical santa as well as what Easter has become with magical bunnies, not even about the real meaning, and also tooth fairy, we tell kids not to talk to strangers yet send them in costumes to strangers doors. It’s all about lying and what suits people. Christmas should be about helping others, teaching how to give, and not all about stomping out like rabid animals on Thanksgiving and Black Friday into stores pushing and shoving to get the best deal and the most stuff. It should be about helping those in need. I have always felt that way. To me YOUR birthday should be the most important holiday of the year, where you can celebrate your birth with gifts, ect. people will disagree with me, say I’m not fun, maybe a grinch but life is so much more than holidays and what presents you get, it’s about caring, doing the right thing, and helping others. I do these all year not just on holidays, if you love ppl you show them that love all the time not just on that one day Christmas where you rush all over to overdo it. I think because you feel your kids have forgotton the giving part this is a good thing, this year they will feel the feeling of joy when they do something nice for someone else in need, really thats what it’s all about.
JennG
Loved reading this!!!! Bless you for doing what you both felt was right for your family and to encourage other families who might just be feeling the same way! You are teaching your children valuable lessons that are sorely lacking nowadays! Congratulations on raising children who have compassion for others. Well done!!!!!
five5toad
Can’t be mad at parents for following through and teaching accountability.
Tiptonits
Dear Lisa, Boy – did you jump in a big keg of explosive attitudes huh?? I commend you Lisa – this is just part of a much bigger picture that actually ends up with the Adam Lanza discussion. And that discussion is raising children. There is NO definite formula that works for each and every child. I personally believe in capital punishment – otherwise known as spanking. I raised 3 – a son that is now 39 and a set of twins that will soon be 34. When they got out of control – they got a spanking. And they remember getting spankings. It was not an everyday routine, but they got them. Your way of canceling Christmas will definitely leave an impression – and only time will tell if it works. One of my biggest regrets is not the spankings that I gave out – but the fact that I did not raise my children in church. They went to church with their grandparents, but by the time I became a Christian – my son was way ahead of me and now raises his own two children in church. It matters Lisa, it matters more what we believe than any punishment we can ever deliver to our children. Raise them in the way of the Lord and you will never go wrong. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Bobcat
“Capital punishment” refers to the death penalty. You’re thinking of “corporal punishment,” you child-beating prick.
Tiptonits
And you are a very rude individual.
swimmeret
I’m in my late 50’s and while growing up I thought my parents were sometimes “mean.” For a long time I have thought they were strict and disciplined where us children were concerned. Stick to your guns, what you know is right, no matter what others tell you.
Ruth Joreski Haines
OK – at first I was like, Cancel Christmas? No, don’t do that – but I see that Mom is actually teaching them the true meaning of Christmas so in a sense, it is not actually getting canceled. All is good.
Shawnne Mcmillion
I agree with you. Christmas is not about all of the gifts, Black Friday chaos and consumerism. I decided several years ago to cut down to maybe one special gift and go on a trip somewhere. My children were not deprived either. They had tons of toys they played with for a few hours or days and then the toys sat in toy boxes. We donated those toys. My children still talk about the trips taken at Christmas time. Others I know don’t give their children a lot of presents at Christmastime because they tell their children it is not their birthday. It is rather a celebration of the birth of Jesus. They do make each child’s birthday a special day. Christmas is about giving..God gave his Son..the wise men gave..I think you are truly teaching your children far more: There are consequences for the choices that we make
Christina
I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for doing what is best for your family, for being a parent who actively knows what’s best for their kids and isn’t afraid to stand by it. You will raise children who will give back to the world and make it a better place then some who know only to take.
Nina
Lisa, I love it. I think by showing your children how to put the focus on giving instead of receiving, you have given them the greatest gift of all. I am so excited for you, your family and the new traditions that are developing in your home this year because of it! Can’t wait to hear the updates as the Christmas Season continues along. It takes a very strong Momma to do what you’re doing. Blessings to you and your husband!
Debbie
I told my
sister the same thing about my grand nieces and nephews, they want for nothing,
and they are good kids but I don’t think they think of other child(ren) that do
know where their next meal is coming from; if they will be visit by a
charitable program bringing them presents. This is why this year, they money I
would have spent, it being donated to program to feed Hungry Children and the
Blue Santa program here in my city. I love these kids but my family was lucky
that we got 2-3 presents every Christmas. Myself and siblings grew up in the
60-70’s when the father was primary breadwinner and mom was a “stay @
home” homemaker. It is not that we did not get the basic’s but now I see
it that we are the responsible party that raised our kids with giving more then
we got, then these kids grew up and now there is a new generation of kids
feeling “entitled”. Got to stop and let these kids knew that we love
them but we are not going to go buying you things when you don’t appreciate
it/or feel entitled.
bettysue
what you are doing is incredible. de-emphasizing receiving is not a bad thing. teaching your children that there are consequences to their actions… both good and bad, is a wonderful lesson to learn. growing up my family never put much emphasis on receiving gifts, the focus was always family. too this day we still don’t put emphasis on gifts. Family, the most important gift. I don’t remember the gifts but I do have great Christmas family memories.
noudles04
I’m applauding. Full on standing in my cube at work – because I’m obviously working hard – applauding. Well done. I think this is AWESOME. Not that you need my reassurance but this is great! We do service projects in my daughters advent calendar because the magic of Christmas isn’t about “gimmie gimmie gimmie”, it’s about sharing the wealth (love, clothing, toys, baked goods, etc.) with others.
Tracy Anderson Shaffer
I just heard a really good sermon about giving at Christmas time. The basis was, how we give to our children will directly influence their understanding of how God gives to us. God does not give to us because we earned it or deserve it, he gives to us out of grace. We most definitely do not deserve God’s gifts and could not earn them. We should give with the same attitude and heart so that our loved ones can better understand how God gives. I think this is a much better perspective than “You were/were not good so Santa is/is not coming.”
Tracy Hartley
More power to you guys! I don’t have kids yet, but I love your philosophy. Christmas should be more about giving than it is about receiving and that message is lost on many kids.
kayla
I think you are doing a great thing. Children need to know what respect is and need to be taught that everything is not just given to them. I praise you for your actions.
MrsWifey
Congratulations to all members of your family for having the wisdom and courage to make this important and necessary correction of course. How lovely that your children have responded as those trained up in the way they should go. Your parenting decision would have been bold and difficult enough even if you’d reserved it as a private, internal matter, BUT…to share this decision as a means of encouraging other parents in the wisdom of making wise, difficult choices that run counter to cultural pressure is exceedingly brave. You did so knowing there’d be heck to pay, and still chose to speak a word in due season. It’s the good fight of faith. Be ye encouraged and fight on, Lisa and John! May the God and Father of our good Lord Jesus Christ bless you, your children -and all who fight the good fight alongside- with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Lots of love to you all. Amen! ๐
Tracey
I think this is great! I really do. My girls and I have been talking about all of these holidays and the fact that most parents do “lie” to their kids telling them that a man in red is coming in their house at night and leaving gifts for the good kids, not the bad. That spiraled into the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. My girls are both teenagers now but thinking back on it, I wish I would have handled these magical issues a little better. Being a good parent is not always easy. http://horsingaroundathome.blogspot.com/
RamFM
I’m taking a journalism class and my research paper is on the effects of the Internet on the industry and the new forum of blogging. Interestingly one of the reasons major news companies shut down an online posting is due to the derogatory spiral of commenters. It doesn’t take much to drag out the loons.
THIS IS AN AWESOME POST. I LOVE this idea. We have 5 and have at times been on the receiving end of Christmas gifts from the church, have had to struggle through and our hearts, have always remained firm in teaching our kids to give, to appreciate, to reciprocate, to care and not expect. However, we found that an air of entitlement grew as we attempted to compensate or give more to them during good financial times. I was angry. We were concerned. So we changed our tradition. Cut back to only a few gifts to each child and the rest we give away to others. The family shops together for the recipient, we wrap, we deliver. The atmosphere surrounding Christmas improved and our children are exhibiting good, loving, caring HUMAN traits.
I’m a little disturbed that anyone would have anything mean or truly derogatory to say about this post because it is CLEAR what your attempts are. Delete their comments – don’t give the morons a floor.
Have a superb day fellow parent.
Anne
Having raised four sons I can empathize with you and what you are trying to teach your children. I never cancelled Christmas presents because I was a tough mom all year so even the hint of no presents put everyone on their best behavior for long periods of time but I have turned the car around from a trip and gone home, I have taken all toys and electronics out of their rooms, and when teenagers I took away driving privileges, etc. Good parenting is hard and sometimes painful but having four adult sons who are productive, honorable human beings is a priceless joy that lasts a lifetime. I am glad you are going beyond just making a donation and getting the children involved in a giving project, even the littlest will “get it”. I applaud you for deciding to do what is right rather than what is easy. Good job! BTW – I have a great relationship with all four sons, no one hates me and even though not all of them are close by, we all keep in touch and get together when we can. ๐
Ratz
Love this, more parents should be doing this !!
Diana T Perry
Good for you. It is a difficult job being a parent and aiming for what is raising a decent human being. The culture has turned people into profit and it disturbs me that Christmas has turned into what it is today. On the news is the constant update to how sales at this time of year become the litmus test of the profits for retailers.
My son is 23 years old and I have been a single parent. I have been put to the test many times myself on this type of behavior. One day as a toddler, he began demanding a particular treat in a grocery store. I had little funds, and needed to purchase certain items.
During his display, I walked the store returning every item to its stock location and then removed him and I from the store. He continued to be upset and I sat there allowing him to express his frustration. I have also sat in a car, while the rest of my family shopped, because he had been acting up in a previous store. People passing by would look as he had a full blown tantrum thinking perhaps he was getting beaten. He was not. He was also not getting what he wanted.
The end result is a caring, patient decent human being, who I have watched grow into someone I am proud of.
Anette Tolstrup
Teaching your kids what christmas is about, best present ever for those kids of yours! Merry christmas to you Lisa and John, and your kids and family. Greetings from Denmark, Anette
bigusdicus
wow some of this sounds like a bunch of 2 year olds arguing..and what parent hasnt cancelled cmas? We all have one time or another.
Sha
Congrats to you and your husband for being brave enough to choose life lessons for your boys over material gratification. They will be better people for it.
parent
Great choice! Its nice to see there is still parents willing to teach rules and boundrys. How refreshing to see someone follow through
Leslie Cragwall Johnstone
I have a 4 month old little girl and my husband and I have started the discussion of what we want Christmas to look like to her. As sad as I am to not do elf on the shelf and Santa, I am so excited to make family traditions focused on Christ and what His birth means to us as Christians. Thank you for writing this article. It has inspired me on what I want to do with my little girl both this Christmas and the ones to come. Thank you for raising kids with giving and loving hearts. The world needs more of those. Thank you for being a light to others, even to the ones that want to diminish it. I hope y’all have the Merriest of Christmases ๐
katy
There are many ideas on pinterest on how to incorporate elf on the shelf into christian christmas. Some are pretty neat opening the bible verse for the day and things like that.
Leslie Cragwall Johnstone
I have not seen those! I have only seen the crazy antic ones ๐ I will definitely look and see if I can incorporate it somehow. Thank you!
Blanka Lednickรก
Lisa, I have to say I admire you and your husband to be brave enough to take this step and cancel – what exactly? I think you didn’t cancel Christmas as they were originally meant. Time to gather with your family, enjoy each other, talk and share. Not gifts, but memories, time and love. Thank you for this post, I’m really grateful I have read it.
Gary
Good day.
I just wanted to say. Before we hit the Christmas season I have my Kids adopt a soilder. Being a vet myself I know the Christmas season is the hardest. So we send fun toys (board games) and cookies and etc. I remeber being in Iraq without family. It was no fun. But I wanted to thank you for your focus on Christ and what this season is about.
God Bless
Gary Schubert II
Troop 82 Committee Chair
Katy
I applaud what you have done! It is EXTREMELY courageous and filled with the spirit to serve others and get back CHRISTmas for what it truly is. Im in the same boat but cutting Christmas back a little at a time. Shared your link if FB.
Susan Burke
Here’s the real problem: Parents set the example and teach children how to behave. I think it’s great that you pulled back the reins on Christmas, however, parents must change their behavior inorder for the kids to grow up into intelligent, generous, kind, giving, caring, loving creatures who are not self-indulgent, selfish and on the take. Today’s society and big business is teaching kids that they have to have everything new and fresh to the market. They are guinea pigs and the targets for the top one percent to gain profit off our middle income backs. Parents must lead the way, setting an example for children to follow. So, parents need to behave better so their children will follow obediently in their footsteps. Read the book by Tsefali. And parents step it up and stop blaming the kids for acting out. If you initiate from birth, and of course, two and three year olds will have their tantrums, but setting boundaries, limitations and loving children unconditionally no matter what they like, or believe in and nurturing their true spirit is what is needed, then Christmas will never have to be taken away. Also put Christ back in Christmas and teach them the true meaning of the season. That is a long lost tradition.
Lorraine
God bless Lisa for setting an example of the “true” meaning of Christmas!!!
Jamie Bourquin
Good for you guys! Sounds like you didn’t cancel Christmas at all, instead you showed them what Christmas is really about. I have to say though, I’m extremely shocked by the amount of negativity towards this post. Especially the ones saying that your kids are being punished for your bad parenting. Clearly they don’t recognize good parenting when they see it. Teaching children about entitlement and the way it can have negative consequences is not an easy task so good job on getting a great lesson through to your kids at such an early age!! Merry Christmas!!
Robbie
Parents of the year! That is all.
Name
Please do not feel bullied into having to explain yourself to critical and materialistic people. There is no greater blessing and joy than charity. You are teaching your children a lesson that will last them a lifetime. You are building their character in Christ. Children who are not in need receiving gifts for Christmas has nothing to do with Christmas whatsoever. Are we really so brainwashed as a culture so as to see your decision as a slap in God’s face. Has this culture turned Santa Claus into a god and has it become blasphemy and sacrilege to focus on the holy and sacred at Christmastime instead of keeping businesses in the black and children overstimulated? Christ came to the meek and lowly, the poor, the marginalized, the outcast, the sick, the leper, the imprisoned. We as Christ’s followers are here to be a light to the world and to follow in His footsteps. We are not here to feather our nests and keep up with the Joneses.
Nimras
Yes congratulation for celebrating a PAGAN holiday please wake up.
Danielle
I agree. The real meaning of Christmas can be taught this way and it will teach them to appreciate what they already have. I don’t think I could ever follow through with this, but I’m glad you did.
Sheeny
I applaud the parents…
https://soundcloud.com/non-marketable-phalangiez/sheenyz-p-h-alangiez-that-ho
Kelsey B.
I don’t yet have a family, but thank you for this representation of how to PARENT, not succumb to your children’s every desire. That would be a tough lesson, and I’m glad it has turned out positively!
Natasha Freeman
Money has been very tight this year and I’ve been praying for the strength to cancel Christmas or limit to only two gifts. You have given me that strength and now I no longer feel guilty. Thank you.
Stephanie
You know I did this a couple years back with my children. I had had enough of their ungratefulness and so we decided instead of them getting gifts we would buy gifts for a local family in need. I had them help me pick them out and then wrap them and take them to the family. It helped with their perspective. So I say good for you!
Lindsay
I cant agree more with these parents! As I sit here and read this article I couldnt help but to look into the adjacent room where my 3 yr old and 10 month old are palying. THE PLAYROOM- chock full of TOYS! This is the norm of American society- we give our children WAY TOO much in my opinion and expect very little in areas that should merit much higher standards (especially in the pre- teen years) This article makes it painfully clear that WE as adults, need to focus on the True meaning of Christmas-CHRIST therefor teaching them to give out of a heart full of love. Only then can we expect our children to do the same.I admire these parents so much for giving up the “STUFF” to teach their children that true love comes from the Joy you feel when you give, there truly is no better feeling! Its that feeling that I believe will make this their BEST Christmas ever! <
Jez
This is a great idea! I was raised an only child and always got everything my heart desired. My parents were pros at surprising me with wonderful gifts at holiday time (we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas). However, if I wanted something throughout the rest of the year, I had to earn it. I was also taught the value of generosity. We always delivered donated item to needy homes, worked for non profits such as food banks, animal shelters, and donated time and money to the United Way. This translated into me growing into a responsible adult and paying for
my own college tuition through graduate school, buying my own home, own
cars, and anything else I needed or wanted. Providing for other less fortunate also stuck with me. Once a month I buy bags of groceries to deliver to the local food bank and yesterday gave a box lunch provided for me to a homeless man outside of my office.
Children are entitled to be fed,clothed, loved, housed, and nurtured. They are not entitled to 10 Playstation games and new tablets annually. I applaud you and your family for embracing the holiday season this way. I hope you continue you all continue your generosity throughout the whole year. Needy people aren’t just needy in December…
Jez
This is a great idea! I was raised an only child and always got everything my heart desired. My parents were pros at surprising me with wonderful gifts at holiday time (we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas). However, if I wanted something throughout the rest of the year, I had to earn it. I was also taught the value of generosity. We always delivered donated item to needy homes, worked for non profits such as food banks, animal shelters, and donated time and money to the United Way. This translated into me growing into a responsible adult and paying for
my own college tuition through graduate school, buying my own home, own
cars, and anything else I needed or wanted. Providing for other less fortunate also stuck with me. Once a month I buy bags of groceries to deliver to the local food bank and yesterday gave a box lunch provided for me to a homeless man outside of my office.
Children are entitled to be fed,clothed, loved, housed, and nurtured. They are not entitled to 10 Playstation games and new tablets annually. I applaud you and your family for embracing the holiday season this way. I hope you continue you all continue your generosity throughout the whole year. Needy people aren’t just needy in December…
Lulu
As a non-parent, I think this is wonderful! I see too many people (adults and children) that walk around thinking of no one but themselves. Personally, I’ve started feeling bad about getting gifts when I don’t need anything. Taking items to animal shelters, soup kitchens, and hospice puts me more in the “Christmas spirit” than getting a bunch of “stuff”. You are giving your children the greatest gift of all by teaching them to appreciate what they have because so many have too little. So I say thank you!!
Wendy
I think this will prove to be one of the most difficult things that you as parents will ever do. However, years will attest that this is one of the best experiences and lessons that you will ever share and teach your children. This seems to be requiring you all to think beyond yourselves and traditions; tapping into a greater part of yourselves. You are not only instilling character in your sons but you are enhancing your character as well. This is called “tough LOVE,” which is not applied to break or destroy, but to mold and build.
As a parent and grandparent, I’ve learned that “too many toys and stuff” can become a burden for both children and adults. Additionally, think of the JOY and PEACE that will fill your home all year long as you are not faced with the challenge of having your patience tested and your children feeling as if they are being treated unfairly when after the umpteenth time of telling them to pick up “MORE” toys, your voice raises an octave and veins are protruding from your forehead and neck.
Happy Holiday and blessings to you and your family. Keep up the good work.
Wendy
I think this will prove to be one of the most difficult things that you as parents will ever do. However, years will attest that this is one of the best experiences and lessons that you will ever share and teach your children. This seems to be requiring you all to think beyond yourselves and traditions; tapping into a greater part of yourselves. You are not only instilling character in your sons but you are enhancing your character as well. This is called “tough LOVE,” which is not applied to break or destroy, but to mold and build.
As a parent and grandparent, I’ve learned that “too many toys and stuff” can become a burden for both children and adults. Additionally, think of the JOY and PEACE that will fill your home all year long as you are not faced with the challenge of having your patience tested and your children feeling as if they are being treated unfairly when after the umpteenth time of telling them to pick up “MORE” toys, your voice raises an octave and veins are protruding from your forehead and neck.
Happy Holiday and blessings to you and your family. Keep up the good work.
Aimee Rush
I praise you and your husband’s decision. My husband and I have three children, one of which is a foster child. He has been exposed to a life of neglect, drugs abuse, and sexual/relationship issues. It has been a challenge to teach him (and all of them) to love, honor and that choices matter. Being a parent has been a humbling experience and the main thing I had to learn is tough love. I don’t want to be the bad guy, and I HATE punishing my children. I don’t want them to be miserable, but if it makes them graduate high school with honors, respect themselves and their significant other and accept responsibility for the actions they take, then so be it. Is having a “real” Christmas, really that bad? It should be this way all the time. How many of us Christians have done something this season in the true spirit of our Lord? May God bless you and your family in your adventure and I find it refreshing that you are strong enough to guide your children the way you see fit and not with what society tells you.
Breeree
I am so glad I read this, I said the same thing to my husband weeks ago and he suggested this year will be about us giving back because our kids seem ungrateful for all the things we have done for them. They have so much and seem so upset if you ask them to clean, wash a dish, take out the garbage. So this year we will join your family in showing our little ones what Christmas is all about. So don’t you worry one bit about the naysayers. Just watch and see what a wonderful tradition you will instill in your children’s hearts and future. You are an awesome mom!!
Gretchen Morrison
Thank you wonderful job. You should be praised for caring for your kids so much that you are doing something that will change their character and lives forever. Good for you for truly caring for your family the way God has shown. God Bless you as the Christmas season begins.
Kat Flynn
You are the worst parent ever, to do that to your children. I hope you realize that they will hold this against you for YEARS.
Jez
I’m pretty sure this woman might be a worse parent:http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/n-mom-starved-13-year-old-son-weighed-21-pounds-death-authorities-article-1.1734716
Jennifer Kreft
Your execution on this sounds awesome! I’m considering it myself. If I choose to do this, however, I will not be tying it to my kids’ behavior. As a culture we are in dire need of scaling back–and I bet you and your husband acted more out of a realization of this than anything. Why do the boys have to feel as if they’re being singled out and punished for something lots of people do? Like, the whole country. Or maybe that’s not how it started, and it just came across that way in the TV interviews? The interview I saw definitely framed it as a punishment. Anyway, good luck with it and Merry Christmas!
Sarah
Oops, *you’re taking responsible action” Maybe I should look before I post haha.
Camille Boccio-Martinez
My husband and I are not rich,not by any stretch of the imagination, but we were able to give our children all that they needed and some of which they wanted. They are all grown now and we are very proud of the adults they all are. One year when we asked the usual what was wanted from Santa they surprised us by saying “nothing” We decided to take them-all under the age of 15 by the way- to the local womans shelter and adopt a family and give them a Christmas. What an amazing day, and our children learned the value of giving back. What you are doing is not wrong, you are actually giving your children a lifetime gift. How sad that the holidays are now measured in dollars spent. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sarah
This is a wonderful idea and I applaud you for it. Here’s the rest of us scratching our heads trying to figure out what to do about this spoiled and entitled generation of kids, and you did something that will make these boys hopefully break out of that attitude. It seems to be working, based on the joy they are getting from sending clothes oversees and sneaking each other little gifts. And please don’t take these nitpickity snippy comments to heart. There’s obviously a lot of bored, uneducated, and ENTITLED parents out there themselves who feel the need to tear you and your children down. Your taking responsible towards your boys growing into giving and grateful young men, and I think that’s wonderful.
Renea
We are on the same page as you are: we have seen the same repeated behavior of disrespect and entitlement, so we said the they will only get one present from Santa and one present from Mom and Dad. Their focus is misplaced and if we don’t shift it back then who will?! Thanks for publicily taking a stand…..you are not alone!! Merry Christmas!!
Joyce
Lisa – love your story. I wouldn’t be surprised if in years to come you do a version of this year’s Christmas. I know a family that began giving their children only one present each on Christmas – the gratitude and joy was amazing! Bless you and your family and Merry Christmas!!
Sarah
Did you even bother to read the post? “It is not an apprporiate time to change your kids behaviors” BS. The kids are clearly having a blast re learning the meaning of Christmas.They are enjoying sending clothes and Halloween candy away to people who are less fortunate. This is something that they will always remember.
Daniel
Total respect. I think it’s good to change things up. And that Lisa’s family is doing this is great. It shows a family value that sees the big picture, on a lot of issues. It’s refreahing and bold. Merry Christmas
Darla Hartman
2 years ago I got tired of hearing my kids talk about SANTA no mention of Jesus or God so I told them all the truth. My kids were 3, 6,7,and 11. I have never regretted telling them. Christmas has been so much more special to us. I got and still get a lot of criticism about that from family and friends but, it works for us and my kids know the true meaning of Christmas and appreciate the stuff we get them knowing that their parents worked hard for them to have it. I think what you did is amazing. It will be the best Christmas for them. Maybe in the years to come the present that you gave them this year will become an awesome tradition for them!
Tara
Thank you for this. I noticed a lot of the comments, where people had experienced a cancelled Christmas, so to speak, cherished that Christmas particularly. The way you both are focusing on the positive giving aspect, not just coming down on the kids for their disrespectful behavior is a fantastic way to grow them.
Rita McClain
you are doing the right thing, don’t let others tell you different. It’s about time this world goes back to what the meaning of Christmas really is, Sorry to say santa was not the real reason why we celebrate Christmas in the first place, he was added to it. I am on your side with this, may you and your family have a Blessed Christmas and a Blessed New Year. PS people read on she has said they will be getting presents from grandparents, they are don’t going with out anything just from dad and mom.
Mastiff
My two cents: Since I only have one girl and not three boys, things are a little easier for me ๐ However, we do struggle as well with entitlement and the constant “need” for more toys, and this is a difficult topic to address. My one constructive criticism of this decision (which started out as a BIG punishment, even though it is ending happily), is that I think it is much better to more quickly and effectively nip disrespectful behavior in the bud at the time so you never have to give “big” punishments. I am sure that is hard with three boys, and for sure I can’t say I would have done any better. However, it would have been a better parenting move to react more strongly and precisely in the moments when the boys were showing disrespect in the months leading up to this and then separately make the decision that for your family, you would rather focus on the giving … so in the end, you still could have taught the boys this lesson and enjoyed the things you are doing, but it wouldn’t have been started as a huge punishment that was made after months of frustration with behavior you had not effectively stopped. The fact that all three were acting up tells me that this was a parenting problem vs. a child-specific problem … this also tells me that while you may be enjoying this one outcome, you could take a closer look at your overall parenting style to prevent other related problems in the future.
Mastiff
My two cents: Since I only have one girl and not three boys, things are a little easier for me ๐ However, we do struggle as well with entitlement and the constant “need” for more toys, and this is a difficult topic to address. My one constructive criticism of this decision (which started out as a BIG punishment, even though it is ending happily), is that I think it is much better to more quickly and effectively nip disrespectful behavior in the bud at the time so you never have to give “big” punishments. I am sure that is hard with three boys, and for sure I can’t say I would have done any better. However, it would have been a better parenting move to react more strongly and precisely in the moments when the boys were showing disrespect in the months leading up to this and then separately make the decision that for your family, you would rather focus on the giving … so in the end, you still could have taught the boys this lesson and enjoyed the things you are doing, but it wouldn’t have been started as a huge punishment that was made after months of frustration with behavior you had not effectively stopped. The fact that all three were acting up tells me that this was a parenting problem vs. a child-specific problem … this also tells me that while you may be enjoying this one outcome, you could take a closer look at your overall parenting style to prevent other related problems in the future.
tunretni
The Christmas after hurricane Katrina, we decided as a family to spend the Christmas budget on Katrina victims.
No one suffered.
Anne
Having raised four sons I can empathize with you and what you are trying to teach your children. I never cancelled Christmas presents because I was a tough mom all year so even the hint of no presents put everyone on their best behavior for long periods of time but I have turned the car around from a trip and gone home, I have taken all toys and electronics out of their rooms, and when teenagers I took away driving privileges, etc. Good parenting is hard and sometimes painful but having four adult sons who are productive, honorable human beings is a priceless joy that lasts a lifetime. I am glad you are going beyond just making a donation and getting the children involved in a giving project, even the littlest will “get it”. I applaud you for deciding to do what is right rather than what is easy. Good job! BTW – I have a great relationship with all four sons, no one hates me and even though not all of them are close by, we all keep in touch and get together when we can. ๐
Hannah
In regards to your first point, there’s a short paragraph toward the end that you might have missed:
“There is a good possibility that Santa will be writing them a letter of
how proud of them he is and perhaps put a few pieces of hard candy and
an orange in their stockings. We have Santa Stationary that is free for download.”
It appears you two are on the same page with that one. ๐
Ana
I actually did disagree with you until I took the time to read your side of the story. What I heard on the news made me jump to the conclusion that you were a mean mom shaming her kids but reading your post I realize how hard you worked to teach your kids values and how carefully you’ve preserved traditions while teaching compassion. You are a good mom – thanks for braving the storm to give the best gift to your children possible. You gave them compassion.
Rose
Good for you – It is always good to mean what you say and say what you mean! You may actually make a huge difference in not only your kid’s lives but the lives of all the others that your projects will help!
Kim Murdough
Well done.
susie
This is awesome! Don’t let the negative nellies and the tearing your family apart get you down or discouraged! You have to do what is best for your family and not worry about what others think. It is great that they are so excited about what you have done already and will do. I am anxious to see what this will inspire for the rest of the year with your family……….what a blessing this will bring about to others!
susie
This is awesome! Don’t let the negative nellies and the tearing your family apart get you down or discouraged! You have to do what is best for your family and not worry about what others think. It is great that they are so excited about what you have done already and will do. I am anxious to see what this will inspire for the rest of the year with your family……….what a blessing this will bring about to others!
Steve
FYI – We’re not raising our kid to know about Santa. Our Christmas Tree is our “family” tree, celebrating the lifes of family members and remembering those that have past. Each year, our kid will have to choose 1 toy to donate before we put any gifts under the tree. We’re limiting our kid to 3 gifts at Christmas – Clothes, Books and a toy.
Steve
FYI – We’re not raising our kid to know about Santa. Our Christmas Tree is our “family” tree, celebrating the lifes of family members and remembering those that have past. Each year, our kid will have to choose 1 toy to donate before we put any gifts under the tree. We’re limiting our kid to 3 gifts at Christmas – Clothes, Books and a toy.
Sugar
I had to cancel Xmas for my kids one year. This is not a new concept. We live in a materialistic, consumer driven world. These days the kids even have channels geared towards them where companies feed like jackals with commercials geared toward them. In a world where there is a new Ipad or android phone every few months that everybody MUST have, kids no longer get to learn the value of a dollar, or a well made product for that matter.
When we raise them to think that is not only the norm, but the acceptable norm we are doing a dis service to them. When we expect them to suddenly at 18 or 25 to get that it is no longer our jobs as parents to fill their every need, or desire, and they must do it themselves when we have done nothing to teach them how to do so, we also do our selves and society a dis service.
I see nothing wrong with these parents actions. They are commendable. Not only are they teaching all of that I have said above, but they are teaching the kids how to “do unto others”, and showing them people that don’t/can’t have all that they take for granted.
LM
You did the right thing. Too many parents are coddling their kids. No respect for parents or authority. This crap of you cant talk to my kids that way…They need to bring paddling back to the schools. When I was growing up if a neighbor spoke with you they would then go to your parents and tell them what you did and you knew you were in trouble. Today stupid parents want to get mad at the teachers and neighbors.
Mom of 5
Well done on taking a hard stance with the kids and keeping it. Sometimes the most impactful thing gives them more than it takes away. They would lose the truck, or break the Transformer, but they will never forget these lessons of giving and selflessness that have the ability to change their outlook on the world. Legos are cool but I’m pretty sure they can’t teach kindness, thoughtfulness and being thankful as effectively. My family has done something very similar this year, and we are as equally glad for the almost immediate, positive change it has caused in our kids. Thanks for growing kinder people!
dansken
Punishing the kids for your failure as parents to bring them up right. Way to teach the kids a lesson. When you grow old one day, you may depend on them the way they depend on you now, and then I hope they remember the lesson learned this year.
Hannah
Wow – How can someone be so filled with hatred? The kids are hardly punished as they seem to be enjoying what they are doing. I hope they remember this lesson too – that Christmas is a time for giving, not just receiving.
dansken
If you read the article, it clearly states that this is happening as a consequence of the kids’ bad behaviour, ergo it is punishment. Bad behaviour from small kids can’t really be blamed on anyone but the parents themselves.
dansken
If you read the article, it clearly states that this is happening as a consequence of the kids’ bad behaviour, ergo it is punishment. Bad behaviour from small kids can’t really be blamed on anyone but the parents themselves.
Lee
Lisa I see you clarified our decision. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. What you did you did for your children. Too many parents threaten to take things away and never do. That teaches them their parents have no follow through. I did the same thing when my oldest was 12 years old my kids were not scarred for live and did not require psychological therapy and they did learn from it. Good for you and your husband your sons will thank you and understand completely as they get older. Both of you are a great example of terrific loving parents!
Paul Kammen
I’ll be the contrarian and just wanted to chime in. I think it sounds like a good idea on the surface, and has a lot going for it, but I’d recommend some revisions and other things to think about.
On the one hand, I do think it is a good idea to teach kids about the real meaning of Christmas. What a great thing to downsize, to give to charity, to help others in need. To make sure people know it’s not just about me. I don’t have a family of my own, just my golden retriever; I’m a Catholic priest.
However, a couple of things that I respectfully disagree with, or maybe just need more clarification on:
1) Not sure if the kids know about Santa or not, but rather than give a message that “you’ve been bad” (even if that’s not the intent) why not get something small, even one gift, that is from “Saint Nick” under the tree with a note saying “you learned the true meaning of Christmas, way to go!” I don’t know the whole story, just what I read on here, but we’ve all been taught if you are bad, you get nothing, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to think “I’m a bad person” by getting nothing. I’d feel miserable. Maybe at least a “note” from the big guy saying what a great job you’ve done and affirming that they are a good person.
2) I disagree with parent blogs as a whole, unless everyone in the family is on board. I think they violate privacy. Kids are people too. Blogs are good about sports, religion, weather, but I think sometimes some parents (and not saying this is you – I only found out about the blog through a Fox News post) just start typing, and fail to realize that their children are people who now have to deal with others knowing about what goes on in their home, or what they did, or even worse, “Billy had his first crush today, maybe it’s puppy love” when really, it is no one’s business at all other than mom and dads. If parents blog anonymously and don’t name kids, that’s one thing, or change their names that’s another, but whatever happened to privacy? My hope is that you talked with your kids about the blog and what you posted. Some parents don’t, which is why I avoid reading parent blogs as they get me too upset. I’m guessing in 10 years when a child has their own blog, they wouldn’t want “mom and dad got into it, dad forgot to grab the coupon and also forgot the 12 pack of Coke, and then made a comment about grandma.” It’s not fair to the person not doing the typing. The problem I think is evident. People have now seen this story, and are coming to several conclusions: 1) They see “cancel” and jump to the conclusion about the story that Scrooge is alive and well, that some boys are suffering because their parents are just mean or don’t want to buy anything (I wouldn’t be shocked if random gifts show up); 2) They read into your kids thinking they know everything there is about them and make a snap judgment or 3) They think this is great and then post comments of affirmation. Again, if everyone in the family is fine with blogging, that’s just well and fine. But kids have to deal with other kids too, and we know how that can be – “heard you were mean” “heard your parents are mean, sorry bro” But I’m guessing some parents out there never ask, and it’s unfair to kids. I’d urge people to keep things private; talk it over as a family, with a parenting group, with a church group, with your friends over lunch. But not with 1.4 million other people. As a priest, I deal with gossip all the time about me in the parish; some like me, others don’t, others read into things – I’m a public person even though I’m very much an introvert. That’s a challenge. But being an introvert especially, if my mom blogged about me (thankfully no Internet in the 80s) I’d be upset, and I know she would not want me writing about her so I don’t do that on social media.
3) I’m guessing you are doing this for yourselves too, though that’s not in the blog, but certainly it would be pretty cruel for there to be gifts for mom and dad under the tree on Christmas morning. Hopefully you do the gift exchange in private if you are buying for one another.
You sound like a very caring person, and I wish you and your family the best.
Regards,
Fr. Paul
JS
I was out watching football the other day at a local bar and there was a young women there, of course of drinking age, maybe 23, 24? Anyways she was there with her father and after every commercial it was, daddy get me that, daddy you should buy me that, daddy I need another drink. We were all ready to strangle her, the sense of entitlement was just awful!!! I believe after this your children will never speak that way.
Clarine Jones
Lisa….I commend you and your husband..!! You are teaching your children more than just about Christmas… do you realize you’re teaching them that you are not rewarding bad behavior…The word says…Obedience to God, parents & authority is what should be Rewarded.. somewhere society has changed that…we bribe children into doing what’s right..we should teach them that doing what is Right feels so much better than the fit their throwing.. Keep up the good job…!! It’s important!!!
Jillian Tyre
I only wish I had the heart to do the same. This year, Christmas has been ruined for me not only by the fact that I don’t have (my own) money to buy presents for my two boys but also because my 6 year old has gone insane … he literally has asked for every electronic, every toy, every thing known to man, and when he speaks, it’s “I’m getting this” or “when I get this” for Christmas. Granted, we do not have baking traditions or volunteer, I truly wish there was no Christmas in my house this year. I feel the meaning has been trashed not only by stores that push stuff in two seasons ahead of schedule, but by the constant pressure of ads, sales, etc. that place so much demand on things rather than people and what the holidays truly are about. I applaud you, because both my boys have not really “earned” their Christmas, either. My younger is showing signs of worse behavior every day, and my older does not have good grades, doesn’t put effort in, doesn’t take responsibility etc. Their toy room was destroyed 3 times over, and I told them either clean it and get rid of the toys you don’t play with, or their will be no tree put up and no presents. My younger put a few toys in a bag and called it a day. Guess who cleaned it? Me, as always. I sill haven’t put up the tree, and I have decided since my older is already grounded from video games for his grades, I will not place any further financial burden on myself to get the video games he wants for Christmas, as much as it pains me, because he only had 3 items on his list this year. I find everything else you are doing with your kids of so much more value than some of us can dream. You and your family are what true Christmas spirit means … happy holidays to you and yours!
Hannah
Perhaps you should do the same thing mentioned in the article. I think it would particularly help your 6-year-old before he gets older and possibly worse. I understand that shipping things to the other side of the world is pricey, but you could have them make things for each other, or have them pick out a few favorite items of clothing to give to the local goodwill and explain how there is another little boy out there that would LOVE to wear it but simply can’t afford it. Not to mention if you truly can’t afford presents then the boys will be heartbroken (or most likely very angry) when Christmas morning comes and there’s nothing/very little under the tree. Instead of, “Sorry you didn’t get all those toys you wanted but I just couldn’t afford it” it could be, “how great do you feel helping/giving to others?”
Nicole Millyard
Love this post. Christmas and well, just living day to day needs to go back quite a few years. Anyone who is ripping you apart, is probably an entitled person too. Any sane person can read this and say good for you, thats the way things SHOULD and used to be. The world we live in now is becoming more about gimme gimme, cell phones, tablets, social media, less quality family or couple time, less time OUTSIDE instead of video games and tv that do not encourage creativity at all. Also, watching a lot of parents in the supermarket with a child having a temper tantrum where they either ignore the child or give in to their demands or “shuts them up” with candy! Good on you Lisa and thank you so much for sharing.
Anne
Having raised four sons I can empathize with you and what you are trying to teach your children. I never cancelled Christmas presents because I was a tough mom all year so even the hint of no presents put everyone on their best behavior for long periods of time but I have turned the car around from a trip and gone home, I have taken all toys and electronics out of their rooms, and when teenagers I took away driving privileges, etc. Good parenting is hard and sometimes painful but having four adult sons who are productive, honorable human beings is a priceless joy that lasts a lifetime. I am glad you are going beyond just making a donation and getting the children involved in a giving project, even the littlest will “get it”. I applaud you for deciding to do what is right rather than what is easy. Good job! BTW – I have a great relationship with all four sons, no one hates me and even though not all of them are close by, we all keep in touch and get together when we can. ๐
Debt Free Divas
I get it. I do. I wonder if this is something you’ll continue? I like the idea – anyway – of building in a focus on getting rather than just adding to the overload of stuff kids already have. Our kids are super small now so I thank you for the thoughtful ideas. Sorry people behind screens can be so mean spirited. Decorum just goes out the window online. We can disagree without being disagreeable. While your kids focus on giving, hopefully you can focus on the positive. Great post!
Searle Stuppel
Just wanted to say you have made a tough, but good decision. Teaching kids the real values of giving, respect, and thankfulness is one of the best things you can do as a parent. While I don’t have kids myself, I do work for a charity founded on basically the exact same principles (www.burritoboyz.org). We are always happy to see more parents becoming aware that christmas is not just a buying fest, but rather a way to show the joys of giving.
CeCe Caldwell Benningfield
THANK YOU for being bold in teaching your children what is a blessing concerning Christmas. We made a big decision one year to just cut down to 3 presents and their stocking. No arguments came from the kids. They love their 3 gift limit. They are much more thoughtful about what they ask for. They know their price limit. We have 5 kids so we have to be very tight. But this is a better idea!!! You have hit on the entitlement issue so accurately. GOOD job!
K.
YOU GO GIRL… YOU HAVE NOT DESTROYED CHRISTMAS FOR YOUR CHILDREN, BUT YOU ARE GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY. IT WILL BE A VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS AND YOU DEFINITELY ARE A GREAT MOM. DO NOT MIND THESE NONESENSE PEOPLE WHO ARE INSULTING YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL IDEA YOU HAVE. YOUR CHILDREN WILL REMEMBER THIS FOR YEARS TO COME. I MYSELF LOVE THE FEELING OF GIVING INSTEAD OF GETTING. MARY CHIRSTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Springp
I just want to say that I respect what you’re doing. You’re teaching your kids that there is far more pleasure in giving than in receiving gifts and thoughtfulness. I reflected a few days ago on how I wish my parents had cracked down on me as a kid – I was extremely ungrateful and would throw a tantrum if something wasn’t the EXACT item I wanted. I’m embarrassed to even think of my behavior, but there were no consequences.
People always want to judge. If this is working for your family, forget everyone else.
Ashley
I praise you for taking a stand and putting things into perspective for them. Those will be great boys as adults! Great job as parents! Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Kellie L. Karaky
THING ONE – As parents, you guys rock!
THING TWO – These negative comments, the name calling … I’m really surprised. From people who claim to be christians or spiritual people. I am sorry you are getting a lot of negative feedback.
The holidays are about family and friends. They are not about the iPhone 6. This is a great lesson and maybe a new family tradition.
hauntedmcmansion
Thinking about others is a very good lesson here.
Abigail
What an amazing story. We should have more parents stand up and be an example to their children like this. God bless you!
JB
Lisa, I am in awe of your and John’s decision and I feel sad for you that you have had to endure such vicious criticism from many. I can’t put into words the joy I felt reading this blog entry. You are giving your boys the most beautiful gift this Christmas and hopefully inspiring many to reconsider the crazy consumerist mentality that embodies the holidays. God bless you and your beautiful family – may your Christmas be filled with the hope, peace and joy that Jesus, our Lord and Saviour brings.
Esben Kvantuen
Congratulations on the correct move. One thing though, Christmas has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus, as many seem to believe, but winter solstice. I myself have not celebrated Christmas for 25 years, beginning in 1990 by stopping giving presents.
Blair
Well done, mom and dad. Your children will thank you and respect you for teaching them a valuable life lesson. I am my child’s parent, not their bank and whipping boy…….
Sojourner Grace
The whole idea of Santa and the naughty and nice is a ridiculous way to set up children with low income parents for disappointment…and their parents for stress. The GOOD kids across the street from me get a room full of presents and they are monstrous entitled brats who expect their parents to buy buy buy for them every single time they go to the store, any store. What a stupid holiday tradition.
Ana
I agree! I never believed in santa and I don’t plan to use santa on my kids either. I never felt like I missed out on anything, although busy bodies notified me as an adult that, in fact, I had, when I casually mentioned my no santa thoughts. My grandparents didn’t do santa either. Also no santa means no elf on a shelf, thank goodness!
ME
Well, the naughty and nice message has been going on since I were a kid, and in every Christmas show ever made… it is what it is..
Stephanie Ann Halchishick
You are an inspiration. If more parents thought like you, we would have less greedy snotty kids in this world. Presents are a privilege, they aren’t mandatory, that’s not even what Christmas was supposed to be about, so all you nay sayers, you just forgot what its about. Love, caring, sharing, and THE BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST. Not going out and spending hundreds on people no matter how they were that year. Those people have ruined what Christmas is about. Plus, old st nick made a friggen list for a reason. Get with the program man!
but anywho. I love this idea and the fact that you posted it, you re a strong loving mother to do so, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise, your kids will be thankful when they are older. :]
mommaT
When my son was 9 he took $20 to school and was suppose to buy gifts from the school Christmas shop he instead spent the while $20. On a truck for himself, then he came home told me he needed $20 more to buy gifts for everyone, I asked him why was there something special he was wanting to get somebody he said nope and told me what he had done, I explained to him why this was not what he should’ve done, that this was a time to think of others and he should’ve bought the family gifts, and now he wouldn’t have gifts for his sister, grandmother,dad or me , but if he’d rather have the truck than to give everyone else a gift, then that was is decision but he couldn’t have anymore money to buy gifts if he was keeping the truck for himself but that I thought he was being selfish and that he’d have to explain why he didn’t have a gift for them, or I’d give him $20 to buy the gifts for the family if he donated the truck to the firehouse that were collecting for kids that’s family were unable to buy gifts, but it was his decision. Well he gave the truck up and bought the family gifts and on Christmas day when we handed gifts out he explained to everyone what he done and he didn’t mean to be selfish but he that he’s was glad that I let him give it to some little boy who wasn’t getting a present. Everybody told him they were proud he’d made a decision to help the other kids.And every year after that he would ask me to get toys for him to give to the toy drive so other kids got presents whose families couldn’t afford to get them a present. It made him think about others before he thought of himself. There’s different was to teach that but every situation is different its not how its taught but as a parent it’s suppose to be our job to teach our kids that kind of lessons however we can, some parents forget that. Its easier to give in and not put in the extra effort it takes sometimes, and then we wonder why kids are selfish and expect us to do everything for them, and usually not always but alot of the time its because, we took easy way, instead of doing what should be done ti help them understand how good it can feel to help others and do for their self’s.
Carisa
I think this is incredible and brave! Good for you for trying to help your kids focus on the true reason for the season!
Tiffany
I think you are doing a great thing! The true meaning of Christmas is GIVING not receiving. Today, so many of us are wrapped up in the parties and the gifts that we forget to take time and remember the important things: Christ, family, friends and love. I admire you for taking a stand and if I ever have children one day, I hope I can instill in them the same values and lessons your kids are learning now. This will be a Christmas to remember!
Sojourner Grace
We never had a lot growing up, but My favorite Christmas was the year we had absolutely no money (and we were all old enough to know that) and my mother bought clearance fleece and made us all our own robes as a gift. That was all we got but I was mature enough to understand the work my mom put into those robes. It is the most detailed memory I have concerning the holiday.
Nicole
I applaud you for this. My girls are still young 3 years and 17 months however I can see your situation and know this from my experience as a child. The true meaning of celebrating the birth of our Savior is lost and this is a way not to punish but to demonstrate and celebrate the season of giving (if you are not a religious person you can at least appreciate the lesson in parenting). We live in an entitled society which has become sad to me, children are learning it and its scary. I can also say there are more toys than our playroom can hold – they need NOTHING for christmas gifts. Good for you!
cle mom
absolutely LOVE this idea. the most important thing about christmas is the feeling of bringing happiness and love to others. the presents really hinder that in some respects when people make the holiday all about the gifts.
Martin
Dear Lisa.
I wish there were more parrents like you!
Regards From Denmark
Ina Springer
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. As you have come to find out, there will always be critics. Parenting to raise children with a strong core of values, compassion and a sesnse of the world beyond themselves. These can not be bought and wonderful gifts not only for the kids, but to the society in which we live. You must have touched a very sensitive nerve amongst the negative critics and haters.
That is their problem, not yours. fwiw- kudos!
dave
good idea. if I would have cancled Christmas my son wouldn’t have turned out an spoiled adult. kids today don’t care about anybody but themselves..
Peggy Durell
ture
Sojourner Grace
This is a very interesting perspective. We are majorly into privacy in my home, nothing my children do is shared with anyone but family or those that need to know.
Sojourner Grace
I am taking this as satire…and as satire, it is hilarious.
edsbabygirl
to a certain point its not a bad idea see i take stuff away from my kids instead of smacking them thats all u need take there tv away toys so forth and it teaches them that u have to earn ur stuff back not just i want want want cause what do u do when u get an adult u have to work for to get the stuff u want righ? well that is what we are teaching our kids. They are on a schedule for almost everything cause they need that also when they get older now my son is 13 and now im teaching him that when u work u have to do ur job the right way and keep going if not ur going to get fired so im teaching him how to clean the kitchen the right way. So we are not doing this to be mean we are doing this for a life lesson. same with this family y give ur kids presents when they are ungreatful? i wouldnt either but everybody has there own parenting thing there is no perfect person in this world
Donna
I think you did a wonderful thing for them. Good job, Mom & Dad!! This is something they’ll always remember as well as how it feels to help others.
Janie Gausmann
So proud of the stand you are taking. I wish more parents would do the same.
Nikki
Just saw you and your family on Good Morning America. Good for you!!! I wish I would have thought of that…and followed through. This is a great idea to show your kiddos about giving and not always getting. You know what is right for your family so don’t listen to the negative nellies! Happy Holidays!! <3
Ouiser
You GO Girl!!
InstantJustice
I saw your story on TV this morning & thought what a wonderful message for your kids. It SHOULD be about giving & being with family! 100 years ago, we didn’t have all this mass production. My grandparents received 1 handmade (usually) gift, & they all got stockings with an orange OR REAL COALโฆ & they were HAPPY!
I, myself, have thought about doing this with my child. She has been SO bratty around Christmas (& her b-day is right after); she’s becoming more entitled with every year! 3/4 of the toys (she ASKS FOR) get played with ONCE, then never touched again. My husband lost his job 2 years ago & a charity helped us with gifts & gently used clothes. They BOUGHT her, NEW a toy she was “dying” to have, to never touch it minus the 15 minutes after she opened it. My husband said, ‘this year make a list’. I looked through this LONG ‘REGISTRY’ & said, ‘I’m not doing it’! The teacher, below who said it’s cute at 4-5, but when it’s in their 20s, it’s NOT. My brother used to give me a list (as my mom said ‘as long as your arm), then married someone who issued lists. I said (at 32), ‘screw you guys’, I don’t DO lists’. I said I’d get people what I wanted to give (& I’m known for finding rare, cool items). Nonetheless, I’ve gotten into fights over giving gifts TO them.
They have credit problems, he stole from my parents’ probate & I have no desire to see him. Greed & entitlement (he sold our family pics at the estate sale), started with giving in to, (as ma’ would say ‘you know your brother’s always had a greedy side’. I said, ‘You know, you’ve created a monster’…), filling ‘THE LIST’.
My kid needs shoes & clothes, & I’ll contribute to a wildlife charity for BIG cats for her. But, as for what I would like: FUN FAMILY MEMORIES.
Emschen
I’m a mom with two boys, 4 & 6 yrs, and I just want to say that cancelling christmas is a great idea since you actually isn’t cancelling it but showing your kids what it’s all about. Caring for those who have less, caring for somebodyelse and doing so for the joy.
I love your idea and we are on our way to doing the same. We will not spend alot of Money on christmas gifts to our kids this year. We will however spend time and Money on having great moments whit friends and family. We will celebrate the greatest gift of all, life.
I wish you a Merry christmas and mat the joy and love fill your hearts and home.
As we say in Sweden God Jul!
Warm hugs from another blogger emschen.se
Just Me
I think what you both are doing as parents is amazing and awesome! You ARE giving your children some wonderful gift this year, in fact some of most important and lifelong gifts they will ever receive! The gift of empathy, compassion and giving to those less fortunate. Bless you and your lovely family!!
Ina Springer
For the love of Pete, these children will not be traumatized by what you call punishment. It is discipline, which means to teach. Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and Jesus is LOVE. Love is not defined by the baubles wrapped in pretty paper, ribbons and bows. Your perspective has little to no value as you have no personal connection to the family to be able to bear witness and I suspect you are not an expert in the field of child development.
I am willing to bet that these kids will not be manipulated slaves to 5th avenue admen and their slick pitches to buy, buy, buy.
Nimras
Actually no its not about Christ he was born in the year 6 AC in around March or Maj.
It has never been about Christ I mean this was celebrated before Christ and Christianity you really think that Christianity then had any other choice but to make something esactly here to make it easier to convert people to their faith.
So they moved Christ birth 6 years back and placed it in December.
Ina Springer
We celebrate the birth of Christ on 12/25, let’s break it down- Christ + Mass. So yeah, it IS about Christ. Whether or not he was born on that day is NOT THE POINT.
You do know that Christopher Columbus did not discover America, an Italian, Amerigo Vespucci did. The glory is given to the former, named after the latter, but the POINT is, we celebrate the discovery.
Thea
Actually, the word discipline comes from disciple, which means ‘to teach’, not ‘to punish’. Punishment turns children towards themselves, and -in turn- makes them more selfish. I did study children’s psychology and child development in college, and these are basic snippets of knowledge. Children learn by modeling, NOT by being told what to do. Children that have the most tantrums and behavioral attitudes, lack parental attachment. ‘Punishment’, which in the true sense of the meaning of the word means ‘behavior extinction through negative reinforcement’. Its how you train dogs, not treat people. You can tell a child 100 times to ‘act grateful’, or even try to take things away to make them act more grateful, it might change their outward behavior, but not their hearts. In fact, they will probably lay awake all night on Christmas eve, feeling the pang of hurt, they will start to doubt their parent’s love, because they will not understand that through harsh punishment, the parents are trying to change their behavior. Why? Because they are right, it is much easier to parent like this, from the outside, with external measures, taking things away, shaming the kids and bullying them into the behavior they are expecting, forcefully expect them to take a huge leap in behavior. But it is much harder to take the time to guide them, so that over time, they will develop a true change of heart, while never having to have doubted their parental love. To the parents: Please, read Alfie Kohn’s ‘unconditional parenting’, it outlines the effects that conditional parenting can have on children years from now.
bluepearl
i love what you are doing. you all have my support. just wondering, have you tried a little ” whooping” to help this along? i know it helped me growing up? anyway, Merry CHRISTMAS, need more parents like you!!
Sherry
I think what you have done is so remarkable.. Your children have experienced something so valuable for their life. I applaud you.
Liselott
Your blog came up in my facebooknewsfeed. I love it! You are giving your kids a lifelong memory. This is something I would love to try for next year. To remind my two sons of the imortance of giving and sharing wich acually is what christmas is all about, not the kid who got the most expencive gift. I think you will have a wonderful holliday together!
//Love from Sweden
EveryDayParent
I think your “cancel Christmas” solution was a knee jerk reaction to an on-going problem in your home-Children do not wake up one day with a sense of entitlement and disrespectful behavior-it is learned behavior. Respect for others and a giving attitude should have been taught since day one. Your children are being punished for your shortcomings that became their shortcomings. Children learn what they live…everyday… not just around the holidays. Good luck with your “holiday parenting” strategy.
kudopower
Dear Lisa, I just heard about your Christmas cancellation on GMA. Because I am not in your shoes, I can’t give an opinion either way on whether I agree or disagree, but I will say that you bring up a valid perspective when it comes to parenting kids. SO many times as parents we threaten consequences and never follow through. As a result, kids don’t learn about consequences for poor behavior. I invite you and other parents to check out Kudopower for Kids. It’s a very simple behavior modification program that helps kids make the connection being doing good and being in control or being empowered. It also helps parents be more consistent disciplinarians and provides opportunities for parents and kids to reconnect after challenging situations. Kids definitely need boundaries to thrive–it gives them a feeling of security–they learn that they CAN depend and trust you when you stick to those boundaries and follow through. And I would also say that even though you have “cancelled” Christmas, I actually think you’ve done the opposite. No, there won’t be toys under the Christmas tree, but the true meaning of Christmas isn’t about toys. It’s about family and caring about others. It’s that hopeful, peaceful feeling. I wish you and your family all the best this holiday. Peace and love, Laurie Bailey http://www.kudopower.com
kathie
I must say that I agree with you…….our kids these days are given wayyyyyyyyyyy to much. Thank you Lisa for sharing this…….takes a special person to stand up and walk the other way in a crowd……what a blessing you are to your family………I wanted to reply to a few of the comments but decided not to…….my kids could also benefit from “less” of what they think they are entitled to and more “giving” to others!! Thank you once again
Kathie
Nights Wiggles
I just want to say as a single parent who isn’t able to give my 3 little ones a Christmas this year that its nice to see someone following through when kids aren’t behaving. My kids are great but due to circumstances they won’t have Christmas this year. I’m glad you have been able to teach your kids that misbehaving has consequences. Good luck to you Lisa and your whole family.
InstantJustice
Remember, making fun family memories (or having your own ‘party’), singing, games, talent showโฆ CREATE a tradition – it’s free!
Nights Wiggles
Its hard to do anything when we don’t have a home of our own. Thank you for your suggestions
Ina Springer
Christmas is about showing love…and the thrust behind Christmas is to be loving towards others as a rule, all year long. Our greatest gifts are qualitative and enduring, not objects that lose their appeal, relativity or functionality in a short time. Don’t fret too much about it or beat yourself up over it. Start a new tradition..let them help, make paper chains and bake cookies. Do you know where the homeless gather in your town? Make 5 gallons of hot chocolate, take the kids and pass out cups of warmth and love to those who would appreciate a kind act, in the cold, on a holiday. It may not be much, but giving those folks a feeling of valued and cared about will stay with them.
Nights Wiggles
I do know where the homeless are because we are staying at the local shelter right now. Unfortunately there’s no place for me to do anything like that with them.
Ina Springer
Understand…my suggestion was simply meant to be an idea to tweak . I wish you the best…lest you think I say that lightly or insincerely, I was a homeless veteran for a few years until January of this year. Keep the faith, don’t lose hope. Perversely, the experience was in a sense, a blessing. That will ring inconceivable to many. You can practice kindness to those you meet…sometimes an open ear, a hug or smile can be the gift somebody needs that you can give. How about organizing some fellow shelter mates to do Christmas caroling as free, doable means to celebrate, and may, for a short time help lift your spirits….or________________? May God keep and protect you.
Nights Wiggles
I will have to look into that. Our shelter is only a nighttime shelter we leave at 6am and come back at 8 pm
smgd
Good for you! I’m constantly discussing this with my son. He has so many “things” and constantly talks about what he “needs” (skateboard, iPad, etc.) and I hear myself sounding exactly like my parents when I was a kid, trying to explain that there are kids who literally have no food, no bed, no place to sleep, no home.
Like you said on GMA this morning, SO many of us make threats we never keep. And, lately, I’ve been trying to follow through on mine. And my son takes me much more seriously. So I say good for you!
dcteacher
Everyone complains about how ungrateful, and lacking in discipline kids are today. Well they didn’t get that way by themselves. Not just this author’s but just parents in general. If they pretty much get many things from the time they are young, why would they think it is going to be any other way when they get older.
allison
This is awesome! Good for you!!!
Melanie Blunk
Kudos to you and your husband for wanting to teach your children in a positive manner. I hope that you are able to ignore the snide and crass comments and that you have an awesome holiday with your family!
Guillermo
Maybe another reason to cancel is because Christmas may need to be reevaluated. It has morphed into a holiday were people put up a green tree with some lights and balls hanging and don’t even know why they do it or where this thing comes from and then go shopping for hours, spending money they don’t have and feeding big department stores their hard earned money, to give gifts to other people who probably already have enough to begin with. Then they celebrate an old fat guy in a red suit who is a fictional character that supposedly lives in the north poleโฆ.and when you ask them why they do this, they will tell you ..what do you mean ? it is the birth of Jesus ! โฆ.what ????? what does anything of this has to do with Jesus?? IN fact, it is not even the birth of Jesus, we don’t know the exact day of the birth of jesus . This was an aleatory day picked by early Christians and in fact , it is one of the worse possible days , because they picked the festival of the saturnalia, the day of the Sun , so it is even a pagan celebration to begin with that was celebrated in this day. So any way you look at it , it has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus or religion. What this lady has done is probably the best thing I have seen someone do in this occasion. At least is something useful and an act of sharing. But then of course you have a lot of “good ‘ol Christians” tearing her apart because she does not respect tradition so much for love thy neighbour ….religion, religion, sometimes I think you do more harm than good to humanity.
Mom of 2 sons
I
think what they should be focus on is raising their kids in Christ and
stop lying to them about a Santa that don’t exist. Then as they mature
as Paul states in the Word as I became a man I put away childish
things. What is wrong with you people ! Kids are Kids which mean they
will will be selfish and it is up to you the parents to train them.
The only purpose for Santa is to bring toys …. isn’t that what you
tell them..wow
Kate
I think what you’re doing is a wonderful idea! My kids were horrible, My oldest is six and had the worst attitude on everything. Her birthday was in early November, and we had gotten her a few gifts. She complained that there weren’t enough, and when she did open them she was rude and ungrateful. She straight said, “I don’t like this, can you take it back and get me something I do like?” That was terrible! I told her that if her attitude didn’t change, there wont be a Christmas this year, and I’ll tell Santa not to come here. She got upset, but you know what, that has helped her. She is not longer rude like that, she actually helps more around the house. She’s been getting her old toys together, and even picked out some toys from the store to give to other children. No parent should ever be afraid to take a stand with their children! Christmas isn’t supposed to be about the gifts, it should be about giving to others. Spending time with you family, and sharing rather than just thinking about yourself. Way to go, and I’m proud that you have made a change!
Per Jรธrgensen
Christmas is a mather off being together and nothing else. Well done.
Merry Chrismas or in danish GLรDELIG JUL. ๐
Per from Denmark.
Lena
I love your story! I believe you teach your kids a wonderful lesson that they will remember and cherish forever <3
Rebecca Hearn
I agree totally with a comment the friend of mine who shared your post said, ‘You’re not cancelling Christmas – you’re making it what it’s supposed to be.’
Mike Montgomery
Disgusting. If you really think you are teaching your kids a lesson, try buying them presents that you know they don’t want. When my youngest was being – pardon my french – a shit head, I bought him tube socks and a very large toaster. I put the toaster inside of a box for a Nintendo Wii I borrowed from a guy at work. When he opened it, I yelled “looks like your dreams are TOAST”. When he didn’t laugh, I made him sleep in the car.
Ina Springer
“looks like your dreams are TOAST.” — THAT was entirely mean spirited. Nice lesson
Made him sleep in the car? Utterly inappropriate and unacceptable. THAT is what child services gets called on. Disgusting.
Ricca Jade
Thank you for trying to raise your boys to be better humans on this earth. I know that it is a hard road to walk as a mother wanting the best for your children but also wanting them to be the best people they can be. I believe your message is one that we can all learn from. Kuddos to your endeavor. May your efforts be fruitful and your babies sweet lives be blessed because of it.
Jessica Stilwell
Ignore the haters on you and your kids. I also blogged about a creative parenting lesson when I felt my kids were acting entitled and not living up to family roles and expectations. It went viral, I appeared on multiple media outlets and every hater came out to make a comment on my parenting and worse, said terrible things about my children!!! It was hard to read!! My advice, ignore the trolls. Do not read anything negative!! Do not even google your name!! Focus on the positive comments!! While I am not sure if I could do this, you know your family best and more often than not, it takes a little hands on creative parenting to bring the bigger lessons home:) To me it sounds like you are not “taking away” for being “bad”, but in the bigger picture truly giving them the best gift of all!! You go momma!! I’ve been where you are…if you need to chat about what you are going through…email me:) xoxo Mom on Strike:)
Nadia Stimpel
I just posted this on my fb wall, so that is why it is written like this and not directed at you (Don’t hate me because I’m being lazy) lol
Grandma Marcy
Thank you for sharing your Christmas story. In today’s world of Black Friday, Cyber Monday and all the stuff that goes with it, you are a breath of fresh air. Your Christmas giving is giving your children the most important gift they will ever receive – their parents commitment to their moral character. A family commitment to the spirit of giving at Christmas will build self esteem in your children like nothing else can. Godspeed on your journey.
KrisNic3
What you’re doing is so brave and beautiful. It’s so sad to me that people think they need to add their negative opinions about how your family has decided to spend Christmas this year! It makes perfect sense to me and I find it inspiring! Thanks for sharing!!!x
J.p. Lehman
This just gives me heartburn. Both of my children are grown, they were very disrespectful to me growing up as I am their step dad. I never once thought they didn’t deserve Christmas presents, and if I had I would have at least gave them something rather than nothing. You have the nerve to post this, and all the ‘great things’ they accomplished, but we are to believe they were just ‘disrespectful’? I think the both of you….the parents should reevaluate how you see your priorities in life.
What could they have done that was so bad that it was okay to GO HUNT FOR CANDY on one of the most pagan nights of the year, to no deserve presents from their parents on Christmas? Would Jesus have denied them the spirit of receiving on Christmas? Perhaps you should have limited how much or what they received instead of this! KIDS DO NOT SPOIL THEMSELVES. KIDS DO NOT LEARN DISRESPECT on their own! As parents, you failed. Pick up the pieces before it’s too late. Limit what they CAN receive, donate the rest. Don’t rob them of the one time a year they are allowed to be children, because every child deserves Christmas.
jules
The “spirit of receiving” should be the official euphemism for the attitude of entitlement. Thanks for the laugh! Commercialism is not the spirit of Christmas.
Sojourner Grace
While I don’t completely disagree, I take issue with the idea that Christmas is “the one time of year they are allowed to be children.” That’s an odd thing to say, don’t you think? As if being a child is solely some kind of metaphysical state…? Or childhood is summed up in the getting of things. My children play and laugh and get fed and loved and taken care of. Their main priorities are finding out what Twilight Sparkle will do with her new wings, playing in the snow, going to grandmas where the rules about sugar are more relaxed and how many pranks from Diary of a Wimpy Kid can be recreated before getting in trouble. They worry about getting caught in a lie about why their homework isn’t done or not being able to find that teeny tiny plastic elephant my daughter MUST sleep with every afternoon (seriously, it is like the size of my thumb nail) You really are not giving childhood enough credit if you think it is epitomized in a couple hours one morning of the year.
Thea
Commercialism isn’t, but gift giving is. This is exactly the parent’s fault, adult think. Most children have no clue about the value of money, and they won’t, until they grow up and become adults of their own. They simply see the act of gift giving behind the gift. This is what the above commentor meant with being ‘children’, children are being held up to such a high standard, having them giving up gifts for the sake of other’s? Forcing altruism on them by taking away their gifts? Children do not see gift giving tied to money, or commercialism, that is all in the eye of the beholder. Children are all too frequently pulled into the ‘adult’ world like this, by making them worry about money, budget and other things. Children are overscheduled, overworked at school, and rarely have free time to play anymore. I find this a very unimaginary and harsh response. Why not limit their gifts to two, one from the parents and one from the other siblings? Send them out to ‘spy’ on each other, to find out what their interests are and what they think they would love the most. Then help them get that for each other. There are many fun, and age appropriate ways to deal with this, they are still KIDS, that is what the commentor meant. No need for harsh punishment, just some love and guidance and GOOD examples.
Regina Sober
I applaud you for doing this. I would definitely do this for my kids if they continued to misbehave. We used to do the elf shelf deal. I stopped when they just kept telling it what each other was doing and leaving lists of things they wanted. Totally not where I wanted my kids to be coming from.
I wrote a post about doing kindness elves. So now we do kind things for people. Giving instead of receiving is a much better lesson!
Charlotte
“Happy Meal” kids have a tremendous time learning appreciation and gratitude for what they are given, when they are handed “prizes” for whatever they do, from being nice in the car on the drive home, to picking up their toys. Overall, most kids learned this sense of entitlement. Good for you for cancelling Christmas. I’d also encourage you to unplug your kids from the electronic gadgetry that provides instant entertainment so that they don’t learn to play on their own. My kids are 17 and 21. We have never owned a game system of any kind or a portable DVD or car DVD player. The only tv’s were in the living room and our bedroom. They received cell phones at 14 or 15 years old. The “library” in the hallway is always jam packed with literature and records of all genres. While we both have always worked, we never gave the kids a reason to go hide in their (or another) room to be entertained by electronics. They are well adjusted, well read kids who still don’t have a game system or tv in their bedroom, and one is on par to graduate early from college. She, by choice, does not put a tv in her bedroom, although there are two in the living areas of her apartment. We’ve chosen, as a family, a beneficiary each year to help however we can. It’s been a battered women’s shelter, a children’s home, and this year, a juvenile detention facility. Christmas is about serving others, not what’s under the tree folks.
Thomas Eckrich
Hi Lisa, I came here from FB. I support your decision. My parents did something similar in 1966 and I grew so much from that. Peace to you and your family.
Kristin
Just wanted to show some support! I think it’s great that you are reanalyzing how you approach Christmas. The majority of negativity seems to come from the word “cancel”. I see you’re still doing family traditions, giving to others, and they are getting presents from other family members just not “mom and dad”. Most importantly you’re taking the focus off of just presents. Do what’s best for you and yours. I know it’s hard to ignore the people who are hateful but just try to tell yourself that every parent parents differently.
Have a Merry Christmas this year!
Anon
I’m terrified to raise children in the next generation for fear that I (like a lot of parents my age) won’t be strong enough to say no, or to prevent them from becoming selfish and entitled. Also, my family did away with Christmas presents when I became a teenager, not out of behavior problems, but because the whole tradition felt tired and insincere. Christmas has gotten a lot more family-oriented and memorable since then, in my opinion.
Dennis
Cool idea. By the way, you can even make a new holiday for people who live in your city: and edit calendar holidays of the year. You can even come up with a scenario: something like Christmas, only giving gifts from the family of “A” to the family, “B” and vice versa. But before that you need to know what to this family (really). So you will know your environment (nature of the people) in the city is much better and people become kinder around you. So, this is an additional income for business (sale of toys). And the name of the feast called the name of the man who came up to give gifts to children who need them.
Tonya
I just canceled St NIcholas Day for my kids (we celebrate it on Dec 6 – they open stockings). A friend sent me your article. It is making me think I may need to cancel even more. ๐ The only Christmas I remember vividly from my childhood is the Christmas we “gave our Christmas away”. We chose other people to give money to instead of having gifts purchased in our home. It was great! So good job to you for standing up and doing what is right!
JadeKitten85
I never get to buy for my kids throughout the year. My autistic daughter is the hardest to buy for. So Christmas and birthday I get them what I can. this year we may have to borrow money from my bfs dad to get 2 or 3 gifts a piece. I have 3 girls. I can see people who can afford to give their kids a lot and so those kids are spoiled and doing this but for us poor our kids will get when we are able to do it. I celebrate Christmas as a family thing, nothing to do with Christ bc Christ wasn’t born in December. Christmas is a holiday invented around winter solstice to make it easier for pagans being forced to convert to Christianity. Most Christian holidays are based on pagan beliefs for this reason. Though if I can I want to have my 9 yr old and myself volunteer at a homeless shelter or something bc she was spoiled when younger by my family while I was in the navy and she is still favored over my others by some family members. She can be very ungrateful and I need a way to open her eyes
Karen Potter Morrison Gross
I think more parents should take this stand instead of buying everything that the kid wants……Use money to help other people out and still be able to share presents with you and your kids Your kids will not ever regret having to give up Christmas This is an awesome thing you are doing as Parents
Cait
About 20 years ago when I was around 10 my Mom set up this amazing treasure hunt for us to find our baskets on Easter Sunday. Looking back my Mom must have spent hours making out all the clues and setting them out. We didn’t have a lot o money buy she always went all out on Easter baskets. They were huge and filled with all kinds of little trinkets and fun stuff. While my sister was following her clues to her basket she found my basket! I was irate and threw the tantrum of a life time! I could have won an Emmy! We’ll needless to say my Mother cancelled Easter FOREVER. For the last 20 years we have gone to Mass and had a special dinner, but not a single Easter basket or even present has ever been given again. I’m 30 years old now and pregnant with my first child. I have a good job, own my own home and my Mom is my best friend. I can only hope to be half the mother she is.
Cole
I completely commend and applaud you on this decision. We cancelled “Commercialized Christmas” years ago. My kids are all the more better off for it. They’ve grown into young adults that understand, Christmas is not about getting (although they do still request new socks and underwear… and I think that’s great.) Kudos to you.
Lucy
Only Wish more people were like you.
Danielle
I think this is a great idea in principle, but there was too little information given at the beginning of the post for me to feel comfortable saying whether or not it was really necessary. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know your kids, and you didn’t share enough about their “entitlement” to let me see exactly what they did to warrant this. And I understand: you want to protect their reputations, and that’s admirable. But it left me with too little information to really form an opinion. But I will be honest: the lack of examples of “entitled” behavior did leave me wondering if you might have overreacted.
Kathy
A Christmas I remember the most was when my dad wasn’t working. There was no money. My brother and I tramped a half mile into the woods through snow up past our knees to cut down a Charlie Brown tree. On Christmas Eve the neighbors came with boxes of food, presents, and candy. I was so overwhelmed with those feelings that year. I made it my mission to do the same for others so they would feel the same feelings as I did that Christmas. I love getting gifts for a family in need and getting the gifts to their home secretly. Sometimes I don’t find out about a family in need until Dec 23rd and boy do we (family and friends who donate) scramble to get gifts and items to the family and we love every minute of it. PS my brother who went with me to get that tree died last month and the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree means even more to me now. He will have a wonderful Christmas in Heaven this year. Merry Christmas!
Sojourner Grace
Is he serious??
LoveChristmas
I’ll chip in some money as well!!! Where do I send it????
Sojourner Grace
Send it to me ๐ Need my paypal???? LOL
Sojourner Grace
Ha! Kids can be like mini sociopaths. It’s easy to blame the parenting when you have entitled or bratty children (and really that is so true a lot of the time) but how do you get such polar opposite siblings then? Two women I know (sisters) one is a stable married mom, loves her family, very responsible. Other is a drug addict who has repeatedly stolen from her family and lost her children to the system. Same parents, same home, different women.
Sojourner Grace
Right on, Sister! We are not quite canceling Christmas, but we are minimizing it. My kids birthdays fall close to the holidays (12/22 and 1/5) and I am always panicking in my desire to get them everything they could want. I don’t know where this idea that they need more, more, more comes from, since it doesn’t really come from them. They are fairly content and appreciative of all that they have. We are getting them each one gift for the bday, one for Christmas Eve and one for Christmas day. They will be flooded with presents from family no matter what I do, and in a year I will again be loading boxes to take to the Salvation Army. Forget what anyone says if they are assuming what you are doing will harm your kids. I have found that the same ones who threaten to cancel Christmas (surprising how many times I have personally witnessed that threat being used) are the ones who spend hundreds and thousands on gifts every year. Didn’t your mamas teach you not to make idle threats? My kids know that if I say I am going to do something, I am honor (and pride) bound to do that thing for the sake of consistency. Merry Christmas!!!
Miss Lori
I applaud you Lisa! So many parents today are full of hot air! They threaten, “If you do that again, I will _______” – fill in the blank. The child does it again and the parents do nothing!! The kids continue to get away with negative behaviors. Those parents are not doing their kids any favors! You are raising children that will be respectful, have generous hearts, joyful hearts and are thankful. What beauty there is in those things!!!!
Sarah Howard Carey
I am inspired!!!!!…. later for the haters!!…..
Emmie G
I totally agree and support your decision. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Even specialists. It’s your right to raise your kids how you want. I think it’s a great idea and I plan to do the same things with my kids. I hate what society has turned Christmas into, especially around Santa Clause!
William
Good for you and your Husband! Teach a child when they are young and they wont be trouble makers in the future. Christmas is about the Birth of Christ! NOT material things!
Julie Lucio
Awesome! I think this is a wonderful idea. My husband and I have no problem taking things away from our daughter when she is being disrespectful. Not everyone will agree, but who cares. After all they are YOUR kids. They are not going to die from not getting Christmas gifts. They wont be scared for life or anything either. In fact, this will make them grow to be kind, compassionate and giving adults. Way to go!
Elaine
I was, at first, what the heck?, read the article and fell head over heels in love with your parenting. I applaud you both for teaching your children the true meaning of Christmas. I think if people would teach their children the magic of giving we would all live happier. Can you imagine? Kudos to you both, great job~
Stephani W.
The negative and demeaning comments you are receiving are likely just people being convicted by the Holy Spirit for needing more selflessness in their own lives (and them not wanting to hear it/admit it). As a fellow family who also gets labeled the “mean parents” (and who also have 3 boys!), I want to say HOORAY FOR YOU! in raising Kingdom-centered children the best way you know how. Methods vary, but if at the end of the day you’re raising good boys, then you’ve done something right. God bless you!
Becky
I think this was excellent – kudos to you and your husband, AND your kids! An even BETTER Christmas for all ๐
YOURDOING IT WRONG
Maybe if you didnt spoil your kids all year, they would appreciate the holidays more. As a child Christmas was the one time of year we were spoiled. We always did some sort of Charity every year.
LoveChristmas
This is awesome, thank you for this post!!!!!
LoveChristmas
Sounds like bad parenting throughout the WHOLE entire year to get to the point where your kids are “entitled”.
Guess there’s no magic and wonder in your home. So sad.
Marcie Pomeroy
Good ideas. We currently do a combo of both…lots of giving, but some receiving too. If we hit the entitlement phase, this is a solution. Blessings to you.
Thegirlwhopaintedtrees
I wanted to thank you for doing this. We are getting lots of entitlement issues here, as well as disrespectful words and tones from our kids, and I told them today that I would cancel Christmas (in the same sense as you talk about in your article (because this has been ongoing for many months). Your article made me feel less crazy for wanting to cancel our Christmas gift giving.
Tina
Truly wonderful! Those are the lessons that they will carry into adulthood! Thank you so much for sharing!
Lindadm
Lisa, That is a great thing to do. The children will realize the true meaning of Christmas. We give our children too much in today’s society, we need to get back to the simple things in life. It is better to give than to receive. There are many families who cannot afford Christmas presents and what you are doing is bringing joy to others, especially inviting people who have no one and/or no where to go, to spend dinner with your family. My family and my sisters’ families also do that. Good for you and your family, I’m sure you’ll have a very Merry Christmas. P.S. I like the 12 days of giving a piece of a Nativity set idea.
Sara
Kudos to you and your family! I applaud what you’ve done! Christmas is the season of giving and you guys have done that fantastically! MORE families should stop feeling entitled to receive gifts and start sharing the fortunes we enjoy every day… not the $$$ we have, but the love and comfort we share with our kids and loved ones… we should spread that love and comfort to all we can. If more people did our world would be a better place. We kind and thoughtful ones should join together and create a movement within our own communities for this very purpose.
Kat Mora
Lisa, what you are doing is truly amazing. You sound like a great mother, and your story is incredible.
Rmiller
I am thankful that there are parents out there that are able to realize when things are getting out of hands with their children and are willing to take a stand. Too many parents today, including myself, have that mentality of “I want to give my child everything I didn’t have”. Which is okay..to a point. But this thought process often ends up with children who are spoiled and do not realize the real meaning of Christmas. You are still celebrating the birth of Jesus and maybe even more so by giving back to others which is what Christ’s birth and life was all about. I am proud of you for doing what you have done and hope that I too can commit to do the same.
Code
I think this truly depends on the family values and situation they are in on whether this was an overreaction or not. Our generation has grown to be a very entitled one as everything is seemingly easy to obtain. It’s based on the hard work of others. The problem I see here is that it seems over the top no matter how you look at it. The christian christmas has nothing to do with giving presents like we do (Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas). The holiday has evolved into a period where everyone can celebrate this time of the year by giving gifts to each other. The unfortunate side effect is that expectations for christmas gifts get more and more ridiculous. Instead of wanting a skateboard it’s now an Xbox One for $500. To kids, money doesn’t mean much, but to parents… now they see a greedy child. That’s where I think people think this was an overreaction.
Charlotte McClaughry
I congratulate you and your husband as well as your boys for giving to those in need. Christmas is about Jesus Christ Our Savior not Santa Clause and presents. I hope that the people you are donating to this year appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity. God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones thru out the years.
Paulette Albert Zisette
I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing! Less is More! It is wonderful to teach kids these days, the value of giving and how we need more of that in today’s world than ever before! I sat in a waiting room the other day, and every single person had a smartphone and no one was talking to each other. I was alone, and watched all these people sitting on their phones and not interacting with one another. It tells the kind of world we live in, but all it takes to change the world, is one person at a time! We all can help another, to teach each other to give and express the joy that comes FROM giving! God Bless you and thank you for being a great example to the world!
LauriK
Bravo to you, Lisa. Our family is trying to do with less as well – for our kids, and for the planet. Our kids are not hurting for material things, and at their birthday parties, instead of gifts, kids bring pet toys to the Humane Society, or contributions to help a charitable organization. Of course they still get birthday gifts from family, but we felt our kids would be better served by having a smaller number of special things that they would appreciate more. For Christmas, we’ve tried to ask grandparents for “experiences” rather than gifts. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with your family.
Kelly
I haven’t read all of the comments here, but a friend posted this on facebook and asked what people thought about it. Many though that it was “mean.” Mean would be withholding food or proper clothing or making your child stand out in the cold rain because they misbehaved. I applaud you for taking a stand and wanting to teach your children that there are consequences to their actions, something that is greatly lacking in our society today. As a Christian, I am thankful for the grace that Christ has shown me even when I make mistakes. Whenever I have had to discipline my children, especially if it was by taking something away, I have always made sure that I showed them that even though they had to suffer the consequences of their actions, there was still room for grace. They might not have gotten to to go the amusement park because they misbehaved, but we went out for an ice-cream and talked about actions and consequences and grace, just as an example. If I decided not to give my children gifts at Christmas, I’d probably still give them something very small on Christmas morning to show them that grace…and then head on out to the soup kitchen with them to serve others who were in need.
Spidersnsnailsnpuppydogtails
Good for you. As a mom with boys who have been displaying similar undesirable behaviors during Christmas I applaud you for trying to nip it in the bud. We are trying to grow responsible citizens and adults, not create perfect childhood memories as seen on T.V.
kcard82
Wow, I am really inspired by this. I am thinking about taking back a few gifts I got for my kids this year! I always feel like I need to give them an abundance of STUFF every year but they just tear through the presents in a matter of minutes! I think next year we may implement your ideas full throttle. Thanks again for writing this. Not sure why you’re getting so much negativity.
Anna Pohlgeers Stenken
Good for you! I may consider doing this with my kids…not because of disrespectful behavior, but because we are ready to remember what Christmas is truly about.
kcard82
I agree with you. My boys are very good kids. They’re respectful, and well liked by so many at their school and our church. But the materialism of Christmas is really crushing its true meaning.
hello2u
Heaven forbid one stinkin’ day out of the year your dreams could come true-just one! You have 364 other days to give which we do!
Suzanne
This will be the Christmas your children never forget – in a good way. The memories will be sweet. You may have started a new family tradition. Kuddos to you and your husband!
Julie
I love your story and is a great reminder to us all about giving and helping others
John's Mommy
I am so glad you took a stand for your children! They will be much better for it later in life; obviously it’s already working! There are so many people that are entitled as adults for things they have not earned or don’t deserve. Although my son is only 18 months I have started traditions of giving early on. His 1st birthday was not about presents but rather celebrating him with family and friends and collecting toys and necessities for children and mothers at the shelters in town.
Kara Frances
I never believed in Santa. We just didn’t “do” Santa, it was the “Spirit” of the holidays. So, maybe that had something to do with it. Each year I’d write out a list of presents and the “surprise” was what I’d get on the list-I NEVER got the whole list. NO WAY! NO HOW! Also, the rule in the house was that only one person opened a present a time, none of this setting on the presents like wild animals and ripping them apart. One person handed out the gifts, and you were expected to patiently wait as that person opened their present and “oooh” and “ahhhh”. We saw everyone’s gifts from the big special ones to socks and underwear. We watched the excitement and wonder stream over everyone’s face (even the “big” kids!). Just these small acts of not getting “everything” you want and having to wait your turn, make sure you were ready with the excited face (b/c yes, sometimes you didn’t like your gift from g’ma but dang it you better look like you did!), etc. Made us less “entitled” and a little more aware of the others. I think what you’re doing is fantastic.
Christine Costantini Gazzillo
I am so sick of the word amazing – they just sound pretty normal to me. Part of the problem is that you keep telling them they are amazing.
Kara Frances
Mom is suppose to tell them they are amazing. It’s the rest of the world who is suppose to tell them they’re normal. Somewhere along the line we switched it to a weird standard where the world is suppose to tell kids they’re amazing and parents tell them they’re normal (b/c some kids weren’t told it at home), which is counter-intuitive to my mind.
Glenn
I applaud you Lisa for teaching your children the true meaning of Christmas. I’m sure this will have a very positive impact on your children and benefit the recipients of your charities. God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Delia Biagioni Catapano
You seem to have it together, my question is as others how bad were your kids??? I can see what your doing as a positive thing BUT…every kid loves to know Santa is coming if you believe. You are right & I think its a beautiful thing what your doing and giving to others, If their grades are good, and they have been doing what you say a few presents Christmas morning would be a great thing as well . Waking up Christmas morning to no presents under the tree is disheartening to any kid. Maybe surprise them with a few since they have been so good, They should be able to enjoy as well. You seem like a mom that has it all together I can’t imagine how bad they were? No kid is perfect you have to be flexible and yes we live in a very entitled world I agree..cut back don’t buy as many maybe 2 or 3 gifts each but to wake up with zero they would really have to be bad kids. And that I don’t really see with what I have read. Hope it all works out. Merry Christmas
Tracy Francis
I just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!!! You are making a lasting impact on your kids and their hearts for others. You hit the nail on the head with the comment about parents not wanting their kids to think they’re mean. Way to do something difficult that is in the best interest of your children! Ignore the negative comments and focus on what the Lord has called you to do!!
Noob Hunter
“Your are”? LOL… I think you’re either looking for “you are” or “you’re”. Keep it classy, moron.
GumTreeGirl
You keep doing what you think is best for your kiddos. You are their mama and Heavenly Father inspires you to know what they need. Way to go!
julie
I feel like Christmas is starting to become like Keeping up with the Jones’ in reverse (at least in the Christian community). Every year my newsfeed is full of posts like this and while this post is fine, the comments are reflective of this prideful attitude that everyone should observe Christmas the same way–namely the way that person feels convicted to do it.
Let’s remember what the Bible actually says about holy days, which is that we should not judge one another in our observance of them (Colossians). Plus, there is no biblical command to celebrate Christmas at all so none of us can tell anyone else with any kind of authority that they are doing it wrong.
Before we all start pontificating about greed and entitlement (which can exist in the human heart regardless of consumerism–I have lived in two really poor countries and still saw it)โฆlet’s make sure that we as believers aren’t turning into a bunch of judgmental Scrooges. God is not pleased that you only got your kids three gifts or gave to Toys for Tots if you are prideful about it in your heart.
*And before someone inevitably asks me if I read the post or accuses me of talking about the author, this is not about her. Just a general observance I’ve had in recent years that was highlighted in various comments.
Eileen Green
Jesus received 3 gifts. My children know Santa only brings 3 gifts and the months leading up to Christmas they start earning points toward each gift based on good and bad behavior. I love your strength and determination to teach your children about what is most important in life. Our Savior did so much for us and teaching our children that he should be the focus when the rest of the world is focused on worldly possessions will be an eternally influential lesson. Thank you so much for having the strength to share your decision with the world.
Julia
When we were kids, my parents had us all choose a present to give to someone else in need. We were given Christmas by other people in past years and so it was our chance to pass that on to others.
I think cancelling Christmas is the wrong term for it though. It’s really making Christmas because Christmas should really be about the giving.
Lisa
I ended Christmas in my home a few years ago. The holiday season we were having had very little to do with Christ and everything to do with commercialism. I buy my kids things when they need something, sometimes when they just want something and many times give surprise gifts they never asked for. That has nothing to do with Christ either.
When I came to the realization that Christmas was, is, a gift to us from God, how can we repay? Toys for tots? I think that misses the point. As a Christian, how could any toy compare to the miracle of the Christ being born to bare the sins of the world? How does that even relate? Teaching your kids the lessons you are now if a greater gift than any temporary toy could ever be. Teaching them how to be a Christian as well as what that means is what we all should do, that is if we believe, if not then only toys and tradition will do.
Straw Farm
I love this story … In our house you don’t get presents based on what you want. Christmas for us is when we buy bigger items that you need. For example as a family we are getting a new barn. Nothing more. I have two kids and the barn will be in place before Christmas and my son says that he wants to be the first to sleep in it…. Honestly that won’t happen until it warms up … LOL
Janie
God Bless you for teaching your children what Christmas is really about !!
Tilly
Would the parents be considered “idiots” if they have no money and they can’t help but cancel Christmas. I think not. When I grew up we cancelled Christmas due to no finances and my sister and I gave each other something that we had and would like from each other. I will never forget those years.
Jacqui Star
I love this idea!! I too feel like the true meaning of Christmas is being lost to an excessive consumerism. I LOVE your idea of giving gifts to the needy. I’m sure your boys will learn a lot from this experience.
Heather R
This is the best thing I’ve heard all year. I keep hearing parents around me say how they don’t know how they’re going to afford everything their kid is asking for. Why do they have to give their kid everything, just because they asked? I hate what this holiday has become. I love what you’re doing with your kids. Don’t listen to the negativity…
CLL
Good for you and your kids. If people don’t like it, who cares? You are doing the right thing for YOUR family, that’s all that matters.
Heather Nichols
I think this is AWESOME! The majority of children in America (mine included) have more than what they need. I used to work at a hospital, and every year my department sponsored a needy family for Christmas. I will never forget the 8 year old girl who asked for a nothing for herself, rather a doll and a coat for her little sister(4 yo) because they had to sleep in their coats and her sister didn’t have one. Christmas is about being THANKFUL and content and a spirit of service to others. Thanks for the post!!!
Dawn Pawson
I love what you have done and that you are able to follow through with it. So many people need to learn that its not all about the gifts and the rest of the commercialization of the Christmas season.:)
dutchroo
Christian parents are so anti-Halloween, when it is Christmas that will pull their children away from God.
Dianne Moore
Awesome idea! You’re a great Mom and it shows.
Carrie
Lisa, thank you for being so smart and brave to post your decision and how you are doing it! Remember, those who disagree with what you do is ok. The ones who are whining about it are the ones who need to make sure their own doorsteps are clean before they start flapping their mouths! What you are teaching them is what society needs to remember the most; It is NOT about what you can get it’s about what you can